Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 19:45:43 GMT -5
Too low depending on what his monthly pay is in my opinion. Find out what the lawyer suggests a court would grant you. I can't imagine any court would grant her alimony for 23 years.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 22, 2014 19:46:21 GMT -5
Oh ok, I am going to start another thread. But it is enough that I wont have to work right away.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 22, 2014 19:46:57 GMT -5
Doesn't have to, if we come to aggreement than that is what we want and it is a 5 miute court appearance.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 22, 2014 19:47:37 GMT -5
There is nothing much in it now, hopefullu there will be at 65.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 22, 2014 20:04:24 GMT -5
If DF retires, his ex doesn't get anymore alimony. Her lawyer was an idiot frankly. Otherwise she gets it until he is 62 and a half.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 22, 2014 20:05:07 GMT -5
She got half the retirement right now though. This is not a good deal for you and I would hope your lawyer is telling you the same thing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 20:05:27 GMT -5
How much does you STBX earn, Nutty? Because 20% of $120,000 is $24,000 a year. That is NOT enough to live on. You will have to go to work right away. Remember that you will have to throw health insurance, etc. into the mix.
There's also the house. Is he keeping it or are you two selling it? You can't afford to keep it. The experts say that is the #1 mistake women make because they want the kids to feel secure. Your kids are grown. You can unload it even though you may love it. I loved my house, but I knew I couldn't afford it on what I earned.
Also, be prepared for your STBX to change his mind about some stuff once he gets a lawyer. Divorce isn't easy. You are still in the preliminary stages. Trust me that it will get harder before it gets better. And I had an amicable divorce where we shared a lawyer.
Have you gotten your car back? A job for you with insurance benefits is really your first priority. It should be a higher priority than talking to lawyers, etc. You need a job. Today.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 20:15:30 GMT -5
There is nothing much in it now, hopefullu there will be at 65. Only if he keeps investing in it. Why are you going for less than 50%?
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Apr 22, 2014 20:23:51 GMT -5
There is nothing much in it now, hopefullu there will be at 65. Only if he keeps investing in it. and what is to stop him from saving in a taxable account going forward? Giving up the employer match may easily beat giving you 20% or more later! The 401k would still be empty and you'd have no claim on any retirement savings. Get what you can now before you become that "B***H won't get a penny out of me" after time and distance have erased the connection and the need for decency he may still have now.
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 22, 2014 20:35:02 GMT -5
Considering he has like 20 years to retirement no one in their right mind would give her 50% of what he contributed after they divorced. Especially if there's not much in it now. Though it's not advantageous to her either since he could easily decide to throw his money in IRAs and taxable accounts instead.
And I'm not sure how often it happens, nut a judge could overrule an agreement before him if so inclined.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 22, 2014 21:08:28 GMT -5
He has agreed to 20 % of his pay to include bonuses for 23 years, 20 % of his 401 at his age of 65. Well that is what I have so far. You're entitled to half the retirement. Don't take Any less.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 22, 2014 21:23:17 GMT -5
WOW great info. I thought 20% of the value at his age of 65 was ok.
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 22, 2014 21:27:18 GMT -5
swamp - Do you mean 50% now, or 50% when he turns 65 (or whatever it was) that's ~20 years from now?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 21:31:10 GMT -5
Naggie you need a lawyer to draft a divorce agreement for you. You can present it to your husband if you like but you are really clueless and you are going to end up with nothing. You are entitled to half of whatever the two of you have accumulated to this point and support as a non working spouse. That is just what I know about and I know nothing.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 23, 2014 5:04:49 GMT -5
Naggie you need a lawyer to draft a divorce agreement for you. You can present it to your husband if you like but you are really clueless and you are going to end up with nothing. You are entitled to half of whatever the two of you have accumulated to this point and support as a non working spouse. Totally agree with this, but also remember to have a sense of balance and reality. If you're going through BK right now, half of nothing will still be nothing... Obviously even after BK, there will still be a few protected assets like the home equity (if you have any equity) and the 401k (which you've said isn't much), but you're probably not looking at much money even if you do get half of your current assets. So don't spend hours, thousands in attorney fees and increase the acrimony level fighting over nothing. Be realistic about what there is and how much it's worth fighting for. Every divorce lawyer out there can tell you stories about angry clients who will spend $10,000 to fight over a $200 item.
Although as far as I know Florida doesn't have a set formula for alimony, 20% sounds in the range of what I've heard other friends talk about and 23 years is much longer than any of them have mentioned, so if the lawyers you consult with think that's within the range of reasonable and your DH agrees, sign it quickly and move on. Not only will that decrease the amount of turmoil and pain for you but it takes away the chance that over time he'll stop feeling so reasonable about doing the right thing. Every single person I know who has started with a STBX who is wanting to do the right thing notices a big change as time wears on in the divorce process. Right now, he feels some guilt and relief and just wants it over - use that to get it done. Over the next few months, he will start to justify to himself why this was all your fault and will feel less guilt, and correspondingly less inclined to "give" you anything.
Also, another Florida twist, but last year the state legislature proposed alimony reform, which would limit alimony amounts and terms. Although the reform didn't pass, it wasn't defeated by a huge margin and a slightly modified version will probably be proposed again for a vote this year. If what passes is similar to what was proposed this last year and your divorce happens after the reform, unless you're unable to work for a really good reason you won't be getting 23 years of alimony. Another reason to get this settled now.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 23, 2014 5:33:54 GMT -5
Yes, POM I beleive kindly sent me a link to that reform. Great another thing to worry about.
I have to get the 1750 together and then I am going to ask her for a boilerplate, or will be able to ask her what she thinks. I did ask her about how they would determine alimony if it was contested and she said that they have a program that they plug in the numbers, now I am not sure if that is a state requirment or just what they do if it becomes contested and I don't know if that would be in favor of the plaintiff or defendant.
There ain't no money right now...LOL Chap 13.
50 % of the equity when we sell and I do not want the house, not interested don't know if he is or not.
We talked again last night and I still feel unresolved a little bit, something is just not adding up for me. I could be just hypersensitive and in denial or what, that is the question.
Thanks all, I always pronounce your name as MiLady Milee.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 23, 2014 5:41:24 GMT -5
Florida is NOT the state to get divorced in, believe me. Sorry.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 23, 2014 5:53:06 GMT -5
Oh bloody hell, y'all just give me the bad news for a few pages then lets get back to good news.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Apr 23, 2014 5:58:43 GMT -5
Is is possible in your state to use a mediator who will help you and your DH come up with an agreement? A good legal mediator will be well versed in the divorce laws of your state and will know what is likely to be approved by the court. Also, using a mediator to come up with this agreement is probably a lot more cost effective that using the attorney. It can be submitted to each of your lawyers when it's complete and then the process can pick up from there. Of course this depends on your ability to each be level headed and calm.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 7:37:39 GMT -5
WOW great info. I thought 20% of the value at his age of 65 was ok. Why wouldn't you just take half it's value now? I would want all the assets split right off the bat. What if he just quits contributing or cashes it in or dies before he retires and it all gets lost in probate dealings?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2014 8:50:10 GMT -5
WOW great info. I thought 20% of the value at his age of 65 was ok. That's not how it works. You get 50% now via a qualified domestic relations order. You roll it into your own retirement plan.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 8:50:31 GMT -5
Bankruptcy? Young grandchild? You don't work? May I ask why you don't work?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 23, 2014 8:52:46 GMT -5
swamp - Do you mean 50% now, or 50% when he turns 65 (or whatever it was) that's ~20 years from now? 50% now Don't take future value. He could die, get laid off, change jobs, or quit.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 9:05:16 GMT -5
swamp - Do you mean 50% now, or 50% when he turns 65 (or whatever it was) that's ~20 years from now? 50% now Don't take future value. He could die, get laid off, change jobs, or quit. or withdraw it all and pay the taxes and penalty....
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 23, 2014 9:15:21 GMT -5
I second everyone who said to go after more money now. Naggie, I live in the area you are planning to live in. You are not going to be able to make it here, unless the idea of living in a crime-filled is your idea of living. Or you plan to have multiple roomies. It's HCOL, with some of the state's most expensive real estate in this area. I work two jobs, though I do the part-time one for vacation money (and because I love it), and the fulltime one is for the insurance. And you cannot be without health insurance. If nothing else, go to the ACA site and see what subsidies you qualify for. Medicaid is another possibility, though a last resort. You may also qualify for re-entry training; there are organizations that offer women job training as they are coming back into the workforce from a long layoff and grant money available as well. www.ehow.com/how_5830785_grants-displaced-homemaker.html
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 13:03:47 GMT -5
Everyone is right, I don't know why I have not made a decision. I love him maybe I don't know. Do I ? Of course you do. You got used to him and you might think you can't do without... Well, wipe your snot and go sit down and write everything that is WRONG with him! Every thing you hate about him and study it until you sober up!
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 23, 2014 15:17:28 GMT -5
Looney, stop it. I might just do that...
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 23, 2014 15:22:05 GMT -5
Everyone is right, I don't know why I have not made a decision. I love him maybe I don't know. Do I ? Of course you do. You got used to him and you might think you can't do without... Well, wipe your snot and go sit down and write everything that is WRONG with him! Every thing you hate about him and study it until you sober up!This works!!! It truly does!
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 23, 2014 15:40:51 GMT -5
I will have to try this then.
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momoftwo
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Post by momoftwo on Apr 23, 2014 18:49:18 GMT -5
I'm fairly new here, but I've read through this entire string of postings and still don't understand the urgency of all of this.
All - please be gentle here -
Before making any final decisions, it sounds like you and your husband should have a talk. Just asking, but would it be possible that you remain married for awhile, but live separate lives (an in house separation) so you can prepare for your future? For me that would depend on certain circumstances like if there is no other woman, if he is not verbally/physically abusive, etc.
Slowing this down a bit may help you make informed decisions, not quick ones, it may help you better prepare for getting a new job and saving some money, it may help you put away some additional money for the future, keep you covered under insurance, etc.
Just some ideas. I wish you well!
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