Heading towards a 'midlife' crisis....

[Deleted]

Was at Mom's Night Out last night and came away with the following thoughts.

1) I have 4-5 more years of homeschooling and no idea what I want to do when I 'grow up' to the next stage of life. I sometimes feel son and I are in the same place as I try to talk about transitioning to whatever is next... I cant tell sometimes if i'm lecturing him or me...

2) I don't think there is anyone who I hang out with on a regular basis who I would choose to hang out with, or would choose to hang out with me, if we didn't homeschool. What am I going to do socially, after? Why am I doing what I'm doing now with this group?

3) There should be a 3, but i can't think now, so i'll just go with 2... 

Anyone else ?   Anyone else contemplating a transition? Not sure what to do next, or if what they are doing now is the right thing? 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Do you want to go back to teaching? Is there another line of work you want to go into and can start studying and/or networking in that realm?


We're trying to decide when we're moving again. After this school year, after the 15-16 school year, after the 19-20 school year. It's an exhausting conversation. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm struggling with #1. I may or may not have a job come June/July 2015 it depends on how funding goes and then I'll end up kicking the can down the road another two years. I decided awhile ago I have zero desire to become a professor and I am less and less enthused about academia every year.

I was one of those people that would make YM proud, I had my entire life mapped out for myself and have stayed the course.

But now that I've spent seven years in academia I realized this isn't for me. I've also realized "do what you love" is a crock of shit. It was great when I was 18, not so much fun to still be making peanuts at 30.

I also have a family now and I don't like hinging our well being on whether or not my boss will be able to get sufficient grant money so I can keep my job.

So now I am stuck trying to figure out what I want to do now. I feel like an idiot for being so narrowly focused while I was in college that now I am drawing a blank on what else I can do with my life.  I feel like an idiot for not getting my nursing degree (nobody told me about clinical research) so I'd have a professional license as back-up.   

I am trying to figure out how to market my skills to private industry or toying with the idea of reinventing myself.   It's extremely overwhelming on top of everything else I have going on.

[Deleted]

I don't know if i want to go back to teaching. I am giving myself the year to decide. Because then if I do want to go back, I want to take a few more Praxis tests, take some extra math courses to get a math concentration and then finally re-take whatever the intro special ed class is they are offering today to get me up to speed on the new regulations, before I'd go back. That would give me a math concentration with special ed and from the ads I've been seeing, a better shot at getting back in. 

That said, I am in no way sure that I want to return to teaching. I was talking last night with another mom, and she was saying she doesn't know if she could return to the structure. Special Ed is a little more individualized at least, but there is still so much bureaucracy... When i quit i swore it was for good. 8 years had done me in. So i'm not sure if it is worth putting effort into getting back in. 

A few years ago there was an ad in the paper asking for a teacher to work with teen moms... both to get their diploma/ged and teaching parenting skills. I think i'd like to do something like that... but 1) i only saw the one ad like that in years and 2) i'm sure it won't pay anything at all... 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

In the school district my kids attend, there is an alternative school that has a thread for teen parents. It's a full time position in a public school district, so it would pay the same as other public school teachers in the district. You might look into job postings for alternative schools. They usually prefer multiple endorsements also. Our alternative school has threads for home school kids whose parents are no longer able to teach them and kids who just don't like the structure of a regular school. 

[greeniis10]

Jul 18, 2014 10:33:34 GMT -5 oped said:

I don't know if i want to go back to teaching. I am giving myself the year to decide. Because then if I do want to go back, I want to take a few more Praxis tests, take some extra math courses to get a math concentration and then finally re-take whatever the intro special ed class is they are offering today to get me up to speed on the new regulations, before I'd go back. That would give me a math concentration with special ed and from the ads I've been seeing, a better shot at getting back in. 

That said, I am in no way sure that I want to return to teaching. I was talking last night with another mom, and she was saying she doesn't know if she could return to the structure. Special Ed is a little more individualized at least, but there is still so much bureaucracy... When i quit i swore it was for good. 8 years had done me in. So i'm not sure if it is worth putting effort into getting back in. 

A few years ago there was an ad in the paper asking for a teacher to work with teen moms... both to get their diploma/ged and teaching parenting skills. I think i'd like to do something like that... but 1) i only saw the one ad like that in years and 2) i'm sure it won't pay anything at all... 

That sounds interesting and worth looking into!  My first thought would be the pay would be low, too, but you never know until you ask, right?  Would you be reliant on the income or is it mainly to keep you active and involved?

[Deleted]

That's something else to consider. My husband would really like to move and most days I would too... but it will increase our cost of living at least a little. Some days I think we would be better to stay put where life is really cheap. Even so, I'm sure that I would not have to have a high income. 

However, my father has given us a lot. I am now thinking that I have at least some obligation to pass that forward to my kids... so I do want to make sure we are not just comfortable, but in a place where we can assist as they finish school, buy houses, fund any grandkid 529 plans, etc. 

These are more philosophical questions keeping me busy at the moment... 

[Deleted]

Chloe, that sounds interesting. I will look into alternative school options in the area. 

[nutty]

Oh I hope it is a "good" midlife crisis, mine sucks.

[alabamagal]

My DH currently teaches for the local homeschool association.  I know sounds funny at first, teaching homeschool kids.  he works 1 say a week during school year teaching science topics and labs.  Gets paid per student per semester, decent money for part time.

He taught for 7 years in public school 20+ years ago, so he had a teaching certificate.

My boss hired a private teacher for his 11 year old daughter, using homeschool curriculum.  She was homeschooled by his wife until she left him, so he hired private teacher.

There are options for teaching other than traditional 5-day a week teaching

[happyhoix]

Some days I think we would be better to stay put where life is really cheap. Even so, I'm sure that I would not have to have a high income.

That's the first thing you need to decide - once you're through homeschooling, do you need a job that generates good money or can you afford to do something that you love to do, regardless of how it pays?

There are lots of jobs I would love to do that pay very little but would be extremely rewarding for me, but DH and I are down to the last ten years of our working life so we're trying to maximize our retirement funds. Doing what I want to do regardless of the money will have to wait until I officially retire. Dang it.

SIL launched her last child two years ago and needs to find a job with benefits because DH is ten years older than her and she needs to find a job that will cover her medical insurance when he retires in a couple years, so that's something else to consider.

SIL has had no luck yet, but she's been out of the job market nearly 25 years, has no college degree, only wants to work in an office but wants summers and school holidays off so she can spend time with the grandkids - kind of like wanting to find a unicorn LOL.

[giramomma]

Also, you might look into programs designed to groom at risk kids for college.

We've got a couple in town. One of the programs is actually run as an outreach program through our university.

I'm having a crisis of my own. I just had to turn down my fantasy/dream job, helping a women who spins/dyes yarn for a living, because there aren't enough hours in the day.

I'm incredibly unsatisfied with my day job. I want to go back to tech college to take some accounting classes to see if I still like it. But, we aren't in a position to fritter away money on my fancies.

For the past couple of years, I've told my husband I can totally see draw of having the typical midlife crisis. I could totally use some escape from my realities..

ETA: As for your social outlet, what do you like to do, in terms of hobbies? I used to go to stitch-ins when I had less children. Go for a Saturday, engage in needlework, chit-chat, and go home. I also try to go to a quilting retreat a year, and do the same things...

Do you like to volunteer? Could you find something for you? I won't be doing any kid related volunteering after I'm done with scouting for a while.  I thought I'd get to know parents better. Turns out, they just see me as someone to tell them what to do with their kids' activities.

 I play in church and chit-chat with folks there a little bit. There's some things that I'd like to volunteer for, just because that's what my heart tugs at...

[movingforward]

I spent most of my 30's trying to figure out WTH I wanted to do with my life.  I worked for a narcissistic and paranoid individual but I stayed because the benefits were good.  I am the type of person who lets things roll off my back pretty easily so I really don't think I realized just how unhappy I was there.  I knew I wanted more but just couldn't seem to figure out what steps to take to point me in the right direction, and my supervisor was not supportive of anyone wanting to better themselves.  She liked to keep people in little boxes.  I guess the universe decided it was time for me to move on because at the age of 37 the entire department was shut down.  I didn't realize it at the time but it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  I am in a much better space now.  It is funny how you don't realize just how bad things were until you land somewhere that is so much better.  In hindsight I can't believe I wasted so much of my professional career working for this person.  The good news is that where I worked looks particularly good on a resume and actually helped me land my current job which is SO unbelievably better with much more opportunity for growth. 

In short, I spent most of my early - mid 30's floundering around not really knowing what I wanted, and putting up with more crap than I ever would today.

[vonna]

I have found that volunteer work often leads to job offers. This area has a couple of non-profits that offer GED classes for high school drop outs. After retiring from the navy,  I volunteered 3 hours every Tuesday for about a year, and then they offered me a paid position.   No benefits, but they offered $30 an hour for 10 hours a week. They were hard up for math, the other paid positions got $25/hour. I declined, but continued my volunteering for 2 more years there. . . I've since moved on to other volunteer activities.

Also, if you are strong in math, some of the private schools will pay pretty well for you to teach SAT prep. 

I've also worked as a paid tax preparer, was hired by a CPA who did pro-bono work and we worked together one tax season through the Tax-aide program, but gave that up and now just do the volunteer tax prep.

[Deleted]

I have a master's in Education actually, my certification is in Special Ed. I taught for 8 years before homeschooling. 

But I would need to update some things before going back. They have changed how they do some things like classifying highly qualified teachers, and I need to up my continuing ed credits, having a math concentration would help me be more marketable, and I'd need to update myself on the special ed regulations, as they change constantly and are most certainly not the same today.  

I'm just not sure I want to teach. 

I do think doing some of my own aptitude test stuff, listing what I want in the next stage, is a good idea. I need to be more direct and proactive rather than just sitting and stewing about it. 

[saveinla]

Sometimes it's good to wallow, have a pity party and even enjoy a good cry. It relieves stress and then you find better options. 

[movingforward]

Jul 18, 2014 13:47:36 GMT -5 oped said:

I have a master's in Education actually, my certification is in Special Ed. I taught for 8 years before homeschooling. 

But I would need to update some things before going back. They have changed how they do some things like classifying highly qualified teachers, and I need to up my continuing ed credits, having a math concentration would help me be more marketable, and I'd need to update myself on the special ed regulations, as they change constantly and are most certainly not the same today.  

I'm just not sure I want to teach. 

I do think doing some of my own aptitude test stuff, listing what I want in the next stage, is a good idea. I need to be more direct and proactive rather than just sitting and stewing about it. 

Have you thought about becoming a Director of Education (or something like that) for a private association?  There are lots of associations that do continuing education for various professions and a lot of them have education directors that set the agenda/education for conferences and meetings. 

[Deleted]

almost40. I will look into that type of position, what it entails and what is required. Thanks. I actually think admin might be nice. 

I have also thought about being a consultant/advocate for people who want to homeschool but aren't sure how... but since that group is notoriously poor, at least around me, i'm not sure there is money in it. But I think organizing, etc. might be more attractive to me than direct teaching at this point. Something to think on. 

wrong... Yeah. Its strange.  When kids are little and have SAHMs, they tend to make friends with the children of their mom's friends...ie they tend to be influenced by their moms social circle. But in the effort to ensure my children have a well developed social circle, I've been much more involved with homeschool group than I would normally choose for myself. I'm not terribly social. I like people, but well.. you know. 

Most of the people around here homeschool at least in part for religious reasons. They are conservative, republicans. Not all, but I often feel like the odd man out. I have to work at social stuff. I want to make sure I put energy into what matters.  I also tend to have little patience, and  experience background, so often have just taken charge of certain things... good and bad. I'm trying to transition out of this now and its been moderately successful. 

At this point though, my kids have a circle of friends. I don't have to maintain excessive contact with a homeschool group. I want to make sure i'm spending the last few years doing things that are important to my kids, and not sustaining a network that really isn't doing it for me any more. If that makes sense. 

Ie. There were 17 kids in preschool at co/op last year. And 20+ K-2 year olds. I'm done teaching preschool. I'm glad lots of people are coming into the fold. I will help any mom with support and advice for how to get started. But I am NOT teaching preschool again ... 

[Nazgul Girl]

   Good luck, Oped.   Thanks for helping my DD with the books.   I hope all goes well for you nd that you come back soon !!  

[tloonya]

I think I have a brilliant idea!
How about homeschooling someone else's child?

[Sam_2.0]

Well, oped, I know you are "gone" but if you have 5 or so years left that's enough time to cook up another kiddo and voila - you have one ready to teach again

Private tutors are also needed at hospitals for kids undergoing treatments. That may be a place to check into. I know that my sister had one while she was undergoing chemo. Her normal teacher would supply the materials and the tutor would help DS with anything she needed while out of class for treatments (either at home or the hospital).