Humanistics 206

[Opti]

Inspired by the missed wedding thread, I think many posters and people
prefer bashing others over dealing with a situation and moving on.
Why is bashing other people such a bonding experience among humans?
Why do people want to focus on other's bad behavor instead of
addressing what they do or do not have control of?




I think people bash other people to form groups saying "I'm OK" while
indulging in the need to say others are not. I think caving to this
need is the biggest reason discrimation of others will never end.




Agree? Disagree?

[milee]

I think it's self-defense as well. It's a way to redirect focus off the problems of the person doing the bashing.

And that's part of why people don't do the things they need to do to fix their life issues, rather than rail at The Man.

[Deleted]

Opti, I am sorry if you've taken my opinion of the situation as bashing.

I realize that you have some unconventional beliefs, but if you think that blowing off something you RSVP'd for is OK then I am not sorry. If you agree to attend something then you attend! Simple. 

[Opti]

Beer, show me where I said it was OK.


People assume(My opinion) because they don't see what they want to see and miss
what is written. (If you read my posts carefully you'll notice I didn't
condone it. I merely stated I would have expected it.)

[Deleted]

My bad! Forgive me for my faulty reading comprehension. 


As for bonding over bashing...well, I suppose it all starts with the church.  After all, you're told what to believe in and to shun those that do not, right? 

[Opti]

Beer, Thankfully not the church of my birth nor my parents.



Really we have no idea why these people didn't show up
and without knowing the scale we are also assuming 35 people is a huge
number as most of us didn't have very large weddings.

As I've stated in multiple threads I work at a sub-acute facility. Deaths
and turns for the worse are pretty prevalent just before Thanksgiving
and through the New Year. Its always above average around the holidays
and frankly its depressing me a bit. For all we know, parents and grandparents
are having medical emergencies and that might have been part of the no show
total. The bottom line is no one knows except the people themselves and
possibly the bride if she was told.

[Plain Old Petunia]

Dec 16, 2013 12:14:18 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My bad! Forgive me for my faulty reading comprehension. 


As for bonding over bashing...well, I suppose it all starts with the church.  After all, you're told what to believe in and to shun those that do not, right? 

 Does it start with the church?  Or is it a natural occurrence at church, given human nature?

I think it starts with human nature.  We want to belong.  We want to identify our group.  We want to point out the shortcomings of those not in our group.  Our group is clearly superior.

We see this in religion, in sports, in social cliques, and in politics.

IMO, it is an evolutionary thing.  There was safety in groups, belonging was very important to survival.

[Phoenix84]

People want to feel better than others, like they're special.

It's the same reason why most people think they're better drivers than average, or think they're better at interpersonal relationships. 

[Opti]

"There was safety in groups, belonging was very important to survival."

I agree there is safety in groups and belonging is important to survival.
But I don't see the benefit of excluding people out of groups in general
for petty reasons. I don't think it is our best selves that do so.


I would like humanity to strive to its best self and that's not where
most of us are headed. This need to bash others holds us back as the
human race. The need for people to be alike holds us back as well.
Look at the recent shooting death committed by a woman who was
simply mad others weren't upset enough about a college football team's loss.
Her reaction and action was extreme, but it came from the same place
as the need to have people bash others with you.

[milee]

Eh, everything in moderation.

Some shame and some judgment are helpful tools to keep behavior appropriate.  Part of why people strive is that there are consequences - some of them social - for not striving. It's a balance.  Some consequences are reasonable and some are disproportionate.

If you're referring to the wedding RSVP thread, I think it's a bit of a stretch to claim that the people reacting that it's inappropriate to RSVP and then pull a no show in order to shop are in danger of holding back the human race. There is no excluding a group and the reaction is not petty. You may not agree with the reaction, but your condemnation of it is no different than their condemnation of the no show group.

[Phoenix84]

Dec 16, 2013 12:14:18 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My bad! Forgive me for my faulty reading comprehension. 


As for bonding over bashing...well, I suppose it all starts with the church.  After all, you're told what to believe in and to shun those that do not, right? 

As much as some might want to think that, I don't think religion has the market cornered on exclusionairy behavior.  As Petunia said, you see it in sports, politics, educational institutions, the business world ect.

It's more likely just human nature, and it manifests itself in all institutions devised by humans.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I understood exactly what you were trying to post in the other thread, Opti.  You were not saying you condoned the behavior - only that nobody knows the reason(s) for the behavior.  That was pretty clear as you said it several times.

What others were saying is that the possible reasons you were putting out there for missing (shopping) were not good reasons.  I, for one, cannot understand that going shopping would be important enough for me to miss something I had committed to.  In addition, others were saying that even though the date picked might not have been a good one, it was still no reason to skip something that they had committed to.  And no, this was not in any way the bride's fault.  I think some people - me included - get a bit itchy when it comes to placing the blame for bad behavior on anyone else except who behaved badly.  It's easy enough to look at your calendar, see that the date won't work for you because you'd rather shop, and RSVP with  regrets.  In the absense of doing that - you attend - period.  The shopping will have to wait.  I don't care what is on sale.

I don't think anybody was bashing anyone except for rude, inconsiderate people.  I concur even though I am in no way, shape or form part of "the pack".   Excepting a medical/family emergency or another such unavoidable situation, there is no excuse to skip something you had committed to.  You are correct also.  There could have been 35 such emergencies. I don't think anybody in that thread disagreed that real emergencies can arise and should be forgiven - just that shopping  or not realizing in advance what date you had committed to are not real emergencies.

[Deleted]

and I think the possibility that 35 true emergencies happened is among the realm of nearly impossible.  In general, we were bashing rude behavior - namely RSVP'ing and not showing up.  Like others have said, the date worked for the bride, if it didn't work for the guests then simply RSVP'd no.

[archrival]

This thread is so IRONIC since it's a thread to bash other people who bashes other people.

But, yeah, it's human nature to have a group mentality and feel like your choice is not too different than other people's choices.

[Opti]

"What others were saying is that the possible reasons you were putting out there for missing (shopping) were not good reasons. I, for one, cannot understand that going shopping would be important enough for me to miss something I had committed to. In addition, others were saying that even though the date picked might not have been a good one, it was still no reason to skip something that they had committed to."

I never said they were good reasons, just that they were possibilities. From that thread
we don't even know whether the bride was notified of all the no shows in advance or not.
Except for Christmas, I can't think of a holiday weekend that you'd be more
likely to get cancellations with not much advance notice. What I've found in my own
life is there is a sweet spot for giving people notice of future events. Too much,
and people don't really check and assume they can make it. Too little and they say
no automatically.

Its all mental thread masturbation anyway as none of us have enough knowledge
of the truth to draw any accurate conclusions on the no shows. Perhaps not
a single no show was due to shopping, but just thinking about it roused outcry
that it became the popular thing to post about. IDK. We don't know.

I don't think shopping is a good reason to miss events, but I'm also not
much of a shopper. I just know it happens.

[973beachbum]

Dec 16, 2013 12:09:29 GMT -5 Opti said:

Beer, show me where I said it was OK.


People assume(My opinion) because they don't see what they want to see and miss
what is written. (If you read my posts carefully you'll notice I didn't
condone it. I merely stated I would have expected it.)

I only skimmed the first page but my first look wasn't that they weren't all attacking you personally, but that you were the only one "on the other side" for anyone to post a rebuttal to.  Maybe if there had been more people with different experiences in the first page or two it wouldn't have seemed like so many posts were disagreeing with you personally instead of voicing a different opinion.  It can feel like an attack when you are the only person with the different view and everyone is quoting your posts to say how stupid it is.  Totally BTDT!

I also wonder if all those people really RSVP'd yes, or not.  My take on the New Year's Eve wedding we did go to was that they were getting a lot of no's and they really wanted everyone there.  They even called people up to talk to them to see if they could change people's mind.  I could see family getting a no on the RSVP, and talking to the person and getting them to agree to "try" and work things out to make the wedding possible.  They might then put yes or maybe on their count instead.   It really isn't so much the person RSVP'ing who wasn't polite so much as the people writing down their head count who wheren't honest with themselves as to how remote those people showing up really was IMO.

[Deleted]

Dec 16, 2013 13:55:28 GMT -5 archrival said:

But, yeah, it's human nature to have a group mentality and feel like your choice is not too different than other people's choices.

That's the way goes, unfortunately.