genericname
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Post by genericname on Jun 18, 2014 10:54:41 GMT -5
I think I'm mostly happy. I have an amazing family - my DH is a solid rock who grounds me when I start to spin out of control, and he's a great father to our two amazing kids. I feel, as all parents should, that my kids are amazing and wonderful. I'm so blessed by their presence in my life.
We are almost to our goal of being 100% debt free, and we have a good retirement plan, so financially we don't have worries. We have an emergency fund and the house will be paid off within the next 4 years, so we are hoping we are able to stay on track with that.
I'm working hard on my relationship with God, which I put on the back burner for far too long. Going back to church with the kids, and spending time in the Book and in prayer has made me much more content with life and where I am headed.
What doesn't make me happy is my hour long commute each way and some of the crappy stuff I have to deal with at work. Luckily, I'm able to mostly leave that crap on the desk when I shut the office door at night. I work hard not to let the crappiness that can be work intrude on the joy I feel at home. Sometimes it's a struggle, but it's not a struggle that I am letting consume my every thought. F-it. There'll be an election and a new administration, and things will change again. Hopefully for the better.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 18, 2014 11:24:52 GMT -5
I would say content...or maybe joyful is a better word. Happy is a fleeting emotion. It comes and goes. Joy is something that stays with you. There are times in your life that you aren't going to be happy - your spouse is ill, a loved one dies, etc. But you can still be joyful. You can still be thankful for you what you do have. My life can be crazy. I have 4.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I have an awesome hubby who has some health problems. I have a job that can be crazy at times. I have a wonderful drama-free extended family. There are times where the stress of the kids, hubby, and job overwhelm me and maybe I'm not happy at that time. The stress lifts and usually I'm back to being myself. I've had stress induced depression and it wasn't something i bounced back from. It was something I needed help to overcome. But I learned from that experience. But today, right now, I would say I'm happy. My daughter spoke a "sentence" yesterday (mommy, thirsty). My kids are happy and healthy and they are truly a joy to watch grow up. My job is going good. We're in a bit of a lull so I don't feel super stressed. But we've got plenty of work stretching out for the rest of the year that it isn't so slow it is scary. So, I've got no complaints. (Except my health insurance, but that isn't worth being unhappy over )
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jeffreymo
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Post by jeffreymo on Jun 18, 2014 11:37:12 GMT -5
Recently I've been really happy. I've been going through the motions at work for at least the last 3 years. No real sense of accomplishing anything, just the same monotony day in and day out. I'm changing the scenery in a couple of weeks and it feels great to be excited about something different, starting a clean slate with unlimited potential (at least for the time being). It was also nice to have another company recognize my skills and actually do everything they could to get me to join them.
And a bump in salary and all the fun of budgeting/saving that increase is pretty cool too.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jun 18, 2014 11:37:32 GMT -5
Overall yes I'm happy. That said I'm definitely jaded in some ways. I see the news and read stories about some of the things people do and it makes me even more jaded and trust people even less. Maybe this stuff has always been happening and with technology it's just more apparent but I think technology and mass media has desensitized people way too much. I see people abusing the system who would rather complain than try to pick themselves up. I try not to project how those people are onto everyone else on assistance but I'm skeptical when I see people who have newer clothes than me, smartphones, etc complaining about how hard it is. It just irks me knowing that I'm doing everything I can to provide for myself now and in the future while a scary number of people make poor choices, get assistance and seem to not care. Sooner or later we're going to reach a tipping point because we've got some major issues that need to be addressed and hopefully it won't be too late when that finally happens.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jun 18, 2014 11:42:14 GMT -5
No... And while I know a few of the reasons why I'm not happy... I don't know specifically what things would make me happy.... That.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jun 18, 2014 11:45:25 GMT -5
No, but I've never really been truly happy and haven't figured out would would make me happy. After my mom died last year there were some really dark days where I could barely force myself out of bed. I've recently severed some family relationships and other relationships that I've held onto because of history. I'm becoming more optimistic about the future, but not happier yet. Similar to drivingaround, I haven't found anything that I'm truly passionate about. There's things I enjoy, but nothing that I couldn't live without. I've been thinking more and more about moving out of state. I know it won't solve anything, but a change of scenery probably wouldn't hurt. And that.
I feel like there's something wrong with me because there's nothing I'm passionate about. I don't hate work, but I feel pretty "meh" about it. But I can't think of anything I would rather be doing. (at least realistically - I'm pretty sure no one is going to pop up and offer me a job as a 42 year old supermodel, or luxury resort reviewer or something).
I'm sorry to hear about your mom, msventoux.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Jun 18, 2014 11:45:32 GMT -5
I'm feeling a little philosophical this evening, don't ask why. Are you happy? I mean truly happy. What is your definition of happiness? What makes you happy? Your family, your professional success, your bank account, your travel experience, your human experience, etc.? When and at what stage of life did you become happy? If you're not happy, why not? What do you feel you need to be happy? I have always been able to find the joy in little things. So my baseline is happy and it only goes up from there. Even though I am bothered by things like watching the news, I am still personally grateful that I live where I do and have the life I have. I agree with others who say happiness is a choice. Even people in the most dire circumstances can be joyful. I have seen people who seem to be wishing their lives away. If I only had THIS I'd be happy. If I only lived HERE I'd be happy...You know these people. They will never be truly happy because it is always around the next corner. Probably the key to happiness is the ability to be content. Developing our spiritual side and not focusing on physical things. People laugh at my family because we are abnormally normal. We get along. We like each other. We never fight. We also all have similar dreams. I mean like REM dreams. My brother and I have dreams where we buy/inherit decrepit houses. I mean..the worst fixer uppers you could imagine. In our dreams, we look around take stock and say well, I can work with this. We always see the silver lining in every situation. How much is genetic and a predisposition to positivity and how much is nurture? I can't say. My husband is a lot like his father and tends to always go to worst case scenerio. Sometimes they can't see past that. Ex. when my family wanted to move from the country to the city and were looking at purchasing a house my Dad's take - well, I think we can afford it, we've crunched the numbers, if it doesn't work, we sell it and go to plan B. My father in law - well, what happens to mortgage rates if China takes over the world? I did manage to keep a straight face but wow. My family and my inlaws get along really really well and I believe it is because of our opposite viewpoints. Which is fascinating to me. Anyway, I am happy because it would never occur to me to be otherwise.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jun 19, 2014 1:18:59 GMT -5
I'm feeling a little philosophical this evening, don't ask why. Are you happy? I mean truly happy. What is your definition of happiness? What makes you happy? Your family, your professional success, your bank account, your travel experience, your human experience, etc.? When and at what stage of life did you become happy? If you're not happy, why not? What do you feel you need to be happy? at first thought I would say yes - Happy all the time ! but then if I break down into categories - well then I see not really Happy cause there is improvement ...needed? I know I am not miserable !
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2014 1:41:00 GMT -5
I'm feeling a little philosophical this evening, don't ask why. Are you happy? I mean truly happy. What is your definition of happiness? What makes you happy? Your family, your professional success, your bank account, your travel experience, your human experience, etc.? When and at what stage of life did you become happy? If you're not happy, why not? What do you feel you need to be happy? Yes. Finally. It has taken about 40 years and some decent pharmaceutical medications. Honestly, I woke up one day after DH died and caught myself saying the usual; "I hate my life" and realized it didn't have to be the case. I decided that day to wake up happier to greet the day and to not tell myself that anymore. And, I don't. I also decided that I needed some goals or I wouldn't get anywhere. And, as time passes I continually add new things to tell/not tell myself, and it really does seem to help keep me in a happier place. And, the better that's going, then the more work I get done and the more I feel like leaving the house to do things. The more I do, the more weight I lose. It's all connected. I recently discovered hiking with my dogs. I did over 4 miles yesterday, all up and down hill, with one of my kids. He was trying to "get somewhere" and I was trying to explain that the point is to enjoy the wildflowers and the views. If you get to a lake or river, then that's a bonus. Then again, he doesn't share my love of rocks.... Since I had my suicidal situation, I have been really committed to changing how I feel and deal with life. It really does work. In the same way I learn to eat differently and move more, I am applying to my mental happiness factor. With the exception of income, which will come with finishing school, I love where I live and am going to spend the most time enjoying the area that I can. And, the biggest help for happiness - not taking on other people's crap and letting it invade into your life. Let other people deal with their stuff. Shout-out to CoDependent No More!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2014 2:44:03 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2014 9:12:25 GMT -5
And, the biggest help for happiness - not taking on other people's crap and letting it invade into your life. Let other people deal with their stuff. Shout-out to CoDependent No More! One post that's been making the rounds of FaceBook is (supposedly) a Polish proverb: "Not my circus. Not my monkeys." I laugh every time I see it! I've dealt with other's monkeys too many times. You've started from a point that many people would never have been able to climb out of. (Sorry for the awkward grammar but you know what I mean.) It's wonderful to see you rebuilding your life.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 19, 2014 9:17:39 GMT -5
I think generally I'm happy. I think happiness is a choice. I've been happy when I shouldn't be. I have lots of reasons not to be happy. I was going to type them all out (and more!) but, you've all already heard about most of the big ones. At some point, I'm going to needed to start using two hands to count all the dreams I'm going to have to give up-some by choice, and some by circumstance. If I spew everything, I really should not be happy. But, I really do have a good life. I have a nice house, we do have a good support system, people here that care about me, a husband that loves me, and three fabulous kids. My life is easy. We have struggles, but they are not insurmountable. Indeed we are very fortunate. I would agree with this! I may not always be "happy", but I have peace and I am content with my life. There will always be things that I want to change or need to change as things progress, but I think that's normal.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 19, 2014 9:37:10 GMT -5
I have always felt, and yes, I know it stems from childhood, that I don't deserve to be happy. Or even loved. That if I ever am happy, that some thing will happen to steal it from me. Case in point, DF. Now that we are finally on track to living our lives, Italy gets derailed because of his heart. Now we get to go through the process of getting on the list and living on the edge waiting for his number to come up, either for a heart or for a grave. I'm voting for the former but fear the latter.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 20, 2014 11:00:55 GMT -5
I have a tendency to be content. Is that my happy I don't know. I am very serious and thoughtful so I do think forward.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 20, 2014 11:13:59 GMT -5
No, I'm not really happy.
The reasons should be pretty obvious from some of my recent threads, so I won't go into great detail.
Basically, work has gone from enjoyable (or at least tolerable) to stressful because of recent changes in management.
I have no real friends (at least in the area I live) and have no significant other, so things get pretty lonely.
And kind of like lonewolf, I don't feel passion for anything really. I don't have enthusiasm for much. In fact, nothing comes to mind. And it's the lack of passion or enthusasim that makes me wonder if even if I got the above, would I still really be happy?
Things could be worse, and not every aspect is going poorly. I'm healthy, and I'm employed, and I'm not struggling financially, so there's that.
I think happiness has to come from within, not from external circumstances. Because really, when is everything going to be perfect?
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 20, 2014 11:15:39 GMT -5
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 20, 2014 11:23:54 GMT -5
It's kind of a side note, but this kind of relates to a reaction I often have when I observe kids, especially when they're playing. My thoughts are "man, must be nice to be that happy and carefree."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 14:05:09 GMT -5
No. I hate waking up in the morning. I have big losses in the life, including the loss of my health in the last two years. I have just started anti-depressants, but they haven't kicked in yet. I am very much alone and have had to struggle with my illnesses, and that's not going to change.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 14:29:59 GMT -5
No. I hate waking up in the morning. I have big losses in the life, including the loss of my health in the last two years. I have just started anti-depressants, but they haven't kicked in yet. I am very much alone and have had to struggle with my illnesses, and that's not going to change. Sorry to hear this ezzie. I'm pretty content being alone, but I'll admit, being alone and being sick is not fun and being alone and seriously ill scares the crap out of me.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Jun 20, 2014 14:30:34 GMT -5
Put me in the content camp. My life is fairly drama free. I can pay my bills. I'm not unhappy. But I'm not sure I am happy. Just sort of going with the flow.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 14:39:06 GMT -5
It's kind of a side note, but this kind of relates to a reaction I often have when I observe kids, especially when they're playing. My thoughts are "man, must be nice to be that happy and carefree." Happiness is a choice. You can actually work on going back to that more carefree state of mind. I have been successful in doing this, and encourage everyone to make the attempt. You have to like something, Firebird? If you could do anything today what would it be? Now, schedule that into your week. Or, go out into nature with the simple goal of enjoying all of the birds, bugs, and flowers that you typically ignore day to day.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 20, 2014 14:43:33 GMT -5
I am not really happy but not depressed either. I feel like I am waiting for something, don't know what. I am just getting into being retired and remodeling/decorating/decluttering thinking what is next. Today I got my first estimate on a new furnace $3K and am happy it wasn't a lot more but money doesn't do much for me now. I don't really care if it is 2K or 5K, they will just put one in. I will get at least one more estimate but just because I always do. My investments are up 62K so far this year so a new boat, new furnace and remodeling feels free even after I gift my great nephew tuition I will be up 47K for the years after all that spending. Now I don't really need to budget or save for anything so seeing the market up I know I will gain about 2K today almost enough to pay for the furnace, so money isn't as exciting as when I was starting and made $25 when my 200 shares was up an 8th.
I wish I had a passion about something but everything is good. My family is good, ISO is good, house is meh. I enjoy my volunteer job and sometimes going to ISO's house.
Maybe when this house is perfect I can sell it and buy a new one, I like the idea of house shopping.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 16:55:21 GMT -5
No, I'm not really happy.
The reasons should be pretty obvious from some of my recent threads, so I won't go into great detail.
Basically, work has gone from enjoyable (or at least tolerable) to stressful because of recent changes in management.
I have no real friends (at least in the area I live) and have no significant other, so things get pretty lonely.
And kind of like lonewolf, I don't feel passion for anything really. I don't have enthusiasm for much. In fact, nothing comes to mind. And it's the lack of passion or enthusasim that makes me wonder if even if I got the above, would I still really be happy?
Things could be worse, and not every aspect is going poorly. I'm healthy, and I'm employed, and I'm not struggling financially, so there's that.
I think happiness has to come from within, not from external circumstances. Because really, when is everything going to be perfect?
Its never going to be perfect. Life isn't perfect. It isn't meant to be. When you learn to accept that, learn to be content with that, then is when you might be able to entertain the concept of happy.
Sorry... Its not easy to hear maybe, but its an important lesson to learn..
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gacpa
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Post by gacpa on Jun 20, 2014 17:38:06 GMT -5
As PatStab says, "You can be as happy as you want to be".
These words really sunk in my brain. Especially now that I am in my early 50's, I have made up my mind to be grateful and happy with what I have. It is not as easy as it sounds, but it can be done. I have adjusted my expectations of life and people to where I can be content with my world and the people in it. I have lived over half my life and I don't want to waste any more of it being unhappy or having a bad attitude about my life and those in it.
If I have a day where I can't manage "happy", I will settle for "content".
My biggest issue now is my dad, whose health is growing worse by the day. I am doing all I can to be there for my parents and keep a strong positive attitude. It is the only way to move forward.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 20, 2014 17:46:32 GMT -5
How about a little music You're losin' all your highs and lows Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 18:35:13 GMT -5
Actually, I was thinking about this today because we are pretty "miserable." Our a/c conked out on June 17, the same day that my sister left. Thank God that it didn't do it while she was here. It has previously quit working May 7. So we decided to go with a total replacement of it and the gas furnace since they were 20 years old. The guy came out yesterday (June 19), and we purchased it. It will be installed on June 30.
Our house is very, very hot and very, very humid. But I keep thinking how "lucky" we are. Dh asked me last year if he could have a window unit installed in the sunroom. We discuss projects that come out of the house maintenance account. We were having the room painted because of some water damage and the window for the install was cracked so he had worked it out with the contractor. We went with the ac. We used it very little last year; it is mostly for my sister who likes to hang out here when she visits.
It is our salvation right now. There is a tv there. There is a table/chairs set in there. There are a sofa and a loveseat.
I have friends offering to put us up until the new unit can be installed, and I just smile and say, "Thank you, but we are fine." We aren't focusing on the bad stuff like I can't run the dishwasher, etc. We are eating cold or microwaveable meals. I need to iron some clothing because I have a job interview on Monday so that means I need to get up at maybe 5 a.m. tomorrow. I didn't want to totally rob the house maintenance account so I am kicking in $1500 from the account for where I teach online. I was going to buy new sunroom furniture. But that can be next year.
In other words, none of that matters. We are very lucky in my opinion. It is a great sunroom with a great ac. I even told DH that maybe we will save some money this month since we aren't running the main unit.
That's how you find happiness. You look at the bright side of stuff. We had the money without tapping our Emergency Accounts. We have ac even if it is one room. (And if we didn't, we have a basement that is cooler than it is up here.)
I am of the "You choose to be happy" camp. Depression is real; I've been there, but mostly because I was married to Mr. Negativity. He sucked the joy out of me. My son and his then-gf used to call him "Dr. Gloom and Doom."
Happiness is a choice in most cases.
Looking on the bright side of
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 18:46:00 GMT -5
Sorry to hear this ezzie. I'm pretty content being alone, but I'll admit, being alone and being sick is not fun and being alone and seriously ill scares the crap out of me.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Jun 20, 2014 19:31:12 GMT -5
I'm content with my life. We have a nice house, a wonderful DH, enough money to do pretty much what we really want to do, family and friends.
I've been through a long period of depression, been suicidal and was hospitalized twice. I took anti-depressants for years but they only helped somewhat. Lots of therapy didn't help either. I've finally come through to the other side and while not ecstatically happy, I am content with my life.
As I've aged, I've begun having some health issues which limit how much I can do, but I try to make the best of it. It doesn't do me any good to dwell on the negatives. I've had people like that in my life before and eventually distanced myself from them because of it.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jun 20, 2014 22:15:26 GMT -5
I am happy, content, grateful. I do know the difference between bitterness, contentment, and happiness. I was initially content with my first marriage. I then became quite bitter about it, and that bitterness permeated my entire life. When I remarried, I was grateful to find contentment again. However, that has turned into happiness which is now permeating the rest of my life. I am grateful that I've always known what I wanted to be when I grew up. It's difficult for me to fathom those who don't get to look forward to going to work every day. I do wish there was a way for everyone to figure that out. My mother never did. It's one of the reasons we don't get along
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