thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 25, 2014 22:48:47 GMT -5
A couple of weeks ago I took my son into an OT to work on his handwriting. The lady that is working with him is ridiculously nice, and I have now spent a total of 3 hours in her office, most of it in the lobby while my son worked with her. My son is loving her and very excited about improving his handwriting. We will be with her once a week for 4 months.
Last week she had a miscarriage. I was thinking about sending her some flowers, but she has two offices and I'm not sure which days she is where. Can anyone think of a little gift I can give someone I barely know as a sympathy gift?
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Feb 25, 2014 23:03:47 GMT -5
I don't think you need to get a gift. But you can certainly send a condolences, or a thinking of you card.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Feb 25, 2014 23:06:57 GMT -5
How did you find out she miscarried? That would make a difference in what to do. But I'm a chicken about stuff like that and tend to make things worse if I were to do that with an acquaintance. It would be different with a really good friend or somebody I know and see often. And even then it's been a crap shoot on whether it was something they wanted acknowledged or not. So based on my own personal experience I would send her flowers thanking her for doing such a great job with your son and not mention the miscarriage if you heard it from some one other than her. Can you call the office and get her schedule so you know where she will be located to receive them? If she brought the subject up to you personally or does in the future I would offer my sincerest sympathy and then send her a card. That is always so sad to hear.  You are such a sweetheart for wanting to do that for her!  |
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Feb 25, 2014 23:08:31 GMT -5
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 26, 2014 10:02:04 GMT -5
A couple of weeks ago I took my son into an OT to work on his handwriting. The lady that is working with him is ridiculously nice, and I have now spent a total of 3 hours in her office, most of it in the lobby while my son worked with her. My son is loving her and very excited about improving his handwriting. We will be with her once a week for 4 months. Last week she had a miscarriage. I was thinking about sending her some flowers, but she has two offices and I'm not sure which days she is where. Can anyone think of a little gift I can give someone I barely know as a sympathy gift? No sympathy gift, please. 'Thinking of you' or stuff like that...no sympathy. No one wants to be reminded of miscarriage! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2014 10:10:57 GMT -5
I am with LOONY on this one. Yours is a professional relationship.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Feb 26, 2014 11:01:41 GMT -5
A friendship card works in a wide range of situations. It's just to let them know you care.
When my GrD miscarried, my DD and I found out about it nearly a month later. Both of us were so upset. This sweet girl was alive to us, and we wanted a name and closure.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Feb 26, 2014 11:09:03 GMT -5
Eh... while it sounds like she must be open with the information. I don't know that I would send flowers. A card maybe... but I don't think I would even do that. Personally I would offer kind words and a sincere "I'm sorry this happened to you and your family" Please NO to "I'm sorry this happened to you and your family" OP doesn't know even if she has family. She is not a family member. Do not overdo on the subject that is so sensitive that it can break her heart one more time...NO, pls. When she is back to work - come with flowers or chocolates. Smile and talk about anything and everything BUT that! I had put my dog to sleep (and I didn't even liked her that much) and gotten card from vet a few days later. I went hysterical! And it is a freaking DOG we talking about...think. Step of. Thanks |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2014 11:13:09 GMT -5
I would just give her some kind of "Thank you for helping my son and you are making such a wonderful differance in his life" gift. No way would I mention the miscarriage if she didn't. More of a focus on the positive approach I guess. It can include a card that says something about people as nice as her are so rare, yada, yada, yada...
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Feb 26, 2014 11:15:57 GMT -5
I like Later's idea. However, some therapy centers forbid gifts to their employees, so check the company policy before you give her any gift.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2014 11:23:49 GMT -5
I really think you need to concentrate on the fact that you have a PROFESSIONAL relationship with this woman! Think about how it would feel to go into work and have a customer tell you how sorry they are to hear of your miscarriage?
Besides, if she's back at work she's probably ready to get back to the business of life. I think it would be insensitive to bring it up at that time.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Feb 26, 2014 13:04:35 GMT -5
I also think it depends on HOW Thyme knows about the terrible event. If the OT did tell her, but isn't really open about it or is selective on whom she tells having flowers delivered to her office may draw undue attention and prompt people to ask her what they are for. Of course, she doesn't have to say, but it could also be a reminder of her pain each time. IDK. Depends on the specifics on this one...
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 26, 2014 19:47:08 GMT -5
I also think it depends on HOW Thyme knows about the terrible event. If the OT did tell her, but isn't really open about it or is selective on whom she tells having flowers delivered to her office may draw undue attention and prompt people to ask her what they are for. Of course, she doesn't have to say, but it could also be a reminder of her pain each time. IDK. Depends on the specifics on this one... I found out because she cancelled last week. Her assistant said she had an emergency, and then later told me she has "health problems." I guessed that it was related to the pregnancy, which she told me about the week before. So, when we showed up yesterday I said "How are you? Is everything okay?" And she told me. I did say that I was sorry and offered her some empathy at the time. "I know that is a very tough thing" take care of yourself, etc. She told me she was sad and was trying to get back to normal. I will skip getting her anything, and have my son get her a gift at the end of the program. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2014 8:23:18 GMT -5
 You didn't need our help to be nice. I think what you said/did was just right.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Feb 27, 2014 15:15:41 GMT -5
I think a small flowering plant would be a nice gift. It can wait until the end of the sessions.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 1, 2014 15:18:14 GMT -5
I also think it depends on HOW Thyme knows about the terrible event. If the OT did tell her, but isn't really open about it or is selective on whom she tells having flowers delivered to her office may draw undue attention and prompt people to ask her what they are for. Of course, she doesn't have to say, but it could also be a reminder of her pain each time. IDK. Depends on the specifics on this one... I found out because she cancelled last week. Her assistant said she had an emergency, and then later told me she has "health problems." I guessed that it was related to the pregnancy, which she told me about the week before. So, when we showed up yesterday I said "How are you? Is everything okay?" And she told me. I did say that I was sorry and offered her some empathy at the time. "I know that is a very tough thing" take care of yourself, etc. She told me she was sad and was trying to get back to normal. I will skip getting her anything, and have my son get her a gift at the end of the program. You handled it absolutely right. This thread was a little too close to home and I couldn't respond right away.
When I got pregnant about 18 years ago DH and I told MIL that we wanted to keep things quiet until the third trimester. My mother had at least one miscarriage and I knew they were quite common before the third trimester. Stupid us. MIL turned around and blabbed to the whole family. When I miscarried I initially was o.k. because the pregnancy wasn't really planned (we were happy but we were also happy without kids too). But I really had a hard time with the phone calls and notes about how I lost the baby. When I objected to the term, MIL said it's just an expression! Well the problem was that DH blamed me for the miscarriage because I had a glass of wine when I was pregnant. I knew he was wrong. I knew the concern about fetal alcohol syndrome is about alcohol abuse but it was still very difficult., I know people meant to be kind with calls and cards but having those constant reminders of me "losing" the baby were very, very hard.
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