Summer Hours for Teens

[Shooby]

I have two teen sons. One 18 who just graduated and the other is 16 going into 11th grade. DD is 12 so this isnt an issue. But how late would you allow your teens to be out during the week or weekend? My 18 yr old seems to want to push this later and later.

[marvholly]

I doubt you will have much control over the 18 y/o. I would let him do his thing (w/the caveot of NO drugs or booze) AND make him TOTALLY responsible for getting up for whatever he is doing this summer (job, school,....). After all if he is going away to college in the fall this will be good training and you will be around to help pick up the pieces.

Does the 16 y/o drive and have evening access to a car? If so I would probaly set his curfew at either how late I generally stay up or whatever the non-school night curfew has been. If no car then it would be however late I would be willing to go get him. Even in good areas I would NOT want my kid walking home alone at or after 10 pm.

[Shooby]

My 18 yr old of course wants to come and go as he pleases. And, to some extent that is fine. But, during the week, that just doesn't work for DH and I. The way our house is set up, the upstairs bedrooms and stairs are pretty close together. So, when he comes in, it wakes us up. We gotta get up for work and this isn't a dormitory. So, I do need to put some reasonable time on that.
And, yes, while he is living at home is absolutely responsible to pitch in to care for the home as well.

[zibazinski]

During the week, your rules, weekends, be more lax.

[Shooby]

Yes. That is pretty much what we do. Of course, that comes with a certain amount of gnashing of teeth!

[Shooby]

Another point, though, his girlfriend is 16 so I think that needs to be considered as well. Her mom is pretty lax about rules but he doesn't need to be at her house monopolizing all of her time.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I wasn't home all that long after I turned 18 - at least for any length of time - but I did have a curfew.  Everyone was home at midnight.  Period.  Even though I stayed out much later when I wasn't at home, it didn't matter.  She said something about if she didn't know I wasn't home, it was not a big deal; but if I was staying at the house and she knew I wasn't home, she worried.  I suppose that probably makes sense to those of you who are moms.  Anyway, those were their rules and it was their house, so I abided by them. 

[justme]

I was a bit past 18, but my parents enacted a be home by 11pm curfew or don't come home at all. But that wasn't until I was in my 20s. 

[Shooby]

Well, if I said in by 11 or don't come home at all, I think he would choose the "at all" thing. Lol.

[justme]

Haha, yeah that could be what happens. My parents did it because all my friends were in a city an hour away and I was home by circumstance and my friends and I weren't much of planners. So she'd call at 8 and ask what time I'd be home and wouldn't have a time to tell her. 

Before then I had a curfew, but I was only home during college breaks and most of the time was just sleeping anyways since I'd be back in a week or two to see my friends when school started again.

[Deleted]

At our house it is 10 nights I work the next day, midnight if I don't. Unless they have specific plans like a movie or show or something. For just hanging out 10 and midnight are fine.

[Sam_2.0]

Nothing good happens after midnight. I always thought my dad was a grouch for saying that, but turns out he's right Now, fun things for sure happened after midnight. But nothing good

[Shooby]

Yes, I know! lol!

[bean29]

I am struggling with very similar issues with my 17 year old DD Shooby.  Once in a while I get the "You never made DB do this".  I really don't remember having issues with DS.  His girlfirend has pretty bad situation with her parents, so they were always at my house (I knew where they were and did not have to worry).

So, the kids are of an age where they like to do thngs like a bonfire.  I worry about Alcohol too.  DD's BF graduated from HS and had a party Saturday.  I had given her an 11:30 curfew.  at 11:30 or so when she was not home, I sent a text asking if she was heading home, and I got a reply that someone had missed the ladder on the barn loft and hit his head.  She said her BF's mother said no one could leave until she saw them and they were OK.  I figured it was good that someone was making and assessement of their fitness to drive, so I did not push her about comming home.  I debated if I needed to drive over and get her, and after a few minutes I called DD just so I could make my own assessment.  I also got out of bed when she got home and talked to her.  It did not seem as though she was drinking (but my head is not burried in the sand either).

I too worry that DD is staying too late at her BF's house and his parents might want the kids to go home.  My DD tried to play the poor me my Mom is too strict card at a birthday party my Co-Padrino had for his kid a few weeks ago.  The other adults around the table told DD they themselves had lived through similar restrictions even when they were in college and that their kids had similar restrictions.

I do think it is true that some of the kids at DD's HS have no limits/restrictions.  I will only be influenced if I know and trust the other parents and even then, I might stick to my guns.

[luckyme]

Wow, I am so glad this came up, as I had a huge discussion (fight) with my DD19 this morning. 

She has been staying out until 12:30/1:00 am almost every night.  I have told her before, NO.  Now, she just texts me and tells me she is sleeping over X's house for the night. 


She pulled this last night, and I told her, no.  She tells me I am being ridiculous, no one else has curfews like this.  Plus, the one girl she is "supposedly" hanging out with is a bum.  She never graduated from HS and doesn't do anything. 


I am often amazed at how incredibly loosey goosey some parents are about things.  I must be getting old, because there is no way in hell I would ever let my 16/17 yr old daughter sleep in the same bed w/ her boyfriend, yet I know quite a few who allow this.


So now I can use this thread as a good example of how I'm not the only one with specific expectations while she is living here.

[alabamagal]

DS19 is home after his 2nd year of college and we had to address this with him.  I know he can stay out as late as he wants at college, but we asked to be home by 1 am, or text us and let us know where he is.  He has been home by 1 am since that request.

He has a friend that lives on a lake nearby, and she sometimes spends the night there. He lets us know ahead of time.

His summer job is at a restaurant, so earliest he has to be in is 11 but usually 4 or 5 pm.  Sometimes he goes out with coworkers (for food!) after they get off.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 24, 2014 8:11:09 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Yes. That is pretty much what we do. Of course, that comes with a certain amount of gnashing of teeth!

Then tell him to stop sounding like an elephant when he comes in. 

[The Captain]

My brother really didn't have any curfew, and wouldn't have followed it if he had one.

For me, curfew was always midnight regardless of how old you were.  Yanno - their house their rules, right?  It didn't really matter in my case since I had to be up pretty early to get to my job in the morning so I was usually in bed by 10pm.

My sister, I don't recally ever having any issues with the curfew.  Most of her friends hung out at our house anyway so not really an issue.

We'll probably stick with midnight with DD cause I won't be able to sleep until I know she's home, and boy do I need my beauty sleep!