Parents Attitude About Risk Affects Kids’ Achievement

[Shooby]

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/artificial-maturity/201404/parents-attitude-about-risk-affects-kids-achievement


You knew it, didn’t you? Over the last twenty years, adults (both teachers and parents) have been on a track to eliminate failure and risk from our children’s lives. We are afraid our kids are too fragile, and may diminish their self-esteem, or worse, their happiness if they take risks.

Well, I have news for you. It didn’t work.

“Children of risk-averse parents have lower test scores and are slightly less likely to attend college than offspring of parents with more tolerant attitudes toward risk,” says a team led by Sarah Brown of the University of Sheffield in the UK. Aversion to risk may prevent parents from making inherently uncertain investments in their children’s human capital; it’s also possible that risk attitudes reflect cognitive ability, the researchers say.” The Harvard Business Review posted this report, but alas, it won’t help us unless we do something about it. Adults continue to vote to remove playground equipment from parks so kids won’t have accidents, to request teachers to stop using red ink as they grade papers and even cease from using the word “no” in class. It’s all too negative. I am sorry—but while I understand the intent to protect students, we are failing miserably at preparing for a world that will not be risk-free.




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Taking calculated risks is all a part of growing up. In fact, it plays a huge role. Childhood may be about safety and self-esteem, but as a student matures, risk and achievement are necessities in forming their identity and confidence. Because parents have removed “risk” from children’s lives, psychologists are using a term as they counsel teens: High Arrogance, Low Self-Esteem. They are cocky, but deep down their confidence is hollow, but it’s built off of watching YouTube videos, and perhaps not really achieving something meaningful.

Bottom line? If we treat our kids as fragile, they will surely grow up to be fragile adults. And our world needs resilient adults not fragile ones.

May I suggest some steps?

1. Create ways for your students to assume calculated risks in their daily activities.

2. When they fall or fail at anything, talk them through how to navigate the blunder.

3. Tell them stories of your own failures and how you built resilience through them.

4. Celebrate successes, but also the lessons that come from failure. This is huge.

What are your thoughts? Should we be risk aversive?

[swamp]

I don't want my kids to be risk adverse.   You can't accomplish anything without taking risks.

[Deleted]

I am super risk averse. I would like to think that my kids won't be as risk averse as I am, but the proverbial apple does not fall far from the tree. Although, I am slightly riskier than my parents, so maybe there is hope yet.

[Shooby]

One time, my sons were out in the backyard climbing the tree and horsing around with their friends. My mom was looking out the window and said "they shouldn't be doing that'. I told her "mom, stop looking out the window, problem solved'!

[swamp]

Apr 3, 2014 8:38:19 GMT -5 Shooby said:

One time, my sons were out in the backyard climbing the tree and horsing around with their friends. My mom was looking out the window and said "they shouldn't be doing that'. I told her "mom, stop looking out the window, problem solved'!

My MIL wants to wrap the kids in plastic wrap and wigs out if they get a boo boo.  It kills me.

[Shooby]

I actually push the kids more than DH does. I had a really fun childhood where we kids were out in the woods, down at the creek, riding bikes all over town, etc. We survived. I want my kids to have a real childhood too and not be penned in.

[swamp]

Funny, my DH had the same childhood.  DH does not recognize this woman who is my MIL. She certainly doesn't grandparent like she parented.

[whoisjohngalt]

I am not so much worried about being an over protective parent when it comes to physical stuff as I am about other stuff.

Yesterday, my husband spent some time with my oldest in his class and was telling me how he (DH) had to make another kid share with DS.  I was like WTH??  why would you get involved?  My DH thinks that our kid is too  young, not assertive enough, blah blah blah and how he was watching out for his boy, blah blah blah

I told dear hubbby to stay the hell away.  I told him one of two things were going on  -
1 - our kid didn't care enough to ask for what he wanted or
2 - he did wanted but didn't have the guts to ask in which case, we can talk to him later and figure out how to help him

Turn out it was #1.  He wasn't interested in doing that activity and was perfectly fine with letting another kid to have it all.

that kind of over protection is what I hope we don't do

[raeoflyte]

My parents neighbors have 3 wild boys. When they were younger it was like lord of the flies over there. As they've gotten older they are some of the nicest kids you could meet. I've said for years that they are going to be my kids boss'.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

[thyme4change]

My neighbor has criticized my decision to let my kids stay home alone during the day on Spring Break.  Just because their kids are untrustworthy doesn't mean my kids are irresponsible.  He came over and got them after I left for work.  I want independent kids - his kids can't even pour themselves a glass of milk.  

[mizbear]

My parents were somewhat risk aversive, but my mother got better about it after divorcing my father and moving back in with my grandparents.

My ex-SIL waffles on risk aversiveness. She is aversive to certain risk but not always to the ones that she needs to be....

I am a bigger risk taker, although I don't think you will find me bungee jumping anytime soon

[The Captain]

My parents were very risk adverse.  For the most part so am I but we're doing things I would not have considered a few years back.

Doesn't mean I don't take chances knowing there is a possibility of failure, it just means I am willing to live with the failure.

We're trying to teach the same thought process to DD.

[raeoflyte]

I think the self esteem stuff can and should go hand and hand with this.  Ideally I'd teach my kids that their self worth is not tied up in a particular failure, and that getting back up, trying again (the same thing or something different), treating yourself and others well means so much more.  I don't have any theories on how to do that, but its my goal.  

[Apple]

Apr 3, 2014 9:38:37 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

My neighbor has criticized my decision to let my kids stay home alone during the day on Spring Break.  Just because their kids are untrustworthy doesn't mean my kids are irresponsible.  He came over and got them after I left for work.  I want independent kids - his kids can't even pour themselves a glass of milk.  

I left my son at home alone as soon as it was legal to do so (12 yo in Oregon). I was babysitting babies/toddlers/younger kids by that time, making them lunch (on the stove), etc. My kid should be able to nuke his own food by then...

[mizbear]

Thyme- my parents would have been on that neighbor like white on rice.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Adults continue to vote to remove playground equipment from parks so kids won’t have accidents

Man my kid's nearly killed herself way more times in my own house than she has at a playground. She's probably safer at the playground.

[bean29]

“Children of risk-averse parents have lower test scores and are slightly less likely to attend college than offspring of parents with more tolerant attitudes toward risk."

Mheh.  I read this and just found it funny.  DH says his mother was extremely against him going to college.  I guess she thought he would fail.  DH is very successful.

I am both over protective and laid back in my parenting style.  Too late for me to change anything.  My kids are 20 and 17. 

Personally I think teaching kids to be comfortable in social situations is just as important as teaching them to take risks.

[Deleted]

I'm not that concerned with everyday horsing around, pushing each other, wrestling, but I get a little concerned when my son is a position where a slight wrong move and he'll end up in the hospital.  I don't know, does that make me risk-averse?

I think people focus a bit too much on the fact that "everyone gets a medal" anecdote.  My son plays soccer and everyone gets equal playing time, we don't keep score, and all kids get a medal at the end of the year.  Big deal?  They are just kids after all.  I'm more concerned that the kids are giving their best effort.  Should we only recognize WINNING instead of EFFORT?  Cause I can easily walk up to the best soccer team in our league and say "You guys are only the best because of mini-Pele over here.  The rest of you losers should hand over your medals because you didn't do sh*t to help the team"

Besides, do people really think that kids have an inflated sense of self worth because they got a medal at the end of the year?  

My 5 year old son is absolutely aware of the fact that we lost almost every game this year, so I don't think he's under the impression that our team is God's gift to soccer.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

but I get a little concerned when my son is a position where a slight wrong move and he'll end up in the hospital. I don't know, does that make me risk-averse

I don't think so. ER bills are expensive. I'm all for trying to minimize trips there.

[Sum Dum Gai]

My kids are screwed.  I'm the most risk averse person I know.

[mizbear]

Difference between having to bubble wrap your kids and being cautious

[thyme4change]

Apr 3, 2014 12:47:22 GMT -5 mizbear said:

Thyme- my parents would have been on that neighbor like white on rice.

I decided to let it go, because my son would go over and play for a bit and then he would leave and come home.  He said once one of the kids came by and told him to come back over, and he didn't go.  So - everyone got a little of what they wanted, and a little of what they didn't.