Breaking up with my hairstylist

[midwestlily]

I never thought this would be so complicated.

For the last few years I've gone to one of the two or three higher-end salons in town (small city, so not many to choose from).  I had my hair cut by Jane, because Rebecca, my best friend here (I've only lived here for a few years), recommended her.  Jane is also friends with a couple of other co-workers (again, small town).  Jane does good work, and I liked her well enough, though she was often a bit grouchy.

Several months ago, Jane was out sick one day when I had an appointment, but nobody let me know, so I showed up as usual.  Luckily another of the stylists, Anna, was available, so she cut my hair.  Did just as good a job as Jane, and I actually liked Anna better, found her easier to talk to (and what else is there to do when you're sitting in that chair?).  I found myself wishing that I could go to Anna instead, but I couldn't do that without a good reason.

Well, the reason came along.  A couple months ago I got a call from the salon saying that my next appointment, scheduled for a few days later, was cancelled because Jane had quit without any warning.  I know she'd been unhappy there for a while, and I'm glad that she found the courage to make a change.  But I waited a couple weeks to get an appointment with Anna.  I've seen her twice now, and I'm happy to keep going to her.

The problem is that Jane went on to cut hair at her house for a while and has now opened her own shop.  My friend Rebecca has been pressuring me a little to keep going to Jane.  At first I said that I didn't want to because it seemed odd to get my hair washed in somebody's kitchen sink (which is truly how I felt).  I don't have that excuse now that Jane's opened a salon.  I finally told Rebecca today that I really like Jane but I just find Anna easier to talk to.  What makes it hard is that Rebecca said that of course she'll keep going to Jane, because she thinks of Jane as a friend. I was startled when she said that, realized that I liked Jane well enough but never thought of her as a friend, maybe because I've never had contact with her outside the shop.

Have any of you ever been in a situation like this?  I'm 57 but I feel like I'm caught in some kind of junior high drama!

[steph08]

My hair is too important to just go to someone because a friend is pressuring me to!

I'm not giving up my hairdresser until she retires! And since she's only 3 years older than me, I hopefully have a while before I have to find a different one!

Keep going to Anna!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It's really not your problem, you're creating drama by letting it bother you this much.  Great for Rebecca that she's personally loyal to Jane.  You consider it a business relationship and one that no longer suited you.  You don't owe anyone an explaination.

If Rebecca gets bent out of shape that is HER problem, not yours.  I really doubt Jane is all worked up, if she's a business person first she knows clients will come ang go.

[NancysSummerSip]

Have any of you ever been in a situation like this? I'm 57 but I feel like I'm caught in some kind of junior high drama!

Yes, and it is junior high drama. Also happened to me at a salon, funny you should mention it.

Basically, it's your hair and your money, and you can do what you want. It's about business and looking good, not friendships. I don't consider the people who do my hair, nails and waxing friends, thought I do like them and treat them well. It's business, and if they don't do well by the business side of things, I can find someone else who will.

[midwestlily]

Thanks, all, I really needed someone to tell me that I'm making too much of this.  Couldn't think of anyone I could talk to about it.  (I really need more friends in this town!)

[Blonde Granny]

I have been going to a lady for about 4 years now, and since we've moved it has become a 50 mile r/t to go to the salon. she was/is very reasonable, and does a somewhat OK job cutting as long as I tell her to lose the scissors and use the razor instead.

 There is one that is much closer(and in my new town) and comes highly recommended. But, the experience I had a couple of months ago, when I tried to make an appt. and was told the person would call me back....never did. I'm inclined to go elsewhere.

There is another salon, which looks much more higher end that salon # 1 that never called back, but I just hate hate hate!!!!! finding a new person.  I'm old, grumpy, and sometimes just don't like change.  Guess it's time to bite the bullet and call the higher end salon for an appointment. 

My soon to be former hairdresser said I had hair like cat fur, I know it's hard to cut without it looking like I had a bowl on my head, so I just dread going to someone new.

I feel your pain, but stick to Anna.

[raeoflyte]

I'm in a similar situation.  I go to my in-laws hair dresser who they have been seeing now for 25 years.  I met her at dsil's first wedding, just the sweetest lady, love her, and eventually started going to her.  Personally I love her, however she really doesn't listen to me about what works for my hair--she always knows best.  And it became abundantly clear that mine, dmil, and dsil had essentially the same freaking hair cut as each other.  One would grow out, or go shorter, but it really was the same cut. 

I needed to catch up with a friend from elementary school, so I went to her for a hair cut, and omg--it looks so freaking good.  But I also have a perm (I know that sounds scary!) and my friend doesn't do perms.  So I have to go back to the other gal to get that perked up.  I'm not going to bring up that someone else cut my hair obviously, so we'll see if she does.   

It does feel childish, but most of it comes down to not wanting to hurt people's feelings.  My mom's hairdresser told her that cutting hair is like penmanship and no 2 hair stylists are going to work the same.  So if you find someone else you like better, that you should switch because its not likely that your person will ever be able to duplicate it to your liking.  

[greeniis10]

Yep, it's your hair and your money: feelings aside, you decide whom you're comfortable with and stick with it!

I went to the same gal to cut and highlight my hair for almost 20 years.  Over the past 5 or 6 six years I started taking biotin and B12 religiously and my hair has gotten much thicker.  It's naturally curly and hard to work with, but the gal was used to it and did a good job.  However, as it started to get thicker, she still treated it as thin and didn't dry it thoroughly and I would end up looking like a frizzy mess after spending $70.00 and would then have to go straight home and re-do it myself.  I tried to explain to her what was happening over the next couple of appts. but nothing improved, so I just stopped going completely.  I do feel bad in a way, but it's not like I betrayed her for someone else: I now cut and highlight it myself and no one has any idea I don't have it professionally done!

[Blonde Granny]

Thank you for this thread, you got me motivated. I couldn't remember the name of the salon just 2 miles from my house, so I drove there. I have an appt next Monday @ 11AM for a haircut.  Charges between $20-25 and I was paying $18 with tip...

[sheilaincali]

Something similar happened to me.

My co-worker's wife started cutting my hair at one salon after my original stylist left abruptly. A couple of months later all of the stylists left and opened a new salon. No problem, I moved to the new salon.   J (my friend) did my hair for years and G did DH and DS' hair. 

J developed diabetes when pregnant with her now 6 year old and about 3 or 4 years ago quit working entirely. She continued to do some hair on the side and would come to my house and do DH's, DS' and my hairs.

After a couple of years of this it became painfully obvious that she was getting out of practice. She would leave after cutting my hair and I would literally start crying because I hated my haircut so much.  But I felt guilty because she was my friend and her husband is probably my closest co-worker.  About a year ago Her back started bothering her so as not to be a burden I made an appointment with G.

I love the haircuts from G but felt guilty.  DH finally said "stay with G.  You like the haircuts you get from her.  You were basically paying J to give you haircuts you hated and to make you cry". 

So fast forward to two weeks ago and I get a facebook message from J that said "Hey Girl! I've missed you, give me a call so we can get together and catch up".  I'm really hoping she doesn't want to start cutting my hair again.  That's just going to be awkward because I'd rather stay with G.  I have an appointment to see G next week. 

J and G are friends but G is aware of the situation and has never told J that she is cutting my hair.  I assume that J knows someone is cutting my hair but she hasn't asked who yet.

I am glad to see that I am not the only person with hair stylist drama.

[zibazinski]

Years ago I went to one lady in the salon. She did OK, not great but OK. She leaves and I end p with someone else. I will follow her to the moon and I almost have. Now I split between two people because I live in two places basically. The guy I have up here does great color and good cuts but can't cut bangs for beans. In Florida, she isn't great with color but can keratin and cut my bangs. May my good fortune coninue! I'm now older and I won't go to anyone who doesn't do good work. They all charge a lot of money and I want results for that money.

[midwestlily]

I realize now that I feel guilty because it's not entirely about the haircuts.  My hair is fine and straight, I get a bob, there's not much to be done with it, and both stylists do a good job.  It's more about the fact that I prefer talking to Anna, but feel bad about telling Rebecca that, because it feels like I'm saying that I don't like her friend... Oh, well, time to grow up and let it go.  

Good to know that others have had troubles with this.  I think that next time I need a new stylist, I'd rather go to somebody who does a good job, but who's not a friend of a friend!

[mskay]

Stick with the stylist you like without explaining.

[msventoux]

Feb 7, 2014 0:07:10 GMT -5 mskay said:

Stick with the stylist you like without explaining.

If you offer explanations it just opens you up for counter arguments.  Go to who you like and if pressured on why, just keep repeating something to the effect that your choice is working out well for you and change the subject.

[zibazinski]

Look, DF goes to someone that he's been going to since she got out of training. His hair looks like it, too. Fortunately, he doesn't have much of it so she can't ruin it but I don't care for the cut. She now works out of her home which is even MORE inconvenient and she didn't drop her prices but she did get dropped by a lot of people who used that GREAT excuse to get rid of her once and for all. But not DF. He still drives 25 miles each way to the boonies to get this haircut every 3 weeks. Why? Because he feels sorry for her. If he had a lot of hair I'd get more jiggy with it but since he doesn't, I let it go but she's a lousy stylist and never changes anyone's look or even suggests it. His ex and his bio both go to her and their hair looks like crap, too. The bio can get away with it because of her youth and doing nothing to her hair look. It looks much worse on the ex, the do nothing look.

[skubikky]

Feb 6, 2014 14:47:12 GMT -5 midwestlily said:

Have any of you ever been in a situation like this?  I'm 57 but I feel like I'm caught in some kind of junior high drama!

I don't see a problem here.  You prefer Anna to Jane and will continue to use her.
That's it.   What your friend Rebecca does isn't a concern.
She should mind her own business and leave you alone about it.  You have a stylist that you like....end of story.

You're creating this "drama" yourself.  You don't understand that there isn't a need to appease anyone over a personal choice that you make.
Once you start trying to defend your choice you get caught up in this nonsense.  What are you afraid of?  That your friend will think you're a "bad person" because
you don't want to use her stylist anymore?   Who cares?

[skubikky]

Feb 6, 2014 15:08:56 GMT -5 midwestlily said:

Thanks, all, I really needed someone to tell me that I'm making too much of this.

Maybe this is something that you need to work on.  Trusting that you're entitled to your own choices and opinions.
Get some backbone girl!

[zibazinski]

The OP cares. I've had friends pressure me to use their nail person and I've pressured friends to go to my stylist when they say their hate their hair or the color. But after mentioning it a few times, I let it go. I wouldn't them over it. So your friend may pressure you but she won't you.

[Nazgul Girl]

   I found a wonderful stylist that I will call " Gigi " 24 years ago, and went to her faithfully.   I used to go to the owner of the salon she was working at, but Gigi cut my hair even better than the owner.

   The owner unfortunately got into a car accident, and had to close her salon.   I couldn't find out where Gigi had gone to next because she didn't keep good records of her clients !   Finally six years later, I found her again, and have been going to her ever since.   I threatened her that if she ever leaves her new salon again, I will send out the Mounties to find her.

   She just cracks up, and then we talk about how old we're getting and how we don't like certain changes that have happened in the world.   She still gives a great haircut.   

[Gardening Grandma]

I've had the same stylist for nearly 20 years. She has also become a friend - as in we socialize. After all these years she still asks me how I want it cut. DH goes to her as well. On hair cut days, the three of us go to lunch afterwards...

Like Blonde Granny, I hate finding a new hairdresser. I go to a salon several times a year to have my hair highlighted because my friend no longer does anything involving chemicals (no perms, no dyes). The salon woman knows I go elsewhere for the cuts.

If I ever decide I want to change stylists, I imagine it would be awkward, but my friend/stylist is the kind of person who I could be upfront with. She'd say "OK" and we'd still go to lunch as friends.

[chiver78]

Feb 6, 2014 15:05:32 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Have any of you ever been in a situation like this? I'm 57 but I feel like I'm caught in some kind of junior high drama!

Yes, and it is junior high drama. Also happened to me at a salon, funny you should mention it.

Basically, it's your hair and your money, and you can do what you want. It's about business and looking good, not friendships. I don't consider the people who do my hair, nails and waxing friends, thought I do like them and treat them well. It's business, and if they don't do well by the business side of things, I can find someone else who will.

I my stylist, and I'm seriously going to cry when she retires. I've been going to her since HS, and she's in her mid-50s now.

some dear friends of mine have a salon about 45 minutes from me, I helped them when they renovated the space a few years back. one of them has been passive-aggressive about hinting that she wants me to come up there for my cut/highlights. um, not until my lady retires, and I'm sorry that you're butt hurt about it.

do what make YOU happy, as others have said if your friend Rebecca has a problem with it, that's HER problem not yours.

[Blonde Granny]

This is an off topic hair dresser story:

A few years ago I got interested in genealogy and came across a cousin as we had the same GGrandfather. We decided to meet in Omaha, as he lived in KC and we were going from Florida to see my Mom.

DH and I picked my Mom up and went to the restaurant to meet. The cousin brought 2 of his aunts with him. As we sat and talked, cousin mentioned that Aunt Joy was a retired hair dresser.....at that point I about fell out of my chair. I poked my Mom (who was not listening) and said...Mother, this is Joy...the hairdresser you went to for years (insert name of salon) and that did my hair when DH and I were married 45 years ago....

Turns out my Mom and Aunt Joy were first cousins who had never met.  The never meeting is another long boring family story which will remain untold.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I've only broken up with a hairdresser once. Always in the past, I've found someone that I've liked and have followed them from pillar to post. The last 2 hairdressers I've had, I've probably followed them to a minimum of 8 different salons.

The last one I found indirectly. I found a hairdresser that I really, REALLY liked, but she was impossible to get an appointment with. She was good, but I hated that I needed to make an appointment on the way out in order to get in in the next 3 months. There was a hairdresser in the chair next to her, and I really liked how he did his customer's hair so I asked to see him instead of waiting forever to get in with my normal hairdresser. He did such a good job that I jumped ship. So it got really weird to make appointments with the new one with the old one in the adjacent chair.

Fortunately, the salon got sold. My old hairdresser went in with a partner to buy it and my new one went on the lam. He worked in at least 6 different places until he finally opened up his own salon. It's a teeny, tiny place. 2 chairs and he and his partner do everything. Sigh.....I miss him. I've been using TD's and after 2 years, she is *finally* doing what I want her to do with my hair. I figure another 3 visits and I'll have her trained. Nothing I can do about the fact that she is slow as molasses in January, but she does cut my hair well.