Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 17:03:50 GMT -5
Some of you may remember my post a couple months back about issues my MIL was having. She turns 79 next month and was diagnosed with dementia. Among other health issues she has she also has ADD. After DH told her Dr. about her incident of driving through a construction zone and cussing the flagger out, the doctor told her that he was sending a note to the DMV to have her tested. Much to everyone's surprised, the DMV suspended her license until she could pass both the written and physical driver's test. It took three times but she finally passed her written.
Yesterday she flunked the physical driver's test. She has to wait a month before she can take it again. She took the test with the station's manager and we're pretty sure that she must have gotten pretty abusive since she kept referring to her as that Hispanic B*tch. Now M-I-L has to take the test at another test facility.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Dec 13, 2013 17:07:22 GMT -5
So sad for the other drivers.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 13, 2013 17:12:12 GMT -5
Sounds like she shouldn't be driving at all, ever.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 13, 2013 17:22:57 GMT -5
Gee whiz. Somebody needs to literally put the brakes on this lady. She does sound like hell on wheels to deal with, and that's without the dementia and ADD. If you want someone to do something for you, at least be nice to them.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Dec 13, 2013 17:24:46 GMT -5
So, you've removed the car from her posession until she can pass the driver's test, to minimize the risk that she'll kill someone?
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 17:34:11 GMT -5
Sounds like she shouldn't be driving at all, ever. It's been a scary experience. After the construction site incident all of the care givers were ordered to not drive with her. And she's pretty bad as a passenger too, shifting the gear shift down while you are driving, having melt downs if you don't drive exactly the way she tells you to; for example driving to and from the market.
Her mental state has been better since she got off the Wellbutrin (sp?) but she's still a very difficult person to deal with.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Dec 13, 2013 17:34:22 GMT -5
Some of you may remember my post a couple months back about issues my MIL was having. She turns 79 next month and was diagnosed with dementia. Among other health issues she has she also has ADD. After DH told her Dr. about her incident of driving through a construction zone and cussing the flagger out, the doctor told her that he was sending a note to the DMV to have her tested. Much to everyone's surprised, the DMV suspended her license until she could pass both the written and physical driver's test. It took three times but she finally passed her written.
Yesterday she flunked the physical driver's test. She has to wait a month before she can take it again. She took the test with the station's manager and we're pretty sure that she must have gotten pretty abusive since she kept referring to her as that Hispanic B*tch. Now M-I-L has to take the test at another test facility. On the up side, only another three or four tests until MIL has been kicked out of all the testing stations within a reasonable distance of her home. She should be out of options by the 4th of July.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 17:37:18 GMT -5
So, you've removed the car from her posession until she can pass the driver's test, to minimize the risk that she'll kill someone? Apparently she's not driving it or at least that's what she's telling DH. You may remember that she's up in Portland and we're in the SF Bay Area. DH has been visiting her once a month and she's got a caregiver coming in 3x per week. The caregiver is driving the car when she's there. And the caregiver would rat out MIL to DH.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 17:39:44 GMT -5
tskeeter said:
On the up side, only another three or four tests until MIL has been kicked out of all the testing stations within a reasonable distance of her home. She should be out of options by the 4th of July
LOL!
From the OR DMV site, if you fail the test 5X you have to wait a year to take it again. Just about the same time frame!
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Dec 13, 2013 17:40:56 GMT -5
So, you've removed the car from her posession until she can pass the driver's test, to minimize the risk that she'll kill someone? Apparently she's not driving it or at least that's what she's telling DH. You may remember that she's up in Portland and we're in the SF Bay Area. DH has been visiting her once a month and she's got a caregiver coming in 3x per week. The caregiver is driving the car when she's there. And the caregiver would rat out MIL to DH. I'd forgotten about the care giver until you mentioned it in another post. But, considering her mental state, I'd wonder if there was a risk that, as long as the car was at her home, she'd call a locksmith, get keys made for the car, and go for a crash?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 13, 2013 17:42:09 GMT -5
She's gonna kill someone.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Dec 13, 2013 17:43:29 GMT -5
To keep her off the road, I'd call the testing facility in advance. She's probably going to be living in a health care facility in the near-future, whether she's happy about it or not. Any way the tester can tell her a white lie, fail her, tell her she's "struck out" of driving & keep the keys until you can get them?
Sorry you've got to deal with this.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 17:51:38 GMT -5
To keep her off the road, I'd call the testing facility in advance. She's probably going to be living in a health care facility in the near-future, whether she's happy about it or not. Any way the tester can tell her a white lie, fail her, tell her she's "struck out" of driving & keep the keys until you can get them?
Sorry you've got to deal with this. Oh I don't know about that. She's dead set against going into a home. I think the only way that would happen is if she was declared mentally incompetent and she's not there yet. A few months ago when she was on the Wellbutrin and later when she was coming off of it I would have agreed with you.
She ain't gonna go easy, that's for sure. She's survived 5 major cancers and her dad lived to 102!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 13, 2013 17:56:45 GMT -5
Sounds like she shouldn't be driving at all, ever. It's been a scary experience. After the construction site incident all of the care givers were ordered to not drive with her. And she's pretty bad as a passenger too, shifting the gear shift down while you are driving, having melt downs if you don't drive exactly the way she tells you to; for example driving to and from the market.
Her mental state has been better since she got off the Wellbutrin (sp?) but she's still a very difficult person to deal with.
I know, it's a tough situation all around. Not every elderly person in need of assistance is nice to be around. Some can be downright mean, and some can even be abusive, especially when mental degenerative conditions are involved. Anyway, is there a number of times she can fail the test before they take her license away for good? Or can she take it indefinitly until she passes?
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 13, 2013 18:01:36 GMT -5
Well, from your description, it sounds like she'll need full time care within a year or so. So let's hope you guys can keep her off the road until then.
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Timberwolf
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Post by Timberwolf on Dec 13, 2013 18:06:55 GMT -5
So is she driving with a suspended license anyway? Could you put a "club" on her steering wheel to keep her from driving?
Years ago we went through something similar with my grandma, we had to call the local police and have them watch out for her, once they saw her driving badly they pulled her license. It turned out O.K. for her but it's still not a great solution because she could have hurt someone else or herself before her license was revoked.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 13, 2013 18:49:04 GMT -5
Well bless her heart!
She sounds like such a sweetie. No advice, just really happy for you that - for now at least - you have that geographic boundary between you. When she needs full time care and your DH wants to move her closer so he can keep an eye on her, getting her into a facility and keeping her out of your home would be a hill I'd die on if I were you...
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 19:05:51 GMT -5
Timberwolf asked:
So is she driving with a suspended license anyway?
No, see my post #7
@phoenix84 said:
I know, it's a tough situation all around. Not every elderly person in need of assistance is nice to be around. Some can be downright mean, and some can even be abusive, especially when mental degenerative conditions are involved.
Well the sad part is that she's always had these personality "issues" but since she's gotten older she's become down right abusive.
Anyway, is there a number of times she can fail the test before they take her license away for good? Or can she take it indefinitly until she passes?
I didn't see anything on the OR DMV site that said there was a limit on the times you could take it. But if she had to wait a year after failing 5 times I would think her motor skills (yes, pun intended!) would decline even further making it even more difficult to pass the test. It would certainly affect her lifestyle though. And that's a bit of a rub because that may finally motivate her to sell her house and move near us...so we could drive her everywhere.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 19:14:36 GMT -5
Well bless her heart!
She sounds like such a sweetie. No advice, just really happy for you that - for now at least - you have that geographic boundary between you. When she needs full time care and your DH wants to move her closer so he can keep an eye on her, getting her into a facility and keeping her out of your home would be a hill I'd die on if I were you... LOL, milee. Actually DH was willing to die on that hill! I don't know if you remember but about 2 years ago MIL wanted us to move in her basement. She wasn't as bad as she is now but was clearly needing some physical help. In a moment of insanity I was actually considering it when DH said "No way in HELL!".
In my defense it really is a nice "basement". It's about 1000 sq.ft. walk out basement set up like a 3/2 apartment complete with a kitchen. We would have saved a boatload of money...but I'm pretty sure we'd both be checked into the loony bin by now...or someone would have been killed.
Thank God she's financially solvent and bought long-term care insurance. We've escaped a bullet so far!
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 13, 2013 19:45:49 GMT -5
Well bless her heart!
She sounds like such a sweetie. No advice, just really happy for you that - for now at least - you have that geographic boundary between you. When she needs full time care and your DH wants to move her closer so he can keep an eye on her, getting her into a facility and keeping her out of your home would be a hill I'd die on if I were you... LOL, milee. Actually DH was willing to die on that hill! I don't know if you remember but about 2 years ago MIL wanted us to move in her basement. She wasn't as bad as she is now but was clearly needing some physical help. In a moment of insanity I was actually considering it when DH said "No way in HELL!".
In my defense it really is a nice "basement". It's about 1000 sq.ft. walk out basement set up like a 3/2 apartment complete with a kitchen. We would have saved a boatload of money...but I'm pretty sure we'd both be checked into the loony bin by now...or someone would have been killed.
Thank God she's financially solvent and bought long-term care insurance. We've escaped a bullet so far!
I really feel for you and your DH. I think I'd have to move very far away to avoid dealing with her, because I'd want the remaining years of my life to be relatively peaceful. None of this will end well. Sorry for the ensuing future trouble.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 13, 2013 20:03:22 GMT -5
When we were going through this with my grandfather it was one of the most difficult times I can remember.
Dementia made him so scared, angry, and paranoid. Taking away his license was what really made him crack. But we did get him into an assisted living shortly thereafter and somehow the change of scenery and the right adjustment of meds at least helped him calm down.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 20:06:01 GMT -5
I really feel for you and your DH. I think I'd have to move very far away to avoid dealing with her, because I'd want the remaining years of my life to be relatively peaceful. None of this will end well. Sorry for the ensuing future trouble. Thanks for your kind words Nazgul but I keep reminding myself it could be worse, a lot worse.
And DH does have some good memories back when she was "fun". I don't really have much in the way "fun" memories of her but there was a time when she was truly an interesting person. Now she's just difficult. I'm dreading the 4 days I'm going to be up there for Christmas.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Dec 13, 2013 20:32:43 GMT -5
Yesterday she flunked the physical driver's test. She has to wait a month before she can take it again. She took the test with the station's manager and we're pretty sure that she must have gotten pretty abusive since she kept referring to her as that Hispanic B*tch. Now M-I-L has to take the test at another test facility.
Sorry but LOL - at least the woman is entertaining for those of us who don't have to deal with her.
All I can recommend is wine - lots of good wine! And maybe be thankful that she is DH's mother and not yours.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2013 21:03:52 GMT -5
I'm sorry that this is happening with your MIL.
We discovered my grandmother didn't have a license when she got into an at fault car accident because she had failed the exam . Without a license she also didn't have car insurance. She was also letting her 14 year old grandson drive her car around town. Are all sets of keys locked up? See, this is what I mean it could be worse!
No the keys aren't locked up and we're both kind of amazed that she isn't driving and letting the caregiver drive her car.
One of her dogs had a cancer and got surgery this week. We thought for sure we'd find out that she was driving. She is, of course, PISSED at the doctor and says he's the only one who says she's got dementia. She doesn't know that it was DH who ratted her out.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 21:27:30 GMT -5
* Bat your eyelashes in another direction, @patiencetried. This was a baiting post completely unrelated to the subject under discussion. You might want to keep your nose in your own business. - mmhmm, Administrator
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 22:35:38 GMT -5
If you don't take her keys and she kills someone, wouldn't you be liable?
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 13, 2013 22:44:25 GMT -5
Buy one of these, put it on her steering wheel and keep the key:
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 14, 2013 0:31:21 GMT -5
If you don't take her keys and she kills someone, wouldn't you be liable? How?
If she kills someone and the family sues and wins they can go after her assets but not after her children. Please explain why you would think her son would be responsible?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2013 0:57:39 GMT -5
If you don't take her keys and she kills someone, wouldn't you be liable? How?
If she kills someone and the family sues and wins they can go after her assets but not after her children. Please explain why you would think her son would be responsible?
Because you know there is a problem but haven't taken the necessary steps to make sure that she doesn't drive.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 14, 2013 1:00:42 GMT -5
How?
If she kills someone and the family sues and wins they can go after her assets but not after her children. Please explain why you would think her son would be responsible?
Because you know there is a problem but haven't taken the necessary steps to make sure that she doesn't drive. We reported our concerns to her doctor. He contacted DMV which suspended her license.
We live over 500 miles away. She is mentally competent. We do not own her car. Tell me again how we are responsible?
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