What Should DS Tell Potential Employers?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My mom and I actually managed to have a frank conversation about my brother. I told her I am not having him show up on my doorstep or planning to give him money if something happens to you guys, it's not my job to support him.

There's not going to be anything left from their estate, in fact I expect a shit load of headaches to arrive when they die. I refuse to add my brother to the headache list.

Now that she knows my stance I am trying to "let it go". I can't make them cut him off but I can make it clear that I am not being sucked into this mess.

[greeniis10]

Drama, off topic (and just a quick question so that I don't derail Shasta's thread), but did your brother get a job using his CDL?  Just curious as to how that is working out, because there are a few entry-level jobs in different industries here that will sponsor you and pay for your CDL.  That's how my youngest DS got a CDL when he was only 18.  May be an option for Shasta's son if he's willing to do what it takes to pass a drug test.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nope, just like everything else he didn't commit to it. He completed the program but washed out of the internship and hasn't applied for anything local that would use a CDL. I believe it's going to expire soon if he doesn't use it.

Not touching that subject with a ten foot pole.

OTR trucking is definitely something I'd recommend the OP's son investigate, especially if he has troubles dealing with people and handling authority. If he's the loner type he might take very well to being on the road for months at a time.

On the downside if he has drug issues this might not be the best idea, A LOT of OTR drivers are hooked on various substances to keep them awake and then to sleep after the buzz wears off.

[greeniis10]

Oh, no!  Well, I'm sorry then.  I really thought he'd do something with it.  Not sure how it is elsewhere, but here I think my DS has to renew his every year to keep it active.

Yes, you're right about possibility of drug issues.  OTR trucking is a tough life!  However, here you can get a job with the local garbage companies as a helper on the back of the truck and eventually train to get a CDL.  Or, a large beer distributor here is the same way: start in the warehouse or as a driver-helper and work on getting a CDL. 

[The Captain]

No reputable OTR company would hire someone for a driver who has drugs in his system.  Simply not happening as it's way too much of a liability risk.

[zibazinski]

Well, what do you expect? There's drugs all around him and he can get a doctors note just by paying for one. His life has been shit, it's no wonder he's messed up. I'm amazed he graduated from HS even. He needs to get out into the real world and start living. I feel for him, I really do. He has zero coping skills to make it in the real world. 

[buystoys]

Shasta, you said he's a good cook.  Does he enjoy cooking?  If so, I'd encourage him to look for a dishwasher and prep cook job in a regular restaurant rather than the McJob only because he could have some opportunities to work up the ladder without as much customer face time.  Should that be an area he's happy in, then maybe consider a reasonably priced culinary school down the road?

I truly hope things work out for him AND for you.  I admire your stance on not accepting his issues and PLEASE continue to toe that line!  It's a much more difficult position than many people can hold for a lengthy period of time.

[JustLurkin]

May 21, 2014 16:43:07 GMT -5 buystoys said:

Shasta, you said he's a good cook.  Does he enjoy cooking?  If so, I'd encourage him to look for a dishwasher and prep cook job in a regular restaurant rather than the McJob only because he could have some opportunities to work up the ladder without as much customer face time.  Should that be an area he's happy in, then maybe consider a reasonably priced culinary school down the road?

I truly hope things work out for him AND for you.  I admire your stance on not accepting his issues and PLEASE continue to toe that line!  It's a much more difficult position than many people can hold for a lengthy period of time.

 so much!

I watch a lot of cooking shows, and it's mind blowing how many of the chefs say cooking literally saved their lives.

Is there a job corps in your area?  www.jobcorps.gov  They use they kitchens at my local community college--my son takes cooking classes.

[Sharon]

I know someone who started working in restaurants in high school and now owns his own restaurant.  Not sure if he even graduated high school.  He is a great cook and learned from the chefs he worked with.

[Peace Of Mind]

What Should DS Tell Potential Employers?

They better watch out or he'll have their job! 

What Kittensaver said on page one. 

[Deleted]

Do you use NAMI resources to help you understand how to deal with your son? I agree with creating independence in children or young adults but there are different mechanisms for dealing with mental health issues, especially if the person is non-compliant with medications (not uncommon). 

I am glad you are getting your life together and making yourself a stronger person.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

No reputable OTR company would hire someone for a driver who has drugs in his system

Depends. A lot of truckers take Adderall to stay awake so they can drive all night. Adderall is perfectly legal.

Then every drug clears differently. DH had co-workers who snorted cocaine, in the break room! Yet they never got caught because coke clears your system in 24 hours. Since drug testing was off site they gave advance notice. All the guys had to do was wait to snort till after the test and they passed.

Meanwhile if you smoked pot on Saturday it's still in your system Monday.

Not saying it's okay to smoke pot, if it's an offense, it is an offense. It just boggled my mind that people could do hard core drugs at work and get away with it simply by timing when you imbibe.

[midjd]

I've posted this before, but when DH worked in a steel foundry, several of his coworkers regularly snorted OxyContin while driving heavy equipment. They all had an Rx, so even though the amount in their system at any given time was 10x the prescribed dose, and even though they would get out of their trucks with white crud caked around their nostrils, it was A-OK, because it was from a doctor!

I was never so glad as when he quit that job. The money was good, but there were so many close calls that I knew it was just a matter of time before some idiot ran him into a pool of molten steel.

But pot is still bad, even in the states where it's legal. The cooking suggestion is a good one. Most of the chefs I've known (even more of the average line cooks) have liked to dabble in green. I'm guessing it's not a highly drug-tested profession.

[truthbound]

The truth.

[raeoflyte]

I always suggest the family owned/operated restaurant for a first job.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

[Nazgul Girl]

   Shasta, I know that it would be hard for you, but I think you need to get rid of the marijuana at your house.   He's addicted, or highly dependent on the stuff.   Marijuana stifles ambitions.   Obviously, getting high is easier than working on one's problems.   I think it's caused a lot of problems for you and your family.   

   If he won't leave then it might be good for you to put the place up for sale, sell it, and move away.   He can do what he chooses.   But there is no need for you to continue to be the victim of his rants.   Just move on, move away, and let him figure it out for himself.

  Good luck.

[milee]

May 25, 2014 6:45:18 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

   Shasta, I know that it would be hard for you, but I think you need to get rid of the marijuana at your house.   He's addicted, or highly dependent on the stuff.   Marijuana stifles ambitions.   Obviously, getting high is easier than working on one's problems.   I think it's caused a lot of problems for you and your family.   

   

I agree with Nazgul.  There are a total of six of us siblings.  We all grew up in areas of Florida where any type of drug you want is readily available, use is open and for young blonde girls - free.  Three decided not to do drugs (although 2 of the 3 did try them) mainly because they wanted advanced college degrees and didn't want an arrest on their record or the problems associated with drug use keeping them out of the running for good colleges.  The other three started with being recreational users of alcohol and marijuana - at parties and with friends - and fairly quickly moved into using both regularly on most days.  No idea when physical/psychological dependency became a factor rather than choice, but addiction surely was a factor by the early to mid teen years. 

Of the three that chose not to use drugs as teens, all three have college degrees and 2 of the three are now in the top 1% of US earners.  The other one is a SAHM in a stable relationship.

Of the three that used drugs and regularly drank alcohol as teens, none of the three went to college.  One of that group is possibly the most intelligent of all 6; she eventually cleaned up her addictions a bit and is currently finishing up a degree with a goal of eventually going back to grad school to be a physician's assistant.  (IMHO that would be a disaster as she has had multiple relapses back into both alcohol and drugs and her current drugs of choice are mainly prescription drugs...)  The other two are almost nonfunctional/nonsupporting and are completely dependent on a string of boyfriends and friends for support.  Both steal and trade other things for drugs, mainly prescription drugs.

Here's how I think their heavy use of marijuana as a teen helped push them down the Loser Path:

1)  It destroyed any ambition they had.  They had similar genetic intelligence and a similar background, so the potential for being self-supporting was there, but they were just so lazy, druggie and caught up in the druggie lifestyle they had no desire to do anything inconvenient like go to college or work.  

2)  It exposed them to the permanent loser underclass and changed their view of reality so that they perceived that underclass and scuzzbucket lifestyle was normal and acceptable. 

3)  It introduced them to the same people who later moved on - as did they - to worse and worse things.  Harder drugs (mostly RX), theft, "trading" for drugs, etc.  The people who use marijuana every day tended to hang around the other people who use marijuana every day and it's not exactly a peer group that's helpful for a kid or young adult. 

We're back in Florida now, so of course we know people who smoke pot.  But frankly I don't know any person who smokes pot every single day and still lives a lifestyle that I'd want for my kids (self-supporting, able to plan for the future, etc).  I do know people who are occasional users who are very successful and seem to be able to smoke pot and still have a life, but again they don't smoke pot every day.  I also know a few who are retired and no longer need to be self-supporting or do much planning and seem to do OK with smoking pot regularly, so maybe it works fine once you no longer have to think or plan long term.  Your son is a long way from being at the point where he no longer needs to think or plan long term, so I'd be worried about the daily pot use.

[Nazgul Girl]

  Yeah, I've known some young people who smoke the weed every day ( including my extremely intelligent nephew ), and it's always a lot of " I'm going back to school next semester " and " I lost my job/got speeding tickets/can't work " due to " bad luck/the cops/asshole boss/anxiety" or whatever.

  The nephew has an IQ of about 140, can charm the paint off the barn with his b.s., and has a record, owes $3k in tickets and fines, has no license, and works for a McJob for 2-3 weeks or months, gets high, gets angry, quits, and the cycle starts all over.

  He doesn't see any connection to pot, though.   Oh no.   Not his best friend pot.   Now he's down to living in a room with his best friend that they rent in a lady's house.   He was off for 2-3 months in between jobs, and is now working at McDonald's.    I hope this one lasts.   He's running out of low-wage jobs that he can walk to in the small town where he lives  .

  To me, if you're toking, you're not exactly smoking (hot ).   That just seems to be the way it goes.

[milee]

May 25, 2014 10:23:43 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

  Yeah, I've known some young people who smoke the weed every day ( including my extremely intelligent nephew ), and it's always a lot of " I'm going back to school next semester " and " I lost my job/got speeding tickets/can't work " due to " bad luck/the cops/asshole boss/anxiety" or whatever.

  The nephew has an IQ of about 140, can charm the paint off the barn with his b.s., and has a record, owes $3k in tickets and fines, has no license, and works for a McJob for 2-3 weeks or months, gets high, gets angry, quits, and the cycle starts all over.

 

Exactly.

There's always something stopping them. The dog ate their car keys.  Their tire is flat.  Their water heater broke and they don't have the money to fix it so can't take a shower so can't get to a job.  Someone stole their good interview shoes.  Their "anxiety" or other issues are acting up so they can't take the pressure of a job.  The sky is blue.

Until they get hungry or dirty enough to suck it up and find a job.  But after a few weeks their paycheck buys them some food and repairs the water heater.  They're comfy and the party cycle starts all over.