looking for objective eyes

[mamasita99]

Ugh, I rarely start threads, but here goes. This past year has been full of changes and pretty rough emotionally. Long story short, my kids and I are moving back to where we lived last year, close to family, and my spouse will commute every couple of weeks to spend a 3 day weekend with us, until the military orders are complete.

This past year I have been very impulsive on big decisions, and then later come to my senses and change my mind, then change my mind back again, etc. I'm finally seeing my doctor and a counselor about why I have been doing this lately, because in real life I am not this crazy lady, lol!

We do need a place to live, though. After searching online and with a realtor, I have found a beautiful home in my price range, and with good schools, close to family. It has a bigger yard than I anticipated having at this point (my kids are older), but I could make that a backyard oasis eventually. It is a good house for raising kids for the next 8 years. But of course, after coming to the realization that I am impulsive and driving my family crazy with my erratic decisions, I wonder if I should slow things down and not purchase this house.

The home inspection for this place is next week. Would this be a way out of the contract, if I choose to go that way?

There is a neighborhood even closer to family and shopping, but there are no houses on the market at this time. I could see myself staying in that neighborhood even after the kids move out.

Would it be wiser to rent for a year and wait for a house to come on the market in that area that I love? Or embrace this house I put an offer on and get my kids all settled in until they head to college? I don't even trust my own decisions anymore.

[giramomma]

How much closer is the other neighborhood to family and shopping? Are you thinking that maybe you want to get into a walkable neighborhood?

Can you see yourself really living in the house you put an offer on?

How long are you OK with renting?

How old are your kids? 

[resolution]

I don't know how to get out of an offer on a house, but I do agree that with you frequently changing your mind, renting may be a better solution than buying. At least until you are more settled on what you want for an extended period of time. However the home under contract does sound nice, so if you end up in that purchase it doesn't sound like it would be a bad result.

[billisonboard]

In counseling, there is something called the "presenting problem. " The example that was used to introduce me to this was a young girl goes into the high school counselor and says that she and her mom have not been getting along recently. While a discussion on the presenting problem of how the gal might get along better with her mom wouldn't be bad, the discussion on the real problem of the girl's pregnancy is the important one to have. 

These objective eyes see the house as your "presenting problem".

[happyhoix]

I have a very engineering type mind, so when I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of an decision, I literally write them down on a paper and then give each item a weight value (does living near the schools mean more than liking the kitchen cabinets, for example).

Since you admit you've been waffling a lot lately, you need to get your spouse and kids to also add their opinions on your pro and con list. If you make this a family decision and not just your decision, you won't second guess yourself nearly as much. 

I think if the home inspection turns up something that needs to be repaired, and the home owner won't reduce the price or agree to make the repair, you may be able to back out of your purchase agreement, but you might loose your earnest money - but don't quote me, I'm not a realty expert by any means. Check with your realtor on that.  

 

[Lizard Queen]

If constantly changing your mind is the problem, then don't. Stick with the house you're already in the process of buying. If something serious comes up in the inspection, then get out of it. Otherwise, stick with it. It sounds nice. There is no perfect answer. Learn to embrace good enough.

[busymom]

I agree with milizard.  Life is full of choices, & often you don't have the "perfect" choice, but you make the choice that's "good enough". 

You sound like you might have some perfectionist tendencies.  So do I! 

[Deleted]

I thought impulsiveness was the problem, ie. maybe she made this decision too soon. 

I'd make a pro/con list and talk to counselor. And I'd see what your options are at this point to back out... You accepted an offer? You put down $? ..

[NoNamePerson]

What's the worst thing that can happen if you make a wrong decision?

What's the worst thing that can happen if you make no decision at all?

[Lizard Queen]

Jul 11, 2014 7:34:02 GMT -5 oped said:

I thought impulsiveness was the problem, ie. maybe she made this decision too soon. 

I'd make a pro/con list and talk to counselor. And I'd see what your options are at this point to back out... You accepted an offer? You put down $? ..

I reread the op and you're right.  I didn't see anything bad that was mentioned about the house, so I would evaluate how this decision was made and what the rest of the family thinks about this house.

[mamasita99]

Thanks for the replies, I've been given lots to think about. If I do end up staying with this house, that would be fine. It's not a dream house in the water but besides that it's great. I talk to the counselor today about what my "real" issues might be, so I can stop doing this to myself and my family.

[lexxy703]

I didn't see anything you noted wrong with the house.  Why are you considering backing out of the contract?  If it is buyers remorse you will have it regardless of what house you buy or sign an annual lease to rent.  Your initial gut reaction was to like the house.  I say relax & go with it.  If it helps any I jumped on my house as soon as I saw it.  My agent told me to sleep on it.  I didn't.  7 years later I am still very happy with my decision.  I hope the same goes for you.

[whoisjohngalt]

What does your husband says about it?

[mamasita99]

  The family sees it in person Monday. Thus far they have only been able to see pictures online. It might be the normal "oh crap, have I just signed my life away" feeling that comes when taking on a mortgage. It's a super house, and I was able to see it the first day it listed. It listed on 4th of July weekend, when there wasn't a whole lot of buyer traffic, thankfully.

  BTW, my counselor thinks the impulsive feeling and the second guessing myself is related to stress. I am not making bad decisions, necessarily, but in my overworked mind I'm running through all of the "what ifs" after I make a decision, and then back out. I need to remind myself, preferably out loud, that I am making the best decisions that I can, that I'm not making mistakes. She says if you say things out loud it gives your thoughts more power, and can help you break from those negative thought processes.

  Unless there is something major wrong with this house, I do not want to back out of it. I'm looking forward to seeing it again!