Are You Shallow?

[les63]

Are you shallow when it pertains to the opposite sex? Would you date a person that was overweight? Even if they were the nicest person you had met in a long time?

Do or did you have a certain standard you looked for?

I know people are more than their weight or looks. Just curious what the attractions are/were for posters out there.

[InsertCoolName]

Yes. I am. I have to find them attractive.

Doesn't mean that everyone else has too, as well. But I sure need too!

Looks, attractiveness, etc. are important for ME.

They also either need to have or be totally ok with MY twisted sense of humor.

I am shallow because I HAVE to find them attractive. As in, when I look at him, I think Yum!

[Green Eyed Lady]

A bit - but not for physical features.  As Miss Margarita said, the physical attraction comes AFTER I get to know them a bit.  However, I couldn't have a relationship with a stupid man.  He doesn't have to be a Mensa member or have degrees falling out his butt.  I don't mean that.  He does have to be able to speak in complete sentences and must be able to have a conversation about something other than football.  (Love football but love other stuff, too.)

[flutterby]

Yes, yes I am. 

I'm just starting (barely) to date again, and it's a sad fact I've realized about myself. In my defense, though, I think whether I'm attracted to someone has more to do with their own attitude about how they look. A man who carries a little extra weight but dresses well and is confident in himself is attractive. Another man may be also be a little overweight, but if he doesn't carry it well and is self-conscious about it, then I'm not attracted. If he's really attractive but a jerk, then forget it.

Other things, like bald/balding, I couldn't care less about.

If I'm being honest, I figure I'm slim and fairly cute, why shouldn't I date a guy who's really nice and also good looking? As opposed to a really nice but overweight or unattractive guy? Except I'm having a hard time finding really nice hot guys! 

Really though, I think it's mostly about personality and what is attractive to YOU. If you find their personality attractive, then their physical appearance will seem more attractive.

[Deleted]

I'm more attracted to big men than skinny men. Not too big though. There are more important things than looks, but there has to be something physically appealing to me for me to date him.

[les63]

I've always been a eye person. The eyes first attract me and if the rest fit I'm okay. I believe that it is first physical and then personality. If the man was physically attractive but didn't have much brain power, I would pass.

But what happens if you stay with a semi fit person and they explode? As in weight. Are you still attracted to them? Is it fair that you have pretty much stayed the same weight? I guess it would have to depend how much you love them? And if you love them enough to try to help them lose weight to get healthier.

My parents have been married for 54 years. Gah, my mom weighs less than me. My dad gains a little bit in the winter but usually weighs about 170/175 thru the year. My dad is 5'10" and my mom is 5'4".

I haven't weighed myself in awhile but my American Eagle jeans are a size 8 and they are loose on me. I'm about 5'5" mostly.

I just guess it depends on the individual. I just see a double standard out there. Maybe it is just me?

[cronewitch]

I don't date anyone except my ISO but my taste when I met him were a man my age with a beard and I prefer short men who look like teddy bears. Now we are old and i don't like beards on old men.

My main thing I care about is having them be nice and honest. A mean spirit and I wouldn't date them or if they lie, cheat, steal from anyone. I haven't dealt with depression but don't think I could handle that.

[Deleted]

I have an opposite bias, I won't date a man that is too pretty. George Hamilton and Lyle Wagner types don't do a thing for me. And I would have no idea what they would see in me. I wear jeans most of the time and they don't have creases.

[motherto2]

I refuse to find anyone attractive, because I will not let anyone derail my five year plan. I've wanted to move away from here my whole adult life, but one thing or another has kept me here. I plan on moving out of state to warmer climates after I retire in 4.5 years. So, no looking, means no derailing

But both of my husbands were a little overweight.  For me, it's all in the personality.  I say that, but I've been divorced twice so what do I know

[Sunnyday]

Feb 28, 2014 23:00:56 GMT -5 motherto2 said:

I refuse to find anyone attractive, because I will not let anyone derail my five year plan. I've wanted to move away from here my whole adult life, but one thing or another has kept me here. I plan on moving out of state to warmer climates after I retire in 4.5 years. So, no looking, means no derailing

But both of my husbands were a little overweight.  For me, it's all in the personality.  I say that, but I've been divorced twice so what do I know

wow, you are a woman on a mission. Good for you!

I'm throwing a love spell on you!  May the third one in your hometown be the charm.  

J/K.

Move to the warmer climate and find new guy there.

[Sunnyday]

Yes.

I have a different sense of aesthetic than most. So you don't have to be super handsome by society's standards.

But I do have to admit that long, dirty nails turn me off. Well, dirty nails, period.

And you'll be surprise by how many people have dirty nails. I clean my hand (nails and all) like I'm preparing for surgery, but I'm a bit OCD.

And, smell is what is important to me.  You got to smell right to me. 

I get weird about people and their teeth. I know, I shouldn't. But I can't help it!!!!! missing teeth, yellow teeth, crooked teeth, all I can do is stare.  And I find it gross.  I just want to take them to the dentist, orthodontist or get them dentures or something.

Too fat, no. Too skinny, no.

Too old, no. Too young, no.

Too handsome, no.

Uneducated, no.

Unable to pronounce my name, no.

Drives a truck, no.

Wears a baseball cap, sweatshirts, t-shirt with sport teams on them, basically anyone without a fashion sense, no.

Serious physical handicap, no. (I know who I am, and I can't be the care provider for another adult ever again)

Serious illness, no. (I'm also not mentally or emotionally set up that way)

can't drive manual, no.

Armchair athlete, no.

So I guess, I'm pretty shallow.

[zibazinski]

I've had bad luck with cute guys so I stay away from them now. There a men out there nice looking who are nice but I never meet them.

[giramomma]

I don't think I'm shallow. I dates all types that I thought were cute. Short, tall, skinny, overweight, my religion, not my religion, my race, not my race, my age, older than me, younger than me, some had money, and some were broke ass, college drop outs and freaking smarties. I also would have dated someone who was legally blind and had a rough time with diabetes. (I loved, loved, loved his sense of humor. )

But, I was dating to have fun. I wasn't dating to find a relationship and someone to settle down with. My husband is the only long term relationship that I've had (ie, been with someone over 4 months). Our first Valentines Day, H took me out on a nice date. I opened up our lovely dinnertime conversation with "Huh, it's been six months and we haven't broken up yet. What do you make of that?"

Now my H is overweight. But I find him attractive.

Being an overweight woman, though, I will say that I don't ever believe I would find man that would take me as is if something would happen to my marriage.

ETA: My DH does not try to "help" me to lose weight. If he did, I'd be pissed. The truth is, I'm not ready to. When I think it's important enough to do and willing to commit to it, I will make it a priority. Actually, there are days where I'm almost there. So, I think it's coming sooner than later. I also do not help my DH. For me, it falls under being an adult and in charge of our own behavior. Actually, typing this out, some of my feelings also stem from unresolved issues in childhood.

[thyme4change]

You put a lot of qualifiers in that question.  I will just give the broad answer and say "Yes."  I have no idea who I would date or how I would qualify them as I've been married for a long time.  When I was in my 20's and dating, there were really good looking guys, and a lot of young men, who weren't phenomenally handsome, but being in their 20's - they weren't terrible looking either.  And then there were total uggos.  I didn't go with any total uggos.  I can only really remember being friends with one guy who I felt landed in that category.  We drifted apart when he got arrested for molesting a preschooler.  I likely would have never dated him - even as a friend he was pretty weird and I could only take him in limited quantities.  

[Cookies Galore]

Damn right I'm shallow!

[resolution]

I am not shallow when it comes to appearance, as long as the person has an attractive personality and attracts me as a person.

However I am shallow about money. I had a bad experience with one boyfriend and stopped dating anyone that was a spendthrift. Low paid and frugal was fine. Low paid and a spender was not fine. 

I am done dating though. 

[milee]

If I were single, there are things that would be deal breakers, but I'm not sure weight would be one of them. There have been several men over the years that weren't conventionally handsome, but based on who they are, I found incredible attractive. So the looks part has a reasonable amount of flexibility.

On the other hand, as someone who saw how being overweight badly impacted the quality of life of many family members, I'd be worried about a potential spouse's health and also his ability to be reasonably active and enjoy regular activities.  Being reasonably healthy and being able to do reasonably active pursuits would be very important to me. Especially now that I'm getting older, I would want to find a partner in life. Around here, it's not uncommon for older, unhealthy men to look for women to marry as more of a nurse than a partner. It's crass but apt, the phrase is, "he's looking for a nurse with a purse."  If it's someone I've been with for a long time and he falls ill, of course I'd gladly care for him, but that's not an arrangement I'd knowingly seek or accept from a would-be suitor.

[Deleted]

Yes.

[Miss Tequila]

Hmm...this is hard to answer. If I don't know someone then I either think they are attractive or not, solely based in looks. But once I get to know someone how I view their appearance changes based on what I think if them as a person. My husbands high school best friend was freaking gorgeous! But he was the worlds biggest asshole (to women, not to his friends). Over time he became very unattractive to me.

Flip side is someone that I wouldn't initially find attractive becomes attractive if they have an awesome personality. I'm not attracted to geeky guys or guys that are totally not athletic at all, but a guy that is a little overweight or not really my type (tall, dark hair) can become attractive to me

Where I am shallow is money. I could never date someone piss poor. I have worked hard to get where I am in life and will never support a man. If I dated someone with significantly less money I would either have to pay for everything (which would piss me off) or change my lifestyle (which would kiss me off).

[Phoenix84]

Feb 28, 2014 21:18:11 GMT -5 les63 said:

Are you shallow when it pertains to the opposite sex? Would you date a person that was overweight? Even if they were the nicest person you had met in a long time?

Do or did you have a certain standard you looked for?

I know people are more than their weight or looks. Just curious what the attractions are/were for posters out there.

I don't know, somewhere in between I guess. I am willing to accept someone who is a bit overweight, but not morbidly so. I'm not sure where the "cutoff" is, maybe 20 lbs overweight or so, but there it is.

I guess in the end I don't expect perfection, but I do expect people to take care of themselves.

[Phoenix84]

I have wondered if women find the really skinny guys attractive. Over the last decade or so, I've seen a lot of really skinny guys, like so skinny you could mistake them for teenage girls at a distance.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 1, 2014 13:40:48 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I have wondered if women find the really skinny guys attractive. Over the last decade or so, I've seen a lot of really skinny guys, like so skinny you could mistake them for teenage girls at a distance.

I don't. I like a guy with some muscle to him...I don't want a guy that looks me I could break him in bed ;-)

[swamp]

Mar 1, 2014 13:40:48 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I have wondered if women find the really skinny guys attractive. Over the last decade or so, I've seen a lot of really skinny guys, like so skinny you could mistake them for teenage girls at a distance.

I don't find it attractive, but to each their own.

I prefer a little on the heavy side.

[raeoflyte]

I don't think I am. Personality is much more important than looks.

Dh and I have gained and lost weight over the years. I'm fat now and he's skinny, but it was reversed for several years and I know that I'll lose weight when I'm getting decent sleep again. Probably just in time for him to start gaining again.

Dh and I have been together for 17 years and I'm the first to admit that I wasn't doing any long term planning back then. All you need is love and all... If I were on the market now I would have such a long list of deal breakers that Id just hang out the spinster sign and not bother looking.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 1, 2014 14:53:04 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I don't think I am. Personality is much more important than looks.

Dh and I have gained and lost weight over the years. I'm fat now and he's skinny, but it was reversed for several years and I know that I'll lose weight when I'm getting decent sleep again. Probably just in time for him to start gaining again.

Dh and I have been together for 17 years and I'm the first to admit that I wasn't doing any long term planning back then. All you need is love and all... If I were on the market now I would have such a long list of deal breakers that Id just hang out the spinster sign and not bother looking.

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I agree. I had just turned 17 when I met my husband. Being hot was really the only criteria I had...I was a kid, kids are shallow! If we divorced now I can't imagine how picky I would be. Not so much with looks but with the things that are really important. I would die alone, surrounded by 18 cats!

[vonna]

I prefer "discriminating taste" to "shallow"  

(But, I still think my DH is hot)

[vonna]

On second thought, I have something to add . . .

I just think "chemistry" is hard to predict. I have a good friend that I met early in my navy career -- he was a navy surgeon at the time.  He is smart, witty, fun, handsome, athletic, great build, made a lot of money, no debt, good with finances -- everything I should have been attracted to. But, the chemistry was lacking. We "dated" before my first marriage, but mutually went our separate ways.

Then, I got divorced, and he ended up stationed in the same region. We reconnected, but never really "dated."   We even talked about being perfect for each other, but there was NO chemistry.

He is still a great friend, and he is still as fun and handsome as ever -- left the navy and is a highly paid surgeon. Fast forward a decade or so, and we are both happily married -- and we enjoy socializing as couples.  Luckily both his wife and my husband understand our past, and realize we have a "brother, sister" type of relationship, so we have remained good friends.

[Cookies Galore]

Mar 1, 2014 13:40:48 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I have wondered if women find the really skinny guys attractive. Over the last decade or so, I've seen a lot of really skinny guys, like so skinny you could mistake them for teenage girls at a distance.

My husband is 6' or so and weighs about 160 pounds. He's hot as shit. I like thin guys. He rides his bike a lot so he has very strong thighs, which I find much sexier than crazy muscle arms.

[Phoenix84]

Mar 1, 2014 17:00:46 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Mar 1, 2014 13:40:48 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I have wondered if women find the really skinny guys attractive. Over the last decade or so, I've seen a lot of really skinny guys, like so skinny you could mistake them for teenage girls at a distance.

My husband is 6' or so and weighs about 160 pounds. He's hot as shit. I like thin guys. He rides his bike a lot so he has very strong thighs, which I find much sexier than crazy muscle arms.

Your husband must be like a scarecrow.  Anyway, not that I'm attracted to guys, but the really skinny ones look weird to me.

[Cookies Galore]

Mar 1, 2014 17:02:52 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Mar 1, 2014 17:00:46 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

My husband is 6' or so and weighs about 160 pounds. He's hot as shit. I like thin guys. He rides his bike a lot so he has very strong thighs, which I find much sexier than crazy muscle arms.

Your husband must be like a scarecrow.  Anyway, not that I'm attracted to guys, but the really skinny ones look weird to me.

Lol! I'll have to suggest a scarecrow for Halloween! He guessed that he's 160, bastard never pays attention when he gets weighed at the doctors.

There's thin and there's super skinny. Super skinny I assume he needs a sandwich and to stop booting heroin, thin I just assume he has a good metabolism. So long as I weigh less than my spouse then I'm happy!

Now that I think about it, he probably would seem too thin the way I describe him on here. We were at Target earlier getting some new stuff for our trip in a few weeks (!!!!) and the shorts he bought were a 30 waist.