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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 14:11:47 GMT -5
He's 3 right? That was a tough year for us. My DS just turned 4 and one thing I tell him sometimes when he gets upset about something is that he needs to learn how to be more flexible. Well one time when I asked him recently to please not do x he turned around and said "You need to be more flexible". He'll be 4 in a few weeks. I sure hope things get better. He was fine in the "terrible twos". About half time he's great, but he just goes off the deep end sometimes. Like last night. He wanted ice cream after our walk. I said he could have some, but he'd have to clean up the toys on the porch first. So, then he got mad and gave me his standard "FINE, I'LL THROW THEM ALL AWAY!" I gave him my standard reply, "fine, as long as they're picked up". He promptly picked one up and chucked it at his brother. Sooooo...then he gets sent to his room, he screams, he cries, 15 minutes later he comes out asking for ice cream. I mention the toys, he falls on the floor and says his leg is broke. I send him back to his room. More toys fly. A while later I go in to check on him because it's way too quiet. He's fallen asleep. This morning I wake up to him standing by my bed all pouting wondering why he could never have ice cream. I am just not going to buy ice cream anymore.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on May 22, 2014 14:17:55 GMT -5
LOL, that's an exact situation where I'd tell him he needs to be flexible about the timing of his ice cream. I honestly think for DS a lot of his meltdowns have to do with being tired. They often happen in the evening and he stopped napping shortly after he turned 3 (unless he falls asleep in the car on a rare occasion). We can only hope the silly meltdowns stop at some point right?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 22, 2014 14:18:42 GMT -5
I've done that too MPL - stopped buying ice cream. Some days it just isn't woth the fuss.
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 14:22:32 GMT -5
Yeah, ironically the only one in our house that could use the extra weight is him! LOL
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 22, 2014 14:22:54 GMT -5
My three year old is the same way. I figure she's wanting to test us and also to assert control/independence. So I pick my battles. Wearing pajamas to daycare isn't going to kill anyone, it isn't worth the 35 minute tantrum that results, I need to go to work. Affording her that independence/control makes everyone happier. Now last night she was being a brat because I wouldn't get up and do what she wanted me to do. It wasn't urgent so I said no. She kept trying to close the computer on my fingers. I warned her the longer she kept it up the longer it'd be before I'd give her what she wanted. Eventually she stopped and wandered off. She got what she wanted when I decided I was finished. I don't think my kid needs "punished" every time she gives me an attitude, especially at 3 years old. Sometimes its far more productive to figure out the reason for the snark and solve it. I've just been surprised because nobody warned me that I'd have a "three-nager" (stole that from someone over on WIR). I thought I had at least another 13 years before the attitude showed up.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 22, 2014 14:27:22 GMT -5
He's 3 right? That was a tough year for us. My DS just turned 4 and one thing I tell him sometimes when he gets upset about something is that he needs to learn how to be more flexible. Well one time when I asked him recently to please not do x he turned around and said "You need to be more flexible". He'll be 4 in a few weeks. I sure hope things get better. He was fine in the "terrible twos". About half time he's great, but he just goes off the deep end sometimes. Like last night. He wanted ice cream after our walk. I said he could have some, but he'd have to clean up the toys on the porch first. So, then he got mad and gave me his standard "FINE, I'LL THROW THEM ALL AWAY!" I gave him my standard reply, "fine, as long as they're picked up". He promptly picked one up and chucked it at his brother. Sooooo...then he gets sent to his room, he screams, he cries, 15 minutes later he comes out asking for ice cream. I mention the toys, he falls on the floor and says his leg is broke. I send him back to his room. More toys fly. A while later I go in to check on him because it's way too quiet. He's fallen asleep. This morning I wake up to him standing by my bed all pouting wondering why he could never have ice cream. I am just not going to buy ice cream anymore. damn. that sounds like an interaction with DD.
However, at school, a request to pick up is met with a big smile and a "yes, ma'am." And she will do it without a peep.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 22, 2014 14:31:20 GMT -5
However, at school, a request to pick up is met with a big smile and a "yes, ma'am." And she will do it without a peep. That's my kid at daycare! I was watching her pick up at daycare and I asked them how on earth do you get her to do that? She throws herself on the floor screaming for me to do it at home.
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 14:36:17 GMT -5
Yeah, my kid can be just as big a pooper at daycare. But he's been with the same daycare lady since he was 3 months old and she's kind of up there in second Mom status. Now with Grandma, he's an angel, but of course Grandma caters to his every whim.
(What is that that Bill Cosby used to say? "These are not my parents, these are just old people trying to get into heaven now")
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on May 22, 2014 14:46:46 GMT -5
DD is starting to act up with her babysitter and my mom too. Both shut it down quick by putting her in time out, but that never works for me. Time out, spankings, etc. Nothing fazes her. All DH has to do is tell her once to stop and she's a perfect angel. WTH? The drama and attitude are about to do me in. Putting herself in time out so that SHE is in control of when she goes, telling me that she really does want to be a bad person when she grows up (because we told her that mommy & daddy correct her behavior to help her learn how to be a good person), down to daring me to spank her (after she's in bed because she wants us to come back into the room). I have found that putting toys in time out is a big punishment for her - especially her ponies. And having a reward chart for good behavior seems to work as well. I may have to buy an ice cream cone every Friday for the rest of her life but if it keeps her on-track during the week then I am all for it.
And of course when we take her out in public she is generally a perfect little angel. Makes me want to just live at Target or church so that she keeps behaving.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 22, 2014 14:48:30 GMT -5
DD is starting to act up with her babysitter and my mom too. Both shut it down quick by putting her in time out, but that never works for me. Time out, spankings, etc. Nothing fazes her. All DH has to do is tell her once to stop and she's a perfect angel. WTH? The drama and attitude are about to do me in. Putting herself in time out so that SHE is in control of when she goes, telling me that she really does want to be a bad person when she grows up (because we told her that mommy & daddy correct her behavior to help her learn how to be a good person), down to daring me to spank her (after she's in bed because she wants us to come back into the room). I have found that putting toys in time out is a big punishment for her - especially her ponies. And having a reward chart for good behavior seems to work as well. I may have to buy an ice cream cone every Friday for the rest of her life but if it keeps her on-track during the week then I am all for it. And of course when we take her out in public she is generally a perfect little angel. Makes me want to just live at Target or church so that she keeps behaving. I recently took away ALL of DD's dolls.
Her attitude has changed immensely.
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 14:52:58 GMT -5
My son puts himself in time out too. Drives me crazy. It's like he's basically telling me "screw you, I'd rather just sit in the corner than do what you ask me to".
I need to purge toys big time. They're a constant source of stress because he has so many. Older son had very few, but younger son's Dad has "issues" with buying stuff for him.
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Nazgul Girl
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Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
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Post by Nazgul Girl on May 22, 2014 16:10:20 GMT -5
These stories are superb and bring back so many memories. I am bragging about my kid because she is paying off her own student loans. That's a significantly good quality to have in one's kid.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 23, 2014 11:34:43 GMT -5
I am almost ashamed that I have no understanding HOW is that parents let their small children to be disrespectful, mean, rude, obnoxious, and generally a pain at home?
And it seems like you, parents are all so merry about it making jokes and all. I am seriously concerned. Why is this ok for you people to have disrespectful, mean, rude, obnoxious children? Small children!!! not adapted teens...your own small children!!! I punish my kids when they're disrespectful, but it seems they test that...Every. Single. Day. Mostly the younger one. I'm hoping it's just figuring out where he stands and he'll outgrow it. MNP, maybe you are just punishing them in a wrong way? The way they don't get... Can you give me an example of punishment performed after disrespectful behavior?
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2014 11:42:30 GMT -5
What works for one kid doesn't work for ALL kids. I don't see what her giving examples to you is going to do, since your DD has been perfectly behaved her entire life.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 23, 2014 11:44:31 GMT -5
I have found the only thing that reliably works for my daughter is public humiliation. When her behavior is particularly atrocious, I take a video of it and show it to her teacher.
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2014 11:48:33 GMT -5
DD was the same way, swamp! She's older now so we don't use those tactics anymore. She has been a hard nut to crack because her currency changes. Right now she's into Pokemon so we take her cards and books away. She also likes to draw but I always feel weird taking away her art supplies. But I do what I gotta do!
DS is easy because we just threaten to take away his video game time.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 23, 2014 12:12:26 GMT -5
What works for one kid doesn't work for ALL kids. I don't see what her giving examples to you is going to do, since your DD has been perfectly behaved her entire life. How about Ill talk to her about it?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 23, 2014 12:14:26 GMT -5
I have found the only thing that reliably works for my daughter is public humiliation. When her behavior is particularly atrocious, I take a video of it and show it to her teacher. How can you catch THAT? When DD was crying I've tried to drag her to the mirror to show her how not pretty she is when she is crying. Never could make it to the mirror. Smiley pretty face was back!
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2014 12:15:26 GMT -5
I just don't know what kind of advice you can give to someone if you have no experience with an obstinate child.
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2014 12:55:40 GMT -5
I punish my kids when they're disrespectful, but it seems they test that...Every. Single. Day. Mostly the younger one. I'm hoping it's just figuring out where he stands and he'll outgrow it. MNP, maybe you are just punishing them in a wrong way? The way they don't get... Can you give me an example of punishment performed after disrespectful behavior? Well, I gave an example in post 31. My older son responded well to anything, he was all about pleasing and could gather himself together quickly if he got derailed. Younger one is a different animal.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 26, 2014 13:00:24 GMT -5
Well, I am not an expert by any means. However I think I will just tell you how I would handle this. Every time kid is sent 'to the room' - he is there in the room alone, frustrated and throwing toys around. What does this 'time out' teaches him? Nothing. IMO. Just to throw enough tantrum while he is so exhausted that he falls asleep. Next day waking up he is still not satisfied because he remembers he didn't get his way... and he still doesn't know why!!!
I've used to grab my child, sat her on my lap and start crying with her. She was shocked. Every time I had started to cry she was disarmed. I would start telling her how much mommy loves her and how much mommy knows because I am older. And how she can not see that mommy only does whats best and sometimes that best is not what she wants. I think after a few sentences small child is already hugging your neck and doesn't give a damn about ice cream or anything. I was very creative in all these story telling and she was very responsive. By the time I was done speaking, crying etc. I had a wet noodle I can do anything with vs that little evil 10 times ago little monster who was banging her head against the wall.
And how many times this theatre continued? Until she sucked that up that mommy is a real person who loves her baby and will do anything for her angel, however there are times when she can't permit things. And those times we need to embrace.
I am not saying my way is the way but it worked and I am saying one thing only - do not live your kids alone with themselves
when they need you. Do not punish them by distancing them from you. Wrap your hands around them and be volnurable. There is nothing wrong with that. Lately your child will remember that you are flesh and blood real thing and not just a 'punishment creater'.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2014 11:06:25 GMT -5
I have a kid brag. My 11 year old just completed all the requirements to advance two ranks in the Boy Scouts. He spent over an hour getting grilled in the Scoutmaster conference last night, now he just has the board of review tomorrow night and he will be awarded 2nd class and 1st class next week at the court of honor. He was SO proud of himself. He ran to hug his Dad and called his Grandpa up after the conference was over. He worked really hard on it. Besides meeting all the skills requirements he camped out 24 nights in the past year (some in subzero weather) and worked on four Eagle service projects with older scouts.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 28, 2014 11:08:35 GMT -5
Woohoo! Does K losing her 3rd tooth count as a brag?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 28, 2014 11:10:25 GMT -5
I have a kid brag. My 11 year old just completed all the requirements to advance two ranks in the Boy Scouts. He spent over an hour getting grilled in the Scoutmaster conference last night, now he just has the board of review tomorrow night and he will be awarded 2nd class and 1st class next week at the court of honor. He was SO proud of himself. He ran to hug his Dad and called his Grandpa up after the conference was over. He worked really hard on it. Besides meeting all the skills requirements he camped out 24 nights in the past year (some in subzero weather) and worked on four Eagle service projects with older scouts. Woo Hooo!
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