moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jun 17, 2014 22:52:50 GMT -5
I'm feeling a little philosophical this evening, don't ask why.
Are you happy? I mean truly happy. What is your definition of happiness? What makes you happy? Your family, your professional success, your bank account, your travel experience, your human experience, etc.? When and at what stage of life did you become happy?
If you're not happy, why not? What do you feel you need to be happy?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2014 23:13:09 GMT -5
I know that I am not as happy now as I was when I was younger. When younger, I had enthusiasm for so many things, like making and saving money, hobbies, vacations, family, home etc. Now, having been there, done that and feeling older and tired, there's not much anymore that floats my boat.
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drivingaround
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Post by drivingaround on Jun 17, 2014 23:39:17 GMT -5
No, I've become very jaded these last few years realizing how disconnected and selfish our society has become. It is so rare for people to do something nice for each other just because, there's usually an ulterior angle of "what's in it for me". I used to be a pretty happy go lucky guy, not a lot got me down. I wasn't super enthusiastic but had a general positive outlook and was happy with my career, my friends, my overall situation. A number of years ago I had an out of nowhere depressive episode. I've referenced it in a couple of my other threads but for close to a year I was suicidal and just the thought of having to wake up and face another day was a challenge. It would go in and out of severity so some days would be completely normal but it was a really difficult time and led to some pretty introspective moments.
Travel definitely makes me happy, probably my most happy! I really enjoy connecting with people and hearing their stories, truly listening and having an actual conversation. Board game parties bring out my fun, competitive side too. I'm not passionate about anything so wonder if I had more of that would I experience a different type of fulfillment. There our loads of activities I enjoy doing but no burning passion. Actually, I'm passionate about money but outside of YM I don't find a group who feels the same.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 17, 2014 23:45:30 GMT -5
I'm content. With the way things are now (mother completely dependent, no longer working at a job I loved, etc.), I'm not blissful, but I'm content. Perhaps, when things are a bit more difficult, it would help to be content with being ... content.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Jun 17, 2014 23:52:04 GMT -5
No, but I've never really been truly happy and haven't figured out would would make me happy. After my mom died last year there were some really dark days where I could barely force myself out of bed. I've recently severed some family relationships and other relationships that I've held onto because of history. I'm becoming more optimistic about the future, but not happier yet.
Similar to drivingaround, I haven't found anything that I'm truly passionate about. There's things I enjoy, but nothing that I couldn't live without. I've been thinking more and more about moving out of state. I know it won't solve anything, but a change of scenery probably wouldn't hurt.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 18, 2014 0:03:16 GMT -5
It's a mix.
There are parts of my life that are very, very happy and which are going more wonderfully than I could ever have pictured or dared to hope.
Other parts, well, let's just say not so much. And one or two parts which truly bite. The parts that truly bite can't be fixed without causing some issues in the other areas, though, nor are they short term fixes unfortunately.
So I try to focus on the stuff that is in the first category, make small but incremental changes in the second category and do long term planning without trying to think too much about the third category. Mostly that works but sometimes the third category stuff weighs on me.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 18, 2014 0:40:57 GMT -5
I'm going through menopause. These days I'm like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. So my answer is yes. Sometimes No. Yes. Maybe. Okay - yes. I have wine. Like drivingaround - when I think of how things are these days it can put me in a funk. But my personal life - DH, home, friends, stuff that we do, financials... very happy. But I have some control of those things. The world - it's bat shit crazy and totally out of control!
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jun 18, 2014 5:35:06 GMT -5
No... And while I know a few of the reasons why I'm not happy... I don't know specifically what things would make me happy.... Exactly that
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 18, 2014 7:12:36 GMT -5
I think generally I'm happy. I think happiness is a choice. I've been happy when I shouldn't be.
I have lots of reasons not to be happy. I was going to type them all out (and more!) but, you've all already heard about most of the big ones. At some point, I'm going to needed to start using two hands to count all the dreams I'm going to have to give up-some by choice, and some by circumstance. If I spew everything, I really should not be happy.
But, I really do have a good life. I have a nice house, we do have a good support system, people here that care about me, a husband that loves me, and three fabulous kids. My life is easy. We have struggles, but they are not insurmountable. Indeed we are very fortunate.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 7:30:53 GMT -5
I try hard to avoid things that I know will trigger unwelcome/unhelpful feelings. I don't even watch the local news anymore because it's depressing. I feel happy and energetic when I'm outside, being physically active. I took ds to the batting cages on Monday and we took turns batting. I've never batted before. It was so much fun and I felt young, happy, and ALIVE. I want to spend my energy doing more stuff like that. I agree on both counts: there are some issues that give me a feeling of total helplessness and despair such as wars, cultures that seem to make it impossible for people to get out of poverty, and the destruction of the environment. I stay aware of them and do what I can, but I can't dwell on them or read a lot about them. As for being outdoors- riding my bike or climbing dripping wet out of the swimming pool makes me feel like I'm 12 years old again. I'm working in the church community garden one evening a week and it's just beautiful- woods in the back, grass full of clover all around, a pond with a bullfrog nearby. It makes me happy even when I'm pulling weeds. Having said that- I have some adjustments to make. This is Week 6 of retirement. I'm over the initial euphoria and much of the things I do during the day will eventually go away (work around the house and yard to de-clutter and get it ready for sale, putting stuff on e-Bay). I'll run out of yard and garden work when the weather gets cold. In August I have an orientation session for people wanting to teach English as a Second language. I'm hoping this will be an answer. I absolutely do not want 9 to 5 again but I want something challenging to do. Community college courses will help, too. I also need to get comfortable with our cash flow. I should be fine as long as the market keeps going up but that won't last forever. When/if our net worth actually decreases due to a combination of withdrawals and market changes, that will be hard for me to handle.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Jun 18, 2014 7:47:09 GMT -5
I would describe myself as happy, but I'm also an introvert, so I don't think my inner happiness is necessarily apparent to those who do not know me well.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but for me, happiness is my norm. When I experience hard times and am unhappy, or feeling depressed or anxious, I am really unsettled until I reset and feel happy again. And similar to what giramomma described, my happiness often has little to do with my current circumstances.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 8:06:23 GMT -5
I know that I am not as happy now as I was when I was younger. When younger, I had enthusiasm for so many things, like making and saving money, hobbies, vacations, family, home etc. Now, having been there, done that and feeling older and tired, there's not much anymore that floats my boat. Lone, some of your recent posts give me the feeling that you're depressed. You've always had a brighter outlook on things, so I hope things are okay and you have someone, whether it be a good friend, what have you, that you can talk to. Thanks for your concern MM. I think I am depressed, but can't find anything I should be depressed about. We are financially okay, I have friends and family around. I have nothing that dominates my time, so can do what I want when I want and I have my health and a happy marriage. I think I'm just feeling like, "Okay, life is boring, what now?" Maybe it's all the meds the DR put me on for high BP. Anyway, I'll be fine and will stop whining.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 18, 2014 8:13:27 GMT -5
I am married with two young children, work full time, usual bills, need to earn more at both our jobs and am a little concerned about finances. I am, however, happy. I think my natural disposition is inclined toward happiness and I always try to find the positive in a situation or tell myself that the problems will work out in the end. My best friend has struggled with severe depression for years, I can't begin to imagine what that is like and how hard it must be to wake up unhappy every day.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 18, 2014 8:19:23 GMT -5
No... And while I know a few of the reasons why I'm not happy... I don't know specifically what things would make me happy.... Exactly that Me too. I'm also at a crossroads career-wise. I make very good money but am beginning to think that it isn't worth it.
I guess I don't know what I want to be when I grow up
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 18, 2014 8:24:54 GMT -5
Can one really understand and appreciate happiness if one does not experience all the other emotions?
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jun 18, 2014 8:28:39 GMT -5
Me too. I'm also at a crossroads career-wise. I make very good money but am beginning to think that it isn't worth it.
I guess I don't know what I want to be when I grow up
Since I will absolutely not be the first to figure it out, can one of you please let me know the answer? K, thanks
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 8:32:01 GMT -5
I am. I feel useful and productive, I have people around me that I enjoy and I have the resources to do things I enjoy. My anti anxiety medication has balanced out my physiology so that is taken care of. I've had years of experience with not having any of that so I'm aware of how much I have to be grateful for. Gratitude contributes a lot to my serenity as well.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 18, 2014 8:33:22 GMT -5
It depends on the day and what's going on.
Right now I am very unhappy/overwhelmed with my job. No matter what I do it seems like I can't catch up and perform like everyone wants me to. It drives me insane to not meet(preferably exceed) expectations.
I'm aware my perfectionism is causing me to create my own unhappiness. As DH said "it's just a job", even if I lost it I have solid skills and he makes enough I could stay home while I re-invent myself. It's not like the world is going to implode if I don't do my job 100% perfect.
I just don't know how to turn it off. It's such a deep seated part of my personality that it won't go away no matter how much I tell it to. If someone ever figures out how to silence the perfectionist gene I am going to sign up for that clinical trial!
Then my hormones are up/down due to pregnancy which isn't helping, I get panicky at the drop of a hat. While for the most part this pregnancy has been as textbook as the last one I haven't felt as well as I did with Gwen which is affecting my mood, my job and personal life.
Personal life wise I am pretty happy. Things quieted down significantly on the family drama front for the time being, my brother has a full time job so I don't have to constantly hear about him. DH's job is going really well and he has more time/energy to spend with us. Gwen can drive me crazy at times but watching her bloom into her own independent person is something I really enjoy even if I am ripping my hair out in frustration at the same time.
I'm excited for her to start pre-school, I am excited to meet Abigail in September. Hopefully by then all this work drama will be a distant memory.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 8:44:17 GMT -5
Ok, for a little book, I'm getting a lot of use out of it, but the Vonnegut commencement speech book I just read is actually entitled "If This Isn't Nice, What Is?"... he worked into most of his speeches how his uncle used to stop and say that every month or week or day or so... maybe it was just sipping lemonade, or watching a game, or anything... but the whole point is to slow down, be in the now and REALIZE when you are happy. Acknowledge it.
I worry that in the days of 'big events' where even a sale is a 'blowout', 'once in a lifetime' thing... that we are rewriting 'happy'... it goes hand in hand with rewriting things like childhood in my book... with the proliferation of DSM diagnoses.... If we aren't manically ecstatic and loving every minute of it, then somehow something is wrong with us.
I'm happy a lot. I'm content with myself. With life. There is joy in what I do, in the people around me, in my plants, in the sunshine... even in the rain if I look.
I agree with not dwelling, focusing on what I can and can not do, what is important and what is not... etc. Not that it isn't work some times, but I'm not sure why that is easier for some people than it seems to be for others. Seriously, no snark intended... I wish it were easier for everyone.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 18, 2014 8:53:24 GMT -5
I'm feeling very happy these last years. I really have a lot to be thankful for. I haven't liked my work life, but that's not surprising, and I've taken steps to make sure I could get out. When life hands me some difficulty, I try to think about it and work my way out of the situation. I'm fortunate because my health is pretty good, DD is doing better, I'm retiring, DH's cancer is gone, and our finances, personal lives, etc. are happy and in good order.
Right now is one of the best periods of my life. I also believe that I've been down so far at times in my life that I truly appreciate my blessings now. Being grateful for what you have is an important factor in happiness, I think.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 18, 2014 9:11:48 GMT -5
No... And while I know a few of the reasons why I'm not happy... I don't know specifically what things would make me happy.... Exactly how I feel. When asked how are you I am usually responding 'depends who are we comparing me to?'...and we usually laughing. I am feeling if I will complain I might get punished by super powers for being ungreatful for what I've got. However as my life goes it seems like I might going to broke down. Will see...if so happened you will see me on the news.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 18, 2014 9:13:02 GMT -5
I am. I feel useful and productive, I have people around me that I enjoy and I have the resources to do things I enjoy. My anti anxiety medication has balanced out my physiology so that is taken care of. I've had years of experience with not having any of that so I'm aware of how much I have to be grateful for. Gratitude contributes a lot to my serenity as well. Have you tried your meds with alcohol?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 9:16:25 GMT -5
Naz, I have heard that gratitude, being thankful, is a big part of being happy... you know, in the research into such thing
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jun 18, 2014 9:23:14 GMT -5
I'm always really jealous of people who say their natural disposition is toward happiness. I've always leaned more to the 'what more is there' side of life. Or, 'what could I be doing better'. I'm very hard on myself. I've always felt a bit unhappy, ever since puberty hit. My life is going pretty good right now. We have a few issues, but I can't even say that it's the bigger issues that make me feel unhappy day to day. It's the little things that I tend to dwell on.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 9:32:01 GMT -5
It may be natural, but maybe it could also be learned? ... I was just thinking more about the gratitude/happiness thing, because research does suggest there is a significant link, and it makes sense that the more time you spend thankful for what is, the less time you spend worrying about 'what if' the more content you are in your moment.
It probably is a result of small habits. I'd guess I tend to them naturally, I think that is how my mother operates, so maybe its from her... but honestly, it could be that they are just ingrained in me as a coping mechanism?
But things like, If whenever I'm in a position that is an agnostic's equivalent of "Please God..." ... I ALWAYS make myself stop and list what I'm thankful for first... and the internal conversation is something like this "PLEASE... I mean, Thank you for .... blank, blank, blank, blank, etc.... and if you could lend a hand with ... or help me to deal with it better, I'd be grateful for that too...
But somehow, stopping the adamant, near visceral yearning of that PLEASE... and replacing it with Thanks You... I think its small habits like that which help me to be happy more often than not...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 10:09:59 GMT -5
I am. I feel useful and productive, I have people around me that I enjoy and I have the resources to do things I enjoy. My anti anxiety medication has balanced out my physiology so that is taken care of. I've had years of experience with not having any of that so I'm aware of how much I have to be grateful for. Gratitude contributes a lot to my serenity as well. Have you tried your meds with alcohol? LOL oh no. That would totally defeat the purpose.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 10:29:27 GMT -5
I have a lot of really shitty, depressing things going on in my life and a lot of wonderful ones too. So it's a toss up! I try not to let the bad bring me down, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. I'm pretty sure I was clinically depressed all last year and I do feel myself creeping out of it. Emerging from one of the worst winters ever has helped. Man, last year people that normally were happy go luckys were getting down in the dumps.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jun 18, 2014 10:37:23 GMT -5
Are you happy? Overall, I would say yes.
What is your definition of happiness? A strong spiritual grounding. Solid family relationships. Enough money to live comfortably. Good friend relationships. Good health.
What makes you happy?
Your family, your professional success, your bank account, your travel experience, your human experience, etc.? yes, new cars that start and run in all kinds of weather. Friends who have my back.
When and at what stage of life did you become happy? As each year passes I become more content. A couple of people who have interfered in my life can be troublesome. Adult bullies.
If you're not happy, why not? My DH had or has relationships that I do not approve of. That disrespect of my feelings tarnishes my happiness but I can set that aside now.
What do you feel you need to be happy? To feel secure in my marriage. To finish wrapping up my Dad's estate, which is long overdue.
I am grateful and thankful for my abundance in all areas. I am grateful for overcoming life's obstacles, challenges and strength of convictions. Amen.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 18, 2014 10:41:00 GMT -5
that seems a pretty extreme reaction to a book that is merely a theory of what may be
I don't take anything Richard Dawkins writes seriously. The Selfish Gene was written in 1976 and has long since been debunked. I am surprised it would cause someone to spiral into a depression for 10 years.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jun 18, 2014 10:45:56 GMT -5
It may be natural, but maybe it could also be learned? ... I was just thinking more about the gratitude/happiness thing, because research does suggest there is a significant link, and it makes sense that the more time you spend thankful for what is, the less time you spend worrying about 'what if' the more content you are in your moment.
It probably is a result of small habits. I'd guess I tend to them naturally, I think that is how my mother operates, so maybe its from her... but honestly, it could be that they are just ingrained in me as a coping mechanism?
But things like, If whenever I'm in a position that is an agnostic's equivalent of "Please God..." ... I ALWAYS make myself stop and list what I'm thankful for first... and the internal conversation is something like this "PLEASE... I mean, Thank you for .... blank, blank, blank, blank, etc.... and if you could lend a hand with ... or help me to deal with it better, I'd be grateful for that too...
But somehow, stopping the adamant, near visceral yearning of that PLEASE... and replacing it with Thanks You... I think its small habits like that which help me to be happy more often than not... Perhaps it could be learned. The pessimist in me is thinking, 'Of course it's my fault I'm not happy, I never do anything right!" I really need to work on that.
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