Friggin Customers

[dannylion]

Aug 1, 2014 22:28:44 GMT -5 milee said:

Sorry for repeating a story. I know I've told it before but it's still one of my favorites. Our business' products are clearly branded in our business colors - midnight blue and silver.  We're known for being the high quality, best service products in our industry, including fantastic tech support.  Tough tech support cases are handled by DH, who is an electrical engineer and the one who designed the products and we get many loyal repeat customers because of our good support and service.

One customer in a very remote location had called in with a particularly tough problem.  He was trying to use the product for an installation that wasn't quite what it was designed for and was having all sorts of issues.  Couldn't tear out the rest of the installation to correct the other pieces, so was trying to see how to make our product work in that suboptimal situation.  It was a tiny sale (single unit) and he was unlikely to be a repeat customer because it wasn't his primary business, but DH had spent many hours over a series of days on the phone with this guy trying to help him out.  After a week's worth of calls back and forth, DH had another idea of something to try, so suggested that the customer pop off the back of the unit to make a change.  The customer didn't understand DH's description, so DH was saying - put a screwdriver in the blue panel right next to this silver logo and the customer let slip, "Blue panel?  No, no, it doesn't have any blue panels, it's all red." 

Our biggest competitor's product is packaged in red.    So DH asks the customer to let him know what the serial number of "our" unit was and after a long pause the customer sheepishly admitted that it wasn't one of our units, but he wanted help from us because we had the reputation of the best service in the business and the competitor hadn't been able to figure the problem out.  Hey, if the guy wants to buy that single unit from our competitor, that's not a biggie, but to waste almost a week of my husband's time trying to service a product that we didn't even make that one tiny sale on?  Ouch.

 

I hope your husband now asks for the serial number of the troublesome unit first before investing any time in troubleshooting. 

[milee]

Aug 2, 2014 10:42:05 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Aug 1, 2014 22:28:44 GMT -5 milee said:

Sorry for repeating a story. I know I've told it before but it's still one of my favorites. Our business' products are clearly branded in our business colors - midnight blue and silver.  We're known for being the high quality, best service products in our industry, including fantastic tech support.  Tough tech support cases are handled by DH, who is an electrical engineer and the one who designed the products and we get many loyal repeat customers because of our good support and service.

One customer in a very remote location had called in with a particularly tough problem.  He was trying to use the product for an installation that wasn't quite what it was designed for and was having all sorts of issues.  Couldn't tear out the rest of the installation to correct the other pieces, so was trying to see how to make our product work in that suboptimal situation.  It was a tiny sale (single unit) and he was unlikely to be a repeat customer because it wasn't his primary business, but DH had spent many hours over a series of days on the phone with this guy trying to help him out.  After a week's worth of calls back and forth, DH had another idea of something to try, so suggested that the customer pop off the back of the unit to make a change.  The customer didn't understand DH's description, so DH was saying - put a screwdriver in the blue panel right next to this silver logo and the customer let slip, "Blue panel?  No, no, it doesn't have any blue panels, it's all red." 

Our biggest competitor's product is packaged in red.    So DH asks the customer to let him know what the serial number of "our" unit was and after a long pause the customer sheepishly admitted that it wasn't one of our units, but he wanted help from us because we had the reputation of the best service in the business and the competitor hadn't been able to figure the problem out.  Hey, if the guy wants to buy that single unit from our competitor, that's not a biggie, but to waste almost a week of my husband's time trying to service a product that we didn't even make that one tiny sale on?  Ouch.

 

I hope your husband now asks for the serial number of the troublesome unit first before investing any time in troubleshooting. 

Nah, he's a softie.  Even after all that, he still helped the "customer" out. 

[swamp]

Aug 2, 2014 10:06:31 GMT -5 daisy said:

Weren't those lawn darts called Jarts?  We had them as well and all survived with no bloodshed.  I'm sure my mom still has them, actually.  As well as 90% of our childhood toys. 

Yes.  We had them. My parents and their friends used to get all drunk and play during parties. With the kids around. Good times!!  

[Bonny]

Aug 2, 2014 10:16:59 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Aug 1, 2014 22:48:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

LOL - We had the killer lawn darts too when I was a kid - AND I was the only girl with three older brothers - yeah - that was fun. You learned how to duck & dodge wayward darts pretty quickly - yet we all survived unscathed - not even a scratch or wound on any of us.We also rode our bikes with no helmet, and roller-skated with no knee pads or elbow pads/helmets.

We also picked veggies (such as peas, carrots, and radishes, etc ) out of the garden and rinsed the dirt off with that garden hose that's been sitting outside forever - before wolfing them down.

We all survived - in fact, I think it helped build up our immune system - unlike kids today who are placed inside bubbles to protect them from life and germs and dirt - and all other fun stuff - such as lawn darts - or tobogganing down a steep, snowy, icy hill at full speed (also without a helmet).

I was talking to a scientist (immunologist) at one of our research meetings and he was of the opinion that kids do not eat nearly enough dirt today.  Once upon a time, there was the idea that you ate a peck of dirt by the time you got through childhood....but that doesn't happen anywhere near that anymore.  

Not long afterwards...maybe 5 years or so, there was a study that came out that farm kids who had been associated with animals had a lower rate of immune diseases (allergies, asthma) and I have frequently thought back to that conversation.

Hell, I remember picking rhubarb out of my grandmother's garden and just munching on it.  I don't think we even rinsed.

And that's another plug for public transport. A low level of exposure to germs keeps you healthy!

[NancysSummerSip]

Aug 1, 2014 18:34:58 GMT -5 Malarky said:

My favorite stupid customer question:

"Do you have any of (insert product here) in the back?"

Why yes I do.  We all got up at 2 am so we could bake shit and hide in the back so you can't buy it.

LMAO! My husband has a version of this he pulls on me:

Him: "Do we have any (homemade cookies/pie/cake/ice cream)?"

Me: "Why yes, as a matter of fact. In the middle of working two jobs and working out in four sports, I did have time to bake cookies. I hid them just to provide you with the challenge of finding them."

[teen persuasion]

Just today:

Patron(pointing to the shelf of NEW fiction):  "Anything good YOU can recommend over here?"

Me: "Most of those books came in in the last week.  I haven't had the opportunity to read them yet."

What I'm really thinking: "This is my busy season, Summer Reading Program, and I'm trying to get the Drama Club play ready in less than two weeks, and my boss has been out for surgery, so I'm working extra to cover for her, and we try to leave the new books for our patrons to read first.  I read fast, but do you really think I've read any of those 80+ books up there, including the dozen or so I barcoded two days ago?


Second favorite question: "Do you have X movie?"

Me: "That movie just came out in theatres, it isn't out on DVD yet."

[MJ2.0]

Ahhhh, I do not miss working retail one bit! Although I do work with my fair share of stupid.

[flamingo]

I don't work retail and I still get my fair share of stupid questions from customers. Such as, So I'm reading your website and it says no application necessary for X. Can you tell me how to apply for X? 

Just last week I had a phone call from someone who wanted to know what our minimum order requirement was.

My response: There is no minimum, you can order as many or as few as you like.
Customer: So the minimum is 5?
Me: Uh...no, there is no minimum. How many would like to order?
Customer: The minimum to qualify.
Me: To qualify for what?
Customer: Your website says i have to order a minimum amount to qualify.
Me: Can you tell what the web site it is you are using?
Customer: Yours.
Me in my head: AAARRGHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do stupid people call me!!!!!!

[Deleted]

When I was in college I worked for an answering service for a local church.  Loved the folks who called to ask what time MIDNIGHT mass was.... 

And, I do have to say, the priests at that parish were the nastiest, rudest, jerks when they called in.  I am pretty sure Jesus would have been disappointed in them. I was shocked because I have never before then, or sense, met religious leaders with their phone manners, or lack there of.

Then again, their parishioners weren't the brightest bulbs either, if they can't figure out when midnight mass might be held.  

[giramomma]

Aug 3, 2014 2:56:52 GMT -5 @atsahsreborn said:

When I was in college I worked for an answering service for a local church.  Loved the folks who called to ask what time MIDNIGHT mass was.... 

And, I do have to say, the priests at that parish were the nastiest, rudest, jerks when they called in.  I am pretty sure Jesus would have been disappointed in them. I was shocked because I have never before then, or sense, met religious leaders with their phone manners, or lack there of.

Then again, their parishioners weren't the brightest bulbs either, if they can't figure out when midnight mass might be held.  

In our parts, "midnight" mass can happen anywhere between 9pm and 11pm. In my church, it's 7 pm and 9 pm. So, "midnight" mass is at 9 at my church.

The only people I knew that went to actual midnight mass were my parents, some 30+ years ago, in a very rural town.

[zibazinski]

I was going to say midnight here means starting at 11 and done by midnight.

[sheilaincali]

Aug 1, 2014 21:07:41 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

I hate to admit it -- as the younger sister of a boy and the parent of two boys, I have always had absolutely NO clue what girls of various ages wanted for gifts.  My poor nieces.  I tried.  But probably failed more than succeeded.  

I have been known to scope out kids of a similar age to which ever random kid I am buying a present for and ask them (with their parents) to kindly point me in the direction of what they might like to get as a Birthday, Christmas, what have you present. Usually the kids are pretty helpful.

For the most part I do know what my kid likes and the nieces and nephews that I like want for presents. My hold up is when it comes to my brother's kids. My younger brother's kids are brats and treat me like crap (they are 5 and 7) so I don't really bother to know what they like. As for why I have to buy them presents- my exSIL made me both of their godparents to thumb her nose at my idiot brother who hates me. If I failed to buy them appropriate gifts for the holidays I would get that "look" from my mother.

[sheilaincali]

When I was in college I worked for an answering service for a local church. Loved the folks who called to ask what time MIDNIGHT mass was....

It's been a few years but we still tease my sister for this:

We were planning our black Friday shopping trip and had a few places to hit at midnight and then a gap until like 4 am.  So we decided we would go out for breakfast in the gap time.  We convinced my sister to call Perkins and see if they would be open.

Sister:  Hi, are you open 24 hours?

Perkins:  Yes ma'am we are

Sister:  So are you open now? (it was Thanksgiving)

Perkins:  Yes Ma'am we sure are

Sister:  So if you are open 24 hours will you be open at 3 am so we can have breakfast?

Perkins:  Um, yes that's typically what 24 hours means.

We were in the background, rolling on my mom's floor laughing as we overhear this conversation.  We still tease my sister about it.  

[hoops902]

::Seriously, it's like getting trolled in person. When did people get so obnoxious and utterly oblivious about it?::

Obnoxious?  These people should be your moneymakers.  They have no idea what their own kid likes and are basically walking up to you asking "what would you like me to buy from you?".  The answer is whatever makes you the most money.

[jkapp]

Aug 1, 2014 19:29:51 GMT -5 Mardi Gras Audrey said:

Can you imagine doing that for adults?

"I need something for a 45 year old man. What do you recommend?"

"what does he like?"

"I don't know...don't you just have stuff 45 year old men like?"

LOL!  Just say, "Yes, here's a number for a 21 year old girl."   That'll keep them out of your store!

[jkapp]

Aug 1, 2014 21:44:52 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Aug 1, 2014 18:03:34 GMT -5 busymom said:

My favorite question when I worked retail: what size would a 2-year-old wear?   Me: It depends. Are they tall for their age, or small? I can try & guess.  Or, can you check the size on something they currently wear?  Blank stare from customer. (Usually a grandparent.)

Gotta LOVE retail!

LOL! I hear you.
Working a busy register, taking a food order for delivery.
Customer: "I want to order a pizza for delivery."
Me: "What size?"
Customer: "I don't know. Just a minute. Yells to his wife: 'HON, WHAT SIZE?'"
Customer: "How much for each size?"
Me: I list off all the prices for each size and explain that the toppings are extra.
Customer: "We'll take an extra large"
Me: "Great! What toppings would you like?"
Customer: "I don't know. Let me ask. 'HON! WHAT TOPPINGS DO WE WANT?"'
Customer: "How much for 3 toppings?"
Me: I give him a price.
Customer: "Okay. Can we get 2 salads and some bread sticks with that?"
Me: "Sure. What dressings do you want on the salads?"
Customer: "I don't know. Just a minute. 'HON WHAT KIND OF DRESSING DO YOU WANT?'"
Customer: "What dressings do you have?"
Me: "Ranch, Thousand Island, oil and vinegar...."
Customer: "One Ranch and one Thousand Island."
Me: "Sure, anything else?"
Customer: "How much are your sodas and what flavors do you have?"
Me: I list the flavors, sizes and prices.
Customer: "We'll take two large Root Beers."
Me: "Great! Will there be anything else?"
Customer: "No, that will be all. Can you give me a total?"
Me: I ring it up and give him a total.
Customer: "OMG! That much!? Are you sure you rang that up right?!"
I go over the whole order and tell him that it will be $3.50 for a delivery charge.
Customer: "$3.50 for delivery!? That is outrageous! Forget the whole thing!"

UGH!! This brought back too many memories from my time working at Pizza Hut Why would you call for pizza without any idea of what you wanted? Frickin' idiots, man!!!

[jkapp]

Aug 2, 2014 10:16:59 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Aug 1, 2014 22:48:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

LOL - We had the killer lawn darts too when I was a kid - AND I was the only girl with three older brothers - yeah - that was fun. You learned how to duck & dodge wayward darts pretty quickly - yet we all survived unscathed - not even a scratch or wound on any of us.We also rode our bikes with no helmet, and roller-skated with no knee pads or elbow pads/helmets.

We also picked veggies (such as peas, carrots, and radishes, etc ) out of the garden and rinsed the dirt off with that garden hose that's been sitting outside forever - before wolfing them down.

We all survived - in fact, I think it helped build up our immune system - unlike kids today who are placed inside bubbles to protect them from life and germs and dirt - and all other fun stuff - such as lawn darts - or tobogganing down a steep, snowy, icy hill at full speed (also without a helmet).

I was talking to a scientist (immunologist) at one of our research meetings and he was of the opinion that kids do not eat nearly enough dirt today.  Once upon a time, there was the idea that you ate a peck of dirt by the time you got through childhood....but that doesn't happen anywhere near that anymore.  

Not long afterwards...maybe 5 years or so, there was a study that came out that farm kids who had been associated with animals had a lower rate of immune diseases (allergies, asthma) and I have frequently thought back to that conversation.

Hell, I remember picking rhubarb out of my grandmother's garden and just munching on it.  I don't think we even rinsed.

We never had a garden, but I remember eating raspberries directly off a neighbor's bushes. They were probably covered in fly shit, but, hey, we lived

And I remember the only kids that wore helmets when I was younger were the "special" kids with low IQs...it makes me wonder now what with ALL kids wearing helmets these days... 

[jkapp]

Aug 2, 2014 13:44:01 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Aug 2, 2014 10:16:59 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I was talking to a scientist (immunologist) at one of our research meetings and he was of the opinion that kids do not eat nearly enough dirt today.  Once upon a time, there was the idea that you ate a peck of dirt by the time you got through childhood....but that doesn't happen anywhere near that anymore.  

Not long afterwards...maybe 5 years or so, there was a study that came out that farm kids who had been associated with animals had a lower rate of immune diseases (allergies, asthma) and I have frequently thought back to that conversation.

Hell, I remember picking rhubarb out of my grandmother's garden and just munching on it.  I don't think we even rinsed.

And that's another plug for public transport. A low level of exposure to germs keeps you healthy!

I don't know if I would consider that "low" level exposure, though

[giramomma]

Aug 4, 2014 10:00:31 GMT -5 jkapp said:

And I remember the only kids that wore helmets when I was younger were the "special" kids with low IQs...it makes me wonder now what with ALL kids wearing helmets these days... 

Same thing with me growing up.

But, hey, I guess as a parent I should prefer that my kids get concussions (or worse) over looking like they have a lower IQ, right?

When my DS played tackle last year, one kid on his team got a concussion. From riding/playing on his scooter with no helmet. He had to sit out of games and practices for over a week. When he finally was OKed to play, the kid only made it through one quarter of a game.

I'm always amused when I think of that kid and his concussion.

[HoneyBBQ]

Aug 1, 2014 18:34:58 GMT -5 Malarky said:

My favorite stupid customer question:

"Do you have any of (insert product here) in the back?"

Why yes I do.  We all got up at 2 am so we could bake shit and hide in the back so you can't buy it.

Ok, explain this one to me. Because if I'm at a store and say I try on a shirt but I need a different size that's not on the rack, the sales person almost ALWAYS will go look in the back and see if they have more. 

Some stores, like Nordstrom, will use a computer to look it up as opposed to going and physically checking.

Is this a faux pas I didn't know about? 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I think the difference is Malarky runs a bakery.  While they might keep extra cookies or whatever in the back until they have room on the shelves, once they have sold out, they're out. 

[HoneyBBQ]

Oh, I see. Didn't realize, thanks WB.

I still think there could be cookies in the back... like you make 12 dozen and only have room in the front for 6 or something. I mean.. who runs OUT of cookies

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 4, 2014 10:44:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Oh, I see. Didn't realize, thanks WB.

I still think there could be cookies in the back... like you make 12 dozen and only have room in the front for 6 or something. I mean.. who runs OUT of cookies

Sadly, my Mom does.  Generally about a day after she bakes or a couple of hours if I and/or my siblings and families have descended on her.  Same for her zucchini and banana breads. 

but after 3pmish, I expect bakeries to be selling out of the stuff that is better on the day it's made - cupcakes, some breads, donuts and/or breakfast-y things.  But I've never worked in retail so I have no clue who decides how much of something to have on hand and why/how they get that amount. 

[justme]

I didn't work at the park that had it, but Cast Members get asked what time the 3 o'clock parade is often enough that Disney actually made a shirt about it. 

[Malarky]

Yes, it is a retail bakery and everything is made fresh every day.  

What I should have posted is:  

My favorite stupid customer question:

"Do you have any (insert product here)?"  "No, I'm sorry, we're out of that."

"Do you have any of (insert product here) in the back?"

Why yes I do. We all got up at 2 am so we could bake shit and hide in the back so you can't buy it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

"Do you sell onion rings?"

"No ma'am we do not"

"I need to speak to your manager to make sure."


Yes because I am lying to you about our menu items. I didn't want to go to the effort of making any for you and lied. Darn you caught me.

My personal favorite that I got asked on a regular basis

"What's the difference between garlic cheese bread and cheese bread?"

One has garlic on it. I had a person demand to speak to the manager because she thought I was being a smart ass. 

[Sam_2.0]

Worked McD's drive-through in college. We would get the people who thought they were being funny & ordered a cheeseburger without cheese along with a burger and added cheese. They would get pissed when I rang up the order that way though because it actually cost them more.

Not really on the same topic, but when I worked at McD's there was a guy who was friends with some other workers that would come by late at night just to hang out. He asked for my number a couple of times but I just ignored him. One day I walked to work instead of driving, and who comes through the drive-through but that guy - who just happened to actually be wearing his wedding ring and had his wife & kids in the car. You would have thought he saw a ghost when he looked at me, wondering if I was going to say anything in front of his wife. I was nice & didn't, but I never saw him again when I was working.

[Abby Normal]

Aug 4, 2014 11:13:36 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Worked McD's drive-through in college. We would get the people who thought they were being funny & ordered a cheeseburger without cheese along with a burger and added cheese. They would get pissed when I rang up the order that way though because it actually cost them more.

I admit it. I did that in my college days.  MCD's would run a special on cheeseburgers for .59 but a hamburger was .89.    So my broke, sorry ass would ask for a cheeseburger, hold the cheese.  And I'd bitch if they didn't ring it up as a cheeseburger.

[Sum Dum Gai]

We've done the same thing at Taco Bell. For a while they had a special on double decker tacos. They were cheaper than a regular crunchy taco. So I'd order a couple double decker tacos with no beans or flour tortilla, otherwise known as a crunchy taco.

I wasn't trying to be a pain in the ass though, they're the weirdos who put the same item on the menu at two different prices.

[jkapp]

Aug 4, 2014 10:57:55 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

"Do you sell onion rings?"

"No ma'am we do not"

"I need to speak to your manager to make sure."


Yes because I am lying to you about our menu items. I didn't want to go to the effort of making any for you and lied. Darn you caught me.

My personal favorite that I got asked on a regular basis

"What's the difference between garlic cheese bread and cheese bread?"

One has garlic on it. I had a person demand to speak to the manager because she thought I was being a smart ass. 

LOL! I had that happen to me once, but I don't remember what the question was. It was just an obvious answer so they thought I was being a smart ass (which I usually am, but not this time)  

If I was being the normal me, I would have said, "So, sir, I'm not being a smart ass, you're just being a dumbass!"