Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2014 20:01:34 GMT -5
I've told GW I have no problem spoiling her, but I won't spoil her rotten. The minute I see an ungrateful attitude it will all disappear. Once or twice I have had to give her a little taste of things stopping for a bit. She got the message. At one point she was trying to get me to get her a newer, upgraded cell phone. She did so by complaining about the phone she had, it's deficiencies and calling it a ghetto phone. She has bought her own phone and I will never buy her another one. She hasn't been disrespectful about anything else I have given her.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 28, 2014 21:01:39 GMT -5
We have no problems spoiling the kids where it matters to us.
Like others, we have chosen to not emphasize material possessions, but we do spoil with experiences. We are also fortunate that we can give our kids the time they want from us, too. It works for our family.
I'm fortunate so far that my kids don't ask for the moon. Course, they aren't teens yet either. They do not whine/complain that they are have nots when compared to most of their peers at school.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 28, 2014 21:13:30 GMT -5
I don't know how I feel about kids and cell phones. I can see the convenience if the kids are staying late after school and doing activities and out with friends and the like, so I might consider a cell phone when they were old enough to do those types of things. But I wouldn't get a cell phone for a elementary school aged kid. And even then, I'd probably only get the standard free phone that came with the plan. No expensive upgrades. Yes, I felt the same way. But when you have one parent getting kids to two different activities, and the child at one needs to get a hold of you, it's not like the child can take his quarter and pop it in the pay phone. DS also may be walking to one of his activities by himself. I would prefer he be able to contact us if need be without having to rely on the kindess of other parents. DS just got his pre-paid phone when he turned 10. He knows the rules. We've given him enough rope that he can hang himself if he chooses. I'd rather he learn his lessons/responsibilty now than when he's 17 and someone is trying convict him of possession of child p@rn because he has pics of a nekkid girl on his phone.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on May 28, 2014 21:27:24 GMT -5
If it's your uncle's brother, isn't it just another uncle who has a child who is disabled? Why would you say it like that? Seriously, I'm just curious. Or am I missing something? It's not me, but I would imagine it's her mother's sister's husband's brother, so no relation. Anyway, that's one way it could work. I had to draw a picture, but I get it now. Maybe in North America it's no relation, but in my culture it would still be an uncle to me.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 28, 2014 21:59:19 GMT -5
I find the issues of TV/Computers/tablets/phone a more complex decision than just afford vs. not afford. I guess I could afford for us to have a tv and computer for every person in the house, but I don't because I don't want my kids disappearing into their rooms with total access to TV, cable and internet. That is a behavioral thing, not a money thing. I am sure I spoil them - but probably not in the same way others spoil their children, so no one seems to notice.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 29, 2014 6:56:46 GMT -5
No, my aunt is my blood aunt. He is my uncle by marriage. So his brother is no real relation. I know him but not like I know my uncle. My family tends to glom onto families of those that marry into mine. My other uncle by marriage to my aunt, my cousins and I stole his parents and added them to our collection. I had great times at his place. Grandpa and grandma Hadley. They had crops and she fed the migrant workers lunch. He taught me to eat spinach with white vinegar and Brussels sprouts. Great times!!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 29, 2014 7:09:38 GMT -5
That is a tough thing to consider milee. A manager I work with found out a bit ago that his son would require hip surgery. His whole summer is basically shot. He'll be in a wheelchair for a month and so on.
Since his summer pre surgery was a whole 8 days, his parents planned a summer vacation. They picked him up after his last day of school and took him straight to the airport. They went to Anaheim to Disney and some Angels baseball games. I was talking to that manager yesterday and he said his son felt like it was a dream, he was blown away by the trip. I thought it was a great surprise for the kid. He's got a tough road ahead of him starting with the surgery today.
I think you can do nice things for your kids without them being spoiled, whiney brats.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 29, 2014 7:41:55 GMT -5
If my kids were turds or ungrateful, I'd not give them diddly squat.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2014 7:52:05 GMT -5
And then I take away the things they already have.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on May 29, 2014 8:28:19 GMT -5
I don't know how I feel about kids and cell phones. I can see the convenience if the kids are staying late after school and doing activities and out with friends and the like, so I might consider a cell phone when they were old enough to do those types of things. But I wouldn't get a cell phone for a elementary school aged kid. And even then, I'd probably only get the standard free phone that came with the plan. No expensive upgrades. Not fully caught up but I wanted to comment on this.
DS got his first cell phone when he was 5. Crazy young I know. We had a great plan through work and the phone itself was free. The monthly fee was $7 plus $0.10 per minute. He vary rarely used any minutes. We got it for him because his paternal grandparents wanted to start traveling with him. They picked him up on the last day of kindergarten and returned him 8 weeks later. He spent 8 weeks traveling across the country with them in their motorhome and going to different camper rallies. The cell phone ensured that if at any time he was sad or lonely or missed us or whatever that he could call us at anytime.
It kind of morphed from there and for the most part he never really used it much until like 4th grade. We lived like two blocks from the school and didn't have a home phone (thanks to our stalker calling repeatedly and leaving harassing messages). So he'd call as soon as he got home from school.
Now he's 16 and has had an iPhone for 3 or 4 years now. He's never broken it, lost it or dropped it in water. He texts me during the day with updates and questions. I let him know if I'm going to be late picking him up or what have you.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on May 29, 2014 9:12:47 GMT -5
My kids have been provided everything they need, and most things they want. So I do spoil them, but they don't expect anything. We never had a problem with them demanding things at the store when they were younger, overall they are happy with what they get.
I treat them like my dad treated me, no allowance, but if you want something, just ask and we can decide together if it's worth it.
Both kids (13&16) have cell phones, the younger one will get a smart phone this summer before high school. The teachers actually allow their use in class. The oldest was given a pretty good car when he turned 16, and has a laptop that he needs in high school. They have a gaming system, tablets, and their own tv (but not in their rooms).
Fortunately they do not care about cloths, the latest fashion, or what kind of shoes they wear. My biggest expense is food, but I guess that's not spoiling them, they need to eat.
Someone questioned the need for phones. I find it hard to keep track of them without phones/texts. My wife and I both work full time, and the easiest way to know what's going on is to text them. They also text to let me know what they need, where they are, and where they will be. I can't imagine having teenagers these days without some form of contact with them. I believe cell phones make our lives much easier.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on May 29, 2014 9:23:20 GMT -5
Someone questioned the need for phones. I find it hard to keep track of them without phones/texts. My wife and I both work full time, and the easiest way to know what's going on is to text them. They also text to let me know what they need, where they are, and where they will be. I can't imagine having teenagers these days without some form of contact with them. I believe cell phones make our lives much easier.
Sample texts I get during the day for the kid:
- GAPP meeting today until 10pm. Going out for a group dinner, can you drop off some money after school please? (texted when I got to school during his independent study so he walked out to meet me) texted that evening to let me know that Colt would drive him to and from the group dinner and he didn't need me to shuttle him around. Texted at 10pm to tell me they were done and ask for a ride.
- Can G come over today at 5:30 to work on our German project?
- Can we give J a ride to the meeting after school today? It's at East (DS and J attend West so the meeting was across town)
- Me to him- pick up your pass from the office. Need to pick you up at 1:45 for the dentist.
I couldn't imagine going back to him not having a cell phone. His having one makes life much much easier. Not to be morbid but whenever there's a school tragedy in the news or something like that I want to be able to hear from the Boy and know that he's ok.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on May 29, 2014 9:32:21 GMT -5
I've told GW I have no problem spoiling her, but I won't spoil her rotten. The minute I see an ungrateful attitude it will all disappear. Once or twice I have had to give her a little taste of things stopping for a bit. She got the message. At one point she was trying to get me to get her a newer, upgraded cell phone. She did so by complaining about the phone she had, it's deficiencies and calling it a ghetto phone. She has bought her own phone and I will never buy her another one. She hasn't been disrespectful about anything else I have given her. Spoiling isn't about buying things it is about teaching respect. I have seen kids with a lot who are not spoiled and kids with little who are spoiled.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on May 29, 2014 10:46:57 GMT -5
anne81- the way I figured it - the $7 a month cell phone was cheaper than lo-jack. I'm pretty much a worry wart and knowing that in a pinch he'd be able to contact me gave me a lot of piece of mind.
** DH told the Boy he had to text or email me every 2 days while in Germany because if by the 3rd day I don't hear from him my ass will be at the airport. He was only about half kidding. I have an active imagination and tend to go to worst case scenario. DS has vowed to text or email every other day so I know he's ok. I can totally see him spacing out but fortunately his host family is on FB so I can check in with them too
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on May 29, 2014 13:09:23 GMT -5
I agree about the convenience of everyone having a cell phone. We don't have landline and haven't since about 2005ish.
The tvs in the bedroom, to me, isn't about spoiling but about how one wants the family to function. I completely understand drama not wanting to watch another episode of whatever.
Electronics have become such an integral part of our society, it is more difficult for us as a family for the kids to not have access to computers. They can't get their school work done if we only have one computer.
my 16 yo is becoming quite entitled though, and we are working diligently to counteract that. I'm paying $3k for summer camps this year. Some might perceive that as me soiling my kids, but I can provide these opportunities. For the past four years, Wt live in a rural, financially depressed area by choice and I want my kids to remember and understand that poverty is not the norm. They need to see how the rest of the world works.
Im similiar to milee as in I don't buy the latest clothes/fads. We prefer experience of theatre and trios.
Our dilemma is that because of where we choose to live, my kids present as rich kids. If we lived anywhere else, we're just middle class.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on May 29, 2014 17:07:36 GMT -5
Our dilemma is that because of where we choose to live, my kids present as rich kids. If we lived anywhere else, we're just middle class. That is us.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 29, 2014 21:42:38 GMT -5
Our dilemma is that because of where we choose to live, my kids present as rich kids. If we lived anywhere else, we're just middle class. I find this interesting. We are just the opposite. Because of where we send our kids to school, we present as poor. For most other situations, we present as middle class folks.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2014 22:43:18 GMT -5
My son has had a cell phone since he was 9. That's when he started being home alone for stretches and we have no landline. He just has a cheapo tracphone that costs me about $100/year. He turns 12 this summer and I'm thinking about going together on a Ting account with him and his Dad will give him his old iphone 4s. I think I would end up paying about the same for two phones with Ting as I do for one with Sprint now and I can control his data useage. I'm not worried about him going crazy with texts or minutes, he hardly uses any.
I'm pretty strict about electronics in his room though. If he had game consoles and a TV in there he'd lock himself away and never come out and I want to force him to interact some. I don't even let him take his ipod to his room at night, he has to leave it in the kitchen before going downstairs. But, he has an Xbox, a PS3 (well did...it seems to be on the fritz), a Wii, a DS, an ipod, a computer...just has to use them in the common areas.
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