Wedding - Don't Know Bride or Groom

[alabamagal]

Have you ever gone to a wedding where you didn't know the bride or groom?

We just received a wedding invitation for the daughter of the pastor at our former church. When the pastor came to the church, the daughter was in college and I recall seeing her, but don't think I ever spoke to her. She was older than my kids.  We stopped going to the church 2 years ago, but are technically still members. I realize that they just invited all church members, because the don't want to leave everyone out.  Church is ~400 people.  It says "Reception to Follow" so guess it is one of those cake and punch at the church things.

I don't think I would recognize the daughter if I saw her at the mall, and don't know the groom.  Why would I go to the wedding.

Am I supposed to send I gift?  I'm not.

[swamp]

I'd Send a card. 

[MarleyKeezy78]

Uh, no to both.

[taz157]

Mar 16, 2014 10:32:52 GMT -5 MarleyKeezy78 said:

Uh, no to both.

Yeah that!

[bobosensei]

I would send a card (not with money- just a nice handwritten note of congratulations and well wishes), but not attend. I agree with the assessment that everyone was invited so that no one was left out. I doubt they expect you to attend or to send a gift, but I am sure that a card would be much appreciated.

[cronewitch]

I was invited to my cousin's daughters wedding. I had seen the girl twice before didn't know her at all. I know why I was invited it was because my mom was too old to drive so if she wanted to go I need to take her. They live 240 miles from us, mom didn't want to go so i just told mom to RSVP for me too. I didn't send a card or gift.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Depending upon your status/job in the community, apparently this is the norm.

My college friend's son is getting married this fall and his dad is a major employer in the area.  The family is HUGE in the community.  They were telling me that they were obligated to invite a large number of people (upwards of 500) and the bride was balking as she did not want this sort of wedding at all.  She only wants around 100 max, she does not want the kind of circus that was expected.

They are planning on a destination wedding instead....and that will get it own to around 100.  By doing this, only family and very close friends are invited.

I'm still wrapping my head around the idea of being obligated to invite so many, but I can see a pastor in a similar position.

[Bonny]

Under the circumstances it sounds like it was a courteous thing to do and an appropriate response is what swamp suggested; a handwritten card giving congratulations.

I'm sure both bride and pastor will be grateful not to have feed another mouth!

Although it's part of the job, people in these semi "public" roles have to deal with a lot perceived slights e.g. some people feel they are closer to them than the "public" person does. In other words, the public person's being "friendly" doesn't mean that you are actually friends.

[thyme4change]

I was the bridesmaid at the pastor's daughter's wedding.  They invited the whole church.  She didn't keep score on who sent a gift or card vs. the church roles.  If she doesn't know you, she won't give a crap.  Send nothing.  And unless you are very close to the minister, he won't care either.  Doesn't sound like you are an integral part of their lives.  I wouldn't send anything.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Well, based on the title. I was going to say "scoundrel! they just want the money/gift!". 
But, I agree that the pastor didn't want to offend anyone. 
Decline and send a card.  

Or, if you find out there's an actual free meal, accept, attend, and eat and still only send a card. 

[Apple]

It is times like this, I am glad I am a "nobody".  If I ever get married again, I'm eloping in Ireland, and no one will feel slighted

[Apple]

As for the question, I've only been to three weddings as an adult, all for family.  The only way I can see myself ever going to one where I don't know the bride or groom on a personal level, is if I go as someone's "plus one".

[tloonya]

No. To all.

[swamp]

Mar 16, 2014 13:19:33 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

How YM of you!

[alabamagal]

It is reception at church. Cake and punch at best.  Hardly worth the effort

I'm not sending a card either. I have never met the daughter. And I don't go to that church anymore.

[swamp]

Mar 17, 2014 14:24:50 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

It is reception at church. Cake and punch at best.  Hardly worth the effort

I'm not sending a card either. I have never met the daughter. And I don't go to that church anymore.

No mints?

[Sam_2.0]

I got invited to a wedding like this once. The daughter of the music pastor. I had never met her, even though she was about my age, and I rarely went to church. I had just broken up with my fiancee and my mom kept trying to get me to go just to get me out of the house (and probably back to church). I declined.

A year later I was engaged to the bride's little brother Guess I should have gone to meet DH a couple of months earlier than I did. But it probably wouldn't have worked out if that was the case.