Late for a wedding

[geenamercile]

Aug 18, 2014 7:36:56 GMT -5 tractor said:

And to answer a few things... We went to the reception and had a good time, visited with family and friends and were generally social. When asked I said " you know Mrs Tractor, always late for something".

She is always late, has been since the day we met, even our kids give her a hard time about it and I know it's nothing that I can change. I was pissed on Saturday because I hate to be late, but I would never leave without her. Part if being married this long is my ability to let things go, I would never tell her what I was really thinking, that's what this board is for. In the big picture world, being late didn't destroy anyone's life, and the outcome was the same. I think all couples find a way to cope, some yell and scream at each other then make up, others accept that this is the way things are and move on (I have never yelled at my wife, nor has she ever yelled at me).

Life continues, and I expect to be with her for many years to come..kind of like the country song "waiting on a woman", that song fits my life perfectly.

I still think that can depend on the reason she is late, and how you approach it.  I wouldn't confront it as you are always late, why can't you get out of here on time.  But one day more casually just ask how long she thinks it takes her to get ready?  Or even how long does she thinks it will take to drive from your house to the grocery store, (this needs to be something you regularly drive), just the time for normal activities.  If her answers seem like she knows the amount of time it takes then it is poor planning, but if they seem off than maybe see if you can help her plan when to start getting ready and stuff.  Does she actually try to be on time, or is it more of a relax attitude about it.      



  

[Deleted]

And you weren't just late for the wedding, you completely missed it.  Yeah, you made it to the reception, but missing the ceremony of a family member due to shopping kind of sucks.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Aug 18, 2014 8:38:22 GMT -5 tractor said:

Green, and others, I could never leave her at home, she still provides many tangible benefits that I would prefer not to live without. If we ever end up in seperate beds, it will be a whole different game.

LOL!!  Ok then!  It never ceases to amaze me what some people will put up with for sex!  But hey!  Long as it works for you guys!

[NancysSummerSip]

Aug 18, 2014 10:17:26 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Aug 18, 2014 8:38:22 GMT -5 tractor said:

Green, and others, I could never leave her at home, she still provides many tangible benefits that I would prefer not to live without. If we ever end up in seperate beds, it will be a whole different game.

LOL!!  Ok then!  It never ceases to amaze me what some people will put up with for sex!  But hey!  Long as it works for you guys!

LMAO!

[geenamercile]

Aug 18, 2014 10:12:48 GMT -5 MN-Investor said:

Aug 18, 2014 7:36:56 GMT -5 tractor said:

Life continues, and I expect to be with her for many years to come..kind of like the country song "waiting on a woman", that song fits my life perfectly.

I've been married 38 years and my DH sounds a lot like your wife. I discovered early in our marriage the DH just doesn't have a good internal clock. His older brother was the same way so my SIL dealt with the same issues. I discovered that if I nagged my DH to hurry up, it wouldn't hurry him appreciably, but it would make him cranky as all get out. So not only would we be late, but he was be unpleasant to be with. Sigh. So I gave it serious thought and realized that I would have to pick my battles. Unless it was imperative that we get somewhere at a specific time, I just wouldn't nag him. In the grand scheme of things, it just isn't worth it.

I do remember one wedding we were running late to. I did complain to my husband on the drive there. I was used to Lutheran weddings and many of them aren't very long. My DH, though, grew up Catholic. The wedding was going to be a full-scale Catholic wedding. DH reassured me that there would be plenty of wedding left when we got there. He was right.

Your DH sounds like mine,  I don't nag but they day before I will say something like, we need to be a X at noon, it will take an hour to get there, add in an hour of getting ready time, we will need to start getting ready at 10.  I will do a little more behind the scenes stuff like making sure we are up to start breakfast in a time that will allow us to be done and cleaned up by 10.  And he will start getting ready at 10.  But if I leave it up to him, to decide on the time flow of things, he will start getting ready at 10:45.  We don't have the it won't take me that long, yes it takes you that long to get ready arguments anymore.  He still can't understand why it takes him an hour, when he tries to figure it out,  he doesn't think it should, but has accepted the fact that it does.  The other thing that we have worked on is that he can't just quickly say oh I will do this and it should only take 5 mins.  Because what he thinks will take 5 mins will take 15.  And these are things like, oh I will just change this light bulb quickly, or oh I will just toss a load of laundry in the washer, because I'm in the bathroom and see that the hamper is full.  No honey wait until we get home to do it.  

So there are lots of little things that will make him late, but I think it all comes down to his internal clock gears are a bit sticky and can't be trusted. 

[justme]

To me it'd be one thing if she was just one of those bad internal clock people that can just never get out the door on time, but being late because she was shopping? That's just rude, no way about it. The only reason you missed the wedding was because she chose to not go. She was already dressed and out of the house. That's what would make me mad. 

[ArchietheDragon]

She got to shop and tractor got to have a drink, skip the wedding (boring) and go to the reception. 


Sounds like a win-win to me. 

[justme]

Hey, I'm not a huge fans of weddings myself. But she should have just said I only want to show up for the reception to begin with. 

[geenamercile]

Aug 18, 2014 10:24:43 GMT -5 justme said:

To me it'd be one thing if she was just one of those bad internal clock people that can just never get out the door on time, but being late because she was shopping? That's just rude, no way about it. The only reason you missed the wedding was because she chose to not go. She was already dressed and out of the house. That's what would make me mad. 

Yea I was assuming the shopping trip was canceled as soon as she realized that she was already running late just by getting ready, and she had wanted to go shopping when in her head it seemed like it would all work out fine even if realistically it never was going too.  


My DH use to do that, he would want to stop or doing something else before the event but once it actually sunk in that we were running late, or just going to squeak in he would say never mind.  That is one of the reasons that I tell him the day before the scheduled, so if he wants to add something in I can adjust it and we can get in what he wants too.      

[justme]

Aug 18, 2014 10:31:03 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Aug 18, 2014 10:24:43 GMT -5 justme said:

To me it'd be one thing if she was just one of those bad internal clock people that can just never get out the door on time, but being late because she was shopping? That's just rude, no way about it. The only reason you missed the wedding was because she chose to not go. She was already dressed and out of the house. That's what would make me mad. 

Yea I was assuming the shopping trip was canceled as soon as she realized that she was already running late just by getting ready, and she had wanted to go shopping when in her head it seemed like it would all work out fine even if realistically it never was going too.  


My DH use to do that, he would want to stop or doing something else before the event but once it actually sunk in that we were running late, or just going to squeak in he would say never mind.  That is one of the reasons that I tell him the day before the scheduled, so if he wants to add something in I can adjust it and we can get in what he wants too.      

I guess I could see that. But, as someone who also isn't the best at judging how much time things would take, I would bail on other things I planned to do - especially things you can do at another time - to make it to a special event I said I would be at. 

[geenamercile]

Aug 18, 2014 10:34:50 GMT -5 justme said:

Aug 18, 2014 10:31:03 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Yea I was assuming the shopping trip was canceled as soon as she realized that she was already running late just by getting ready, and she had wanted to go shopping when in her head it seemed like it would all work out fine even if realistically it never was going too.  


My DH use to do that, he would want to stop or doing something else before the event but once it actually sunk in that we were running late, or just going to squeak in he would say never mind.  That is one of the reasons that I tell him the day before the scheduled, so if he wants to add something in I can adjust it and we can get in what he wants too.      

I guess I could see that. But, as someone who also isn't the best at judging how much time things would take, I would bail on other things I planned to do - especially things you can do at another time - to make it to a special event I said I would be at. 

Oh agreed, and that is what I meant by my DH saying never mind, and what I hope Tractors wife did.  

And I guess my main point is him talking to his wife on why they are always late, and if it something he can help her with is a better option than always being late.  

[sheilaincali]

Dad is that you?

JK my parents have been married for 45 years. My mom is habitually late for EVERYTHING. Drives us all batty. They used to joke at our Catholic church and "save a pew" for us because without fail every single Sunday we strolled in 5 minutes late.

As a result I am excessively early for everything.  Met my friend for brunch yesterday. I was in the parking lot 15 minutes early, DS' orthodontist appointments- 10 to 15 minutes early, the list goes on.  And that, my friends, is why I keep my Kindle in my purse. I'd have been so early to that wedding I would have gotten a prime parking spot and had 20 minutes to kill before the ushers even got there.

You have my sympathy. I can tell you this- based on my dad's experiences with my mom- She isn't going to change.

We started lying to her and telling her stuff starts 30 to 45 minutes earlier than it actually does just in the hopes of her getting there on time

[MN-Investor]

Aug 18, 2014 10:23:10 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

The other thing that we have worked on is that he can't just quickly say oh I will do this and it should only take 5 mins.  Because what he thinks will take 5 mins will take 15.  And these are things like, oh I will just change this light bulb quickly, or oh I will just toss a load of laundry in the washer, because I'm in the bathroom and see that the hamper is full.  No honey wait until we get home to do it.  

So there are lots of little things that will make him late, but I think it all comes down to his internal clock gears are a bit sticky and can't be trusted. 

Our DHs are definitely related! When my DH should be getting ready for something, he instead will try to do a 5 minute project which definitely isn't going to take just 5 minutes!

My DH is the absolute worst when it comes to getting ready for a business trip in which he needs to drive somewhere. He'll say he should get on the road by 10am, but he may be lucky to be on the road by 4pm. Instead of arriving at 5pm, he's getting to his hotel at 11pm. Fortunately, he doesn't travel very much anymore.

I get a kick out of his reaction to my taking my little sister to the airport. She'll stay at my mom's, about 40 minutes to the airport. My rule of thumb is, if the flight is at 1pm, she should be at the airport by noon, so we should leave Mom's by 11am. There's a fudge factor in there for traffic issues. My little sister often makes me wait probably 10 minutes, maybe 15. But - hey - it's her flight and her issue if she misses it. My DH will express disgust at my sister for not being ready on time. Really? The pot calling the kettle black. Needless to say, I don't point that out.