sheilaincali
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Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 4, 2014 11:34:38 GMT -5
Honestly guys it's not a big deal for me anymore. I've been literally thousands on therapy and for the most part I'm over it. I hate when they do it to the Boy though. I have called them out on it before and basically bullied them into taking DS to CA for a weekend with them.
Part of it is because my younger siblings are always up in my parents faces with their kids. My brother will show up at their house with his kids several times a week. My brother is a shitty excuse for a human beings and a half ass father so my parents reasoning is that so long as the kids are around them they know they are being fed and bathed. The kids are almost 7 and 4 1/2. They are complete brats. The 4 1/2 year old was at work last week because he had pink eye. He ran up to me in front of my dad, a customer and two of our salesmen to say "Aunt Sheila is a stupid bitch". So that should tell you want you need to know about my brother's parenting style.
I don't see my parents outside of work for the most part. I hate going to their house and dealing with my brother so I just don't go there.
We've told DS that once he graduates HS all bets were off. We are staying in town until he graduates but after that we will likely move. Our house will always be his home but that we probably wouldn't stay in this town. He is cool with that.
I work for my parents because A. at the time I needed a job and B. they pay me well. When Dad retires in two years I'm outta here. He plans to sell the company I work for and give the other one to my idiot brother. I refuse to work for him so I'll leave when he sells the one I work for. Which is good timing because that will be around the time that DS graduates. DH just got a big promotion and is driving to the Twin Cities every day. It would be very easy for us to just move up there.
My parents indifference towards me and my immediate family hurts less when I'm not in the same town.
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whoisjohngalt
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Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 4, 2014 11:45:39 GMT -5
When I got pregnant with my 3rd I was worried what would happen.
If we had a girl, I was worried that DS2 would be completely left out.
I do feel bad when I ask my oldest two to give in to DS3 bc he is a "baby", but I do make sure to tell them that it's only for a little bit, bc he simply is not able to understand certain things yet.
I am an only child. My DH has a sister, I don't think my IL's have favorites.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Apr 4, 2014 12:34:24 GMT -5
Thats exactly the situation my friend has, except he hardly speaks to his parents, if ever. His parents tell him the same thing, that his wife is corrupting his mind and that all was good before she came along. Of course it was good!! He was towing the line, taking all their crap and being the son the subservient son that they wanted him to be. I am very, very glad he married his wife. She is a very sensible woman and very easy going too. But which self respecting woman would take to being treated like a second class citizen? So when she stood her ground and refused to be treated like crap, she became the epitome of evil in their family. Everyone at her in-laws blames her because she "rocked the boat". No one sees any fault in their own behavior. Crazy!!! There have been so many stories but I think this one is my favorite. Friend's son (grandchild to the biased) started dating a girl who happen to have a horse. Their daughter (who lives on their property) had a horse she wanted to get rid of so she asked nephew if he wanted it. My friend and his wife say absolutely no- their son has to focus on finishing high school and has issues with grades. Grandparents told grandson not to say anything to his parents, moved the horse to where his girlfriends is kept, and started paying for boarding so that he could enjoy it. Then grandparents cant understand why their son is mad, because after all his wife was being unreasonable by saying no and they didn't do anything wrong.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Apr 4, 2014 15:15:53 GMT -5
I was my grandparents favorite. There were a lot of reasons. I was the oldest. I was a girl (they had 3 sons). My family lived closest to them. I got to go on summer vacations 2 times with them (up north to visit family). I also spent the night at there house all the time and none of the other grandkids did this. But I don't think my brother/cousins noticed or cared.
My other grandparents also had a favorite. He was their oldest and also had a single mom. I don't think my brothers or cousins were bothered by this either.
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kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 4, 2014 15:33:27 GMT -5
Wow, some of these really hurt, don't they? Hugs to everyone who has had to deal with this cr*p. My folks always treated us in an even-handed manner (there was no open comparing and no special treatment of any kind ever), but I know that I'm the "sentimental" favorite. In a traditional, old-world family that values a male heir, I'm the first girl in three generations. My great grandfather had a sister who died when she was two - and when I showed up three generations later I got christened with her name (my poor mother had NO choice). My mother tells me that when my grandfather was dying of cancer (he passed when I was a few months old), he would spend hours holding me and talking to me in Italian. When we were kids and used to ask/tease/bug our parents who their favorite was, my mother would always say, "you are my absolute favorite daughter of all time." [It took me a while to figure out how easy this was for her, because I'm the only girl in a family of 4 kids - lol ]
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Chocolate Lover
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Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 4, 2014 16:11:36 GMT -5
I have a coworker whose parents won't answer the phone when she calls. 99 times out of 100. They are mad about something that happened 30 years ago or something. She'll drive 10 hours to their area and visit her sister (who they were also mad at about something different) and call them and if they answer they'll tell her that they can't see her this day they have a doctor's appointment. I keep telling her she can have mine that are a little too nearby some days.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 4:30:14 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 16:34:42 GMT -5
There weren't favorites among us, so much as younger sis was sort of the stand out rough kid to raise. If there was discord, she was generally at the center of it or assumed to be. Older sis and I are pretty sedate by nature, and if left alone tended to sit quietly reading from really young ages.
Younger sis was diagnosed as hyper by every single doctor who saw her, and they all wanted to put her on sedatives. Mom decided against it, but she was a real whirlwind of trouble for several years, particularly compared to us. She's the only one mom actually spanked from sheer frustration, and school was tough for her.
Now she and mom are really close though. Younger sis grew up really loyal with a strong sense of justice, and is fantastically helpful now that she's harnessed her thrumming energy. She will volunteer to help with any project, any time. Need to clean a totally jammed, disgusting shed or need wood split? She's there. Washing cars? She'll go down the line, washing all of them. Need 1200 cookies baked? No problem, she'll crank music and dance while doing it. She tows people along with that energy of hers, and gets so much done. Long after everyone else is exhausted, she'll keep going and finish the project. She just whirlwinds around, cleaning and sorting and making stuff. She's also much happier as an adult, not having to sit still so many hours a day, and getting paid and valued to move at a good high burn.
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greeniis10
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Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
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Post by greeniis10 on Apr 4, 2014 17:04:05 GMT -5
I'm very sorry for all of you who have dealt with this personally and lived with the pain, whether it is in the past or not.
I was always proudly the black sheep of the family. My parents and sister were extremely religious and I rebelled against it from day one. I just didn't (even as a small child) understand or agree with the teachings. I knew I was going to leave home just as soon as I could and I'm sure I was more rebellious than necessary, looking back. But, I knew all along that reasonably my parents favored my sister because she was and still is devoted to the relgion. That part never bothered me. I never had any interest to fit in or be favored, even in school among my peers. Being disowned by my family, well that was a bit extreme IMHO. Still worth it in the long run.
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cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
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Post by cronewitch on Apr 4, 2014 20:31:43 GMT -5
My parents went back and forth over our lives. First born was a much wanted and loved boy, just what they wanted. I was next 15 months later, kicked for 9 months then colic, she already had a baby didn't really want another. She visited her aunt who liked the baby so wanted to keep me, mom left me for weeks. I got a new outfits hand sewn. My little brother was born 15 months after me so oldest was 30 months so three in diapers. She was overwhelmed, dad worked out of state and wasn't home for third birth. She didn't always even like the first born. He kept trying to get out of the yard and once she was so fed up with him she put him out and told him he could leave. Dad found him outside the fence when he got home and told mom you can't just throw them out. We drove her up the wall with our fighting and bad behavior but she knew she wasn't allowed to just quit. Oldest cause trouble and was always the problem child but she still seemed to like him best. I was the girl so had dad and grandpa wrapped around my little finger. My little brother was nobody's favorite and had a problem with his legs and couldn't say the letter L.
When we were adults they liked having grandchildren and I didn't give them any so felt my brothers were favorites. Little bro was hurt when dad told someone he wished older brother was home so he had someone to go fishing with. Oldest keep needing financial help and finally dad got fed up with him, told mom not to tell him when he died so he didn't have to pay his way to the funeral. But the last weekend dad was alive he asked if mom had heard from him. Little brother ended up the favorite, he raised good children and had good grandchildren, mom lived with him and he treated her like a queen. She seemed to like having a daughter too and really wished the oldest was home too but didn't make him executor or on her bank accounts. Things change over 66 years of having children but I think she always wanted to love the oldest best he was her baby.
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zibazinski
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Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 5, 2014 7:02:32 GMT -5
DD is the only girl for 7 generations. The cousins of hers that are married aren't having children so far so who knows if that will continue into the 8th generation. So, yes, being the only daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter made her something. Me? I was another unwanted girl granddaughter after having a mom and 3 aunts so when the next grandchild was born, a BOY finally, my grandfather have my aunt and uncle 2k which was a ton of money in 1960 and they put a down payment on a house with it. Funny enough, all my cousins are boys except the very last one, the surprise, ended up being a girl. So there's a girl at the beginning and a girl at the end, all boys in between. Even the adopted ones are boys!!
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 5, 2014 10:58:16 GMT -5
My mother and I are opposites. She has a friend/co-worker right around my age that she calls her "daughter" and the girl calls her "my other mom". I think this person is my mom's favorite. They have all the same interests and are both very outwardly emotional. I'm apparently like an extra cold piece of ice. I wasn't particularly bothered by this before but now that I have my own kids, I can't imagine calling a friend of mine "my daughter" in front of my own daughter. I still love my mom even though we don't have much in common, and I'll always be there for her, I think she'll always be there for me too but the whole thing makes me sad. I don't think she really tries to ever see things from my point of view but I feel that I try to accommodate hers as often as I can.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Apr 5, 2014 11:54:12 GMT -5
My aunt and uncle have always heavily favored my younger cousin who is 3 years younger than her sister. The first time a friend of my mom met them when my cousins were maybe 4 and 7 she said something to my mom afterwords because she saw it first hand and said kids pick up on it. The younger cousin was more popular, a better athlete and more popular with the opposite sex. The older sister is a sweetheart but I'm pretty sure she may be bipolar and she suffered from depression a lot which was made worse by her parents favoring her younger sister. She ended up in rehab but has got her life together and in her late 20's she's going to school and working. The other cousin is a smart girl, graduated college and has a job but she's horribly full of herself and listening to my uncle talk about her you'd think she farts rainbows. It's amazing how much they alienated the older daughter and their way of fixing problems always involves money. I realize having kids isn't easy but I've taken it as a lesson of what not to do as a parent even if I don't always see eye to eye with them.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Apr 6, 2014 20:48:09 GMT -5
I am the unflavored child in my family.
My father wanted a boy. My parents told stories in front of me of the uncle I was supposed to have been named after if I had been a boy.
At one point, not long ago, my mother told me that they had given each of my sisters either a car or enough money to buy one. I don't know why she told me that. All I
The only money I was ever given was a loan to cover the mortgage when I was selling my condo and didn't have a tenant.
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