At a loss for how to respond (partial rant)

[Abby Normal]

Background-  I have a relative (Michelle*) who is very materialistic.  We don't see eye to eye on much.  She's a SAHM and her husband (Mark*) works in a small office in a lucrative field  (trying to be a little vague on that). Mark and his employer had discussed growing the business and his role in that. He was to be the business manager and his former duties would be minor.  Mark had a grand time telling us all about his promotion and Michelle  went on an on about how much more money they would have. He is also in the reserves and not long after his promotion,  he was called up and sent to Afghanistan for a year. 

Upon Marks return, he found out that his employer went ahead with the  expansion plan and hired a business manager and he had his old job back.  He said didn't want to push the federal regulations because of who his employer is as he was afraid that pursuing it would taint his reputation in the field.  Strange but, your decision.

So for the past six months we've had to listen to how he's been screwed by his employer. He was demoted, and took a huge paycut, and how dare they do  that to someone in military service. 

I saw them last night and the tale of woe continued. Pulling kids out of private school, Michelle not able to finish her masters degree, they are selling one of the rental houses, all because their financial position has changed so drastically.  Michelle let it slip that it was a 50% decrease over what Mark was promoted to before he left. Now I'm baffled and start asking more questions about why they aren't doing anything.

Then in comes out.  He never actually had the promotion or raise, it was just a general conversation about employer needing a business manager and Mark was trying to sell himself for the position. 

So for the past six months we've been listening to the "poor me, I got screwed" when he's making exactly what he was before he left.  Yet somehow it has drastically changed their financial future because his employer didn't do what Mark thought he should.

I really didn't know how to respond when Michelle is laying on the sob story.  "I'm sorry you found yourself in this position" was about as much as I could muster.

What I wanted to say " Gee, sorry you were an idiot and counted your chickens before they hatched. But really has your situation changed from 18 months ago? Your kids were in private school before, you had the rentals before, you were paying for your masters before and he's still making the same amount.  

Stupid people suck.

* names have been changed to protect the guilty

[Deleted]

They were probably living on credit before and its suddenly come due and they realize they can't afford it...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm betting they did something stupid on the assumption he was getting the promotion. They just haven't let that tidbit slip. It's far easier to blame his employer and claim he got screwed than admit they spent money they didn't have and now it's biting them in the behind.

[mollyanna58]

Wouldn't his income be drastically reduced while he was deployed for a year?  Maybe their financial position was precarious and couldn't weather that hit.

But, yes, they shouldn't be complaining about demotion and reduced income if he was never actually promoted and never had the increased income

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, I'm guessing Drama hit it one. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 30, 2014 15:39:36 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Wouldn't his income be drastically reduced while he was deployed for a year?  Maybe their financial position was precarious and couldn't weather that hit.

But, yes, they shouldn't be complaining about demotion and reduced income if he was never actually promoted and never had the increased income

But it's not taxable, when you're deployed isn't it?  Or is that only for combat zones?  And wouldn't Afghanistan be a combat zone anyway?

[alabamagal]

Sounds like your response is appropriate.  At first I think they sounded whiny, but then when I looked up reemployment after military service, it says

"Employees returning from military service must be reemployed in the job that they would have attained had they not been absent for military service and with the
same seniority, status and pay, as well as other rights and benefits determined by seniority"

If he was truly promised a promotion, he probably deserved it.  But I know working at small companies, it would make it more difficult in the future.

[mollyanna58]

Apr 30, 2014 15:45:05 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Sounds like your response is appropriate.  At first I think they sounded whiny, but then when I looked up reemployment after military service, it says

"Employees returning from military service must be reemployed in the job that they would have attained had they not been absent for military service and with the
same seniority, status and pay, as well as other rights and benefits determined by seniority"

If he was truly promised a promotion, he probably deserved it.  But I know working at small companies, it would make it more difficult in the future.

"Then in comes out. He never actually had the promotion or raise, it was just a general conversation about employer needing a business manager and Mark was trying to sell himself for the position"

It seems he was never actually promised the position, and even if he wasn't deployed, the employer might have hired someone else.

[Abby Normal]

Apr 30, 2014 15:39:36 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Wouldn't his income be drastically reduced while he was deployed for a year?  Maybe their financial position was precarious and couldn't weather that hit.

I'm sure their savings took a hit there.  But he still makes six figures, which in the area they live is REALLY good.   But they do make very questionable decisions and live on the edge.  They have like 6 rentals and when they bought their latest house, they couldn't afford to fix the heater because they didn't have cash.

It just makes me want to scream " take some responsibility"

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sounds like something made their house of cards collapse. That's why you never assume you have a job till you have the paper work signed and filed with HR.

[haapai]

"I'm sorry you found yourself in this position" is the perfect response. 

You're probably never going to know what promises the employer made or implied.  It is even less likely that you will ever figure out whether shaky financial conditions prior to deployment, reduced income during deployment, or the rather foolish assumption that it could all be fixed after he got back and started grossing twice as much caused the house of cards to crumble.  Your cousin and her husband have not been candid with you.  Don't expect them to become more so in the future. 

You're probably not going to ever determine which one of them has been more dishonest to the other either. 

Just practice saying, "I'm sorry you found yourself in this position". 

Don't vary your wording to the softer "I'm sorry this happened to you" unless you want to be jerked around more. 

[Ava]

Other than smile and nod sympathetically, I don't think there's anything you should do.
Make sure to mention your own financial problems (real or imaginary) when you talk to them, so they don't ask you for a loan.

[truthbound]

Been there. You don't respond. Problem solved.

[CarolinaKat]

Apr 30, 2014 15:43:02 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 30, 2014 15:39:36 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Wouldn't his income be drastically reduced while he was deployed for a year?  Maybe their financial position was precarious and couldn't weather that hit.

But, yes, they shouldn't be complaining about demotion and reduced income if he was never actually promoted and never had the increased income

But it's not taxable, when you're deployed isn't it?  Or is that only for combat zones?  And wouldn't Afghanistan be a combat zone anyway?

It's not taxable, and you get seperation pay, but it's still not a ton. If he was making $$$ before he probably went to $ for a year. That can screw up finances.

I"m thinking they did something dumb as well, but the year of lower income probably hastened the collapse. ETA if they were living on the edge with 6 figures, a year on military pay would cause a collapse!

[Shooby]

  I think what she is experiencing is simply called "Life".  So, in "life" you roll with the circumstances and adapt and adjust.  Or, sit around and bitch a lot.  It's a choice.

[haapai]

This is more than sitting around and bitching.  There's plenty of fibbing going on too. 

[happyhoix]

This reminds me of that commercial where the guy is driving his riding lawnmower and bragging about his great house and all his great possessions and then says "I'm in debt up to my eyeballs."

I know some people with lots of stuff but no cash, too. Makes it hard to weather the unexpected parts of life, like getting deployed for a year.

All they want to hear from you is how sorry you are that they're broke, though. I doubt they learned anything from this.

[The Captain]

May 1, 2014 9:19:25 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Apr 30, 2014 15:43:02 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

But it's not taxable, when you're deployed isn't it?  Or is that only for combat zones?  And wouldn't Afghanistan be a combat zone anyway?

It's not taxable, and you get seperation pay, but it's still not a ton. If he was making $$$ before he probably went to $ for a year. That can screw up finances.

I"m thinking they did something dumb as well, but the year of lower income probably hastened the collapse. ETA if they were living on the edge with 6 figures, a year on military pay would cause a collapse!

I know not every company does it, but my current and previous employer would cover the pay differential if an employee was called to active duty.  It was taxable, but so is regular earned income.  I though it was a great benefit.  Guess his current employer doesn't do that, eh?

[tloonya]

"I'm sorry you are upset by position in which you were...since you've met Mark" is the perfect response.

[Sam_2.0]

Apr 30, 2014 15:39:36 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Wouldn't his income be drastically reduced while he was deployed for a year?  Maybe their financial position was precarious and couldn't weather that hit.

Our company pays the difference between an employee's salary & deployment pay. So they won't get both, but they won't get less than they would if they had stayed.