zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 13, 2014 19:59:32 GMT -5
Update! The surrogate won't leave them alone so now we are at a loss as to what to do. DF wants to help but I think we need to let the parents deal with it. They are in their 40s after all.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Feb 13, 2014 20:23:30 GMT -5
Won't leave them alone how? Like, she wants the baby back? (Just curious/nosy, whose eggs/sperm were used? Does she have any legal rights?)
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 13, 2014 21:17:59 GMT -5
Update! The surrogate won't leave them alone so now we are at a loss as to what to do. DF wants to help but I think we need to let the parents deal with it. They are in their 40s after all. What does the surrogate want? Custody? More time with the child? What was agreed upon beforehand? Is this her first time being a surrogate?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 7:08:00 GMT -5
Yes, her first time. Not custody but seems to have a hard time letting to. There was nothing in writing about this. It was just assumed since she was only the surrogate not egg or sperm person, that they would pick up baby and be on their way. Just not happening that way.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 7:42:40 GMT -5
It has to be really hard to hand over a newborn after carrying it for nine months but man, I can't believe they didn't have a contract. There are nightmare stories about surrogates in the news all the time.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Feb 14, 2014 7:50:01 GMT -5
. WOW!!!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 7:56:14 GMT -5
It has to be really hard to hand over a newborn after carrying it for nine months but man, I can't believe they didn't have a contract. There are nightmare stories about surrogates in the news all the time. What MPL said! The only person i've known IRL who used a surrogate the surrogate was the child's biological aunt, so there was no drama about getting the kid back to it's bio parents. The aunt carried twice for the parents and it worked out without paperwork, but I cna't imaine not having paperwork with a non-relative surrogate
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 14, 2014 8:51:45 GMT -5
Sorry--I'm living it 2x over. If I were a clothing designer, I'd design little boys clothes that were cute and didn't have skulls all over them. We touched on that fairly recently - someone had a link to a place that would put dinosaurs on pink shirts and ballerinas or ponies or whatever on army green. Damn. Stupid memory. I even talked to DH about it.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 14, 2014 8:54:48 GMT -5
Yes, her first time. Not custody but seems to have a hard time letting to. There was nothing in writing about this. It was just assumed since she was only the surrogate not egg or sperm person, that they would pick up baby and be on their way. Just not happening that way. They don't need anything in writing, it's not surrogate's baby. They CAN walk away, they are just choosing not to, bc obviously they are nice people BTW, if you remember, i was doing a paper on surrogacy last semester and this is the reason many states require an evaluation, mental, etc for surrogates and require things to be in writing.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 14, 2014 8:55:21 GMT -5
Yes, her first time. Not custody but seems to have a hard time letting to. There was nothing in writing about this. It was just assumed since she was only the surrogate not egg or sperm person, that they would pick up baby and be on their way. Just not happening that way. Holy Hell Zib. I'm sorry. And I guess my only advice is to talk with DF about how much to pay for the lawyers, if it gets to that point.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:09:14 GMT -5
Good point! They need to stop being nice and start reminding her that her part in this is complete. Otherwise, this lady is going to be around for the rest of their lives!
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Feb 14, 2014 9:22:18 GMT -5
Yes, her first time. Not custody but seems to have a hard time letting to. There was nothing in writing about this. It was just assumed since she was only the surrogate not egg or sperm person, that they would pick up baby and be on their way. Just not happening that way. They don't need anything in writing, it's not surrogate's baby. They CAN walk away, they are just choosing not to, bc obviously they are nice people BTW, if you remember, i was doing a paper on surrogacy last semester and this is the reason many states require an evaluation, mental, etc for surrogates and require things to be in writing. Sorry, I don't see how it could be that easy with no paperwork. You can't just go into a maternity ward, claim a baby is yours, and take it. Did she put her name on the birth certificate?
ETA: Hopefully she just needs some more time. Best of luck to your family.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 14, 2014 9:40:03 GMT -5
They don't need anything in writing, it's not surrogate's baby. They CAN walk away, they are just choosing not to, bc obviously they are nice people BTW, if you remember, i was doing a paper on surrogacy last semester and this is the reason many states require an evaluation, mental, etc for surrogates and require things to be in writing. Sorry, I don't see how it could be that easy with no paperwork. You can't just go into a maternity ward, claim a baby is yours, and take it. Did she put her name on the birth certificate?
ETA: Hopefully she just needs some more time. Best of luck to your family.
She doesn't have any legal claim to the child
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:40:46 GMT -5
They don't need anything in writing, it's not surrogate's baby. They CAN walk away, they are just choosing not to, bc obviously they are nice people BTW, if you remember, i was doing a paper on surrogacy last semester and this is the reason many states require an evaluation, mental, etc for surrogates and require things to be in writing.
Sorry, I don't see how it could be that easy with no paperwork. You can't just go into a maternity ward, claim a baby is yours, and take it. Did she put her name on the birth certificate?
ETA: Hopefully she just needs some more time. Best of luck to your family.
And not just the issue of handing over the baby, but what about things like medical bills during the pregnancy or who makes the call on whether or not to terminate if something is wrong.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:43:52 GMT -5
Sorry, I don't see how it could be that easy with no paperwork. You can't just go into a maternity ward, claim a baby is yours, and take it. Did she put her name on the birth certificate?
ETA: Hopefully she just needs some more time. Best of luck to your family.
She doesn't have any legal claim to the child But as Just Lurkin said, without paperwork how do the sperm and egg donors prove to the hospital that their egg and sperm are in the surrogate's womb?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:47:20 GMT -5
Sorry, I don't see how it could be that easy with no paperwork. You can't just go into a maternity ward, claim a baby is yours, and take it. Did she put her name on the birth certificate?
ETA: Hopefully she just needs some more time. Best of luck to your family.
And not just the issue of handing over the baby, but what about things like medical bills during the pregnancy or who makes the call on whether or not to terminate if something is wrong. There was that recent story about the surrogate who didn't want to terminate the pregnancy and moved to some midwest state where the surrogate had the right's of the mother and she choose to keep the pregnancy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:48:44 GMT -5
Sorry, I don't see how it could be that easy with no paperwork. You can't just go into a maternity ward, claim a baby is yours, and take it. Did she put her name on the birth certificate?
ETA: Hopefully she just needs some more time. Best of luck to your family.
She doesn't have any legal claim to the child What's to stop any nutjob from walking into a hospital and saying "this baby is mine, she was just a surrogate."? I get that a DNA test would prove parentage, but until then I would think whoever had the womb this baby came from would have all the rights initially...without paperwork that is.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 9:50:46 GMT -5
The adoption papers were signed by the judge and all concerned before the baby was born. They a just being nice and its biting them in the ass. The surrogate is in their house! Good lord.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 9:51:25 GMT -5
The adoption papers were signed by the judge and all concerned before the baby was born. They a just being nice and its biting them in the ass. The surrogate is in their house! Good lord. Ah.... so there is some paperwork..
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 9:56:39 GMT -5
Yes indeed. This person has no legal claim to baby whatsoever.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:00:28 GMT -5
She's living with them??!? Well, that changes things. I mean, she's in the house with the kid! What is she supposed to do? Ignore him?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:00:54 GMT -5
They need to ask her to leave. It's just going to get harder for her the longer they wait.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:01:20 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:03:48 GMT -5
I wish her husband would come and get her ass! DF won't go over there because he says he will tell her to get the F out! Who'd have thought DF would have a spine? He never ever says anything like that. I'm so proud.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:05:51 GMT -5
Good for him!
But like you said, the "kids" are in their 40's. Time to let them stress about the train wreck they're creating and you two can concentrate on the good things going on in your lives instead!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Feb 14, 2014 10:06:05 GMT -5
I wish her husband would come and get her ass! DF won't go over there because he says he will tell her to get the F out! Who'd have thought DF would have a spine? He never ever says anything like that. I'm so proud. Clearly you're having an influence in him
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:07:21 GMT -5
I hope so. He's been dumped on for so many years. I actually had to tell him last night to stay out of it. I'm usually the one to jump in head first while he thinks it over.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2014 10:10:42 GMT -5
She's a hormonal wreck right now, it doesn't matter who's egg was used, her body is telling her this is her baby and now she's being allowed to bond as well. Not a good situation for any of them.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Feb 14, 2014 10:12:32 GMT -5
Zib...was it a donor egg and the husband's sperm? Just curious
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 14, 2014 10:13:07 GMT -5
I'm terrified she's breast feeding. I've heard this makes things worse. I need to just stay out of it and be "grandma." Keep repeating to myself, "Not my problem or my baby."
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