tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:09:35 GMT -5
DH and I have been married 18 years.. I"m guessing my butterflies were actually tiny flying dinosaurs...
Yes.. I miss the butterflies... ...you meant dinosaurs
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Mar 13, 2014 13:09:53 GMT -5
Sometimes I miss it. But most of the time I like where our relationship is at and how it has evolved over time. I love him more than I did 6 years ago.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:11:50 GMT -5
First thing that comes to mind of mine is that you had gotten married too soon... You were dating for 6 years and you only lost butterflies after marriage? Because to my knowledge when you are dating for 6 years it is like if you are already married. After year 1 it is basically a marriage even if you do not live together. You can't have butterflies for 6 years each time you going out to eat or dressing up for the movie. You know him for 6 years, you come home and getting ready to go to Chinese restaurant...after which your place or his place and it is only unnerving if you are suffering some -crazy-condition...otherwise it is all same old same old... We didn't date for 6 years... we've been together a total of 6 years. 3.5 of those years we've been married. I didn't say i expect to have butterflies all the time after 6 years. I said I miss the butterflies and all the other things that went along with dating. Change everything in my post to 3.5 years and re-read it. Same thing. I actually said after year 1 it doesn't matter how many years going by after...
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aliciar6
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Post by aliciar6 on Mar 13, 2014 13:15:43 GMT -5
the only thing i ever missed about dating/being single was the chase and then the next chase.
but maybe DH and I haven't been married long enough for the newness to wear off, but I never really had butterflies, just had lots of fun seducing him, which I still enjoy doing while teleworking and sending him pictures of me in lingerie.
*note it's a bad idea for DH to ever give my dad his phone because of his wall paper, or anyone else for that matter, but he was showing my dad a picture, my dad somehow lost the screen and got pack to the home page and was like "that kind of looks like my daughter"
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Mar 13, 2014 13:17:51 GMT -5
LOL!!
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Mar 13, 2014 13:32:32 GMT -5
LOL. That's how he seduces ME now. I used to require they put more effort into it. THIS. no one is getting man handled or shoved against a wall anymore. So YOU be the one to do it! Grab him by the shirt collar, kiss him as you back him into a corner while you're unbuttoning his shirt, and have at it. When he's in the shower, walk in wrapped in a towel, stare hard at him while you slowly release the towel, and then get in there with him. Dropping your bathrobe between him and the TV (with your sexiest skivvies and high heels on underneath it) works too. Have you thought about some pole dancing classes for you? Bellydancing? Burlesque? Men don't always have to be the aggressor, ya know . (Says the woman who's been married almost 31 years )
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Mar 13, 2014 13:33:40 GMT -5
We didn't date for 6 years... we've been together a total of 6 years. 3.5 of those years we've been married. I didn't say i expect to have butterflies all the time after 6 years. I said I miss the butterflies and all the other things that went along with dating. Change everything in my post to 3.5 years and re-read it. Same thing. I actually said after year 1 it doesn't matter how many years going by after... I still had butterflies after a year and it certainly didn't feel like we were married. We were together over a year before he even met my parents. The "feeling like were were married" did kick in until after we moved in together. I'm curious why you say I got married too soon?
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Mar 13, 2014 13:39:52 GMT -5
THIS. no one is getting man handled or shoved against a wall anymore. So YOU be the one to do it! Grab him by the shirt collar, kiss him as you back him into a corner while you're unbuttoning his shirt, and have at it. When he's in the shower, walk in wrapped in a towel, stare hard at him while you slowly release the towel, and then get in there with him. Dropping your bathrobe between him and the TV (with your sexiest skivvies and high heels on underneath it) works too. Have you thought about some pole dancing classes for you? Bellydancing? Burlesque? Men don't always have to be the aggressor, ya know . (Says the woman who's been married almost 31 years ) Sounds like a woman speaking from experience! I'm not putting this all on DH- My efforts are going about as far as his. It is easy to get into that rut and I am as guilty as he is. I put on about 25 pounds in the last few years, started taking meds for a metabolic disorder and am getting back down to "fighting weight". The closer I get, the more I feel like doing all of the above. I'm already strutting around more and DH is responding to it, slowly but surely.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2014 13:42:02 GMT -5
My wife called the police last time I manhandled her and shoved her against the wall.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Mar 13, 2014 13:47:15 GMT -5
So YOU be the one to do it! Grab him by the shirt collar, kiss him as you back him into a corner while you're unbuttoning his shirt, and have at it. When he's in the shower, walk in wrapped in a towel, stare hard at him while you slowly release the towel, and then get in there with him. Dropping your bathrobe between him and the TV (with your sexiest skivvies and high heels on underneath it) works too. Have you thought about some pole dancing classes for you? Bellydancing? Burlesque? Men don't always have to be the aggressor, ya know . (Says the woman who's been married almost 31 years ) Sounds like a woman speaking from experience! I'm not putting this all on DH- My efforts are going about as far as his. It is easy to get into that rut and I am as guilty as he is. I put on about 25 pounds in the last few years, started taking meds for a metabolic disorder and am getting back down to "fighting weight". The closer I get, the more I feel like doing all of the above. I'm already strutting around more and DH is responding to it, slowly but surely. So work it, girl . "Magic" is a misnomer - magic is made, it doesn't just "happen." Ask any professional magician how hard they work and practice to make it look easy and "magical." If your DH is anything like the average guy, he doesn't care all that much about a few extra pounds - just getting him within visual range of a naked woman is enough (men are such simple creatures, really! ). Add some f* me heels, a few bits of lace over your girl parts and you're good to go - regardless of your weight. Trust me.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:49:20 GMT -5
Change everything in my post to 3.5 years and re-read it. Same thing. I actually said after year 1 it doesn't matter how many years going by after... I still had butterflies after a year and it certainly didn't feel like we were married. We were together over a year before he even met my parents. The "feeling like were were married" did kick in until after we moved in together. I'm curious why you say I got married too soon? When I was marrying my husband I said he will have to swear to stay with me until our child is at least 16. And deep inside I meant it. I grew up with both parents but thinking of children from divorce families was making me sick! So I had tried my best. I had at least showed him my concern. You are viewing 20 years as 'I have lost butterflies already, what 20 years?' and it made me feel that you aren't ready. What about children? When you ready you are thinking of family with kids for ever and ever and ever. When you are saying 20 years is a lot...makes me wonder. But I can just hope I read you wrong. And you think about what I said and report back if you wish, ok
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Mar 13, 2014 13:50:33 GMT -5
I do, a little. I don't think he does - he likes to be able to fart in front of me. We'll be together 9 years this summer, 5 years married in October. To mix it up, we're having a kid, so we'll see if next year we make it to 10 years together. I wasn't good at dating. He wasn't good at dating. We do pretty much everything together these days (which is good and bad).
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:51:30 GMT -5
My wife called the police last time I manhandled her and shoved her against the wall. She called so policeman can show you how to do it right!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2014 13:52:11 GMT -5
My wife called the police last time I manhandled her and shoved her against the wall. She called so policeman can show you how to do it right! That explains why he handcuffed her and not me.
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quince
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Post by quince on Mar 13, 2014 13:52:38 GMT -5
Hated dating. Hate emotional ups and downs. Butterflies are synonymous with nausea.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:53:43 GMT -5
I do, a little. I don't think he does - he likes to be able to fart in front of me. We'll be together 9 years this summer, 5 years married in October. To mix it up, we're having a kid, so we'll see if next year we make it to 10 years together. I wasn't good at dating. He wasn't good at dating. We do pretty much everything together these days (which is good and bad). tell me about it...24/7...365 days per year...but I am getting cold sweats when I imagine it could end. ...and I don't even like him that much
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:55:53 GMT -5
She called so policeman can show you how to do it right! That explains why he handcuffed her and not me. ...I wouldn't be surprised if he hadcuffed her so she will be no bother when he is moving onto your sweet...face...
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Mar 13, 2014 13:56:09 GMT -5
Butterflies are mostly gone, unless I'm worried about hubs, but I have moments where i am in complete awe of hubs. How he was with his father during his illness and death has made me proud of him.
The cats get excited when hubs comes home so that makes me excited to see him too! They know his sound in the hall and they come running to meet him. Lol.
I have enough anxiety. I don't need more butterflies!
ETA: Together seven years in June, married six months next week.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:56:25 GMT -5
Hated dating. Hate emotional ups and downs. Butterflies are synonymous with nausea.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 13:59:07 GMT -5
Butterflies are mostly gone but I have moments where i am in complete awe of hubs. How he was with his father during his illness and death has made me proud of him. The cats get excited when hubs comes home so that makes me excited to see him too! They know his sound in the hall and they come running to meet him. Lol. -rofl-DH once said he wants to have a dog because there are 3 women at home and no one jumps up and down when he is back from work...than we got a dog who couldn't care less if world would end...now I know he needed a cat! But it ain't happening...
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Mar 13, 2014 14:10:53 GMT -5
I still had butterflies after a year and it certainly didn't feel like we were married. We were together over a year before he even met my parents. The "feeling like were were married" did kick in until after we moved in together. I'm curious why you say I got married too soon? When I was marrying my husband I said he will have to swear to stay with me until our child is at least 16. And deep inside I meant it. I grew up with both parents but thinking of children from divorce families was making me sick! So I had tried my best. I had at least showed him my concern. You are viewing 20 years as 'I have lost butterflies already, what 20 years?' and it made me feel that you aren't ready. What about children? When you ready you are thinking of family with kids for ever and ever and ever. When you are saying 20 years is a lot...makes me wonder. But I can just hope I read you wrong. And you think about what I said and report back if you wish, ok I fully intend on being with DH for the rest of my life, I would not have married him otherwise. I was not young and trolling for a husband. But that doesn't mean I can wrap my head around the idea of being with someone for 20 years, I can't wrap my head around the idea of me being 53 (which will be my age in 20 years) Most people I know that have been married 20 years have a sense of "wow! i can't believe we've been together TWENTY years!" I also am not surprised by the loss of "butterflies"... they've been gone for years (though the make an appearance once or twice a year, but they certainly aren't here consistently as they once were) We have no plans for children. We have 1 niece and 3 nephews between us and countless friends with kids. that is enough for us. Additionally, our dog is there to fill any day to day need to keeping something alive lol
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Mar 13, 2014 14:12:59 GMT -5
Butterflies are mostly gone, unless I'm worried about hubs, but I have moments where i am in complete awe of hubs. How he was with his father during his illness and death has made me proud of him. The cats get excited when hubs comes home so that makes me excited to see him too! They know his sound in the hall and they come running to meet him. Lol. I have enough anxiety. I don't need more butterflies! ETA: Together seven years in June, married six months next week. and BOW CHICA WOW WOW in aruba soon!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 13, 2014 14:15:49 GMT -5
My MIL told us just wait till we've been married 52 years, then we'll really know what it means to be stuck with the same person "forever".
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 13, 2014 14:19:55 GMT -5
My MIL told us just wait till we've been married 52 years, then we'll really know what it means to be stuck with the same person "forever". 53 is more!
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Mar 13, 2014 14:33:59 GMT -5
I don't miss the butterflies.
Married 30 years, and DH and I know and trust each other completely.
That shiver of excitement is nothing compared to the knowledge you have someone in your life you can rely on completely, and who you would be willing to go to any lengths to protect and support.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 13, 2014 14:37:20 GMT -5
compared to the knowledge you have someone in your life you can rely on completely
And not only that will do whatever you need with a straight face. I told DH screw those Eharmony commericals with hot couples giggling over sushi. They should have a commerical with wife bent over the sink as her husband pours RIT in her hair b/c her kid gave her lice. Now THAT's love. If you got a man who will do that for you and not run screaming he's a keeper. Good thing DH is bald b/c I am not sure I love him that much. You won't get a person in the "butterfly" stage to do that kind of stuff for you. Odds are I guy I am dating would run for the hills if I announced I had lice and handed him a bottle of lice shampoo.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Mar 13, 2014 14:43:41 GMT -5
Sounds like a woman speaking from experience! I'm not putting this all on DH- My efforts are going about as far as his. It is easy to get into that rut and I am as guilty as he is. I put on about 25 pounds in the last few years, started taking meds for a metabolic disorder and am getting back down to "fighting weight". The closer I get, the more I feel like doing all of the above. I'm already strutting around more and DH is responding to it, slowly but surely. So work it, girl . "Magic" is a misnomer - magic is made, it doesn't just "happen." Ask any professional magician how hard they work and practice to make it look easy and "magical." If your DH is anything like the average guy, he doesn't care all that much about a few extra pounds - just getting him within visual range of a naked woman is enough (men are such simple creatures, really! ). Add some f* me heels, a few bits of lace over your girl parts and you're good to go - regardless of your weight. Trust me. you are very right, Kitten. DH doesn't care at all. It is all me, being uncomfortable, which is something I never thought I'd be. You are a wise woman... your DH is lucky!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Mar 13, 2014 16:01:30 GMT -5
LOL. That's how he seduces ME now. I used to require they put more effort into it. THIS. no one is getting man handled or shoved against a wall anymore. Right?! I miss that damn wall!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 13, 2014 16:24:31 GMT -5
compared to the knowledge you have someone in your life you can rely on completely
And not only that will do whatever you need with a straight face. I told DH screw those Eharmony commericals with hot couples giggling over sushi. They should have a commerical with wife bent over the sink as her husband pours RIT in her hair b/c her kid gave her lice. Now THAT's love. If you got a man who will do that for you and not run screaming he's a keeper. Good thing DH is bald b/c I am not sure I love him that much. You won't get a person in the "butterfly" stage to do that kind of stuff for you. Odds are I guy I am dating would run for the hills if I announced I had lice and handed him a bottle of lice shampoo. I was thinking of the days last year when I was helping DS get his socks on, put DD's socks on and then I had to help DH put his socks on that first week after his back surgery. Now that is love.
I don't miss dating. I love having that stability. I love watching DH with our children. Maybe the excitement isn't there, but when one kid laying on the floor with him and other trying to squeeze in between them, my heart is full and that is better than any butterflies.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Mar 13, 2014 16:35:21 GMT -5
:: "DH doesn't care at all. It is all me, being uncomfortable, which is something I never thought I'd be." :: ======================================= sarcasticgirl: a few more words and then I'll shut up. This ^^^ is where those pole dancing/bellydancing/burlesque classes will come in really handy. You don't have to be perfect to be attractive to your husband . . . ya pretty much just have to be naked and available (if he's a typical guy lol ). Classes help YOU feel more sensual and attractive - - and the dance clothes don't hurt either . If there are body parts you don't like, just cover them up/dress around them with lingerie. Hate your stomach? Cover it up with a long lacy bustier. Hate your thighs? Wear crotchless fishnet tights (!). And there are a million and one ways to enhance your girls . . . hubby might even get a kick out of an encounter where you DON'T strip completely down to the buff (so to speak ). I promise you on a stack of bibles he will be waaaaaaay too distracted by the come-hither wrapping to care if the package is porn-perfect or not. Never forget that men are primarly visual creatures when it comes to intimate behavior (why do you think there is an insatiable appetite for porn that creates a gillion-gazillion dollar industry each year?). He is waaaaaaaaay less critical than you are - he's just happy to be getting some (to use a male expression) with his wife who is wrapped up in a pretty package just for him. Create your own butterflies .
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