DD's friend got Suspended[{locked}]

[bean29]

...she found out her boyfriend was Cheating on her so she smacked him in the hallway at school. She is 18, he is 16. So they gave her a disorderly conduct ticket. They said that was the lowest ticket they could give her. They said they could charge her with child abuse.

I told DD I didn't know if I would punish her for that. He is related to DH (3rd cousin to DD. I told DD i could just hear MIL's friends saying He Deserved It.

[Green Eyed Lady]

If I had a kid they would definitely be in trouble for hitting anyone.  I don't care if its boy on girl; or girl on boy.  It's no more acceptable for a girl to hit a boy than it is for a boy to hit a girl.   If the boy/girl is being an azzwipe, you walk away and have nothing further to do with him/her.  

I don't know how in the world they could justify a charge of child abuse.  Assault maybe...but child abuse?  That would be a stretch.  That's cop talk for "I'm going to cite you but I want you to think I'm a really good guy for just citing you for disorderly and giving you some huge break so nobody argues with me."

[Deleted]

She shouldn't have hit him and she is a legal adult hitting a legal child. I can see her getting charged with child abuse. About the same time they charge her with statutory rape if she has had sex with him.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

She shouldn't have hit him and she is a legal adult hitting a legal child.

In many areas, the age of majority is still 21.


How is an 18 yr old and 16 yr old dating, and possibly seeing someone else considered "Cheating" - they were dating. Period.

They aren't in a committed relationship (ie: married, co-habitating, engaged).

Maybe it'll be a lesson to her to date boys her own age or older.

Boys at 16 have the mentality of girls at 14.

If she received a misconduct or suspension for slapping him, that should be enough punishment. Maybe that will be a big enough lesson to her.

I don't think this even comes close to "child abuse". It's a case of her being jealous of him seeing someone else.

It's not as if it's a 30 or 40 yr old dating a minor. (Remember the Mary Kay Letourneau case?)

link




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[Deleted]

I got suspended in high school for having a snow ball fight.  It happens.   Sometimes slapping somebody is the best thing to do.

[Deleted]

It's a legal adult hitting a legal minor. It probably fits the legal definition. 

I definately think there should be consequences for one student hitting another. I don't think the school should be in the habit of deciding who 'deserves it'...

[Green Eyed Lady]

Child abuse charges result from a care-taker situation.  Not from an 18 year old slapping her 16 year old boyfriend.  Assault is assault.  There is no minor/adult in the equation.  Disorderly conduct is simply violent behavior in a public venue.  If a 35 year old man hits a 16 year old at a football game - he can be charged with assault - the degree depending on injury.  If a 35 year old man and a 16 year old kid are engaged in a mutual physical altercation, they can both be charged with disorderly conduct.  If a parent hits their kid or a day-care provider smacks a kid - that is child abuse.  That's the way I understand it anyway.  There are lawyers here who can say for sure.   I'm not a lawyer.  I just stayed at a Holiday Inn last week.

[Deleted]

Yes, assault seems to fit better... At any rate, some consequence was necessary. 

[giramomma]

In my state, physical abuse is legally defined as defined as "physical injury inflicted on a child by other than accidental means." So, I could see it fitting.

I can also see, in schools where there is 0 tolerance now and mandatory reporting, that the girl is lucky she got off only with disorderly conduct ticket.

And, yes, I'd be concerned about the statutory rape charges as well.

[whoami]

My son got slapped by a girl in middle school for no reason according to her. I just happened to be in the office when he walked in with a hand print on his face. I went ballistic.

She was given a ticket by the SRO and had to go to court. I think she also ended up in alternative school for a period of time.

[Spellbound454]

I'm in Britain.....and kids hitting each other is not usually a police offence (unless its with weapons).

but the perpetrator would be suspended immediately....and if it was bad they would be excluded and the educational social workers would become involved with the family.

Physical harm to another child is not ok, no matter what the circumstances.

[truthbound]

Apr 21, 2014 20:56:00 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

She shouldn't have hit him and she is a legal adult hitting a legal child. I can see her getting charged with child abuse. About the same time they charge her with statutory rape if she has had sex with him.

That. Once you start swinging all bets are off.

[moon/Laura]

Apr 21, 2014 21:15:03 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

How is an 18 yr old and 16 yr old dating, and possibly seeing someone else considered "Cheating" - they were dating. Period.

They aren't in a committed relationship (ie: married, co-habitating, engaged).

So? You can be "just dating" and be cheated on. Perhaps there was an agreement that they were supposed to be exclusive. If one or the other breaks that agreement, they're cheating.

[bean29]

From what DD says they are both straight A students and violence is not normal for either of them. The girl is older than the other students in their class b/c she was adopted as a child and she was behind in her English. She has ended the relationship/knows she deserves better. My husband did tell DD about the potential for child abuse/sex offender issues.

He mother told her her reaction was inappropriate.

I don't think alternative school would be an issue, she is a Senior, but she used to be in DD's class so somehow she accumulated extra credits.

There is a fine, but the girl works all the time so I am sure she can pay it.

[bookkeeper]

This is why young adults should not have sex until they are emotionally mature enough.  Many bad things can happen when teenagers think with their lower regions rather than their brains. 

Sexting is a prime example.

[Deleted]

Apr 22, 2014 8:29:02 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

This is why young adults should not have sex until they are emotionally mature enough.  Many bad things can happen when teenagers think with their lower regions rather than their brains. 

Sexting is a prime example.

Ya, cause this stuff NEVER happens once everyone is 21!

[bookkeeper]

Some people are grown and responsible at age 18.  Some people can not handle intimate relationships well past the age of 21.

[sheilaincali]

Schools all advertise and claim to have a "Zero Tolerance" policy when it comes to fighting, bullying, etc. So really they had no choice BUT to suspend the girl. She most likely smacked the guy in the middle of a crowded hall in front of witnesses. It would have been irresponsible of the school to NOT suspend her for her actions.

Is she a child abuser? Most likely not but she definitely made a bad decision. Hopefully she will learn from this experience and not do something like this again.

[hoops902]

Apr 21, 2014 20:56:00 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

She shouldn't have hit him and she is a legal adult hitting a legal child. I can see her getting charged with child abuse. About the same time they charge her with statutory rape if she has had sex with him.

If this was in the U.S. there are few, if any, states where this would be considered statutory rape if they were 18 and 16 at the time.

[hoops902]

::So? You can be "just dating" and be cheated on. Perhaps there was an agreement that they were supposed to be exclusive. If one or the other breaks that agreement, they're cheating. ::

Agree.  Typically at that age "dating" means exclusivity even where it may not be the same expectation later in life.  The OP also says "boyfriend", not "guy i was casually seeing".  Of course you can cheat on someone without being engaged or living together.  It was her boyfriend.

[Deleted]

Apr 22, 2014 8:56:19 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Apr 21, 2014 20:56:00 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

She shouldn't have hit him and she is a legal adult hitting a legal child. I can see her getting charged with child abuse. About the same time they charge her with statutory rape if she has had sex with him.

If this was in the U.S. there are few, if any, states where this would be considered statutory rape if they were 18 and 16 at the time.

Didn't you just have a highly publicized case when the parents were upset about their daughter's lesbian relationship? They laid charges as soon as the GF turned 18.

[alabamagal]

The girl needs to deal with the consequences - suspension, court date, whatever. For a kid with no record it shouldn't be a big deal, hopefully just enough to scare her into not doing it again.

My kids were all A students, but both of my boys had suspensions in high school for doing stupid teenage things.  My middle child even had to go through counseling for "violent behavior" based on a stupid internet posting (which happened to be right after the Virginia Tech shooting so everyone was overly sensitive about it). My middle son is about the most non-violent kid out there, he just has a weird sense of humor.  He went through counseling with a close friend, no big deal.

Both my boys graduated high school and are excellent college students. Just had to get through some of the stupid teenage behavior.

[giramomma]

Apr 22, 2014 9:01:47 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

The girl needs to deal with the consequences - suspension, court date, whatever. For a kid with no record it shouldn't be a big deal, hopefully just enough to scare her into not doing it again.

It depends on the school's policy.

Our district just had a thing where an honors student brought 3 ounces of alcohol to school. Didn't drink it. In fact, she texted her dad to please come get it. Before her dad had a chance to pick up the adult beverage, someone tipped off school authorities, they searched her belongings, and suspended her.

She originally was supposed to be suspended from school for two years due to the 0 tolerance rules in our district. She could re-apply at our school district when she was getting ready for her senior year. I can't see how this is "no big deal", particularly for someone who was planning to go to college.

As it turns out, her parents had money and were able to fight the school district. The two year suspension was dropped, and she was allowed to come back to HS. Her suspension was reduced to something like a week. But she still missed over a month of school while her parents and the lawyers were fighting this.

If that child was not white, that would have been the end of her high school career.  I think that's a big deal.

[hoops902]

Apr 22, 2014 9:00:17 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Apr 22, 2014 8:56:19 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

If this was in the U.S. there are few, if any, states where this would be considered statutory rape if they were 18 and 16 at the time.

Didn't you just have a highly publicized case when the parents were upset about their daughter's lesbian relationship? They laid charges as soon as the GF turned 18.

I think the other girl was younger than 16 in that case.

Just looked it up, that was an 18 year old having sex with a 14 year old.  There are a lot of states which say "the age of majority is 16, but below 16 it's ok if the 2 are only 2 years apart in age" or something to that effect.  18 and 14 is probably illegal in quite a few states I'd guess.

[alabamagal]

Apr 22, 2014 9:14:43 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Apr 22, 2014 9:01:47 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

The girl needs to deal with the consequences - suspension, court date, whatever. For a kid with no record it shouldn't be a big deal, hopefully just enough to scare her into not doing it again.

It depends on the school's policy.

Our district just had a thing where an honors student brought 3 ounces of alcohol to school. Didn't drink it. In fact, she texted her dad to please come get it. Before her dad had a chance to pick up the adult beverage, someone tipped off school authorities, they searched her belongings, and suspended her.

She originally was supposed to be suspended from school for two years due to the 0 tolerance rules in our district. She could re-apply at our school district when she was getting ready for her senior year. I can't see how this is "no big deal", particularly for someone who was planning to go to college.

As it turns out, her parents had money and were able to fight the school district. The two year suspension was dropped, and she was allowed to come back to HS. Her suspension was reduced to something like a week. But she still missed over a month of school while her parents and the lawyers were fighting this.

If that child was not white, that would have been the end of her high school career.  I think that's a big deal.

I agree that the so called "zero tolerance" policies are pretty stupid.  I have also heard about kids suspended for steak knives (weapons) and giving another student a Tylenol (drug policy)

My kids went to a very strict private Baptist school and they could get suspended for even the smallest infraction (being a party where alcohol was served).  They had a lot of suspensions at their school for minor infractions, and even kicked some kids out for multilple infractions.  They also had an ejection policy for girls who got pregnant or boys who got girls pregnant.  But that was stated pretty clearly in their rules.

Good teenagers can do stupid things.  They should have a chance to get back on the right track.  0 tolerance really doesn't do that.

[Deleted]

When I was in HS in 88-92, if the school administration witnessed the slapping, they would have laughed at the boy.  Oh how times have changed.

[milee]

Schools seem to struggle with finding the middle ground. Zero tolerance policies were put in to prevent favoritism, racism and all the other bad isms by supposedly standardizing the response and discipline of schools. Instead, they resulted in a harsher, less-equitable system that only results in the harshest penalty for kids whose parents are either too poor or not connected enough to work the system.

Similarly with the response to slapping. As MMC points out, in the past it wasn't considered a big deal for girls to slap boys. While it's good that this attitude of ignoring violence by and against either gender is not acceptable, it's unfortunate that the school isn't able to exercise discretion over what becomes a criminal matter versus what is handled through school discipline ***. IMHO the girl should definitely be punished for hitting someone else - no matter what the reason - but it would also be helpful if the school were able to handle first time and/or minor offenses through suspension rather than the criminal justice system.

*** - I realize in this case, there are complexities that might force it outside a school setting, such as the age difference between the two parties, one of the parties being a legal adult and if the victim's parents choose to involve the police in what was an assault.

[Sam_2.0]

All these stories do is make me want to find a giant plastic bubble for DD. I don't know if I am strong enough to handle her going through school!!

[bean29]

Apr 22, 2014 9:57:24 GMT -5 milee said:

Schools seem to struggle with finding the middle ground. Zero tolerance policies were put in to prevent favoritism, racism and all the other bad isms by supposedly standardizing the response and discipline of schools. Instead, they resulted in a harsher, less-equitable system that only results in the harshest penalty for kids whose parents are either too poor or not connected enough to work the system.

Similarly with the response to slapping. As MMC points out, in the past it wasn't considered a big deal for girls to slap boys. While it's good that this attitude of ignoring violence by and against either gender is not acceptable, it's unfortunate that the school isn't able to exercise discretion over what becomes a criminal matter versus what is handled through school discipline ***. IMHO the girl should definitely be punished for hitting someone else - no matter what the reason - but it would also be helpful if the school were able to handle first time and/or minor offenses through suspension rather than the criminal justice system.

*** - I realize in this case, there are complexities that might force it outside a school setting, such as the age difference between the two parties, one of the parties being a legal adult and if the victim's parents choose to involve the police in what was an assault.

The "Police in this care was the SRO".  DD says the SRO said a teacher witnessed it, however they think his Mom called the school and complained and the SRO just said that.

I did no ask DD, but Most of the kids in DD's class are turning 17 so I doubt the age difference is actually 2 full years.

My understanding is she "slapped him".  She did not beat him up per se, so to me, assult is kind of far fetched.  If it had not been on school grounds I doubt they would have issued a ticket.  I pretty much agree that consequences should be the same for girls and boys, however I do think this is an overreaction.

I like the fact that at 18 she is so sure of her self worth that she is making a stand that that behaviour is not acceptable.

I really think the school should do more to educate kids on good/bad relationsip and danger type warning signs.

DD has 3 friends that are in some sort of love triangle.  I don't think there is sex involved just Girl1 + Boy are friends, Girl2 is crazy about him and wants to be his GF.  She is irrationally jealous if anyone does anything with him without her.  Valentines day DD and the other 2 girls were supposed to go out and Girl2 went nuts b/c she found our Girl1 had concert tix with Boy.

Fast forward to last week, it is Girl 2's B-day.  Boy gets a text from Girl2's mother telling him not to ruin her DD's birthday, that he should send her a birthday text.  His response was I don't know what good it will do, I am not willing to be her boyfriend and that is the only thing she wants to hear.

I told DD that if Girl2 was a boy her behaviour would be considered stalking.

The kicker is that I am sure DD told me at one point that lots of kids at school think he is gay.  My Son said the same thing when we told him the story. 

[milee]

A slap is assault, no matter what the gender of the slapper is.  Not far fetched.

You wouldn't want a boy slapping his girlfriend, right? It's no more OK for the girl to be slapping a boyfriend.