I"m a spendaholic: It must stop here.

[moneymom]

Hi all,  This is my first post on WIR.  I hope this is the right place to post this.  

Here's some info about me and my family.

- Live in Cali - very HCOL
- Family of 4 - DH, I, 2 kids
- DH has a great job, but we recently learned they could possibly relocate out of state (edit:  if they relocate, it would take approx. 5 years for them to actually move.  It's a huge corporation.  
- I'm a SAHM
- Homeowner, no debt other than house (owe 450k, worth $600k) We hope it's our forever home
- Retirement:  DH is exactly where he should be, I'm a bit behind.
- E-Fund is good
- DH is 45 and plans to retire at 56
- I'm 41 and will eventually be back at work and don't mind working until a higher age

I've always felt like we've been doing fairly well financially.  But now I'm kind of getting in a panic mode about DH's job possibly relocating.  It's not a place we would want to consider relocating to (but would if it was our only option financially).  I'm also disappointed that although we have our e-fund fully funded and no other debt than our home, we never seem to really save anything additional.  We are those people who just seem to spend whatever comes in (after retirement contributions, bills, etc).  We haven't taken a decent vacation in many years and would like to start considering that we should as our ages are getting up there and our kids deserve the experiences.  

I think it would be ideal if I could get a job.  I haven't been trying and have been a SAHM for 1 year.  I never made good income.  With the kids and the cost of after school programs, part-time seems like the best option for me.  I generally make approx. $20k working part-time, maybe a bit less.  The thing is, I cannot imagine missing all my kids school events.  Our schools plan many shows and even open houses are during the work day.  I am terrified of obtaining a new job but then will miss our on important moments.  I currently volunteer approx. 5 days a week between coaching kids sports and volunteering in the classroom and library.  I love it but would likely have to quit if I get a job.  

Other options would be trying to invest our money better (DH's and my retirement and our E fund) and trying to become a better saver.  I'm just not sure what steps I need to get there.  I thought about hiring a financial advisor.  Our current investments seem to be doing well but I will admit to kind of blindly choosing them (including DH's retirement).  

I want to get to a point where we feel like we are saving, to prepare us if DH lost his job (due to relocation).  He could easily pick up some lower paying jobs but I'd have to step up and get a job myself for sure and we'd have to save better.  I want to set this foundation now.  Also, it was kind of a shocker to me when he told me he plans to retire at 56.  I had no idea.  However he's worked at the same position since he was 18 and worked his way up high and did so well for himself and deserves to retire early.  He has a pension too but we don't really know exactly how to calculate it.  I'm the one who handles 100% of our finances.  He makes the money but has zero desire to learn about how to handle it.  So I really need to make sure I"m doing what's best for our family.  

I guess this is a vent about me being a bit lost in our finances/future, but if anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it.  

EDIT:  Re-reading my post, I would not say I'm really a spendaholic.  I don't buy tons of unnecessary things.  But we have constantly needed remodels (kitchen remodel in our old house, now new one) and we bought 2 new cars not that long ago (paid cash) and I sign up the kids for lots of educational and recreational classes that really add up.  

[justme]

Do you have a budget? Sounds like you need one, even if it's just to see where all your money is currently going. Once you do that it may give you or about your spending habits. Since you want to keep doing all the things with your kids, I think I'd look at spending before getting a job (though maybe a work from home situation might help?).

Or, another option, I've found that setting up automatic savings withdrawals once the check hits your checking account makes the money disappear into savings and you never think of it. I actually have my direct deposit to put money in savings so I never see it even in my checking account. My parents were wondering what my take home was and I was basing it off what hits my checking account. I was confused because it was so low, took me a while to remember I'm sending a chunk of every paycheck directly to savings!

[dancinmama]

May 4, 2014 10:14:51 GMT -5 justme said:

Do you have a budget? Sounds like you need one, even if it's just to see where all your money is currently going. Once you do that it may give you or about your spending habits. Since you want to keep doing all the things with your kids, I think I'd look at spending before getting a job (though maybe a work from home situation might help?).

Or, another option, I've found that setting up automatic savings withdrawals once the check hits your checking account makes the money disappear into savings and you never think of it. I actually have my direct deposit to put money in savings so I never see it even in my checking account. My parents were wondering what my take home was and I was basing it off what hits my checking account. I was confused because it was so low, took me a while to remember I'm sending a chunk of every paycheck directly to savings!

Since the OP seems to find a way to spend everything that is available, this is a viable solution.  The problem will be to determine how much is reasonable. 

[lazysundays]

Dave Ramsey site has some printable budget sheets, otherwise, my new favorite software, per YM recommendation, is YNAB.

[dancinmama]

moneymom:  First I have to say congrats on your financial situation.  Being debt free besides your mortgage is unusual these days, so my hat's off to you!! 

If you are not tracking your spending, and from your post, it doesn't appear that you are, that is where I would start.  Track every penny and see where it is going.  I bet you'll be able to find areas where you can cut back and save without too much pain.  Then do as justme suggested and have than amount automatically direct deposited into a savings account so it never hits checking.

During his working years (DH retired at the same age your DH wants to and I was a SAHM) we were always pretty good savers.  Like you, we never had any debt besides our mortgage.  And similarly, but when we were younger, DH was faced with the prospect of a unwanted job relocation or worse, a layoff.  We took note and became more aggressive with our savings even though DH never was laid off and although we did eventually relocate, it was because we wanted to.

Due to your DH's "high" position, isn't it possible that he will be offered a relocation package?  Speaking from experience, a decent relo package removes the financial stress associated with a move.  DH's company paid for everything (and more); we were pleasantly surprised.  So if you haven't already, look into that as it may alleviate some of your panic associated with that possibility.

As far as general finances are concerned, the good thing is that you are well aware of where you stand.  All you have to do now is assess your options and make some choices (whether to work and how much, where to cut back on spending, and what to do with your savings, etc.).  

[Deleted]

They have suggested some tools for creating a budget above, so go forth and overcome that hurdle.

Once you have your budget done, you will see that you should have $X available that you can't figure out where it is going. Immediately open an internet bank account and auto-deposit that much money from DH's paycheck directly. Out of sight, out of mind.
The day you have to dip into that account to pay something you will know you have unaccounted spending going on.

I don't understand the statement about needing remodels. Do you mean that is where you leak money because you feel like you need a certain type of kitchen? Kitchen-Dining area set up can be central to your family time if you have a set up where kids do homework at the table while you are preparing dinner. If that is the case I actually think this is an important investment. But if your kids have desks in the bedrooms and the kitchen is just where you have to cook food, then it is probably not the place to make remodel investment. I assume that a full kitchen remodel is costing $25K or more each time.


I did an interesting exercise having to pull together all the repair and remodel expenses on my home over time. I have lived here a long time, but realizing that repairs, maintenance cost another 50% of the purchase price of the home was a little shocking. Hindsight being as perfect as it is, I just sat there for a few minutes saying 'OMG I spent $XXX on this house? I could have had that in my bank account instead' Once my breathing returned to normal and I annualized the costs it wasn't so bad, but talk about bleeding money!!! It's not a money pit, but houses cost a lot and are an easy place to funnel loose money because 

• It will make our life better/easier
• Its an investment
• Its "our home"

In retrospect I think I should have ignored the desire for updates (until right before sale if needed to match market value homes). I should have spent the money on more meaningful experiences with the kids.

[Deleted]

ok, I'm going to address the 'I won't have time to see my kids' stuff or volunteer' if I get a part-time job.  I was a single mom starting when my kids were 2, 5 and 7 (and single in that their father moved 4 hours away to where his parents were and my family was 4 hours away).  I managed to chair the elementary school ways and means committee, be part of the PTA, coach or be team mom for sports teams, volunteer for the swim team in the summer, attend most of their events, and hold down a full-time job.  The other thing is, does your DH get to do all that?  if not, why is it ok for him to miss out in order to support the family, but not you?

[Bonny]

moneymom,

I encourage you to post your income and your spending. There are some wonderful folks here and on YM that are very helpful with cost cutting and fine tuning.

I'm a native Californian (grew up in San Diego and have spent about 15 years in the SF Bay Area). I know how expensive it is to live here but have also relocated out of state (including overseas) three times for DH's work.

This will probably come across as a little harsh but I'd like you to re-read parts of your original post (OP):

We haven't taken a decent vacation in many years and would like to start considering that we should as our ages are getting up there and our kids deserve the experiences.

The thing is, I cannot imagine missing all my kids school events. Our schools plan many shows and even open houses are during the work day. I am terrified of obtaining a new job but then will miss our on important moments

Also, it was kind of a shocker to me when he told me he plans to retire at 56. I had no idea. However he's worked at the same position since he was 18 and worked his way up high and did so well for himself and deserves to retire early.

we have constantly needed remodels (kitchen remodel in our old house, now new one) and we bought 2 new cars not that long ago (paid cash) and I sign up the kids for lots of educational and recreational classes that really add up.

I've bolded the most obvious but do you see a theme? These aren't "needs" they are "wants". And in a high cost area it's easy to think with a nationally high salary that you "deserve" more than what you can actually afford.

On the positive side it looks like you recognize there's a problem and that you need to make some changes.

Have you read "The Millionaire Next Door"? It's one of my favorite financial books. It does a great job of explaining living below your means and lifestyle creep.

Before running out and getting a financial advisor I think it behooves you to do some investment reading. You might want to start out here:

notmsnmoney.proboards.com/thread/13247/recommended-investment-reading-list

You should be able to borrow the classics at your local library.

Welcome and good luck!

[Shooby]

Well said. A lot of money management has to do with how we talk to ourselves about money. I " deserve" vs I would like, etc.
l

[moneymom]

May 4, 2014 18:20:50 GMT -5 Bonny said:

moneymom,

I encourage you to post your income and your spending. There are some wonderful folks here and on YM that are very helpful with cost cutting and fine tuning.

I'm a native Californian (grew up in San Diego and have spent about 15 years in the SF Bay Area). I know how expensive it is to live here but have also relocated out of state (including overseas) three times for DH's work.

This will probably come across as a little harsh but I'd like you to re-read parts of your original post (OP):

We haven't taken a decent vacation in many years and would like to start considering that we should as our ages are getting up there and our kids deserve the experiences.

The thing is, I cannot imagine missing all my kids school events. Our schools plan many shows and even open houses are during the work day. I am terrified of obtaining a new job but then will miss our on important moments

Also, it was kind of a shocker to me when he told me he plans to retire at 56. I had no idea. However he's worked at the same position since he was 18 and worked his way up high and did so well for himself and deserves to retire early.

we have constantly needed remodels (kitchen remodel in our old house, now new one) and we bought 2 new cars not that long ago (paid cash) and I sign up the kids for lots of educational and recreational classes that really add up.

I've bolded the most obvious but do you see a theme? These aren't "needs" they are "wants". And in a high cost area it's easy to think with a nationally high salary that you "deserve" more than what you can actually afford.

On the positive side it looks like you recognize there's a problem and that you need to make some changes.

Have you read "The Millionaire Next Door"? It's one of my favorite financial books. It does a great job of explaining living below your means and lifestyle creep.

Before running out and getting a financial advisor I think it behooves you to do some investment reading. You might want to start out here:

notmsnmoney.proboards.com/thread/13247/recommended-investment-reading-list

You should be able to borrow the classics at your local library.

Welcome and good luck!

This is all so true.  I think what I meant by "deserve" is that those items deserve to be a priority versus some crap I'm spending money on.  If we don't have the money for anything, we obviously won't spend it.  I'm completely against debt, in fact, at times I want to try to pay the house down, but at 3.8%, I just keep hearing how that is not wise.  

I will definitely pick up a copy of the millionaire next door.  I've been hearing so much about it and it's a topic I'd love to read about.  Thanks for the recommendation.

And I will come back and post budget as soon as I figure out where it's all going 

[moneymom]

May 4, 2014 11:49:12 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

ok, I'm going to address the 'I won't have time to see my kids' stuff or volunteer' if I get a part-time job.  I was a single mom starting when my kids were 2, 5 and 7 (and single in that their father moved 4 hours away to where his parents were and my family was 4 hours away).  I managed to chair the elementary school ways and means committee, be part of the PTA, coach or be team mom for sports teams, volunteer for the swim team in the summer, attend most of their events, and hold down a full-time job.  The other thing is, does your DH get to do all that?  if not, why is it ok for him to miss out in order to support the family, but not you?

My DH doesn't have such an interest at the level I do to attend those events.  Plus we both realize with his job, it really is just not doable unless he wants to risk his position.  We've talked about me obtaining a full time job and him staying home or retiring earlier but at this time, we both agree it's best for him to continue where he's at.  He supports the family 110% as do I, but we both express it in different ways.  

Also, kudos to you for doing it all.  I have so much trouble keeping up with everything as is, being a SAHM.  Between two of my volunteer positions, it takes almost 40 hours a week alone.  Add in DD's tutoring and extracurricular activities, I'm totally wiped out.  I recall when I worked full-time when the kids were tiny, and working 40 hours a week seemed SO much easier than my schedule now.  

[truthbound]

Stop spending money. Problem solved.

[murphath]

Are you saving for your kids' college educations?  I'm in NorCal, too, so understand being in a HCOLA.  Don't get caught up in the "my kid has to go to a Ivy League school, or this great out-of-state school, or whatever".  Believe me, depending where in Calif. you live, there is an underlying pressure for parents to "brag" about where their kids go to college.  You have a wonderful, low cost option here called the community college system.  All three of mine went there first and then transferred after two years.  Such a bargain.  Maybe not as glamorous but once they got there, my kids really enjoyed it.  In fact, they wished it was actually a 4 year school.

As to vacations/experiences, I'll disagree with you here.  You don't have to go on fancy vacations to exotic places.  We didn't have a lot of money, so camping was our vacation.  I'm not a camper by nature but grew to enjoy it.  And it was tent camping--no RV.  The kids loved it.  There are so many beautiful camping sites throughout California.

You do need to track your spending as suggested above.  Food costs seem to be a problem area for a lot of people.  Do you bring food/drinks with you when attending an event? Or do you stop for fast food with the kids alot?  Are you a Starbucks regular?  Does your DH go out to lunch every day?  Do you check websites that outline the food bargains/coupon matches before you shop?(myfrugaladventures.com is a good one for NorCal). Do you buy bottled water?  Why not get a Brita pitcher and/or water bottles and refill those? All this stuff adds up. Looking for ways to save on your everyday purchases can be your "job" as a SAHM.  Just an example: my DH needs white dress shirts for his job.  Two weeks ago, there was a $10 off $30 purchase for Kohl's on the front of the newspaper (one of those peelie things).  I also had a 20% Kohl's coupon sent to me in the mail because I have their credit card.  The shirts were on sale for $12.99 so I bought two, a bottle of lavendar body spray on sale for $2.99, and two hand towels for the downstairs bath for $2.99 each.  Total was a little less than $35.  With the q's, it ended up costing @ $21. 

The point is, once you really start paying attention to your spending and try finding ways to cut back, you'll be able to save more.  And the bargain hunting is really kind of fun--as long as you need what you're buying.

[startsmart]

I'll talk about the shopping thing and the part time job thing a little because as a single woman with no kids I can't really address the DH/Kids thing

First shopping...
I too live in NorCal and know how crazy expensive it can seem just to live around here. Early in my debt payoff journey I decided that I needed to be just a little isolationist - not cutting out all the fun and people in my life but being highly selective about the input I was getting. I stopped reading the newspaper (and seeing all those ads). I turned off cable and watched movies bought on sale (no more commercials). Even in the car I would listen to my favorite CD instead of hearing the radio promos. Something weird happened, I stopped "wanting" everything I could see.

I can see how much this influenced me when I borrowed a TV show from sbcalimom that her DH DVR'd. Halfway through watching the season I thought to myself "I really should replace my car with a Subaru." then almost immediately "what the HELL was that?" Well, Subaru was a sponsor of this show so for every 40 minutes of show I was getting 10 minutes of Subaru ads. Wow, that surprised me. Then, last Sunday I was at my parents house and reading the paper and looking through the ads. Target had a shelving unit that matches one of mine in the garage on sale for $40. What could I NOT stop thinking about all week? That dang shelving unit. I had to force myself to stay home and NOT browse. Even delay my usual trip to Costco until this week when the unit is no longer on sale.

The point is this... when you're surrounded by new and improved and everyone has Starbucks for a mid-morning pickup, then it's easy to fall into line with that thinking. Instead, try to insulate yourself and look at your true needs and wants. Do you want to take the kids to Europe so they can say they've gone to Europe? Or would a low-key week at the beach be more your style? If Europe is your style then acknowledge it, budget for it and go guilt free. But don't put these "should dos" on your list.

Second the job...
I'm curious what kind of part time job you had in the past that paid $20/hour? If we're assuming 20 hours a week, $20/hour, 52 weeks a year that's $20,800 before taxes. Is this job going to fit into your schedule now or will you need to drop some of the volunteering? Do you want to work year round or take off when your kids are out of school? (Not sure how old the kids are)

I would seriously consider working from home, part time, and aiming for a pay rate more than $20/hour. After all you need to pay taxes and this may push you into a higher bracket, you'll have some expenses as well with computer, internet, phone, etc. My business works with various assistants, all virtual, and for someone who is good and has experience it's easily $40-60/hour work. You don't start out there but it is a job that's easy to do anywhere with a good internet connection, you can quickly bring in new clients if your reputation is good and you get to set and control the schedule and hours. It's not for everyone but definitely better (to me) than driving to a retail job, wearing their ugly uniform, standing for 4-6 hours and dealing with the public.

Without knowing your previous jobs or skillset I would add to this that if you have done skilled work in an area before (accounting, design, legal assistant, whatever) then start there. You may be able to translate some of that to online work or be a higher paid fill in for local offices.

[Ombud]

May 4, 2014 23:42:40 GMT -5 moneymom said:

I'm completely against debt, in fact, at times I want to try to pay the house down, but at 3.8%, I just keep hearing how that is not wise.

[1] mortgage is tax deductible
[2] kudos on a great rate

[dancinmama]

May 5, 2014 12:52:05 GMT -5 startsmart said:

I'll talk about the shopping thing and the part time job thing a little because as a single woman with no kids I can't really address the DH/Kids thing

First shopping...
I too live in NorCal and know how crazy expensive it can seem just to live around here. Early in my debt payoff journey I decided that I needed to be just a little isolationist - not cutting out all the fun and people in my life but being highly selective about the input I was getting. I stopped reading the newspaper (and seeing all those ads). I turned off cable and watched movies bought on sale (no more commercials). Even in the car I would listen to my favorite CD instead of hearing the radio promos. Something weird happened, I stopped "wanting" everything I could see.

I can see how much this influenced me when I borrowed a TV show from sbcalimom that her DH DVR'd. Halfway through watching the season I thought to myself "I really should replace my car with a Subaru." then almost immediately "what the HELL was that?" Well, Subaru was a sponsor of this show so for every 40 minutes of show I was getting 10 minutes of Subaru ads. Wow, that surprised me. Then, last Sunday I was at my parents house and reading the paper and looking through the ads. Target had a shelving unit that matches one of mine in the garage on sale for $40. What could I NOT stop thinking about all week? That dang shelving unit. I had to force myself to stay home and NOT browse. Even delay my usual trip to Costco until this week when the unit is no longer on sale.

The point is this... when you're surrounded by new and improved and everyone has Starbucks for a mid-morning pickup, then it's easy to fall into line with that thinking. Instead, try to insulate yourself and look at your true needs and wants. Do you want to take the kids to Europe so they can say they've gone to Europe? Or would a low-key week at the beach be more your style? If Europe is your style then acknowledge it, budget for it and go guilt free. But don't put these "should dos" on your list.

Smart girl!!  One sure fired way to avoid spending money on "stuff" is to stay out of the stores!!  Obviously you didn't really NEED that shelving unit and you did what you knew you had to do for yourself to avoid spending money on something you did not really want to spend money on.

Ads can be your friend if you can train yourself to avoid being enticed to buy "stuff" just because it's on ad.

If you tend to be an impulse shopper, before you enter any store, have a list made and stick to your list.  There is a lot of unrealized marketing that occurs after the consumer enters the store:  product placement within the store and on the shelf, signage, end-caps, lighting, music, etc. in an attempt to lure customers into making impulse purchases.  Sticking to a list is your greatest defense against purchasing "extra stuff".

If you are interested in learning more about in-store marketing you might want to check your public library for, Why We Buy, The Science of Shopping by Paco Underhill.  Reading the book will not guarantee that you will not become a "victim" to in-store shopping lures in the future, but it will sharpen your personal awareness on the topic.

 

[murphath]

startsmart:
 Great advice!  I'm not so much an impulse shopper. As I've gotten older, I want to get rid of stuff.  But I do have to watch myself in Home Depot! LOL!   It's those darn HGTV shows.  Actually, I've learned a lot from them and am on the final phase of our house redo (if my poor hands can stand my miscues with the hammer and crowbar).

There's such a "demand" for all those dollars you earn.  So hard to save but easy to spend.  You really do have to be aware of what you're spending on and why.

[seriousthistime]

May 4, 2014 10:04:16 GMT -5 moneymom said:

He has a pension too but we don't really know exactly how to calculate it.  

I'm not sure what you mean by this.  I have a pension and XH also has a pension that I will get part of, and if I understand what you are saying, it's how to convert that monthly pension into an equivalent value in a bank account. 

If you are entitled to a pension of $2,000 per month or $24,000 per year, assume the $24,000 is a withdrawal rate of 4% on X amount in a bank account.  What would X amount be?  24,000/0.4 = $600,000 in the bank. It's imputed wealth.  The problem is that if he dies one year after the first year's payment of $24,000, you don't have the bank balance to support you through the rest of it. So make sure he gets survivor's benefits.

[Ombud]

May 6, 2014 19:56:22 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

May 4, 2014 10:04:16 GMT -5 moneymom said:

He has a pension too but we don't really know exactly how to calculate it.  

I'm not sure what you mean by this.  I have a pension and XH also has a pension that I will get part of, and if I understand what you are saying, it's how to convert that monthly pension into an equivalent value in a bank account. 

Missed this

Does the dollar equivalency matter? Or does the monthly amount matter? What if you get a built in cola and lifetime medical benefits if you leave it there or static income to encourage you to roll into an IRA? Both affect the dollar value so no one here can effectively answer what that is. Only HR can let you know. So I suggest you ask his HR department

[seriousthistime]

May 6, 2014 20:48:05 GMT -5 Ombud said:

May 6, 2014 19:56:22 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

I'm not sure what you mean by this.  I have a pension and XH also has a pension that I will get part of, and if I understand what you are saying, it's how to convert that monthly pension into an equivalent value in a bank account. 

Missed this

Does the dollar equivalency matter? Or does the monthly amount matter? What if you get a built in cola and lifetime medical benefits if you leave it there or static income to encourage you to roll into an IRA? Both affect the dollar value so no one here can effectively answer what that is. Only HR can let you know. So I suggest you ask his HR department

Ombud, I agree.  The important thing is what money is coming to you when you retire.  i.e., what can you spend?  It's just that with pensions that will be paid, some people want to know what their pension would be if it were a lump sum in the bank.  We read that people need $1 million in the bank/investments to have a comfortable retirement.  When the money you get is a pension, you may want to know how that pension stacks up against that mythical $1 million figure. 

The other thing the OP may have been wondering is how to calculate the monthly pension amount.  The calculations are usually written up in the pension plan's Summary Plan Description.  If she doesn't have a copy her husband can ask for one.  The calculation is usually years of service X average salary during the highest three or four years worked there X some multiplier (1% or 2% or something).  For my pension, it's years of service X the average of my highest 3 years of salary X 1%.  So if I worked 30 years, my highest three years of salary was $100,000, and my multiplier was 1%, I'd get 30 x $100,000 x 1%, so $30,000, or $2,500 per month.  

[Ombud]

I feel good knowing it's worth $X but in reality it is what that will pay for. FWIW: lil sis is wrapped up in the supposed value of her pension even though the dollar amount will erode over time (her max cola is 2%, mine is 3% so mine will erode too)

[seriousthistime]

For me, they both have a place.  I like knowing the equivalent value of what it would take in retirement savings to give me the same income as what the pension will pay.  It's sort of a benchmark.

[moneymom]

May 7, 2014 7:51:45 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

May 6, 2014 20:48:05 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Missed this

Does the dollar equivalency matter? Or does the monthly amount matter? What if you get a built in cola and lifetime medical benefits if you leave it there or static income to encourage you to roll into an IRA? Both affect the dollar value so no one here can effectively answer what that is. Only HR can let you know. So I suggest you ask his HR department

Ombud, I agree.  The important thing is what money is coming to you when you retire.  i.e., what can you spend?  It's just that with pensions that will be paid, some people want to know what their pension would be if it were a lump sum in the bank.  We read that people need $1 million in the bank/investments to have a comfortable retirement.  When the money you get is a pension, you may want to know how that pension stacks up against that mythical $1 million figure. 

The other thing the OP may have been wondering is how to calculate the monthly pension amount.  The calculations are usually written up in the pension plan's Summary Plan Description.  If she doesn't have a copy her husband can ask for one.  The calculation is usually years of service X average salary during the highest three or four years worked there X some multiplier (1% or 2% or something).  For my pension, it's years of service X the average of my highest 3 years of salary X 1%.  So if I worked 30 years, my highest three years of salary was $100,000, and my multiplier was 1%, I'd get 30 x $100,000 x 1%, so $30,000, or $2,500 per month.  

It's much more complicated than a simple formula.  He's been at his company forever and the pension changed several times.  So it has a Part A, B, C, D.  And we don't quite understand the whole survivor benefit which seems to change what he would get.  We obviously need to talk to HR very soon and figure it all out.  It's a bit hard for me because DH has zero interest and understanding anything finance related.

[seriousthistime]

Is it a large company?  Maybe they have a website to access the retirement system and you can get him to sign up for it, and then you can just go onto the website and check it.  Survivor benefits usually mean a reduction in the amount paid when the person retires.  There are sometimes choices about what survivor benefits you can take, with a higher % of the pension amount going to the survivor.  So, for example, if he wants you to get 50% of his pension benefit to go to you if you survive him, he will get more monthly benefit than if he wants 90% of his benefit to go to you. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Hi! I'm a bit confused about why you would volunteer 40 hours per week, label yourself a SAHM, and not have time to be employed because you might miss your kids' activities. 
I'm also confused by the concept (and I paraphrase) if I work, I'll miss all of my kids stuff. I don't mean this in a snarky way: Did you stop working because you want to be with your kids 24/7? If you did, then you're accomplishing your goal. If you're not happy with it, definitely time to reevaluate. 
It's okay to SAH and do those coaching & school volunteer things if that's what you want to do. But if you're uncomfortable with your/your husband's financial existence, then either change income or change expenditures. 
Deciding how you want to spend your time is probably a key evaluation you need to make in this process. 

The other evaluation is budgeting and tracking your money, for which I say love me some YNAB!

After evaluating what you want to do with your time and money,
if you decide that increasing your household income is the way to go,
could you work in the early morning hours or the evening hours while DH is at home?

[Bonny]

moneymom said:

It's much more complicated than a simple formula. He's been at his company forever and the pension changed several times. So it has a Part A, B, C, D. And we don't quite understand the whole survivor benefit which seems to change what he would get. We obviously need to talk to HR very soon and figure it all out. It's a bit hard for me because DH has zero interest and understanding anything finance related.

He'll care if he can't retire when he thinks he should. He doesn't get a free pass on retirement planning. You guys are in this together.

If he's in a big company they will often do little seminars for "pre-retirement". Attend them WITH him.

Also if he or you have a 401k or similar savings programs, many of the bigger institutions e.g. Vanguard, Fidelity have a lot of good literature on their websites and give webnars.

It's one thing to not get into the details of the program. It's another to stick your head in the sand.