GRRRR My Christmas Vent

[giramomma]

So DD1 and I were out shopping for pants for DD2. Some girl completely attached herself to my kid and then told her Santa isn't real. The random girl backtracked after I gave her the stink eye.

DD1 is 6.

Thankfully DD1 didn't believe this girl. We talked about it afterwords, just so I could get a reading on the situation. My DD insisted Santa was real, and then launched into how DS saw the toothfairy once...

I feel like I dodged a bullet.

Barely.

(And I can't talk about this at home, like ever, as all three of my kids have ears that listen only when they aren't supposed to...)

[NancysSummerSip]

Just curious: where the heck was random kid's parental unit? I would have given him/her the stink eye, too.

[Deleted]

Don't lie to your daughter.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Lie your ass off!  I don't remember ever being angry at my parents for "lying" to me once I found out.  Of course, they gave me some spiel about it being a participatory fairy tale or something like that. 

I second the question regarding the random child and where the heck their parent was.

[giramomma]

Dec 23, 2013 16:35:35 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Just curious: where the heck was random kid's parental unit? I would have given him/her the stink eye, too.

I have no idea.

Actually, this was a good teaching moment, as my DD was more trustworthy than I had anticipated and went off with the girl..I didn't hear my DD for a split second and called for her. Thankfully, DD came right away. Then she wasn't allowed out of my sight after that..It's the first time we've ever had this issue.

Rarely do kids give me the heebie jeebies.

ETA: We were shopping at Goodwill in close to a hinky part of town.

[milee]

Zipping up flameproof suit...

The Goodwill girl sounds very odd. It's just plain unkind to knowingly destroy a Christmas tradition for another child and it's sad that her parents haven't taught her those basic manners.

At the same time, it seems like a bad idea to tell your children something you know is untrue and relying on the kindness of strangers to keep the "secret."   Everybody has different traditions and beliefs and it seems odd to rely on strangers to maintain whatever story you've chosen to tell.  Unless you live in a completely sealed community where everybody believes the exact same thing and there is some pact to never say anything different, it's not realistic to expect other people to tell her exactly what you want them to say.  

[Deleted]

It sucks that it's a random person in a store, but these things do happen. DS1 is 27. When he was 6 or 7, and his friend was 6 or 7, his friend's older brother was 7 or 8 (frankly I can't remember, but the older brother was exactly a year older than DS1 and his friend). Saw his parents putting out the gifts and BEGGED the parents to admit that they were Santa. Swore he wouldn't tell his younger siblings.

The parents admitted it. The next day he told his younger siblings, and the first day back at school, they all told the other kids. 

My old boss refused to "lie" to her son, she decided she wouldn't "lie" about Santa, or the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. As much as she tried to tell her son that different people had different beliefs, and that he should keep theirs "to himself", he didn't always do as he was told. 

It's nice if you can "keep the magic", but you can't control everything that other people say or do. Having been through this with four kids now, IME, you tell them it's not true, or people have different beliefs. If it works, it's that your child still wants to believe, so you can help them to, if you are so inclined.

One year DS3 ordered a bean bag chair, and it didn't arrive on time. I think he was 7 or 8. Santa sent him a personal letter explaining the delay (DH is a graphic designer), and a mini bean bag chair for his "lovey". DS3 was thrilled, and it "worked" for another year. But DS3 is one of the most rational people on this earth, and has been since he was able to communicate. So I believe that he only believed because he wanted to. And DH and I and his three older siblings were all were very happy to play along, since DS3 is the "baby" of the family.

But at some point, most kids just BEG you for the truth, and then it's up to you whether or not to tell them either the game is up, or Santa only comes to those who believe, or whatever. At some point, I felt I could not lie to them, because at that point, it would have been lying, rather than "magic", "tradition", etc. That point comes at different ages for different kids.

Giramom you have 3 kids ... this may have been the first time, but it's probably not the last. 

[Deleted]

This said, if you need conclusive proof of Santa's existence on Xmas Eve, google NORAD. ;-)

We have fantastic memories of the three older kids shoving DS3 upstairs into bed just as Santa was getting to Italy LOL! DS3 is 15 1/2 now and we still all watch some of the NORAD videos on Christmas LOL. 

[Deleted]

I agree with milee.
I could easily be a person who says the wrong thing to a kid about Santa, not with the intention to shatter their Santa dreams but because i didnt grow up with Santa and dont really understand the whole Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc sort of imaginary people and the big deal about it. I dont plan on making santa or tooth fairy a big deal with my son so i think he will probably say "the wrong thing" to some kid some day.
What i find odd in your story is the random kid talking to your kid about santa or anything.

[Tiny]

So, like do you homeschool your kids? Cause I'd imagine it's kinda hard to keep your kid innocent of the non-existence of Santa for any length of time once your kid starts mingling with other kids.

It's like trying to keep your kid from hearing cuss words once the kids go to school.... there's always some kindergartner who knows all the words and how and when to use them.

I'll admit I don't get the need to keep your kid innocent about the non belief of Santa...   but then I don't ever remember having this belief (I suspect I did once did).

I always thought the magical thing was when you (or the kid) realized Santa wasn't real (ie you got let in on the Joke)  and that meant you weren't a 'little kid' anymore AND that since you were in on the Joke you could keep it going for the littler kids (who didn't know any better).      I always thought that was why realizing there wasn't a Santa wasn't traumatic... you still had the 'passage' part of it (you weren't a little kid anymore) and you know had the sacred duty to keep the make believe going for the other little kids in your life.

[Deleted]

Ok, my "Santa isn't real" story.  My daughter wanted a bra.  I don't remember the age, but I know she meant a "training bra."  (By the way, what are we training our boobs to be?  But I digress.)  So I decided that if you wanted a bra, even a training bra, you were probably too old to believe in Santa.

So I told her.  She cried and informed me I was lying to her.  I said, "Yes, sweetheart.  I don't know what came over me to lie to you about such an important topic, but I lied."  She was comforted.

The next day her brother (two years younger) informed her that Santa wasn't real.  She told him she already knew; Mom told her.

Kids!

My seven-year-old grandson with his five-year-old sister told me today that they knew about Santa.  I told him his mom's story (leaving out the part about the bra).

He told me his mom still believes in Santa, but he knows the truth. 

[Deleted]

LOL SS at the training bra story! Good question LOL!

[jkapp]

I don't mind the Santa lie...some of my fondest memories were when I was 5 or 6, waking up at 5:00 in the morning on Christmas day, and running to the Christmas Tree to see the presents bundled underneath the tree.  I would just sit there and stare at the tree and the gifts, letting the excitement and anticipation build up in me.  I also had to wait because my parents would never get up that early, even though they got up that early every other day of the year! (I think they just loved to torture us) 

I say let the kids believe in the magic of those traditions (Santa, tooth fairy, easter bunny, etc).  The magic doesn't last very long, and it will be missed once it's gone...let them live it up while they can 

[sesfw]

When I worked on a Santa Set at the mall for a couple of years I had parents ask me how to tell their kids about Santa. So I told them what I believe.

When I do a 'kindness' anonymously for another person I am being their Santa. To me Santa is giving from the heart and the best way to teach kids is to take them and letting them help with choosing gifts for other unknown people. Even if it's putting together a plate of cookies for a neighbor that will be alone for Christmas ........ or any other special day.

It's amazing what the kids will absorb .... and will live their life doing. It's wonderful.

[Formerly SK]

Dec 23, 2013 19:42:43 GMT -5 Tiny said:

So, like do you homeschool your kids? Cause I'd imagine it's kinda hard to keep your kid innocent of the non-existence of Santa for any length of time once your kid starts mingling with other kids.

It's like trying to keep your kid from hearing cuss words once the kids go to school.... there's always some kindergartner who knows all the words and how and when to use them.

I'll admit I don't get the need to keep your kid innocent about the non belief of Santa...   but then I don't ever remember having this belief (I suspect I did once did).

I always thought the magical thing was when you (or the kid) realized Santa wasn't real (ie you got let in on the Joke)  and that meant you weren't a 'little kid' anymore AND that since you were in on the Joke you could keep it going for the littler kids (who didn't know any better).      I always thought that was why realizing there wasn't a Santa wasn't traumatic... you still had the 'passage' part of it (you weren't a little kid anymore) and you know had the sacred duty to keep the make believe going for the other little kids in your life.

  I was the oldest of four, and I really enjoyed being part of the Santa/Easter Bunny lie.  I would hide the eggs for my younger siblings, or help Mom/Dad wrap presents and then put the "From Santa" label on them.  I felt very grown up and sophisticated.  It's actually one of my fondest memories of Christmas. 

[Deleted]

I already posted about what my Mom did when someone told my baby sister there was no Santa.

When she finally did tell us she said that Santa is the spirit of Christmas so if you believe in the whole "goodwill towards man" thing then Santa is still around. 

[NoNamePerson]

My kid heard it from older kid on the school bus. No biggie. But he did a test on the tooth fairy once.

He had a loose tooth and was going to spend a week with grandparents in PC. He told me that he would know for sure about tooth fairy since fairy wouldn't know where to find him!! WRONG you have to know I told his gp's and they put money in place of tooth!!  

Let the little ones enjoy the magic. It isn't going to kill them for a few years. Didn't kill any of us did it?

[Formerly SK]

I worry a bit about how to handle this with DS.  He's 9 (autism) and is the most naive/trusting/gullible person ever.  I know an adult with autism and he still believes and his parents (who he lives with) love still having that magic every year.  I could see letting DS run with the Santa story for a long time.  OTOH, I worry about him getting laughed at in high school if he suddenly pipes up about Santa and then being really hurt by the teasing.  So do I tell him or let him keep believing?  I figure when his sister (7.5yo) figures it out I'll make a decision then.  I was worried that even she was getting a bit old to believe but then a 5th grader at work told me the other day that his father finally told him the truth so I guess there are kids who believe longer.  Honestly, I hear so many stories of "my kids figured it out when they were 4" that it has skewed my perspective on it.

[Deleted]

My 11 year old nephew still believes his Elf on the Shelf is real!  

Sis says she's not saying anything about him or Santa until my nephew brings it up. 

[Nazgul Girl]

    I looovvvved it when I found out that there wasn't a Santa, because on the Christmas Eve when I accidently found out ( I witnessed my parents getting  presents out of a closet when I had gotten up for something ), I was instantly promoted by Mom and Dad to be Santa's helper.

    I had to promise I wouldn't tell my little brother and sister that Santa wasn't real, and in return, I got to arrange Santa's cookies on a plate, distribute various exciting presents in some exciting piles under the tree ( except for the big unwrapped presents, which were still top secret ), get Rudolph's carrots ready for him, and the best of all, help Dad with the big boot print in soot which was left by one of his galoshes.   Total proof of Sant's exisitance was embodied in that wonderful sooty footprint.

   I had so much fun for two years, and then some rotten kid at school told my sister that Santa wasn't real.   I don't think my brother figured it out until he was older.   He still fervently believed.

 

[Deleted]

We found our for sure the year my parents' friends stopped by on their way home from midnight mass. They had their kids with them and we could hear them playing with our toys! 

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 24, 2013 11:12:33 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My 11 year old nephew still believes his Elf on the Shelf is real!  

Sis says she's not saying anything about him or Santa until my nephew brings it up. 

I soooo wish they had had Elf on the Shelf when my kiddo was little. I would have had a field day with it!!!!   

[techguy]

For Christmas, people stop believing in Santa as they grow up, yet continue to believe in God.

Kinda interesting that one sticks while the other doesn't...

[Deleted]

Just think how the world would be different if the secret got out that god isn't real.

[JustLurkin]

Dec 24, 2013 10:54:15 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

I worry a bit about how to handle this with DS.  He's 9 (autism) and is the most naive/trusting/gullible person ever.  I know an adult with autism and he still believes and his parents (who he lives with) love still having that magic every year.  I could see letting DS run with the Santa story for a long time.  OTOH, I worry about him getting laughed at in high school if he suddenly pipes up about Santa and then being really hurt by the teasing.  So do I tell him or let him keep believing?  I figure when his sister (7.5yo) figures it out I'll make a decision then.  I was worried that even she was getting a bit old to believe but then a 5th grader at work told me the other day that his father finally told him the truth so I guess there are kids who believe longer.  Honestly, I hear so many stories of "my kids figured it out when they were 4" that it has skewed my perspective on it.

In keeping what has already been said by others...when you decide the time is proper, you explain to him that Santa Claus is about making people happy, and now that he's a "big boy"/"young man" whatever is age appropriate it's time for him to be Santa Claus--you can get him a hat if you want. Take him and his sister to pick out a toy for Toys for Tots and place it in the donation box.  Or something like that...make a tradition of it.

My son doesn't have any concept of the holiday, which gets me feeling all awkward when co-workers ask me what I got him.  This'll be the year I say "he doesn't understand it, so I didn't spend a boatload of money"--he's 17, he gets clothes!

[Tennesseer]

Dec 24, 2013 11:12:33 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My 11 year old nephew still believes his Elf on the Shelf is real!  

Sis says she's not saying anything about him or Santa until my nephew brings it up. 

Maybe his mom should secretly move the elf to different places around the home after dark and bedtime.  

[tloonya]

Dec 23, 2013 16:35:40 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Don't lie to your daughter.

I am with Archie. Well...on the subject (btw I hate this avatar, I liked you better with scales).

I told my child before she could even ask about Santa that EVERYTHING nice you going to get in your life is coming from Mommy and Daddy and some of it from Gran-mom-pops.

That no ONE in this world will give you anything for nothing but your parents. And no ONE cares about you but your immediate family.

I am not sharing my child's love with made up characters!!! And I am not letting her grace and appreciation to go to anyone but me! After all I am still paying for it!

You people go lie and be happy!

[tloonya]

Dec 24, 2013 16:33:37 GMT -5 techguy said:

For Christmas, people stop believing in Santa as they grow up, yet continue to believe in God.

Kinda interesting that one sticks while the other doesn't...

Its easy! You believe in Santa will bring you a Hummer II and if you still getting remote control cars...you stop believeing and Santa loses his 'people' due to the lack of age-appropriate gifts.

God on the other hand always have that 'afterlife' thing...

[Deleted]

Dec 25, 2013 14:04:41 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Dec 23, 2013 16:35:40 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Don't lie to your daughter.

I am with Archie. Well...on the subject (btw I hate this avatar, I liked you better with scales).

I told my child before she could even ask about Santa that EVERYTHING nice you going to get in your life is coming from Mommy and Daddy and some of it from Gran-mom-pops.

That no ONE in this world will give you anything for nothing but your parents. And no ONE cares about you but your immediate family.

I am not sharing my child's love with made up characters!!! And I am not letting her grace and appreciation to go to anyone but me! After all I am still paying for it!

You people go lie and be happy!

geez, are people so insecure that they have to have their children know that they paid for all the gifts?  I've heard this from other people - they don't want Santa getting credit for the 'good' gifts.  grow up already!

[grits]

southernsusana, I can see that letter to Santa. " Dear Santa, I want a training bra. Also, please make sure I get really good boobs when I grow up. I left you cookies. Your friend, Julie.".