psychological harassment

[Deleted]

Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied at work? Have you worked with someone that was belittled and humiliated at work? What did you do? What if it was the CEO and HR person doing the bullying?

[moneymaven]

Do not walk, run. Bad situation all around. Assuming it is a small company where this is happening?

[busymom]

I vote look for a new job. I've worked for one or two people that I was convinced had serious issues, & there is no logic that works in a situation like this.  Because, you see, YOU are the problem. 

Best wishes to the victim!

[zibazinski]

It happened to me, at the bank I worked for before I got my teaching job. The HR person, who slept her way into HR, basically told me that in order to keep my assistant manager job I'd need to sleep with my alcoholic manager. Ugh. Thankfully a teaching job opened up and I took it. I'd gone to her, of course, for help in getting away from him.   That's when I learned that no one looks out for you but you and that women can be even crueler than men. I think if I had gone to a man in HR, MAYBE things would have turned out differently but I was too ashamed at the time to do so and thought a woman would be more helpful and understanding. I was young and STUPID at the time but it wasnt the last time a woman F Ed me over instead of helping me.

[Deleted]

Your story goes to show that women can be just as jerky as men can be.


And FWIW...because you say things like "I think if I had gone to a man in HR maybe things would have been different" instead of "I think if I had gone to anyone else who wasn't a jerk MAYBE things would have been different" people get the impression that you are misogynistic. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 17, 2014 21:15:29 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied at work? Have you worked with someone that was belittled and humiliated at work? What did you do? What if it was the CEO and HR person doing the bullying?

Yup. My office manager is a bully and a humiliating type. Not sure if she just gets her kicks doing it, or she needs to do it to shore up her own sense of inferiority.

And yes, I am looking for a new job. Several people have left here because of her. I won't be the first. My boss is the HR department. He is too lazy to get rid of her, apparently.

[zibazinski]

Mar 18, 2014 8:13:34 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Your story goes to show that women can be just as jerky as men can be.


And FWIW...because you say things like "I think if I had gone to a man in HR maybe things would have been different" instead of "I think if I had gone to anyone else who wasn't a jerk MAYBE things would have been different" people get the impression that you are misogynistic. 

True enough. Just my own experiences. Guys always helped me and women always F Ed me over. No idea why, just the way it worked for me.

[zibazinski]

Mar 18, 2014 8:48:27 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Mar 17, 2014 21:15:29 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied at work? Have you worked with someone that was belittled and humiliated at work? What did you do? What if it was the CEO and HR person doing the bullying?

Yup. My office manager is a bully and a humiliating type. Not sure if she just gets her kicks doing it, or she needs to do it to shore up her own sense of inferiority.

And yes, I am looking for a new job. Several people have left here because of her. I won't be the first. My boss is the HR department. He is too lazy to get rid of her, apparently.

Or she has "other qualities" he finds useful! Are you sure he knows why people leave?

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 18, 2014 9:12:24 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Mar 18, 2014 8:48:27 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Yup. My office manager is a bully and a humiliating type. Not sure if she just gets her kicks doing it, or she needs to do it to shore up her own sense of inferiority.

And yes, I am looking for a new job. Several people have left here because of her. I won't be the first. My boss is the HR department. He is too lazy to get rid of her, apparently.

Or she has "other qualities" he finds useful! Are you sure he knows why people leave?

No. People have moved on for other reasons - to be with family, in one case. Start their own business, in another. Two of them still work for us, but won't work in this office; they work from home in order not to be around her. I don't have that option.

[zibazinski]

Funny enough, DF told me thes a company that is closing its doors because of one manager that got such a bad rep and the owner would do nothing that no one would work there anymore. Problem solved. The owner is old and doesn't need the job but the manager will be up shits creek because this is a small town and his rep is a bad one. I kinda hope he ends up working for one of several of his former victims/employees. So does DF because he had a run in with him.

[happyhoix]

Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied at work?

Sure I've worked with my share of jerks.

I've complained to the person's manager and HR before, when I witnessed someone being a dick to their employee. Don't know if that fixed the problem or only made them stop being a dick when I was around.

If the bullies were the CEO and HR person, I would probably find a new job. I had to work with a Prime grade A asshole for a while, he kept making his  managers quit. I was next in line to leave (I was searching for a job) but corporate HR finally stepped in and canned the bastard.

Generally if you're a manager and you have an extremely high turn over rate due to people fleeing like rats abandoning a ship that makes corporate HR take a hard look at you, fortunately.

[bean29]

Mar 18, 2014 9:11:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Mar 18, 2014 8:13:34 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Your story goes to show that women can be just as jerky as men can be.


And FWIW...because you say things like "I think if I had gone to a man in HR maybe things would have been different" instead of "I think if I had gone to anyone else who wasn't a jerk MAYBE things would have been different" people get the impression that you are misogynistic. 

True enough. Just my own experiences. Guys always helped me and women always F Ed me over. No idea why, just the way it worked for me.

LOL, I distinctly remember being told that Women are more difficult to work for than Men.  In general my worst bosses have been women, however my all time best boss was a woman.  Guess we are better off not generalizing. 

[The Captain]

I once saw a peer treat a contractor in an absolutely (to me) humiliating, unprofessional manner.

The company I worked at had no effective HR manager at the time, so I took the issue to our boss.

His response, "She (the employee) gets done what needs doing, and it's a contractor - not an employee."

Turns out the employee was a "golden child" who was a master at sucking up to management.  The environment and company at the time is probably the only place where she would be able to get away with, and thrive, with such behavior.

I got out of that company as quickly as I could.

[bean29]

I once stepped right in between two executives going at each other.  I was rather new and this is a family buisness.  One of the execs was "family".  Rather than being a negative, it probably did more for their opinion of me than just hiding in my office until the fight blew over would have.  I told them to go to lunch and cool off before someone had a heart attack.  I truly was concerned, of of the two arguing has high blood pressure.  He has become a very close friend.

[Sam_2.0]

In my last position there was a team mate who was a bully. Management and HR just turned a blind eye to it. I never felt such relief as the day I was offered a new job. I feel sorry for the person left working with her, though. Although that person has been working with her for years and has developed some decent coping skills.

[Tiny]

Mar 17, 2014 21:15:29 GMT -5 @bluester said:

Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied at work? Have you worked with someone that was belittled and humiliated at work? What did you do? What if it was the CEO and HR person doing the bullying?

I guess the question is how did the person getting 'belittled' and 'humiliated' take it?  Did they handle it so that the bully looked bad to other people... or did they just take it and then grouse about it in private?    I'm assuming there is no 'harrassment policy' in place OR the people in charge of the 'harrassment policy' are doing the bullying. 


I worked with a woman (a vendictive bully who knew exactly what she was doing)  who said  it was 'all in fun' to give coworkers nicknames and to comment on their clothing choices and to do other subtle unpleasant things (like practical jokes).   Of course if you - in the spirit of fun --  gave her a nickname she became 'hurt and angry' and if you made a 'funny' about her hair or clothes you were being rude.   I think I was one of the only people who told her to Stop with the nick name(s) for me and to drop the 'jokes' about my clothes.  She didn't - and I got to the point where I told her - in front of alot of people (who also suffered her 'jokes') that if she didn't stop calling me by anything other than my given name, I was calling HR and reporting her for harrassment - and while she was remembering to do that she could stop commenting daily on my wardrobe choices.    I think a few other people told her to stop as well after that, because the 'nick names' and the clothing comments dropped off dramatically.  She pretty much kept her comments about others to herself and her 3 cronies.   

I've also worked with loud, abusive people but I managed to manage them (to my advantage) without too much trouble.   Some 'bullies' are bullies more out of habit (easy to manage) than vendictive intentions (a true problem).

[cronewitch]

We had an idiot receptionist who tried to bully but I got her to quit eventually. One she picked on was the payroll clerk who almost quit. The first day she was told to cross train her to do reception and said she couldn't work with her because she stunk. The boss said then I guess you will need to leave so someone else can train her. The new one had no odor at all at any time, she didn't wear scented products and was clean.
Another time when the payroll clerk told her not to give her copies of something she didn't need and just had to shred she told her when she got a degree she could talk to her. Another time she told her everyone knows black people are dirty, knowing she had biracial children. After that I told the payroll clerk to stay away from her, I would deliver things back and forth so she didn't need to see her.

I kept complaining about her and they wrote her up and counseled her but she was not fixable. She promised to do some work she didn't want to do once then never did it. When I confronted her she said she was sick and going home. She considered me a bully and took 12 weeks FMLA from stress then never came back. She was pretty stressed the day I complained to the boss she was doing something against company policy and kept saying but we are coworkers. The boss then explained I was her boss and she had to do what I told her to the best of her ability. Mostly I tried to ignore her but if I had to deal with her I was very careful not to say anything she could complain about.

During trying to get her fired they interviewed everyone who may have witnessed any confrontations and documented. Once she interrupted me complaining to the boss about her by making a T with her hands in my face like for a time out. I did it back to her and she said to him that was why she was afraid of me. I didn't threaten her at all but after she quit she tried to claim I had assaulted her and had made a fist like a boxer. Nobody believed her since at least the boss knew what happened and everyone else believed me.

So I guess I was the bully but not sorry.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I've been very fortunate to have only had one co-worker with this type of personality.  How a person handles it absolutely has something to do with where you fall in the "chain of command".  I sat back for two days (to get a real handle on what was really going on) and watched a co-worker give a really hard time to a clerical person.  I don't know that some would term it as bullying, but it was in my eyes.  He wasn't her supervisor but was a person who could assign her tasks. 

The behavior mostly consisted of sarcastic comments.  For example, instead of simply pointing out that he wanted a certain packet of paperwork to go to a person he hadn't instructed her to send it to, he would say stuff like, "I had hoped you were smart enough to figure that out without me having to tell you."  Just sarcastic crap like that.  If she would take a restroom break, he would tell her she needed to let everyone know when she was going to the bathroom.  He would humiliate her by saying stuff like, "That's the 3rd time you've gone potty in the last 2 hours.  Have a tummy issue?"  I honestly wanted to smack him.  In addition, on one occasion, he slammed a book down on her desk and  instructed her, in a loud voice, to "read section...."

Since I am in a position where I don't have to worry about losing my job or alienating my superiors, I asked him if we could have a 5 minute chat in his office.  I shut the door and listed the incidences I had observed.  I told him, very simply, that if I witnessed them again, I would personally help her write a "harassment in the workplace" grievance.  He made a bunch of excuses like kids keeping him up all night, etc.  I made it clear he needed to leave home stuff at home and that would be my final word on the matter.  There would be no more discussion if it happened again - just action.

He behaved himself quite well up until he left for another position about 6 months later.  I dont' miss him.  Sometimes, just standing up to a bully curbs the behavior but, again, it depends on whether or not you are in a position to stand up to them.

[NancysSummerSip]

I've stood up to mine, but unfortunately, she's apparently untouchable and in a position where she's not going to be fired/asked to leave, so I am happy to go. Heck, even my boss has dressed her down a few times because of her behavior. Yet he lets her stay. Whatever. He can keep her.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If it's the CEO and HR then it's time to look for another job.  Who is their to complain to?

At the university I used to work for the IACUC veternarian is a bully.  She commited quite a few compliance violations while I was there and since.  Unfortunately the head of the compliance department is her best friend so it goes in one ear and out the other.

In that situation the only thing left to do is file a complaint with NIH and that's a very politically charged thing to do.  You need enough clout/money to be able to survive if the complaint is not sustained. If it falls thru you're life is going to be made pretty miserable by the people you complained about.  

Only my former boss had that kind of power at that university and he's long gone.  The bullying is one of the reasons why he left.

[Abby Normal]

There was an ass that I used to have to work with early in my career.  He tried to bully any female and it was a weird situation because he was family to the owners.  He and I didn't get along because I stood up to him.  I had to work on a project for him (he was the sales manager) and it was a disaster.  He went to my boss and complained because I wasn't doing it right.  I kept telling my boss that what he wanted was inherently flawed and that it could never be "right" the way he wanted it done. It was really frustrating to feel like your employer thinks you are a screwup, when it's nothing you can do anything about.  My boss  finally removed me from the project and assigned to someone else (who was a data entry person and didn't have a hope in hell of understanding the project).  Within a month, the information was so screwed up it as completely useless.  Admittedly, I did enjoy sitting back and watching it fail.

They asked him to leave about a year later.  One of my first projects after he left was to get that project running right.  What he wanted was good,  how he wanted it done was asinine. But he couldn't step back enough to say " this is what I need, figure out how to make it work".  Instead he wanted to tell me exactly how it should be done- and he was an idiot as well as a bully.  

[Green Eyed Lady]

Mar 18, 2014 11:00:23 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I've stood up to mine, but unfortunately, she's apparently untouchable and in a position where she's not going to be fired/asked to leave, so I am happy to go. Heck, even my boss has dressed her down a few times because of her behavior. Yet he lets her stay. Whatever. He can keep her.

Bake her some pot brownies and then suggest a random drug testing.

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 18, 2014 11:07:40 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Mar 18, 2014 11:00:23 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I've stood up to mine, but unfortunately, she's apparently untouchable and in a position where she's not going to be fired/asked to leave, so I am happy to go. Heck, even my boss has dressed her down a few times because of her behavior. Yet he lets her stay. Whatever. He can keep her.

Bake her some pot brownies and then suggest a random drug testing.

We don't do any testing here (small office), but I have an Ex-Lax brownie recipe to bake for her on my last day....

[Green Eyed Lady]

Good idea.  X-Lax is probably cheaper and easier to find.  Then?  Make sure all the toilet paper holders are empty.

[Green Eyed Lady]

And when she comes out of the bathroom, flap your hands frantically in front of your face and exclaim, "Phew!  Did something die in here?"



Wait....would that be bullying?

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 18, 2014 11:15:41 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

And when she comes out of the bathroom, flap your hands frantically in front of your face and exclaim, "Phew!  Did something die in here?"



Wait....would that be bullying?

OMFG..I have done that before, not knowing she was the last one in there....

[zibazinski]

[movingforward]

I worked for a bully a few years back.  She knew who she could bully and who she couldn't though.  She pounced on the weak.  She typically picked someone and made their life a living hell until they quit.  Once they did she would move on to someone else.  I honestly believe she suffered from NPD.  My co-worker and I looked up the ten traits of NPD and she possessed 9 out of 10.  If someone ever disagreed with her they were put on the "shit list" and they never got off.  If you weren't with her on every little thing then you were against her. 

On an unrelated note, she also used to bring in her old purses and try to sell them to the staff.  I can't count how many times she brought in some ugly as hell purse that had cost her $1,500 or more.  She would sell them for $50 or so.  Seriously, someone would have had to pay ME $50 just to carry that ugly ass crap. 

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 18, 2014 9:33:54 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Mar 18, 2014 9:11:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

True enough. Just my own experiences. Guys always helped me and women always F Ed me over. No idea why, just the way it worked for me.

LOL, I distinctly remember being told that Women are more difficult to work for than Men.  In general my worst bosses have been women, however my all time best boss was a woman.  Guess we are better off not generalizing. 

I've always gotten along better with male bosses. The women I have worked for (see, I'm not generalizing) always seem to be in a power trip. I've worked with a few asshole men, too, but overall I work better wih men

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

I also have had a better business rapport with men. A few years ago, (and probably still going on today), a woman in a managerial or supervisory position did tend to abuse their position - as MT says, they were - or are - on a "power trip".

It took a lot of decades for a woman to rise to that status, and to some it's gone straight to their heads.