Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 17:02:45 GMT -5
So, I'm curious about this now. How do you / your parents handle this?
When my mom used to get gifts, she spent a set amount on husband and I... If one of us wanted something big that year (drafting table for husband, pots and pans for me... ) The other got a little less...
Now ow we basically get gift cards we use together. I got one for restaurant, husband to movies in same amounts. She gives us the same amount of cash for our birthdays.
My dad gives cash. Husband always gets as much as I do. BIL gets as much as sister. Same with birthdays.
Just curious how others do things?
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 29, 2013 17:10:35 GMT -5
My parents said they spent the same on each of their children - so if one is married the couple gets the same amount total as the single child. How it's split between the married couple varies, though it's usually a mix of what the child wants and what the couple want. So far, from what I remember, the only things they've given my bro's wives/fiances are token solo gifts but often gives gifts both use. Sometimes it's something my bro wants (car/tools). Haven't brought a fiance/husband home yet, but being on the single side of the equation it's nice that the marrieds don't get more just for being married.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 17:16:04 GMT -5
My mom does that. Actually she always did families, so when sis was single and I had husband and 2 kids, my mom would give sis equal to the 4 of us.
My dad keeps it even between sibling with/spouses, but doesn't count my kids.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Dec 29, 2013 17:19:34 GMT -5
We give son and DIL $50 each for their birthday. For Christmas this year, we bought them 4 $25 gift cards to local restaurants.
These are the two that have far more than we ever did, have a 6000sf house., 3 kids and 4 cars, they want for nothing. They enjoy the gift cards to restaurants though as they will meet for lunch downtown.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 29, 2013 17:20:18 GMT -5
My parents give us money - checks - written to both of us. We do an adult gift exchange, so she isn't obligated to give us anything, but says she "needs" to give her kids something. This year they gave us what I think is a very generous amount. I'm not sure if they had a good year in the market, or think they can lower estate taxes by siphoning off money to us. It wasn't really enough to dent their estate. Maybe they just know that we don't need small amounts of money, so they might as well make a statement with a larger amount. Or maybe she gave my sister 10x what she gave me and I'm getting the shaft. I'm not going to question their reasoning. I just have to figure out what we want to do with it.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 29, 2013 17:21:03 GMT -5
My parents give me and my sibs $500 each. Our spouses get $200 gift cards to the place of their choice.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 29, 2013 17:21:12 GMT -5
My parents and I still exchange gifts. My parents also buy gifts for my sister and her husband. I'm not 100% sure on the amounts, but I think it's pretty even between me, my sister, and BIL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 17:24:34 GMT -5
I constantly forget my SIL's birthday. However, I made a $250 contribution to his election campaign recently. I told him it represented the last 5 birthdays I forgot. He laughed and was cool with it. He and I are not close. He often is too busy to come to whatever with my daughter and her kids. I don't think he doesn't like me because we're fine when he does come. He is just really busy. I ask my daughter what she wants, and she tells me. If it is small, I throw in a $25 Amazon gift card. Her DH is a non-reader so he doesn't understand how she can spend money on books. My son and his wife have birthdays 9 days apart. I have known his wife since she was a ninth grader in my English class. They started dating in tenth grade. Today is their anniversary. They have been together for 18 years. So I do remember her birthday as easily as my son's. I ask them what they want, and they sometimes tell me. If they don't, they each get $50. I am very careful to make it two 50s (instead of $100) because I send a single birthday card. We don't do Christmas presents for adults any more, but when I did, I only bought a couple present if they wanted a couple present. For example, DD and her husband wanted the serving pieces to their Lenox Federal platinum while I was still working at Macy's. I consider the in-laws as separate people and as deserving as my own kids. If I thought my SIL cared about my remembering or forgetting his birthday, I would make more effort. He doesn't. He'd rather have had the political contribution, trust me.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 29, 2013 18:00:50 GMT -5
My mother stopped giving Christmas and birthday gifts to her children a few years ago. My sisters, our SOs, my mom, my aunt, and my uncle usually draw names for Christmas.
Sometimes my mom will just buy random gifts on random days. The last two years, she's taken me out for lunch for my birthday.
She does give gifts to her grandchildren.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Dec 29, 2013 18:14:56 GMT -5
My dad is poor. It's a gift to me if he doesn't buy me anything because it ends up on my credit card anyway. I buy something for the sweetie and tell him it's from my dad.
The sweetie's mom just tries to buy us what we want, but the amount is probably pretty comparable. Hos father buys him presents and gives me $200 in cash every year.
The ex's dad was loaded. We each got thousands in gifts but the ex would also get and envelope with at least $15k in cash. Sadly, I did not ever get one of those.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 29, 2013 18:32:10 GMT -5
We give our kids very very few gifts. I do, however, buy a LOT of things that "they" don't consider gifts
My IL's give them shit load of crap
My parents give them a few things here and there. I don't think they try to make amounts the same
I told my husband and my parents that giving gifts to kids under two is a waste of money. I don't think they agree with me
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 18:36:11 GMT -5
But whoisjohngalt, I'm talking about their gifts to you and husband... Do they gift the same, together, differently? ....
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motherto2
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Post by motherto2 on Dec 29, 2013 21:43:31 GMT -5
Our family is a little different. My brother has passed. He had two kids, one adopted from ex wife's first marriage, and second child was his. I'm divorced and have two kids. This year my folks gave me and my son each $100. Less than in year's past, but he and I went to TN to visit them while they were there vacationing this Christmas. They paid for several shows, so I'm sure that's why it was a little less. It was great, the four of us really enjoyed ourselves. I'm sure DD will get the same when she gets home. Neither of my kids has a significant other. My niece is recently married, and apparently the nephew and his girlfriend (she's much older, has at least two kids from elsewhere) are expecting. Not sure what they are giving them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 21:49:50 GMT -5
My parents get gifts and do some money. I don't know what they spend on gifts or how equitable it is. Some gifts are together (we got car mats for the minivan) and some are separate (i got a watch). The money is given in the same amounts.
My inlaws so mostly gifts. I have no idea if they spend equitably or not.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Dec 29, 2013 22:03:33 GMT -5
My in laws get both of us gifts. sometimes they might do a couple gift if it's a household appliance, like the espresso machine they got us one year.
If it's a cash gift, they give equally to each of their children, and a much smaller amount to the spouses/partners in addition to physical gifts.
My husband never needs money from his parents, but his siblings constantly need it. And they aren't shy about letting it be known that they need a new computer or whatever. So my FIL will gift that amount to the needy party and then to be fair, gift the rest of his children the same amount.
My father gifts me money with the understanding that he's gifting the entire family (my nuclear family). He trusts that I will dispatch of it as I see best.
Doesn't matter though because it's always the family's money in my head.
I don't take issue with how my FIL does things. He's a very fair person.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Dec 29, 2013 22:09:14 GMT -5
My dad usually gives hubs and I six games of our choice out of his Phillies season ticket package (great seats!!) but this years we wanted to finally become Union (MLS) season ticket holders, so we got money towards our seats. Yay! We've been getting a joint gift since moved in together six years ago. I used to always get money from my dad and I remember the first joint gift year I was a little bummed that the envelope full of cash days were over! Luckily, the many years of awesome baseball games have been worth the change. My dad will give my brother the cash equivalent of our tickets. MIL usually gets us separate gifts but this year we got cash to put toward our trip to Aruba. My one grandmom usually gets us a restaurant gift and his grandparents give us cash. We use the gift card and cash for a delicious and boozy night out!
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Dec 29, 2013 22:17:57 GMT -5
My inlaws sent DS a check for $25 and DH and I a check (in both of our names) for $50. Generous of them considering we are estranged and haven't seen them since February 2008. DH is an only child and DS is obviously the only grandkid.
My parents are very generous to us, the in-laws and the grandkids. She is actually more generous to my SIL then she is to me. SIL got an iPad air and I got a Ninja blender thingy because that's what my sister wanted and she always gets us the same thing. I plan on asking for the receipt so I can return it as I will never use it. I have zero need for it.
We all got $100 iTunes gift cards and $100 gift cards to a different store (I got Kohls). Everyone got a variety of other gifts too (shirts, pants, Christmas decorations, etc).
Birthdays- they usually give something to my SIL, my sister and my brother. If they are in town they take me to Arbys for lunch on my bday. This year they were and my dad left me a post it note on my desk that said "Happy Birthday, love Dad" They typically send DH a card. They ignore my older brother's birthday by his request. He hates celebrating his bday and gets mad if anyone acknowledges his bday. My younger brother's kids get gifts but all the other kids get cash ($75). My brother's kids are more spoiled and my brother insists she buy them presents (and host their bday parties, buy the cake, feed them all, etc - but that's a whole other thread).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 22:27:07 GMT -5
I spend the same amount on both kids, right down to the sizes of the packages as well. This year we have a grand daughter and my daughters boyfriend so I gave my son the amount of his and Scarlett's gifts in cash to DS.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 22:29:55 GMT -5
I spend the same amount on both kids, right down to the sizes of the packages as well. What does that even mean?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 22:32:18 GMT -5
Well I match up the sizes of the gifts as well as the cost.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 22:33:34 GMT -5
Well I match up the sizes of the gifts as well as the cost. That is hilarious!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 29, 2013 22:50:31 GMT -5
I don't get it either.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Dec 30, 2013 3:20:32 GMT -5
My inlaws give each of their children, each spouse and each grandchild the same amount. Usually $100.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Dec 30, 2013 6:16:59 GMT -5
I give my adult kids and their spouses the same amount each by check for bdays and regular anniversaries (milestone anniversaries get more). Adults do not get Christmas gifts-only the grands and I spend about the same amunt on each grand and again the same for grand bdays. In fact, I have 2 boy grands a year apart with bdays within 2 weeks of each other. Bought them both the same thing last year (art sets) and did it again for this year (RC cars + extra batteries).
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Dec 30, 2013 8:05:11 GMT -5
My parents gave their grandkids each $50 and DH and I got a $100 bill. We joke about how my Dad loves to shop---at the bank.
They handed out bills the last time they were at our house. I invited my younger brother and his kids over to see them before they went to Texas for the season. They got cash too. My older brother who had already left for AZ got skipped. I made the mistake of letting it slip on the phone that Dad handed out cash, and now he feels slighted (again).
My parents don't buy gifts, but they love to get them. I send a yearly box at Christmas with things they won't buy themselves. This year they got Remy Martin, perfume, the best mustard in the world, kitchen gadgets, local seasoning mix, smoked salmon, and of course a picture of me.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Dec 30, 2013 9:30:48 GMT -5
My mom is anal about gifts being equal (money-wise) and she keeps a list of what she has spent on each person and the dollar amount. I usually ended up with more gifts than my brother when we were kids because he'd want a $50 video game and she would get me 5 shirts on sale for $10 a piece. So gift number might have been unequal but dollar value was always the same. She does the same for our spouses now. My DH is harder to buy for, so she did say his dollar amount was a little less, but then a lottery ticket she gave him won $75 so it was all equal again.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 30, 2013 9:32:07 GMT -5
But whoisjohngalt, I'm talking about their gifts to you and husband... Do they gift the same, together, differently? .... It's really hard to do it "same" bc we have such diverse interests, my DH and I. But I think they do. My parents. IL's hardly ever do any kinds of gifts. My mom does lots of "little" gifts through out the year to both of us. I think my DH gets a bit more, bc she "thanks" him for stuff he helps them out with. But I get my share too. My parents really like my DH and show it through giving him stuff My IL's ......honestly, I like it better when they don't give us anything bc we would be paying for it ourselves anyway. Ever since we had kids, they kind of shifted gift giving to them
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Dec 30, 2013 10:10:59 GMT -5
I don't have kids but gift whoever I want whatever I want, totally not even. Mom had 3 kids and bought us uneven gifts and uneven for spouses, ISO and grand and great grands. She liked to shop and bought what she felt like buying. Since I was the only daughter and we shopped together she tended to have ideas for me even when I tried not to give them. She also liked to give checks and they were identical but only to the children and grands sometimes only to the children. For example for a granddaughters third wedding mom gave us each a check for 1,000 because we were together that day. Bride probably got a check, DIL nothing, ISO nothing father of the bride was single. No need for mom to complicated it gifting more to married people or choosing who was in a serious relationship. My oldest brother was always needy so dad would buy him something like a new or used van then gift the others of us checks. When I got divorced I got 1,500 for furniture since my brother got a used van and dad was going to gift my other brother 1,500 too and I said he should gift it to the DIL instead and he did but it didn't matter they share.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 10:16:47 GMT -5
Growing up as the unliked child I try to make sure everything is even steven with my kids even though they are adults, thank goodness I only have two. So I make a list and try to match price and size of gift together. Like a box of five hour energy was matched up to a candle, actually probably more my OCD kicking in than anything else.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Dec 30, 2013 10:28:54 GMT -5
My parents give us $$$ since we have to travel via plane to get to them. Or my mom orders something and has it sent to our house. Each kid, whether biological or married into the family gets the same amount. DH and I usually just request something for the house or use the cash for that.
Dh's parents usually buy us individual gifts and the spend the same on each of us. This year, we both got gift cards because neither of us could come up with an idea of something we wanted. Fine by me!
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