swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,618
|
Post by swamp on May 20, 2014 11:40:43 GMT -5
DS was at lacrosse practice yesterday and he told me another boy kept poking him with the stick and shoved him. I asked why he would do it and he swears he did not start it. DS is very gentle and not aggressive at all.
I asked what he did about it and he said nothing and walked away. The other kid kept it up.
After practice, DS started wandering around looking for the kid's mother to tell her, but couldn't find her. I have no idea who the kid is, or who the mom is.
I did not see this, nor did the coach, but there are 30 7 and 8 old boys running around a field all dressed the same, so I can't really tell what's going on.
I told DS to smack the other kid when he does it.
I'm not going to win parent of the year, am I?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 11:49:59 GMT -5
DS had some kid slap him across the face after scoring a touchdown in flag football (the other kid scored and my kid just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time). They're 8! It was pouring rain and just about dark so I missed the whole thing. The kids were walking off the field and DS started crying the minute he saw me so the coach told me everything. They kicked the other kid out of the game (whoo hoo...5 whole minutes early) and they gave my kid the game ball (which dried up the tears instantly). Honestly, IDK what I would have done if I had been on that end of the field when it happened. You mess with my family and I will cut you!
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 20, 2014 11:50:50 GMT -5
That makes 3 of us. K has soccer practice last night and I was laughing at her ineptitude. Grace is not ANY of our middle names....
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,141
|
Post by giramomma on May 20, 2014 12:02:27 GMT -5
DS doesn't like getting hit with anything, be they large boys in football or baseballs. A few weeks ago, he kept moving out of the batter's box during his LL game. I told him I wasn't going to pony up for Little League anymore (he wants to do spring and fall) if he wasn't going to take the hits.
I'm not sure we actually parent the littlest. Didn't think we were supposed to, being that she's the baby and all...
ETA: One of my most favorite things is to watch the kids play t-ball for the first time. I have a good laugh over the kids running bases in the wrong direction.
|
|
alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,147
|
Post by alabamagal on May 20, 2014 12:03:59 GMT -5
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,088
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 20, 2014 12:05:37 GMT -5
There was this brat who kept trying to take Gwen's club and would cover the holes in a little miniature golf course the Children's Museum had set up. Gwen was tolerant up to a point, then she finally whacked him upside the head with her club. I saw the whole thing and did nothing. Kid deserved it. If someone had asked she wasn't my kid.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 12:10:49 GMT -5
My son was being bullied in 6th grade. He was the ultimate nerd, but even he just snapped one day and punched the boy. He came home and told us about it, wondering what would happen. I taught there and ex-DH was the chairperson of the board so there was nothing we could do to help him. We told him he would most likely be suspended, but that was ok. Then my ex told him how proud he was of him for standing up for himself. Nothing else really will stop a bully. Ironically, the headmaster was in the hospital. When he got out a few weeks later, nothing was ever said about the incident. Years later the headmaster said he decided to ignore the whole thing. He didn't think my son had it in him and was impressed. Lol. You can share my trophy, Swamp. I think your advice was great.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on May 20, 2014 12:43:14 GMT -5
You mean children's band concerts, choir shows and plays aren't supposed to be comedies?
DD is going to need sooooo much counseling.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 12:49:49 GMT -5
Some kids are so mean! My son just stands there all confused and heartbroken when a kid just grabs whatever he has in his hand. What bugs me the most is the parents of these little $hits are never around!!!
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2014 12:52:05 GMT -5
If they were, they'd do nothing about it anyway. Survival of the fittest.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on May 20, 2014 12:56:37 GMT -5
I don't need to tell you my stance on hitting, right?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 13:04:32 GMT -5
What is it lena?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2014 13:04:59 GMT -5
I'm not much in favor of it but sometimes you don't want your kid to be a punching bag. It's the real world out there and they need to make it in it.
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on May 20, 2014 13:12:11 GMT -5
I have told my son the same thing. But I have added that he needs to accept the consequences of doing so. He's a big kid and if he hits someone, no matter who started it, he's going to be the one getting in trouble. I told him that he needs to defend himself when necessary, but that he may get in trouble if he does- so do it wisely. He's only done it once to a kid on the school bus who liked to pick on him. Kid stopped after that.
DS had an issue with that a couple years ago. He attended a clinic at one of the universities (with an awesome baseball team). The coach told the kids that they do batting practice a lot because everyone has an issue with having a ball hurled at you. The guy explained it really well and DS hasn't backed out since. I couldn't believe it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 13:14:55 GMT -5
I was absolutely tormented by this boy from Kindy until maybe 2nd or 3rd grade. Teachers and my Mom would tell me to just ignore him, but obviously that was useless. He would follow me home and throw rocks at me and call me names. One day he actually snuck up behind me and yanked my pants down. I snapped. I mean snapped. He had fallen on the ground laughing and I turned and stomped as hard as I could in the groin...more than once. Then I proceeded to kick him in the head several times. When I left he was rolling around on the ground holding his groin and his nose was bleeding.
That kid never bothered me again.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on May 20, 2014 13:16:00 GMT -5
It's quite simple - don't ever put your hands on anyone first, but if anyone hits you, hit them back. You also have every right to defend your brothers.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 13:19:09 GMT -5
I like it!
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on May 20, 2014 13:24:07 GMT -5
And!! I don't care what kind of names you are being called or if you were teased or whatever else- if you weren't touched, you don't touch the person. But if anyone touches you, you can hit back any way you want.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on May 20, 2014 13:24:19 GMT -5
My school system has a zero tolerance policy so if you do nothing but get punched, you're still getting suspended. So, I've always told my other two to not start it if they can help it, but they can finish it once it starts Never did sports, but my oldest is laid back and generally will just walk away snapped on a kid in the neighborhood one day. Kid had been on his case for weeks for nothing, just giving him crap. DS finally had enough and hit him. I missed the whole thing but it seems it ended up with DS on top, why else would the other kid's parents have been knocking on my door screaming at DH?
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on May 20, 2014 16:37:50 GMT -5
You mean children's band concerts, choir shows and plays aren't supposed to be comedies? They're definitely comedies. At least the ones you can stay awake for are. My older son had this fantastic, kind Montessori teacher who felt bad that every child didn't get a starring role for the play, so whenever she put on a play, the play would repeat 2 or 3 times on the same night so that different children could have a chance to star in the good roles. During the rotation of characters, they made a big deal about everybody staying in their seats so there was no way to gracefully sneak out. If you think watching a school play is torturous, try watching the same play 3 times in a row on the same night. Talk about being willing to gnaw off your own arm to escape...
The belt testing events and ceremonies for karate are always these excruciating 2-3 hour affairs where you have to sit quietly through the entire thing during which time your kid performs for a whole 2-3 minutes total. I've started to bring my Kindle and just read because otherwise I'd never make it through.
When my youngest was 6 and asked if he could join the baseball team, I just flat out said "no." I know my limits and there is no way in heck I'd be able to stay conscious and sane sitting 2-3 hours in the Florida sun twice a week during baseball practice and games. The teams play about 45 minutes from our house and school, so that's a total block of 3-4 hours each time... no way. Also, I know he really had no interest in actually playing baseball, just liked a friend on the team, and would be just as miserable as I was after one or two practices. He gets his (lack of) attention span from me.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on May 20, 2014 16:54:19 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 17:19:26 GMT -5
This is why I'm not ready to be a parent. I would bring a number for a taxi and a "water bottle". It's even easier now that it's en vogue to have a reusable water bottle so you can get one with colored sides. My mom used to do that 35 years ago. She'd show up at YMCA camp family night in a swim suit top with a margarita and two big German Shepherds (I'm pretty sure dogs weren't allowed and I know alcohol wasn't). Yes. I was embarrassed and/or traumatized many times growing up.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on May 20, 2014 17:20:46 GMT -5
Well at least your mom had an excuse for embarrassing/traumatizing you. My mom was sober so she has none.
|
|
Blonde Granny
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 15, 2013 8:27:13 GMT -5
Posts: 6,919
Today's Mood: Alone in the world
Location: Wandering Aimlessly
Mini-Profile Name Color: 28e619
Mini-Profile Text Color: 3a9900
|
Post by Blonde Granny on May 20, 2014 18:37:44 GMT -5
When our youngest grandson was in 2nd grade, there was an older boy who started bothering him and a couple of his friends on the playground at recess. Finally the older boy grabbed onto our GS arm.......well, since our GS had an older brother and an older sister, neither of them will take any crap off anyone, our grandson kicked the older boy in the balls. Problem solved.
The kid hasn't bother him since, and that was 2 years ago. Yes, our GS got into a little trouble, the principal, DIL and our son all tried very hard to keep a straight face while sitting in the school office.
My Dh says the only was to handle a bully is to fight back.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on May 21, 2014 10:51:10 GMT -5
So when DS was in like 1st grade he went to this community ed sponsored after school care that was held in the cafeteria after school. We paid like $150 a month for it. There were like 20 or so kids that did it. The kids went there after school, had a snack, did homework, crafts, playing on the playground, playing in the gym, etc. They could stay until 6pm but we usually picked DS up around 4:30.
We'd been having problems for a while and the college kids doing the after school care had some turnover and they were really just half assing it. Stopped doing crafts, stopped letting the kids play outside, etc.
One day my smart ass 1st grader is standing behind the biggest 5th grade girl I have ever seen (pretty sure she was like 5'7"). She bent down to tie her shoe and my kid starts singing "I see London, I see France I see Susie's...." Before he can get to underpants she turns around and decks him. Black eye and everything.
Apparently she had been bullying most of the kids for the entire school year and the "teachers" (college kids) were just ignoring it. I picked him up, noticed the red, swollen eye and it was obvious that DS had been crying. I asked the college kid what happen. She just shrugged and said 'I don't know'.
We walked down the hall to the principals office and she happened to still be in. She took one look at DS and instantly became concerned. She called the people at Community Ed and chewed them out big time. They next day they called and left like a 10 minute rambling apology voicemail. The college student was replaced and the Bully girl was kicked out because once the Principal questioned the other kids they all had stories about the girl bullying them and the College students ignoring them when they'd complain about the bullying.
I honestly don't know what I'd have done if Mrs. K hadn't stepped in and put her foot down.
I'm a Minnesotan and we are a super passive aggressive people. I'd probably have just muttered things about how unruly and rude some people's children are and hoped her parents got the hint. Or found a different after school option for DS.
|
|
teen persuasion
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:49 GMT -5
Posts: 4,161
Member is Online
|
Post by teen persuasion on May 21, 2014 12:09:49 GMT -5
You mean children's band concerts, choir shows and plays aren't supposed to be comedies? DD is going to need sooooo much counseling. Last weekend was the spring string festival - it is held at a college 75 miles away. The kids get their music a few weeks ahead, and are supposed to prepare. Four or five school districts send kids for Friday and Saturday, and the conductors have to whip the kids into a functioning orchestra in a day and a half, and then we attend the concert and take them home. When we arrived for the concert, DS4 informed us of how badly his orchestra (HS) would sound. The kids always think they are awful, and then the concert is pretty good, considering the age/skill level. Nope, he was right - they were bad, especially compared to the MS orchestra. The conductor even stopped in the middle of a piece! Discussing it later, it was clear that one of the school districts' kids didn't know how to read music, or even where the notes were on their instrument! Of course, this school was more than half his orchestra, but had smaller numbers in the other age levels. DS4 and his classmates were frustrated, since they could play it, but the conductor slowed everything down for the hopeless, to the point where you couldn't recognize the songs. His school orchestra members got together early to practice, and considered plotting to just play over the rest, ignore the conductor, stage a revolt. DH and I encouraged him!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:29:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 21, 2014 12:12:10 GMT -5
my fathers rule
dont start a fight
try to talk your way out of the jam
but....if attacked, you FINISH the fight
that is the same lesson i gave my kids....
bullies are everywhere.....once in a while, the only way to get their attention is a straight right to the nose
it works every time...
|
|
whoami
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 12:43:49 GMT -5
Posts: 1,292
|
Post by whoami on May 21, 2014 12:31:18 GMT -5
My kid slugged a kid in high school who had been bothering him for a while. I had addressed previously it with the school at some point when I was there for an IEP, but apparently nothing was done. DS ended up with a broken hand.
I was called to the school and had a little chat with the principal. No disciplinary action was taken by the school or me against my kid. The other kid never bothered him again.
|
|
bookkeeper
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 13:40:42 GMT -5
Posts: 1,783
|
Post by bookkeeper on May 22, 2014 7:37:05 GMT -5
Our younger son liked to participate in the spring soccer season. It was sponsored by the Optimist Club and just for fun.
One week the local paper came out and there was a front page picture of our son talking to another soccer player. We asked him what the two of them were talking about when they had their picture taken.
He explained that the other kid was being a jerk and kicking him in the shins every chance he got during the game. When the newspaper man was taking the photo, DS was explaining to the other kid that "someone as small as you should not be picking on someone as large as me."
DS is very passive, so he probably didn't inflict any personal injury to drive his point home. He always was one of the biggest boys in his class, so he didn't take much sh!t from anyone.
|
|
bookkeeper
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 13:40:42 GMT -5
Posts: 1,783
|
Post by bookkeeper on May 22, 2014 7:45:34 GMT -5
Another time DH and I were at a free concert. We had been there all day. 20 minutes before the final act is ready to start, this guy comes pushing through the crowd with a red wagon full of camera equipment, lawn chairs and a cooler as well as his family in tow. He sets up camp in the walkway directly in front of everyone who had been waiting all day for this vantage point. He upset nearly everyone in the area and I told him so.
DH comes back from the beer garden and wants to know what the trouble is. When I explain to DH how this guy is being a jerk, DH just smiles. For the next hour, wherever this guy wants to be, my 6'2" 300 pound husband is standing in front of him, blocking his view. The red wagon bully eventually gets tired of not seeing anything and leaves.
Sometimes you can fight the bullies without ever touching them. This of course works better when you are a mountain of a man.
|
|