How's your Christmas going? What'd you get?

[Gardening Grandma]

debthaven
I am so sorry.  All kids, to some degree, seem to feel entitled to live in their parents' home as long as they choose.

This will pass and hopefully eventually your DD will genuinely apologize to you and mend the relationship.

I sure hope so. You deserve better.

[mmhmm]

Oh, debthaven, I'm so sorry.  I do remember those days.  My daughter was very, very difficult at that age.  So, for that matter, was I.  Today, I don't think I know a better person than my DD.  Yours will come around with time and experience, too.  You laid the right foundation.  Give it time to set.  For the time being, I firmly believe you're doing the right thing.  Set boundaries and hold to them, no matter what she throws at you.  And, for now, hugs to you and know you're not alone and what you're going through is understood.  Hugs, hon.  Get a good rest, set your eyes to the future, and soldier on.

[Jaguar]

Debt I'm sorry. Take care of you, cause she can and will take care of herself.

[Deleted]

I didn't get anything, so I spent $1100 on myself.

[ZaireinHD]

I had a good time with plenty of food and watching our traditional Christmas movies:
Power Puff Girls -Twas The Night Before Christmas
12 Men of Christmas
The Holiday
Extreme Ops (not a Christmas movie but has a huge amount of snow!)
The Long Kiss Goodnight
Lethal Weapon and
Die Hard

[Deleted]

Sorry to hear your Christmas was not the best debt.  I'm not religious in the least, but I remember praying a lot through both my pregnancies to have boys.  

My Christmas was ok, but besides having to run around a lot in bad weather, it was a little uncomfortable.  Two days of people acting like they don't realize my husband isn't with me and trying to carry on conversations with me without mentioning him was very awkward. Social gatherings drain me anyhow, so I'm planning on not leaving the house tomorrow and not doing anything with anyone but the 3 year old.  Older son wanted to spend the night at his Dad's, so it's just us until Friday when I go back to work.

My Dad and stepmom got us a year of Netflix streaming which is greatly appreciated by all.  We gave it up a few months ago to save money and I'm starting to miss it.  They also got me a portable jump starter for my van.  The kids have left me stranded a few times in the past couple months leaving dome lights on.  Last but not least, they got me a new set of fleece sheets.  I so love fleece sheets.  My ex-SIL scrapped me a calendar of the kids and my Mom got me new oak bar stools for my kitchen. 

[Sharon]

My Dad ended up paying the emergency rate for roto rooter to come and unplug the lines from the house.  He then moved the washer and dryer for me so I could scrub the garage floor down with bleach and scoop up all the crap that was on the floor.  Because the lines were blocked it deposited everything I had been running down the garbage disposal onto the garage floor.

[Nazgul Girl]

   Debt, I'm sorry that this happened, but I'm also very proud that you and your DH have faced her down and kicked her out.  She's 21 years old and is able to take care of herself.   Besides, if you and your DH are kind enough to pay her rent for the next six months, that should take care of her most basic need - shelter.    She's plenty old enough to learn the realities of life.   Don't ever, ever let her move back in, no matter how much she whines.  

   You and the rest of your family have the right to have a non-horrific holiday.   Best wishes for a happier New Year.

[cael]

Hope things start to get better for you, debt!

Had a nice day, at home for the morning for breakfast and presents (and DH would never want to be away from the cat on Christmas morning!) then dinner at my parents in the afternoon/evening. Santa brought me new shiny purple Doc Martens and a new guitar, which is basically all I wanted this year! Even though the shoes are a tad big on me (DH - I mean, Santa - looked at one pair of DMs I have that are a size bigger than the ones I wear daily...), they're freakin sweet and insoles will fix the size thing! DH got a giant hockey equipment bag, deep fryer and a stand mixer and was a happy camper.

...back to work today for an 11 hour day alone with the most annoying person in the office.

[Nazgul Girl]

We had a great Christmas Eve/Day.   DD & I went to Mass on Christmas Eve, and I finished up decorating the tree and wrapped a couple of gifts.

We three opened up our gifts very early  on Christmas morning.On Christmas Day, we went over to my sister and brother-in-law's for brunch.   They live on the same lake that we grew up on, so it was great to see the gray and white of the ice and snow on the lake.   The middle had just closed up the night before (iced over ). 

Then, we came home, and DD departed to her house to do I do not know what.   She's still recovering from some stuff, so I think she just needs rest.  

DH got two Richard Feynmann books,  two pairs of special tongs that he wanted for his cooking hobby ( not expensive, but exactly the model he wanted, with the exact spring that holds up well ), the exact same model of watch from Timex which he has now ( he wanted it and we spotted it at Kohls, so he got it ) and some gourmet oils, vinegars, and condiments from my DS & BIL.   DD got him a gift card from Amazon.   We're going to download some more Feynmann books on the Kindle after he reads the two print ones which I got for him.   I was going to give him a dinosaur tooth for his fossil collection, but the price got too high on ebay.   Also, he got a trip to Florida, which we have already booked.

DD got a steel-entry side door (installed) on her house from Home Depot.   She needed a better door because her house came with a side door with a nice, big, glass window in it.   That's not safe anymore.   She also got two gift cards from us for $ 65, a pair of pearl stud earrings which we found on sale at Kohls for a good price, and some gloves.  

I had one thing which was wrapped up, which was a pair of gloves.   I also got the Kindle Fire HD, a number of books downloaded on the Kindle Fire HD, a small sapphire ring in two-tone gold which is coming this Friday, the other half of the trip to Florida, an Amazon gift card from DD, and a special kind of silicone lid for the microwave, etc., from my sis/BIL, plus my $ 1.00 flashlight from Dad.  

 My best gift for the holiday is that he's evidently accepted the limits that I placed on him about his death discussions at every available opportunity, and a wonderful 45-minute conversation that I had with him on Christmas Day.   I haven't found him this happy and optimistic in months.   It was wonderful !!!

[Deleted]

Dec 26, 2013 8:31:33 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

  

 My best gift for the holiday is that he's evidently accepted the limits that I placed on him about his death discussions at every available opportunity, and a wonderful 45-minute conversation that I had with him on Christmas Day.   I haven't found him this happy and optimistic in months.   It was wonderful !!!

Sometimes the best gifts don't come in a box. 

debt, I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter and I do hope you get her out of the house.  There's no way she should be allowed to stay and make you miserable while you support her.  Please have hope, though.  I spent a few days before Christmas with my sister and her husband and one of their daughters- the most difficult one.  She had a baby at age 19 by a guy my sister described as "having the brains of a paramecium".  With massive support (financial and otherwise), she's now taking advanced training so she can do radiation therapy for cancer (she's already in some sort of radiation technology career).  She's married to an architect, they have a sweet little boy, and her older daughter is smart and secure, and has been adopted by her new husband.  Her sister moved in with her boyfriend and his mother on DD's 17th birthday (12/27).  Just about broke my sister's heart.  Ten years later she's married and divorced the first boyfriend, married a fireman who's a great guy, and they have 2 beautiful little girls and she's a wonderful mother.  So people change.

Anyway, my Christmas- quiet, but that's the way we like it. I was in Charleston before Christmas with my sister and stopped in a jewelry store on a whim to see if I could find a gold charm for my charm bracelet. The two clerks ignored me. (Each was dealing with another customer but didn't even acknowledge that I was there.) I got tired of it and walked out. Now we're in Myrtle Beach and we went into the pawn ship where I bought my Rolex years ago. I got a charm for my bracelet (a dolphin) AND a pair of 18k gold earrings for what the other place was charging for a charm. And yes, I trust this shop. The Rolex has been back for overhaul a few times and the Rolex service center has always accepted it as the real thing.

Yesterday we went to church at 10 AM- thinly attended and subdued, which we like.  We had lunch with my parents, DH and I went back to our hotel (balcony on the ocean, $50/night), I got in a workout in the gym, DH relaxed, then I took a nap and we had Christmas dinner with my parents.  We're just grateful that we're all here and in general we're all healthy, and we all get along with each other. Not the wild festivities or the present-opening of Christmases past, but a satisfying one nonetheless.

[NancysSummerSip]

Debthaven, I am sorry about your DD. But it is time, past time, perhaps, for this to happen. It's your life and your DH's life, too. Anyone who is going to pull half the stuff she's pulled needs a boot in the butt. I know it's probably hard, but this might be the best thing. She needs to know that you love her, but not her antics or her attitude. You are smart enough to be able to separate her as a person from her as a selfish brat. Never let her forget you love her as your child, but that you won't tolerate her ma

Our holiday was spent at a friend's house for dinner and pre-dinner beer-tasting. Seventeen different brews in 2 1/2 hours. I sip and spit, but two other guests just pounded it down. DH and I had a bet on which of their faces was going to splash down into their turkey, gravy and dressing-filled plate first.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Debt.....I'm sorry you had such a cruddy Christmas and your daughter was being such a shit. It sounds like you're dealing with it, and maybe this will be the wake up call she needs.

My Christmas was nice. Christmas eve, TD and I opened our presents from each other. He's trying to replace all the jewelry that he's given me over the years that disappeared while I was in the hospital (still am clueless as to what happened to it), so I got a topaz bracelet, opal pendant and a pair of sapphire earrings. I gave him a pair of good, noise canceling earphones, a book and a DVDs that he's been drooling over.

Afterwards, we went up to his mom's for Christmas eve so she wouldn't be alone. Normally, she spends the evening with her sister but she just got out of the hospital and was with her family. So we had dinner up there and stayed overnight with her. We all hung out in our jammies during the morning, exchanged gifts, had blueberry pancakes for breakfast and showered and dressed. I finished up my veggies for the Christmas pot luck and we went to TD's brother's for dinner. We left BC last night and got home just after 10 last night.

[Jake 48]

tough love

[Timberwolf]

Debt,

My sister went through a phase very similar to this the year she sublet a friends apartment over the summer and moved out on her own for 3 months.  When she moved back home she was nearly impossible to live with.  I think it has something to do with getting a taste of independence like your daughter did when she was in California and then having to move back home where you can't do whatever you want, whenever you want.  I think my sister ended up moving out for good a very short time later and everyone was better off.

[Tired Tess]

It was a nice Xmas but not the one I wanted. 

Last minute changes that I should just roll with hurt my feelings greatly.

I should be happy for so many things but this was very personal and disappointing.

Anyway, I'm alive to talk about it.  I know I'll let it go sooner or later.  And I believe my
children had a wonderful day!!

[Formerly SK]

Debt - I'm so sorry about your DD, and I don't think you should feel guilty at all for showing her the door.  It might just be the thing she needs to pull it together.  I'm sorry it all happened on Christmas, though.  Hugs to you.

As for me, my kids were so excited for Santa they didn't fall asleep until 4am on xmas eve.    DH and I had to wait until almost 4:30 to put presents under the tree.    Then they were up at 6:30.    Needless to say, it didn't make for the most cheerful Christmas.  I'm still not recovered.

My 8yo niece arrived home from her 6mo stay in France and we saw her yesterday for the first time.  She's wearing makeup and had a new expensive black leather jacket.  She looked like a tramp.    I don't if that is a French influence or her mother's. 

[HoneyBBQ]

Debt -

[kilroy]

Debt, I'm sorry your daughter is making your life so miserable.  Kudos to you and DH for doing what you had to do.

My DH and I don't do gifts, but one son in law hasn't gotten the message so we got a basket of food treats: white wine salami, an awesome looking salsa, and I forget whatall else.  I also got the following from work: a 1 lb. box of chocolates, a slab of dark chocolate with walnuts that has to be at least another pound, a Starbucks card and a gift cert to a local coffee place.  I am set for sweets/pastries/coffee for the year, just when I was prepared to give up all but the coffee (and that I can get for free at the office). 

[Deleted]

Thank you all. Your comments are GREATLY appreciated.

I don't want to hijack this thread anymore than I already have. 

Thanks again to all of you. 

SK, just so you know, it is definitely NOT normal for 8YOs here to wear makeup (except on Halloween), or to wear black leather jackets (real or faux is another issue). I'm pretty amazed by what you posted, because I live in the "posh western suburbs" of Paris, and 8YOs absolutely DON'T do that here. 

This said, I'm may be clueless. Tonight DS1 asked DS3 to please peel off his (I thought) faux fur collar from the winter coat he got from his dad 4 years ago. I said why would you take the collar off, it's fake fur. DS3 came over to whisper to me that it's NOT fake fur, it's real. I said OMG, is that a Canada Goose coat?! DS3 said, no, it's not, it's a XXXX coat, it's 200e more than the Canada Goose coats, and yes, the fur is real. 

BLECH!!!! I had NO clue that I had real fur in my house.

So SK, take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. But my best friend is an elementary school teacher, and I know that NONE of her students wear makeup either, and she has been on the warpath with her DD (15) about makeup for about 2-3 years, so since she was 12, but certainly NOT 8!

[Peace Of Mind]

To say she hated all her gifts, very loudly, would be a great understatement. To say she ruined our day would be a great understatement. DD gave Regan from The Exorcist a run for her money. Regan lost, DD totally outdid her.

LMAO!!!  You haven't lost your sense of humor so that's a good sign.   

Phoenix - I hope your dad is well. 

We had a very nice Christmas but Christmas Eve was way too fun and all I will say is that NONE of us that stayed later can ever run for political office. 

Happy New Year, everybody! 

[ZaireinHD]

come to think about it - this is the first year I received nothing from family. also at work usually the managers will give a gift, bottle of wine and candy and a gift card to a restaurant. this year I got my gift card, which is so nice to receive! and the latest receptionist baked cookies and gave those out to me and two others! 

I broke! sorry! and gave my roommate a Coach Tote bag with snap or zip inside wallet! of course she didn't give me anything and I didn't expect anything. no money given to me from parents! no best friend who gave me a gift last year and said this is the first of more to come. yea what ever! she has to be around to give a gift, which she left again and we don't speak at all again.

but still I did enjoy this Christmas! It's going to be a different kind of New Year celebration as well!

Happy New Year Everyone!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Yikes, Phoenix! Hope your dad is okay. 

Debt, how's it going? 


I got a coach purse, nice fake flowers for a large vase I have, a necklace, a hairdryer, and a bathrobe. 

Happy New Year!!!