zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 15:48:02 GMT -5
Her boyfriend wanted to meet with DF. DF is getting smarter thanks to the behavior of certain family members and even said to me that he wondered what she wanted. I said that I assumed the boyfriend was asking permission to marry with the underlying theme of how much can bio dd count on for wedding? Sure enough. He asked for DFs moms engagement ring. DF told him to get his EXs, that it was a nicer diamond! So proud of DF! Plus, he stopped her allowance this month finally.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Feb 13, 2014 16:09:43 GMT -5
Wow, a boyfriend with, um, balls. Figuratively speaking, that is. He wants to marry DD, but wants to make sure there's a ring already available first? Freaking wierdo. Look, I'm all for jewelry being passed down through family members; in fact, my niece is wearing her great-grandma's ring. But that was a call between her, great-grandma and her father, who received the ring from granny. I just think it's in poor taste for the boyfriend/fiance to say to the girl's dad, "Hey, you still got that engagement ring sitting around?"
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 16:35:06 GMT -5
Bio still isn't speaking so gleaning goodies via others is her style. Yup, boyfriend is marrying for money. Wait til he finds out there isnt as much because DF changed his will!! Had the nerve to say that the EX was trying to make things better between DF and bio. After ruining it but its bios fault, too, I seriously doubt it and so does DF. If the ex is saying it its because she doesn't want to get "hit up" for wedding and wants DF to pay for it. Over my dead body.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 16:36:41 GMT -5
He made it clear he won't pay for grad school, either. She's got her own money and she can use it.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Feb 13, 2014 16:44:28 GMT -5
Her boyfriend wanted to meet with DF. DF is getting smarter thanks to the behavior of certain family members and even said to me that he wondered what she wanted. I said that I assumed the boyfriend was asking permission to marry with the underlying theme of how much can bio dd count on for wedding? Sure enough. He asked for DFs moms engagement ring. DF told him to get his EXs, that it was a nicer diamond! So proud of DF! Plus, he stopped her allowance this month finally. Wow
I find it strange in this day and age that a young man would still ask for permission. DH and I announced our engagement back in the mid 80s.
Pretty cheeky for BF to ask for engagement ring...or money for the wedding. It's nice when people offer stuff but that's a gift not an obligation. I guess I wasn't entitled enough. I would never dream of extracting a gift or money...wow again!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 16:45:30 GMT -5
She was raised by someone who when she said jump, asked how high on his way up.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 16:46:31 GMT -5
Well, he couched it with how much she'd like the family heirloom. But it was total BS and DF amazingly saw through it. Props to him. I love how he told him to get the Exs ring!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 13, 2014 16:57:34 GMT -5
Her boyfriend wanted to meet with DF. DF is getting smarter thanks to the behavior of certain family members and even said to me that he wondered what she wanted. I said that I assumed the boyfriend was asking permission to marry with the underlying theme of how much can bio dd count on for wedding? Sure enough. He asked for DFs moms engagement ring. DF told him to get his EXs, that it was a nicer diamond! So proud of DF! Plus, he stopped her allowance this month finally. Wow
I find it strange in this day and age that a young man would still ask for permission. DH and I announced our engagement back in the mid 80s.
Pretty cheeky for BF to ask for engagement ring...or money for the wedding. It's nice when people offer stuff but that's a gift not an obligation. I guess I wasn't entitled enough. I would never dream of extracting a gift or money...wow again!
My BIL asked FIL's permission when SIL and BIL were already living together... I get the tradition thing, but come on! It gave FIL an ego boost, so whatever, but for me it comes down to why ask a question when the answer isn't negotiable?
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justme
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Post by justme on Feb 13, 2014 17:02:55 GMT -5
If ever get there, I kinda want them to ask just so I can hear the reaction. Once, in response about him taking care of the guys that hurt me or something he said something along the lines of "I'm pretty sure she'll beat them up and have them running before I even have a chance". I'm remembering it lame, because it was a lot funnier when he said it. Or I could tell my parents to deadpan saying no and hide a camera so I can see his face.
For those that still want to do the tradition, or honor those that like it, I like the guy asking for the parents blessing before he asks instead of permission.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Feb 13, 2014 18:02:20 GMT -5
Wow. Pretty damn ballsy to ask for an heirloom ring!
Hubs didn't ask for my dad's permission but he did call him to say "hey your daughter rules and I'm going to ask her to marry me." I thought it was sweet. My dad REALLY appreciated it. The first time my dad met him was also the day I told him I was moving in with a guy I knew for three months. Not a great first impression.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Feb 13, 2014 18:21:19 GMT -5
I will ask for my GF's fathers blessing when the time comes but asking for a ring is something that would never cross my mind. I imagine if he had one he wanted to keep in the family he would give it to me after I ask or pass it on to one of his daughters if he hasn't already.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 18:34:24 GMT -5
He actually was pretty stunned by the request. He has so much more tact than me, thank goodness!
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Feb 13, 2014 18:54:05 GMT -5
Bio still isn't speaking so gleaning goodies via others is her style. Yup, boyfriend is marrying for money. Wait til he finds out there isnt as much because DF changed his will!! Had the nerve to say that the EX was trying to make things better between DF and bio. After ruining it but its bios fault, too, I seriously doubt it and so does DF. If the ex is saying it its because she doesn't want to get "hit up" for wedding and wants DF to pay for it. Over my dead body. I think Zib is right, the bio DD put her boyfriend up to asking. After all, he wouldn't even know about Granny's ring unless bio DD sent him to get it from her Dad. Since she went after the ring that her Dad has, bio DD obviously views Dad as a soft touch compared to her Mother. Unless she already put the touch on Mom and was told no. I wonder how much more the boyfriend is going to do bio DD's dirty work before he wises up to what's going on. Or how long it's going to take him to figure out that bio DD isn't the path to the pot of gold he's looking for. If DF suspects the boyfriend is a gold digger, I wonder if DF would consider setting the boyfriend down and telling him "bio DD won't be gifted or inherit anything, so I hope the two of you are making plans for how you're going to build a successful life for yourselves".
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 19:57:13 GMT -5
That would be funny, wouldn't it? Well, right now, we have bigger fish to fry. The surrogate won't leave DFs stepson and DIL alone. Argh.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Feb 14, 2014 8:38:47 GMT -5
Her boyfriend wanted to meet with DF. DF is getting smarter thanks to the behavior of certain family members and even said to me that he wondered what she wanted. I said that I assumed the boyfriend was asking permission to marry with the underlying theme of how much can bio dd count on for wedding? Sure enough. He asked for DFs moms engagement ring. DF told him to get his EXs, that it was a nicer diamond! So proud of DF! Plus, he stopped her allowance this month finally. Wow
I find it strange in this day and age that a young man would still ask for permission. DH and I announced our engagement back in the mid 80s.
Pretty cheeky for BF to ask for engagement ring...or money for the wedding. It's nice when people offer stuff but that's a gift not an obligation. I guess I wasn't entitled enough. I would never dream of extracting a gift or money...wow again!
Actually it depends on the individuals. All of my nieces and nephews asked permission as a demonstration of love and respect. Those are values that are shared in our family. Not necessarily expected but certainly appreciated.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 8:46:04 GMT -5
My Dad had the same answer for all of them: "if she'll have you".
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 14, 2014 8:49:51 GMT -5
That would be funny, wouldn't it? Well, right now, we have bigger fish to fry. The surrogate won't leave DFs stepson and DIL alone. Argh. Zib, I'm very out on what's going on with the surrogacy situation but hugs and best wishes to you, your DF and the extended (even the screwed up parts) family. If the BF is a golddigger, well, eventually he'll figure out the situation.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 8:54:21 GMT -5
Wow
I find it strange in this day and age that a young man would still ask for permission. DH and I announced our engagement back in the mid 80s.
Pretty cheeky for BF to ask for engagement ring...or money for the wedding. It's nice when people offer stuff but that's a gift not an obligation. I guess I wasn't entitled enough. I would never dream of extracting a gift or money...wow again!
My BIL asked FIL's permission when SIL and BIL were already living together... I get the tradition thing, but come on! It gave FIL an ego boost, so whatever, but for me it comes down to why ask a question when the answer isn't negotiable? My grandfather, who was born in 1908, had three daughters. This is what he had to say on the subject "What the hell are you asking me for? She's a grown-ass woman and it's up to her whether she'll take your sorry ass or not. She's not a g-d-damned sack of potatoes. Shit, if you're asking me, you're probably too damned stupid to deserve her" I'm pretty sure I didn't add enough cuss words. I remember him saying it often enough telling the stories about my mom and her sisters getting married (my dad was smart and didn't ask for mom's hand). He also refused to 'give' his daughters away to be married, yet again sighting the 'sack of potatoes' logic. Women in my family are 'escorted' and 'presented' for marriage, never given away.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 9:47:55 GMT -5
It's its a custom among some families for it to be at least discussed. If you're planning on asking for rings and how much are you going to fork over for a wedding, I'd say you better ask! Now that its been made clear that the ring will not be forthcoming and neither will grad school, I'm thinking its clear that wedding money may be off the table as well or a very nominal figure. Too bad, he'd have given her a wedding fit for a queen before she started acting like a douche canoe.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:53:31 GMT -5
My grandfather, who was born in 1908, had three daughters. This is what he had to say on the subject "What the hell are you asking me for? She's a grown-ass woman and it's up to her whether she'll take your sorry ass or not. She's not a g-d-damned sack of potatoes. Shit, if you're asking me, you're probably too damned stupid to deserve her" I'm pretty sure I didn't add enough cuss words. I remember him saying it often enough telling the stories about my mom and her sisters getting married (my dad was smart and didn't ask for mom's hand). He also refused to 'give' his daughters away to be married, yet again sighting the 'sack of potatoes' logic. Women in my family are 'escorted' and 'presented' for marriage, never given away. I think it's great that your GF was such a forward thinker! Considering that we have so many girls in my family, I thought it was a nice tradition to follow (and this is just MY opinion. No one else has to feel this way). My Dad has zero interest in any kind of party planning so it was the one thing we could do that kept him involved in the process.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:05:50 GMT -5
I'm older than dirt and DF is older than me but he asked my uncle who is the oldest male member of the family. Uncle thought it was pretty funny but he was secretly glad of it, my aunt said afterward.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 10:14:38 GMT -5
My grandfather, who was born in 1908, had three daughters. This is what he had to say on the subject "What the hell are you asking me for? She's a grown-ass woman and it's up to her whether she'll take your sorry ass or not. She's not a g-d-damned sack of potatoes. Shit, if you're asking me, you're probably too damned stupid to deserve her" I'm pretty sure I didn't add enough cuss words. I remember him saying it often enough telling the stories about my mom and her sisters getting married (my dad was smart and didn't ask for mom's hand). He also refused to 'give' his daughters away to be married, yet again sighting the 'sack of potatoes' logic. Women in my family are 'escorted' and 'presented' for marriage, never given away. I think it's great that your GF was such a forward thinker! Considering that we have so many girls in my family, I thought it was a nice tradition to follow (and this is just MY opinion. No one else has to feel this way). My Dad has zero interest in any kind of party planning so it was the one thing we could do that kept him involved in the process. LOL! We're all girls too. Two boys were finally born but the oldest is only 10. I was lucky to have my mom's parents, they were awesome people. DH's family is really big into asking for your hand in marriage (which is really strange considering the circumstances of basically all marriages in his family being non-traditional) so i knew he was going to ask my dad. So i warned him. I told him not to ask permission, and he didn't. He asked for my dad's blessing, which I thought was sweet (but was a totally dumb idea if he didn't want me knowing because my dad CANNOT keep a secret)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:18:47 GMT -5
Don't you love people like that?! I knew DF was going to do it because he followed my uncle to the hen house. Aunt and I stood at kitchen window and giggled.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 11:10:50 GMT -5
I'm confused - are you saying that DD is still not speaking to her father but sent her future fiance to ask about a family ring? That's really weird. That's about what i got out of the situation
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 14, 2014 11:11:35 GMT -5
I'm confused - are you saying that DD is still not speaking to her father but sent her future fiance to ask about a family ring? That's really weird. That's about what i got out of the situation I thought it was DD's bio mom who wasn't speaking to DF.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Feb 14, 2014 11:31:37 GMT -5
I really like the idea of asking for the parent's blessing.
The whole asking for permission and "giving away" the bride just reminds me of women being chattel.
I LOVED CarolinaKat 's GF response! Priceless!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 14, 2014 12:27:35 GMT -5
I still don't like the idea of the future in-law asking for the parents blessing before proposing. If I want my parents blessing for anything I'll ask them myself tyvm!
But I'm a hard ass and got pissed that dh bought a ring so I wouldn't say that answer is right for anyone else.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 13:07:45 GMT -5
Is a blessing that the ex isn't speaking. Frankly, I think it's a blessing that bio dd isn't, either, because she's not very nice. The only good thing about all this is that DF now knows what bio dd truly is as a person.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 14, 2014 13:20:13 GMT -5
How old is his dd?
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 14, 2014 13:43:37 GMT -5
My BIL asked FIL's permission when SIL and BIL were already living together... I get the tradition thing, but come on! It gave FIL an ego boost, so whatever, but for me it comes down to why ask a question when the answer isn't negotiable? My grandfather, who was born in 1908, had three daughters. This is what he had to say on the subject "What the hell are you asking me for? She's a grown-ass woman and it's up to her whether she'll take your sorry ass or not. She's not a g-d-damned sack of potatoes. Shit, if you're asking me, you're probably too damned stupid to deserve her" I'm pretty sure I didn't add enough cuss words. I remember him saying it often enough telling the stories about my mom and her sisters getting married (my dad was smart and didn't ask for mom's hand). He also refused to 'give' his daughters away to be married, yet again sighting the 'sack of potatoes' logic. Women in my family are 'escorted' and 'presented' for marriage, never given away. OMG, that is freakin' hilarious! I love it, and I don't really care either way on the asking permission front.
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