swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 15, 2014 9:47:55 GMT -5
Another topic that boggles me
Why do so many men tolerate the diva/bridezilla attitude of their girfriends?
Case in point: DH has a friend from college, real good buddy to him. Works at a multinational, has 2 graduate degrees, awesome career, handsome(!!!), greta family background, overall a great guy. His choice in women though...atrocious!!!!
He is 36 now. I have known him for 11 years now and his grilfriends have all been the divas. The current one, his fiance now, is no different. They are making wedding plans and "she can't live without this", "she can't even think of getting married without that", "MUST have this", "xyz is simply not possible". The lady in question doesn't lift a finger inside the house too. Cooking/cleaning would destroy her manicure, so she doesn't. Doesn't do any housework that I know of. Is pretty darn opiniated and extreme feminist. Its all about HER, HER, HER!!!!
He is quite frustrated and even confessed to DH that he doesn't know where all good women in the world went. DH asked him why is he oing ahead with the wedding if he is so dissatisfied now? what will happen in the future if this continues? The guy gets soooo cofused. Per him, what else is there to do?
And this is not the first woman he has dated who is the diva. He has always been involved with someone similar. ALWAYS. He is so in control of the rest of his life, except the romantic one.
I don't understand this. I really don't. Why would a man or woman be involved with someone who they clearly find annoying? Why would you let someone rattlt you but still want ot be with them? Specially if you aren't even married to them yet?
Male posters on here.....any input from you guys?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 15, 2014 9:58:49 GMT -5
Paging WWBG...
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 15, 2014 9:59:13 GMT -5
So how handsome is he?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 15, 2014 10:04:37 GMT -5
Listen, DF knew not to marry his ex, did it anyway. I knew not to marry mine, did it anyway. The PRINCESS from hell's fiancé had to get her moms engagement ring so it'd be BIG ENOUGH to make her happy and for the last almost 5 years she's been an absolute douche canoe to DF. He's still going to marry her. Common sense just isn't there.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Aug 15, 2014 10:08:40 GMT -5
I think it's kind of a brag-plaint. Oh and these hawt women take a lot of time and money to look that way. What's this guy's mother like? That's often a clue.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 15, 2014 10:08:59 GMT -5
Another topic that boggles me
Why do so many men tolerate the diva/bridezilla attitude of their girfriends?
Case in point: DH has a friend from college, real good buddy to him. Works at a multinational, has 2 graduate degrees, awesome career, handsome(!!!), greta family background, overall a great guy. His choice in women though...atrocious!!!!
He is 36 now. I have known him for 11 years now and his grilfriends have all been the divas. The current one, his fiance now, is no different. They are making wedding plans and "she can't live without this", "she can't even think of getting married without that", "MUST have this", "xyz is simply not possible". The lady in question doesn't lift a finger inside the house too. Cooking/cleaning would destroy her manicure, so she doesn't. Doesn't do any housework that I know of. Is pretty darn opiniated and extreme feminist. Its all about HER, HER, HER!!!!
He is quite frustrated and even confessed to DH that he doesn't know where all good women in the world went. DH asked him why is he oing ahead with the wedding if he is so dissatisfied now? what will happen in the future if this continues? The guy gets soooo cofused. Per him, what else is there to do?
And this is not the first woman he has dated who is the diva. He has always been involved with someone similar. ALWAYS. He is so in control of the rest of his life, except the romantic one.
I don't understand this. I really don't. Why would a man or woman be involved with someone who they clearly find annoying? Why would you let someone rattlt you but still want ot be with them? Specially if you aren't even married to them yet?
Male posters on here.....any input from you guys? I don't think you can be a feminist and a diva. I'm a feminist in that I believe I have the same responsibilities to care for my family and my home as does my husband. I don't want to be paid less or have different expectation of me because I'm female.
A true feminist doesn't expect everyone to wait on her. She's just an asshole.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 15, 2014 10:13:04 GMT -5
I bet he's thinking with the wrong head. She's probably very pretty and well built. He wouldn't date someone nice who was, maybe a 5 or 6. His ego wouldn't allow it. So he will marry a bitch because she's hot and then bitch about her when she's not anymore. Or the fantastic sex isn't worth it anymore.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 15, 2014 10:14:51 GMT -5
In my experience, people like that are often just as guilty. They pick high maintenance or troubled people so they can play some victim or savior role.
They always look like the good guy, and they like that. It's exasperating, because they also come to you to complain about their situation, but never do anything to change it. They love the drama! They crave it, and at the end of the day, they get to say, it's them, not ME!
And somehow, it always goes right over their head, that they picked that individual and they chose to stay. You can't pick a wild animal as a companion animal, and start complaining when they do what's in their nature!
No sympathies for them. IMO
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Aug 15, 2014 10:16:29 GMT -5
DH and I wonder about this all the time (he has a slight addiction to the show Bridezillas). I usually assume it has to do with their skills in bed. Or as I told another friend the other day "I assume she can shoot rainbow skittles out her hooha".
I just don't get it. I've told DS to run the other way if he ever finds himself with a bridezilla type fiancée. I told him that's not something they'll outgrow or a behavior they are likely to change. Only time will tell if he will listen to me or not.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 15, 2014 10:18:25 GMT -5
So how handsome is he? VERY Looks like James Maslow.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Aug 15, 2014 10:33:00 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 15, 2014 10:33:41 GMT -5
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 15, 2014 10:42:07 GMT -5
So how handsome is he? VERY Looks like James Maslow. Yum. If he ever wants a change send him my way... Well, unless he's screwed up and that's why he keeps picking the crazies.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 15, 2014 10:52:14 GMT -5
My DH turned into a groomzilla. His family will spend booku bucks on weddings but that's usually when the parents are paying for it. Our parents weren't so his "dream" of a 500 person wedding wasn't happening. I had no problems telling him "no" or "if you want that you better start stripping to earn the cash for it".
He quickly changed his tune and we ended up with a $3k wedding we were both happy with.
People, in general, treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. He's getting something out of being a human doormat/wallet otherwise he wouldn't be proceeding with the wedding.
I asked my DH about it when we were watching Bridezillas and he said men put up with those women b/c they'll do things in the bedroom other women won't agree to. These men must have REALLY weird tastes if it makes it worth putting up with these women.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 10:53:37 GMT -5
A true feminist doesn't expect everyone to wait on her. She's just an asshole. Yeah, I bristled at the "feminist" label, too. To me, feminism means equal access to jobs, graduate schools, etc., equal pay for equal work, and having options to either stay home with your kids or work outside the home. It also means being an equal partner in relationships- not the princess, but not the doormat, either. Some people seem to thrive on difficult relationships. As mentioned earlier, it may be a matter of pride for a man to have a high-maintenance wife with exquisite tastes. DH has a nephew in a contentious relationship with his wife, but they've been together nearly 30 years and show no signs of divorcing. He'd call his Dad (DH's brother) at the end of the day from his car when he got home from work, just to chat, if she wasn't in bed yet, because he didn't want to deal with her. (I think he kept late hours as an alarm installer.) Sheesh. Life is too short. Sometimes I look at women who don't lift a finger and some guy is working to pay all the bills and cater to every whim and wonder why I can't get away with that. Then I come to my senses. I wouldn't want it and wouldn't respect the guy.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 15, 2014 11:24:40 GMT -5
Maybe the fiance and all his former girlfriends are just like his mom?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 11:31:18 GMT -5
I just wrote and asked a male relative this question. He replied, "Good sex."
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 15, 2014 11:33:31 GMT -5
Yup. Figures. That and BJs.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Aug 15, 2014 11:40:11 GMT -5
I like sex (if I remember correctly) as much as the next person, but there is no way in hell it could enable me to live with the other crap. Seriously? How much of your time does sex actually encompass? One hour a day? One hour every two days? Nope. Not enough to live with 22 or 23 hours of somebody I can't stand to be around unless he's naked and keeping his mouth shut.
lol....don't even
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Aug 15, 2014 11:49:40 GMT -5
I have a theory about this.
Some men want to marry a 'trophy' wife - a wife that all their friends will be in awe of.
They met a narcassistic woman who believes she is the finest, the hottest, the most delicate, awesomest creature walking on the face of the earth, and the poor guy buys into her self assessment.
When she complains that a chicken breast dinner for the wedding isn't nice enough for someone as special as her, he agrees to the crab cake and sirloin. All this re-enforces his belief that his bride to be is the most delicate, most high class, awesome woman around, and all his friends and family will be thunderstruck at what a fabulous, glamorous wife he has hanging on his arm. He may complain that she's demanding and particular, that her tastes are expensive, but that's a kind of bragging - look at how special she is, at how discriminating she is, how refined her tastes are.
Some of these guys end up getting a divorce, but they seem to end up attracted to the same type of woman over and over. I think they just can't get past that search for the trophy.
Not that women don't do the same thing. DH works with a woman who will only date body builders. She's divorced, approaching her forties and complains constantly that there are no good men out there, but since she's only willing to dip into the pool of men who are obsessed with their muscles and appearance, she is constantly being disappointed.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Aug 15, 2014 11:51:43 GMT -5
In my experience, people like that are often just as guilty. They pick high maintenance or troubled people so they can play some victim or savior role. They always look like the good guy, and they like that. It's exasperating, because they also come to you to complain about their situation, but never do anything to change it. They love the drama! They crave it, and at the end of the day, they get to say, it's them, not ME! And somehow, it always goes right over their head, that they picked that individual and they chose to stay. You can't pick a wild animal as a companion animal, and start complaining when they do what's in their nature! No sympathies for them. IMO Here's where you and I make up and become friends again...... You hit the nail on the head. I don't have patience for martyrs.......BORING. Or, they talk to you about the problem, you give them the brutal, honest truth, they nod in agreement, "yes, you're right,....but (insert some BS)" and the situation goes on.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 15, 2014 11:53:36 GMT -5
Why?
Perhaps he feels he has no choice, as he said. Where are all the good women? So he feels like he has to "settle" for what he's got. His only other choice is to continue being single, which isn't all roses and sunshine either.
People are fundamentally afraid to be alone, even men. It's part of the human condition.
I've never really gotten to any advanced stage of a relationship. I'd like to think if it wasn't working out that I'd have the cuts to end it, but I can see the temptation if it's not bad all the time or if it's just good enough that you stick with it because you see no alternatives.
I guess it's kinda the same question, why do women stay with abusive husbands?
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Aug 15, 2014 11:54:26 GMT -5
VERY Looks like James Maslow. Yum. If he ever wants a change send him my way... Well, unless he's screwed up and that's why he keeps picking the crazies. Be careful with that. Some guys keep picking women that are already crazy, but other guys are crazy-makers that start out with a perfectly normal girlfriend and make her crazy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 11:59:24 GMT -5
For some reason this thread makes me think of this couple.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 15, 2014 12:00:21 GMT -5
Yum. If he ever wants a change send him my way... Well, unless he's screwed up and that's why he keeps picking the crazies. Be careful with that. Some guys keep picking women that are already crazy, but other guys are crazy-makers that start out with a perfectly normal girlfriend and make her crazy. That's why I caveated! I've known both types of guys. Neither are a good time.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Aug 15, 2014 12:00:56 GMT -5
The men are trying to project and protect an image too, they are just doing it via the bridezilla. If they wanted a David’s Bridal bride it’s not that hard to find one.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Aug 15, 2014 12:01:41 GMT -5
What exactly is an extreme feminist? Feminism is the idea that women are equal to men, not a reason to absolve one of doing housework, taking care of a family or house, or working.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 15, 2014 12:05:05 GMT -5
Why?
Perhaps he feels he has no choice, as he said. Where are all the good women? So he feels like he has to "settle" for what he's got. His only other choice is to continue being single, which isn't all roses and sunshine either.
People are fundamentally afraid to be alone, even men. It's part of the human condition.
I've never really gotten to any advanced stage of a relationship. I'd like to think if it wasn't working out that I'd have the cuts to end it, but I can see the temptation if it's not bad all the time or if it's just good enough that you stick with it because you see no alternatives.
I guess it's kinda the same question, why do women stay with abusive husbands? I would rather be single with change in my pocket than married, broke and misersble. ETA: you can also be lonely ìn a miserable marriage.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 15, 2014 12:06:51 GMT -5
I really feel like SF needs to chime in on this thread.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 15, 2014 12:07:53 GMT -5
I think I should have called her "oppotunist feminist" Feminist only when it suits HER. Like: She wants equal decision power in the relationship. But does not want to do any household work. Wants him to agree to her wants/needs because they are "equals" But does not return the same sentiment when it comes to HIS wants/needs Wants to earn her own money and keep it separate But expects him to pay for every outing etc. etc.
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