hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 10, 2014 16:00:55 GMT -5
You googled it, did you go to whitepages.com? We find all kinds of people on there at work when we need random addresses and we don't know where they live. Or he has access to Lexis Nexis searches for his job? There are MANY ways to find someone's mailing address without Google or the county recorder (I'm assuming you haven't been trying to hide your address by pretending you live elsewhere, simply that you haven't been broadcasting your address to everyone).
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 10, 2014 16:02:28 GMT -5
BTW how do you know about what he has been up to? It might be the same source of info going both ways. Maybe she's been stalking him because he doesn't try to keep his info as private.
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simser
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Post by simser on Jan 10, 2014 16:04:16 GMT -5
BTW how do you know about what he has been up to? It might be the same source of info going both ways. The person who I get my info from didn't have my address. I'm pretty tight on giving out this information who might give it to him (like new phone numbers, new address had only been given to my family/ best friend from elementary school/ friends from work here). I wouldn't be surprised if someone was giving him the same type of generic information I'm getting "oh simser bought a house. Oh simser isn't dating anyone. Oh simser moved to a different state for a couple months." I've accepted that that would happen. I hope it's a nanny nanny boo boo thing. Because I've already moved on and am happy with my life as it's turned out. I'm pretty sure the baby is his- or at least he's saying it is. I'm pretty convinced the infertility was a compatibility problem rather than a specific person That's something I don't think he realizes though. And I'll pay to watch her squeeze his balls too!
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 10, 2014 17:31:32 GMT -5
There are really too many places where there are gaps. When I moved a few months ago, the minute I put a change of address card in at the post office, my cell phone company and many other places automatically got the address change....even though I had not yet contacted them.
If your ex has access to any of your online accounts, he could have gotten it there as well. Hell, all the universities I went to got my corrected address and I did not contact them!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2014 19:33:23 GMT -5
Have you searched for yourself on Zabasearch or Spokeo?
Simser I'm not in the US anymore and I've never heard of either of these. You said you're not on Spokeo, but did you check Zabasearch?
I'm generally one for trusting one's instincts, and visibly, you are shaken by this. But can you even report this to the police? What would you tell them? "I got a Xmas card from an abusive ex I've been trying to avoid"?
Can you find out, given what your ex is in grad school for, what search engines he has access to? It won't change anything, but it may make you feel better to find out he has easy access to someplace that would have your address in it.
The other possibility that nobody has mentioned is that he hired a private investigator, but somehow I doubt that.
Also, you may be trusting your friends in common too much. Not that anybody would intentionally harm you, but imagine if your ex told somebody, hey, I just found a piece of jewelry that Simser lost, she'll be so happy to get it back, can you give me her address so I can send it to her? The person might just not think anything of it this far down the road.
This said, I too am in the "nanny nanny boo boo" camp, either because of the divorce, or because of the child. Don't throw out the card for now, but get it out of your house. Maybe leave it at your parents' house? Or at work?
But if you don't get anything else from him, I would relax. Easier said than done, I'm sure. But it does seem like he has "moved on", and he probably just wants to shove that in your face prove it to you.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jan 10, 2014 21:24:24 GMT -5
My ex liked to do the nanna-nanna-boo-boo thing for the first few years after our separation and divorce. He remarried quickly, and found a wife who was taller, thinner, better-educated, and made far more money than I had ever earned. They bought large houses. They both were mean to our daughter. She told my daughter that she would meet with me to "explain" why we had gotten divorced. He asked me whether my second husband was a " settle."
I guess I was supposed to break down and cry and mourn about what a great catch I had lost. Far from it ( except for the part about them being cruel to our daughter. That was horrible. ) For a few years on the anniversary of our divorce, I would get the divorce decree out of the safe, and kiss it ! He had guaranteed that our divorce would be finalized near my birthday, so that my " birthday would always be ruined." Didn't happen. Toward the end of our marriage, I felt that the two greatest things the guy had ever given me were our daughter, and our divorce decree.
I think that your ex husband is trying to rattle your cage and really upset you. I wouldn't give him the time of day. He's just trying to prove to you that his life is just superb without you. You were the smart one and got out, moved, got a job in another city, etc. I think he's just jealous.
Best wishes and good luck.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jan 10, 2014 23:11:36 GMT -5
Was there a note with the card? Is it the new wife perhaps with the access and the axe to grind?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 11, 2014 4:02:15 GMT -5
Given you just got a Christmas card I think you are worrying unnecessarily. The bottom line is you don't know how he got your address and you are assuming the worst because you don't know how to find it via Google. Like other people said it could be as simple as your Facebook posts gave the town or area away when the privacy settings were changed by FB.
I don't think you should be worried much unless there is something awful in the Xmas card that implies something. You have an unusual name and unless you bought under assumed name, don't get mail delivered ever, pay money to not be listed in the phonebook there are probably ways to find your address. Honestly if you are known to live in that metropolitan area and don't pay extra for an unlisted number & no listing I could probably find you by spending less than $10 ordering a phone book from that area.
There's reasons witness protection includes changing names and identities. You can't hide simply by not providing information to people you don't want to know and only providing it to those you do want to know. The more people you tell, the more companies who know your address, the easier you are to find. Plus someone may have coughed up your address simply because they didn't want to be badgered by him for it. Unless there's more than a braggy Xmas card I think you are over-reacting.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jan 11, 2014 14:25:57 GMT -5
I am not sure you can do that from him sending you the card. I thought (though it is very unfortunate) he would have to do more harm to get a restraining order. I would think he used some method with court or divorce paperwork to file to get your current address? but it was slipped or told to him by mistake. however he got your current address this sounds to me like pure luck on his behalf.
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kent
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Post by kent on Jan 11, 2014 14:38:35 GMT -5
There are really too many places where there are gaps. When I moved a few months ago, the minute I put a change of address card in at the post office, my cell phone company and many other places automatically got the address change....even though I had not yet contacted them. If your ex has access to any of your online accounts, he could have gotten it there as well. Hell, all the universities I went to got my corrected address and I did not contact them! Yep, it's the post office. When my stepfather died I got a notice from Wells Fargo that future statements (we had a joint VISA account) would be sent to his nephew - NOT!!!!!!!!!!
Got that stopped in a heartbeat
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2014 16:21:53 GMT -5
You can also do paid searches of public records. When my uncle died, we were desperate to get in touch with my cousin (his daughter). So we paid for 24-hours of access (actually a rather well-off friend of his did and gave me the user name/password).
It was absolutely amazing what you could find out through a public records search with only a few key strokes. I'll be honest and admit that I looked up everyone I could think of including former boyfriends from thirty-five years ago. I'm a curious person.
Maybe he has a job that gives him access to this type of search.
You sure did go to a lot of trouble, though, to make sure he couldn't find you. So you must think he is the stalking type.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Jan 11, 2014 18:25:23 GMT -5
he is your ex-husband, and he probably knows a lot of personal info about you. Perhaps your social security number or where you bank? It woul be too easy to call a place that you have an account, and ask them to make sure that they have your new address. And would they please confirm it for him.
But then again, I got that scenario from the movie, "Double Jeopardy." lol
Back to the OP'd concerns, I hope that it is a rubbing his new life in your face kind of thing. His need to tell you why your marriage ended speaks a lot about his need to control. And that is scary!!! People with control issues cannot deal with you disappearing like that, because they need someone to "play" with and mess with.
Just be careful, and also take what I say with a grain of salt. I am super paranoid.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Jan 13, 2014 11:02:54 GMT -5
All a person would need is a friend in the post office. Does your ex-husband have any postal employees in his camp?
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jan 13, 2014 18:33:55 GMT -5
You can also do paid searches of public records. When my uncle died, we were desperate to get in touch with my cousin (his daughter). So we paid for 24-hours of access (actually a rather well-off friend of his did and gave me the user name/password).
It was absolutely amazing what you could find out through a public records search with only a few key strokes. I'll be honest and admit that I looked up everyone I could think of including former boyfriends from thirty-five years ago. I'm a curious person.
Maybe he has a job that gives him access to this type of search.
You sure did go to a lot of trouble, though, to make sure he couldn't find you. So you must think he is the stalking type. I think Susana is probably right. You don't have to spend a lot of money to do public records searches.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 13, 2014 19:02:37 GMT -5
A bit of background 1st. So I got divorced just over 2 years ago. I divorced him because he was emotionally and mentally abusive, and was also rarely physically abusive. (He was increasing). I lived 3.5 hours away when I asked for the divorce (I moved for a job 2 years beforehand and he did not move with me). I did not tell him why I wanted a divorce. Just that I did. We also had 5 years of struggling to have a child, which in retrospect was fantastic- I don't have to have contact with him. I changed my phone number (went on a family plan with my parents), moved (got a different job now 20 hours away from him), and blocked his email and Facebook after he explained to me that I was a horrible person for abandoning him during the divorce because he needed me to help him through it. He decided that he would contact my parents 3-6 times last year since he couldn't contact me. In the time that we have been divorced he got another girl pregnant, married her and the baby was born in September. I rented a house, bought a house in my city, moved for work to a different city for 4 months. I received a Xmas card from him. It had the address of my new house that I bought. No one has this address because I was living in the other state, so no one needed it. It was not forwarded. You can not google this information. The only way I found it was to go to the county recorder of deeds... Of course it was a picture of him and his new family being shoved into my face. I opened it before I thought that I could send it back. Anyway. Should I be worried about this? He put a lot of effort into tracking me down. He's far away, but do I need a restraining order?
I don't know how it works in the US, but I'm pretty sure you won't be granted a restraining order on the basis of someone sending you a Christmas card. If there were threats or criminal harassment, then yes.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Jan 15, 2014 4:14:52 GMT -5
I can't tell you whether you should be worried or pursue a restraining order. You know your ex better than I do.
But I can tell you that I was amazed by what I found online when I was buying a house and started looking up property tax records online. If someone owns property in their own name in this county, I can get directions to their house faster online than by calling them. (My boss was a little freaked out by this when he gave me his old fridge.)
If you have an unusual last name and have bought property in a state or jurisdiction that puts everything online (in a timely manner) it is not hard to find addresses.
Is it possible that your ex recently bought a house and stumbled over the same phenomena? If he knows what city you live in, it isn't that hard to look up the city or county registrar of deeds and do a quick, free search.
You have the return address from the card that he sent you. Why don't you google "gotham registrar of deeds" (or gotham county registrar of deeds) and see where that takes you?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 15, 2014 10:04:54 GMT -5
All a person would need is a friend in the post office. Does your ex-husband have any postal employees in his camp? They do not need to have access here. When I moved (officially) last summer, every single university I attended got my new address. I have no idea how SUNY or UTHSCSA got my address, as I did not contact them with my new address, but I am now receiving newsletters from them....and it happened relatively quick. If the OP's ex has any contact with their old university, I imagine that her new address is on file with them and he accessed it this way. i have absolutely no idea how this happened. I have no idea as to how my cell phone provider got my corrected address before I notified them of a change. FWIW....just about all the vendors who regularly sent me catalogs found me too, despite not placing any orders from them while I was living in WA.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 15, 2014 10:22:45 GMT -5
All a person would need is a friend in the post office. Does your ex-husband have any postal employees in his camp? They do not need to have access here. When I moved (officially) last summer, every single university I attended got my new address. I have no idea how SUNY or UTHSCSA got my address, as I did not contact them with my new address, but I am now receiving newsletters from them....and it happened relatively quick. If the OP's ex has any contact with their old university, I imagine that her new address is on file with them and he accessed it this way. i have absolutely no idea how this happened. I have no idea as to how my cell phone provider got my corrected address before I notified them of a change. FWIW....just about all the vendors who regularly sent me catalogs found me too, despite not placing any orders from them while I was living in WA. MICH, at work we use a USPS service that automatically updates us when our customers change their mailing addresses. I bet the universities use the same service.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2014 10:34:12 GMT -5
They do not need to have access here. When I moved (officially) last summer, every single university I attended got my new address. I have no idea how SUNY or UTHSCSA got my address, as I did not contact them with my new address, but I am now receiving newsletters from them....and it happened relatively quick. If the OP's ex has any contact with their old university, I imagine that her new address is on file with them and he accessed it this way. i have absolutely no idea how this happened. I have no idea as to how my cell phone provider got my corrected address before I notified them of a change. FWIW....just about all the vendors who regularly sent me catalogs found me too, despite not placing any orders from them while I was living in WA. MICH, at work we use a USPS service that automatically updates us when our customers change their mailing addresses. I bet the universities use the same service. Yep. Each time we moved we for a statement/letter from Vanguard stating that they were informed by the post office that we relocated and this was our new home address. Many business use it.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Jan 15, 2014 11:59:03 GMT -5
He could have gotten your address any number of ways. Like others have pointed out the with the internet, all you need is basic information and you can find out quite a bit about anyone. Also, since he was married to you, he does have information that would allow him to verify that the Simser who used to live in XYZ, Virginia is the same one currently living in ABC, Montana. Somewhere I have a list of all the different sites that may have someone's information and how to contact them to have it removed. I got it from an article about how to remove your info from the internet (not that anyone will ever be able to remove 100% of theirs). I'll have to look for it and you can see if you show up in any of those searches. In the meantime, I say document the contact in a notebook and put that along with the card in a safe place. Do not respond or acknowledge you received the card and if you haven't already, do not tell the mutual "friend" you received it so as far as the ex knows, you didn't. Then move on and act like it never happened but you'll at least have a record started if he attempts contact again. ETA: I couldn't find a list per se, but I did find a copy of this article I had saved. I know I contacted one or two of them like Spokeo and Zabasearch but I don't remember if I got around to contacting any others since my personal life went sideways around the time I saved the article. Hope it helps you some. blog.sgrouples.com/delete-your-private-information-people-search-databases/
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