ditch a friend

[Peace77]

Aug 24, 2014 15:16:28 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Aug 24, 2014 15:10:20 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

   My friend apologized yesterday, explained she was hiding some chronic physical diseases that she didn't want people to know about,  (    ), that her actions weren't directed at me, and asked if we can have lunch this coming week.   I said that as long as it wasn't all directed at me personally, I would like to "try" again, and see where it goes.    Hopefully, this is a situation that she just wasn't handling well, and feared that her friends wouldn't accept her problems.    I don't really understand it, because I've known that she's had physical issues for years, but maybe things have really got her down.   I just don't know.   I hope things go better for her ( us ).    

Could be depression.  

Or, it could be that her chronic illnesses have worsened.   
OR, it could be both.

[Peace77]

Aug 24, 2014 8:16:46 GMT -5 kjto1 said:

Aug 23, 2014 13:42:12 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

I've recently decided to ditch a friend.  
Similar situation as the OP described.  

She got a boyfriend and suddenly had no time to call or return emails.  He convinced her to join his cell phone plan which required a new phone.  But, she didn't set up her voice mail so no one could leave messages.  I and DH both sent her emails that she either didn't respond to or promised to set up her voice mail but didn't do it.  

Finally, one day after a meeting we talked in the parking lot and she wants to know why I didn't tell her that I was upset with her.

I told her how the h *ll I am supposed to do that if she doesn't answer her phone, doesn't return phone calls, or respond to emails.

She says she wants to be friends but the only time she contacts me is when she wants something.

I'm sure she doesn't understand why the "one way street friendship" doesn't work for you. 

You're right.  She doesn't get it.  She expects me to forgive her and forget her lousy behavior.  The problem is-- this happened before when she was married.  I dint have her phone number at that time and would send invites by email.  She NEVER responded.  I pointed this out to her and all she said was "yeah, I know".

[Deleted]

OP here.

Something else that's happened in the past year:

In December I mailed her and her husband a Christmas present. They never even acknowledged it.

In January BF and I were supposed to meet them out to go bowling. They never showed up and never said anything about it.

In March I mailed her a birthday card. She never acknowledged it.

Maybe the husband gets the mail and did not give her Christmas present or birthday card. Maybe husband did not want to go bowling with us. Or, maybe they are just rude.

We have done stuff with them before and had fun. I ran into husband a few weeks ago and we talked like nothing was wrong.

[Shooby]

I guess I don't see a reason to make some pronouncement from on high that you are ditching someone. I mean, yes, if there is something flagrant, fine. But, it isn't that hard to create distance. Sometimes you grow apart. I have had friends from HS I hadn't seen in 20 yrs and then we finally made time to get together and the years melted away and now we have some girl parties a couple times a year. People go through seasons of life. Sometimes people go through difficulties or turn into aholes for a period of time. Some people move past that and some don't. But, again, your friends, your choice.

[ArchietheDragon]

I am a terrible friend.   I know it.  I can't seem to get better though.  I don't return phone calls.  I don't make efforts to reach out.  Some friends stop trying to get a hold of me.   I understand it.   

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I ditched a friend shortly after high school. She just wasn't a very nice person. She is one of those people who the term "frenemy" fits perfectly.

She really enjoyed being passive aggressive towards people. Her favorite thing to do was make comments under her breath but just loud enough you could hear it, then deny she ever said anything.

She also threw tantrums if you didn't 100% agree with her on stuff. Then wouldn't speak to you for days but not tell you what you did wrong.

I decided I didn't want to lug that HS drama BS into the next phase of my life so I gradually distanced myself from her.  Going off to college made that pretty simple.

I see her around town every once and awhile but I haven't talked to her since 2002. Don't regret it a bit.

In a weird cosmic twist her mother married MY mother's first cousin. So now I am related by marriage to my ex-friend.

I see her mom on a regular basis, we work for the same employer. I like her mom, we are friendly if we run into each other at the hospital.

[Shooby]

I didn't know I was supposed to acknowledge a birthday card. Yes, I will mention it if I am talking to that person later on. But, I dont' call the day I get it or the next day or anything like that.

[Deleted]

Aug 25, 2014 9:17:49 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I didn't know I was supposed to acknowledge a birthday card. Yes, I will mention it if I am talking to that person later on. But, I dont' call the day I get it or the next day or anything like that.

What about a Christmas present you receive?

If you don't show up when you have plans, do you ever mention it?

[Nazgul Girl]

Aug 24, 2014 15:10:20 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

   My friend apologized yesterday, explained she was hiding some chronic physical diseases that she didn't want people to know about,  (    ), that her actions weren't directed at me, and asked if we can have lunch this coming week.   I said that as long as it wasn't all directed at me personally, I would like to "try" again, and see where it goes.    Hopefully, this is a situation that she just wasn't handling well, and feared that her friends wouldn't accept her problems.    I don't really understand it, because I've known that she's had physical issues for years, but maybe things have really got her down.   I just don't know.   I hope things go better for her ( us ).    

   My friend, or non-friend, had made a date to buy me lunch in honor of my retirement.   She chose a place near her house, since she " doesn't go very far from home anymore."   ( My DH and I took her (and her husband ) to a very nice restaurant in honor of her retirement two and a half years ago ).   
 
   It was supposed to be at noon today.   I showed up on time, and waited over 20 mins.   I checked the restaurant 3 times, because it was crowded.   No call, no show.        I guess she showed me. It's very sad, but, meh.   I guess I could have waited longer, but I'm not going to be her bitch.   She lives 5 mins. from the restaurant.


  I should have followed my first instincts and just gotten rid of her.   Very manipulative.   I did unfriend her on facebook with a hopefully supportive goodby message, but I'm not going through it to get to nothing anymore.

[Deleted]

That sucks. A person can only take so much.

You need to be a friend in order to have a friend.

[tloonya]

Aug 23, 2014 10:24:21 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

I was thinking it was a trust or insecurity issue as well. It's like the saying goes... "If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you"

I think it is completely not correct opinion.
Sometimes person will cheat with you and stay with you after forever...so?

[tloonya]

Aug 25, 2014 9:13:31 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I am a terrible friend.   I know it.  I can't seem to get better though.  I don't return phone calls.  I don't make efforts to reach out.  Some friends stop trying to get a hold of me.   I understand it.   

As long as you good at other things...who really cares? Right?

[tloonya]

Aug 29, 2014 11:29:34 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

Aug 29, 2014 11:06:29 GMT -5 tloonya said:

I think it is completely not correct opinion.
Sometimes person will cheat with you and stay with you after forever...so?

Can you really completely trust the person you are in a relationship with when your relationship started out with a big fat lie like him or her cheating on their spouse?  They clearly didn't take their marriage vows seriously the first time... it's not a gamble I'd be willing to take.  And happily ever after only exists in fairy tales anyways...

Exactly, which is true for first marriage and second one (if such happens).

And no, I can not completely trust person who cheated but things happening, and people cheating not out of just selfishness and boredom (so those things happening as well).
Sometimes they cheating from neglect of the spouses.

And sometimes cheating brings people to better families next time or to realization of how wrong cheating was and 'mine is the best after all and not so unable' or just to getting back together because we had realized why to change old shit for new...shit?