zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:13:40 GMT -5
Nope, moms egg, dads sperm. T the tune of almost 90k worth of tries.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 10:17:24 GMT -5
I'm terrified she's breast feeding. I've heard this makes things worse. I need to just stay out of it and be "grandma." Keep repeating to myself, "Not my problem or my baby." She needs to be out of the house. I wonder why HER husband isn't trying to get her home
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:19:29 GMT -5
I've seen her. I'm not.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:20:06 GMT -5
D'oh!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:22:45 GMT -5
Ok, that was mean but for Pete's sake, go home and leave these parents to bond with their baby. I'm sorry you ended up in the hospital with a c section but stuff happens. She wanted a home water birth, I guess. I'm supposing surrogate thinks parents "owe" her for her trauma.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 14, 2014 10:41:47 GMT -5
Does have kids of her own?
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 10:49:15 GMT -5
Does have kids of her own? One would think so if she's a surrogate. I thought they usually picked women who'd already had children because first pregnancies are riskier?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:52:21 GMT -5
Does have kids of her own? One would think so if she's a surrogate. I thought they usually picked women who'd already had children because first pregnancies are riskier? Not to mention after experiencing one or two of your own you're much more likely to go "Here! Take it!" in the delivery room. LOL
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 14, 2014 12:18:54 GMT -5
I've said before that if dsil has any issues (and I really, really hope she doesn't!) that I would surrogate for her. I absolutely would, but I would have the baby out of the delivery room the moment it was born and I would have to really stay away for at least a few weeks and probably not hold the baby for months just for my own sanity. I like to think that I could at least pump and give them breast milk for a while, but even that might be too emotional for me in that kind of situation.
I had read about and assumed that I would have trouble bonding with my babies after birth, but within minutes of holding them I knew that wasn't going to be an issue. I doubt that genes had anything to do with bonding, and I just have overly sensitive new baby hormones.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Feb 14, 2014 12:38:18 GMT -5
I know everyone has a right to their own desired birth experience, but in a situation like this I would really think a more "sterile" (not in the medical sense, but in the personal-boundaries sense) hospital environment would be preferable. Living in their home with the baby - of course she's bonding! They should have had her things packed and sent to her house long before she was released from the hospital.
I hope it all works out...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 12:46:19 GMT -5
I had read about and assumed that I would have trouble bonding with my babies after birth, but within minutes of holding them I knew that wasn't going to be an issue. I doubt that genes had anything to do with bonding, and I just have overly sensitive new baby hormones. I was the same way. I never even LIKED kids all that much before mine were born and was afraid I'd have to let them "grow on me", but from the instant I held them I was totally smitten and I'm pretty sure son number one wasn't put down for long for months. I don't think genes had anything to do with it either, we're wired to take care of that baby. My mother gave a son up for adoption a few years before I was born. She asked that he be removed from the room before she ever saw or held him. That had to be tough, but she said it was the only way she would have been able to do it.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 14, 2014 12:51:17 GMT -5
I would have love to be a surrogate.
If the bitch of a SIL was just a bit nicer to me, she might have had a baby by now.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Feb 14, 2014 12:54:45 GMT -5
I had read about and assumed that I would have trouble bonding with my babies after birth, but within minutes of holding them I knew that wasn't going to be an issue. I doubt that genes had anything to do with bonding, and I just have overly sensitive new baby hormones. I was the same way. I never even LIKED kids all that much before mine were born and was afraid I'd have to let them "grow on me", but from the instant I held them I was totally smitten and I'm pretty sure son number one wasn't put down for long for months. I don't think genes had anything to do with it either, we're wired to take care of that baby. My mother gave a son up for adoption a few years before I was born. She asked that he be removed from the room before she ever saw or held him. That had to be tough, but she said it was the only way she would have been able to do it. I don't think I really "bonded" with DD until the 7 or 8-week mark. I knew I had to care for her and protect her, but until she started smiling/reacting a bit and showing some personality I didn't have many of the warm fuzzies. (God, that sounds awful). But if I didn't dislike being pregnant so much, that would probably make me great surrogate material!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 14, 2014 12:57:38 GMT -5
It doesn't sound awful Mid, sounds like lots of other moms out there. I've never been a "baby person". Didn't make a mad dash off to see my sister's when it was born. He was way more entertaining a few months later.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 12:57:44 GMT -5
She's had plenty. I think she's Quaker or some kind of sect that wears different clothing and a head thing. But she has no issues with her belly showing on FB. Ugh, go figure. I imagine having heat and tv might be part of the desire to stay with them! JK. I'm sure she has bonded but she has to let to. This is not her baby and this was not the deal. I'm thinking they will never truly be rid of her.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 12:59:33 GMT -5
I never had that with either of my kids. The. Bonding thing. I had people tell me it was because I didn't breast feed but when I talk to some honest mothers, they tell me the same thing. I love my kids in spite of the fact that I carried them and delivered them!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 13:00:42 GMT -5
My oldest sister had her one and only at 42.
When they were going through their fertility problems, I considered being a surrogate for them. She never asked and it turned out that it wasn't necessary since she got pregnant a month before she was going to start injections.
I should have looked into selling some eggs back in my 20's. I come from some good breeding stock and I hear you can get $10K a pop! By the time it came on to my radar I was already past my prime. BOO!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 13:04:09 GMT -5
My old bf the doctor sold his sperm in med school. Amazing how popular it was. Tall, blonde, smart seems to be hugely popular. I always thought it'd be cute if his child was born into a short and dark family!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 14, 2014 13:16:42 GMT -5
It isn't awful Mid. I am SO glad of my friends who told me that they felt like that so that I was prepared for it.
I was lucky to push the darn things out minutes before we were going to have to have the c-section talk, and I got the immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding in the first hour. If the kids had needed to be whisked away for medical reasons and I had been able to just rest for a bit afterward I don't know if I would have bonded with them so quickly. And either way it has NO effect on being a good mother, but I do think it made those first middle of the night wakings a little easier.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 14, 2014 13:33:13 GMT -5
I did all the "right" things - skin to skin, BFing, he stayed with me and never went to nursery. It still took awhile to actually feel it.
I wonder if it just simply a personality thing.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 14, 2014 13:42:37 GMT -5
Pregnancy week by week goes on a bit of a rant about the "bonding" thing. It's a myth that you must do skin to skin, BF right away etc etc otherwise you'll never bond.
On AVERAGE it takes 6-8 weeks because that's how long it takes your body to switch from producing pregnancy/birth hormones to the long lasting hormones that make us "drug addled idiots", as Kinetic Kid put it.
I was so wired after I gave birth. The moments between her popping out and holding her are a blur. I totally get now why my mice would eat their babies if I agitated them shortly after birth. Apparently I had a whole conversation with my OB according to DH, I have no recollection of it.
It was awhile before I stopped feeeling like I was a kid with a stick.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 14, 2014 13:54:51 GMT -5
I did all the "right" things - skin to skin, BFing, he stayed with me and never went to nursery. It still took awhile to actually feel it. I wonder if it just simply a personality thing. I'm sure some of it is and still firmly believe it has no effect on overall.parenting. I think the skin to skin helped me is that I was so freaking exhausted that I wouldn't have minded if they did take him to another room. But holding him then gave me a chance to connect that he was the same baby I had been holding and tickling. Now that sounds dumb, but it really was weird for me. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Feb 14, 2014 15:02:06 GMT -5
I had two different birth experiences, the first was a drugged up to the eyes emergency c-section and the second an unexpected VBAC less than an hour after reaching the hospital - I didn't have the overwhelming love the moment I saw my children and was glad a good friend had warned me. I was happy they were here and thrilled to hold them and take care of them but the deep love didn't kick in for a while. I think as long as you are not unhappy to be around your baby then don't worry the love will definitely come.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 14, 2014 15:06:22 GMT -5
My dad sure bonded right away with Gwen. My mom said she thought she was going to need a crowbar to pry the kid out of his arms.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 14, 2014 15:55:54 GMT -5
I had the overwhelming love of no longer being pregnant immediately after the birth of both my kids.
JoJo was hilarious because she screamed for over an hour after being born - and loud. No sissy newborn cries for her. I was on the phone with my mom about a half hour after JoJo was born and my mom was like OMG is that our little girl?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 16:01:52 GMT -5
The baby switch thing had just been out in all the papers in Florida when DD was born. I kept saying over and over again that I was fine but don't let the baby out of your sight to my then husband. He didnt. But he was so thrilled that she was a girl and that he had accomplished nothing his siblings could do, produce a female child.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 14, 2014 16:03:53 GMT -5
I had the overwhelming love of no longer being pregnant immediately after the birth of both my kids.
JoJo was hilarious because she screamed for over an hour after being born - and loud. No sissy newborn cries for her. I was on the phone with my mom about a half hour after JoJo was born and my mom was like OMG is that our little girl? Isn't this interesting, I was actually sad not being pregnant anymore, well at least the first two times. The last time I was so crazy fat that I could barely move, so didn't miss it as much
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 14, 2014 16:04:15 GMT -5
I had the overwhelming love of no longer being pregnant immediately after the birth
I blurted out "OMG I feel so much F-ing better now!" after Gwen came out. Nurses cracked up.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 14, 2014 16:05:17 GMT -5
LOL... DH and I felt the same way about having a boy. DS is the only boy on DH's side of the family and is the second boy out of 7 grandchildren on my side of the family.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 16:06:04 GMT -5
I had the overwhelming love of no longer being pregnant immediately after the birth
I blurted out "OMG I feel so much F-ing better now!" after Gwen came out. Nurses cracked up. I'm sure they've heard it all.
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