Kids losing clothes

[Deleted]

Any tips for helping kids keep track of their stuff??

A few weeks ago I bought older son a new pair of long underwear (expensive sub-zero ones), 4 pairs of heavy thermal socks and a new pair of gloves for a camping trip.  All but one pair of the socks are now missing. The gloves lasted maybe two days before he was complaining he had none.  Hats??  Pffft!  I'll bet he's lost 3 already this year and we're not even officially in winter yet. 

We started packing for a camping trip last night and I got so mad.  He has two pairs of snowpants.  One he "thinks" is in his locker, one his Dad confirmed was at his house.  Boots?  "Maybe at Dad's".  Of course, no hat. 
 
I can't really just say he has to go without.  He's only 11 and the school would be calling me complaining and acting like I'm evil for not buying him a new pair of $10 gloves when it's 10 below zero, and I'm definitely not sending him camping in December without a hat or long underwear.  So, I guess I'll be shopping.  AGAIN. 

In his defense, he does stay at his Dad's a lot and he's not the most organized guy in the world, so I'll call him and ask about this stuff and he'll say he doesn't have it, but that doesn't mean it won't show up there 6 months later.

[Deleted]

Don't know. Our daughter is the same way.

[Sunnyday]

Give him a packing list that he can check off to ensure that he got everything.

If the issue is losing the articles at school or camp, how about those iron on labels withy his name on them. If they get lost, someone will return them to you if the articles had his name on them. The iron on labels really hold on wash after wash.

If he's losing them in your home or his Dad's house, perhaps the house is too cluttered? Everything needs a place or they will get misplaced.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Don't look at me I'm on my second pair of gloves this year so far. I won't mention what number my new sunglasses are. Which I can't currently find. 

[giramomma]

Your son doesn't HAVE to go camping, right? That might be a nice consequence right there. (My son has been acting like a bit of an @ss at den meetings. He wasn't welcome at the last one. That got the point across.)

I'm mean. I allow my kids lose one pair of things. After that, they do chore or pay me out of their allowance for replacing things. Our finances are getting tighter with the third kid and the first in braces. If my kids want extras, they have to learn to take care of what they have.

The list thing is a good idea. I'm sure they have list apps for the iProduct your son has.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 11:52:31 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Your son doesn't HAVE to go camping, right? That might be a nice consequence right there. (My son has been acting like a bit of an @ss at den meetings. He wasn't welcome at the last one. That got the point across.)

I'm mean. I allow my kids lose one pair of things. After that, they do chore or pay me out of their allowance for replacing things. Our finances are getting tighter with the third kid and the first in braces. If my kids want extras, they have to learn to take care of what they have.

The list thing is a good idea. I'm sure they have list apps for the iProduct your son has.

This is what I told him and he broke down crying.  I hate putting all the blame on him though, his Dad's house is a cluttered mess so I can see things getting sucked in there like a black hole, in fact, I'm thinking the problem is more with his Dad than anything, but I need my son to step up and help me out here.  I can't afford to be replacing everything this often.

He'd actually probably be happy if I told him he couldn't go on the camping trip.  LOL  I have to force him to go outside and do things.  He's happy he went after he's back, but if I told him no camping, he wouldn't view it as a punishment. 

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 12:05:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:52:31 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Your son doesn't HAVE to go camping, right? That might be a nice consequence right there. (My son has been acting like a bit of an @ss at den meetings. He wasn't welcome at the last one. That got the point across.)

I'm mean. I allow my kids lose one pair of things. After that, they do chore or pay me out of their allowance for replacing things. Our finances are getting tighter with the third kid and the first in braces. If my kids want extras, they have to learn to take care of what they have.

The list thing is a good idea. I'm sure they have list apps for the iProduct your son has.

This is what I told him and he broke down crying.  I hate putting all the blame on him though, his Dad's house is a cluttered mess so I can see things getting sucked in there like a black hole, in fact, I'm thinking the problem is more with his Dad than anything, but I need my son to step up and help me out here.  I can't afford to be replacing everything this often.

He'd actually probably be happy if I told him he couldn't go on the camping trip.  LOL  I have to force him to go outside and do things.  He's happy he went after he's back, but if I told him no camping, he wouldn't view it as a punishment. 

get the Asian wife to start knitting him some replacement hats and gloves.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 11:48:14 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Give him a packing list that he can check off to ensure that he got everything.

If the issue is losing the articles at school or camp, how about those iron on labels withy his name on them. If they get lost, someone will return them to you if the articles had his name on them. The iron on labels really hold on wash after wash.

If he's losing them in your home or his Dad's house, perhaps the house is too cluttered? Everything needs a place or they will get misplaced.

I'll have to look into those labels.  I don't know if he loses them at camp or at Dad's afterwards.  His Dad goes with him to all (or most) of these things and often he'll keep his clothes after to wash them, then send them home later. 

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 12:06:27 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Dec 12, 2013 12:05:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

This is what I told him and he broke down crying.  I hate putting all the blame on him though, his Dad's house is a cluttered mess so I can see things getting sucked in there like a black hole, in fact, I'm thinking the problem is more with his Dad than anything, but I need my son to step up and help me out here.  I can't afford to be replacing everything this often.

He'd actually probably be happy if I told him he couldn't go on the camping trip.  LOL  I have to force him to go outside and do things.  He's happy he went after he's back, but if I told him no camping, he wouldn't view it as a punishment. 

get the Asian wife to start knitting him some replacement hats and gloves.

She is so useless.  I can't even hate her anymore.  That would require I feel some kind of jealousy, but she seems completely incapable of doing anything for herself.  Seriously, all she does is sit around and watch tv.  She doesn't even get out of her pajamas anymore.  The house is a mess, toys and clothes laying all over, dishes piled in the sink.  She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she doesn't even have any hobbies.

[giramomma]

Dec 12, 2013 12:05:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:52:31 GMT -5 giramomma said:

This is what I told him and he broke down crying.  I hate putting all the blame on him though, his Dad's house is a cluttered mess so I can see things getting sucked in there like a black hole, in fact, I'm thinking the problem is more with his Dad than anything, but I need my son to step up and help me out here.  I can't afford to be replacing everything this often.

He'd actually probably be happy if I told him he couldn't go on the camping trip.  LOL  I have to force him to go outside and do things.  He's happy he went after he's back, but if I told him no camping, he wouldn't view it as a punishment. 

OK, so the camping thing won't work. But, seriously, your son is 11. I don't think it's too much to ask him to be responsible about those things.

(My DS is 10, so not so far behind. That's what we expect from him. In 5-6 years, he'll be behind the wheel of a car, and shortly after that, out of the house.)

The other thing that might help, is to have not only a spot to put things in, but also a routine. Like packing up the night before..a routine armed with a list I think is your best bet.

Maybe you ask that things don't get washed at his Dad's house?

[Abby Normal]

I had a problem with this with my son too when he was about 9.  Our issue was leaving them at school,  or wherever, not losing them at home.  What I did was create a checklist that he carried in his lunchbox.  It read 

Do I have my:

Lunch box
Coat
Gloves
Hat

He would check off the list as he was getting ready to go home for the day and make sure he had everything with him. If he brought everything home all week long, he would get something special on Friday night.

I don't know if that would work for you, but maybe some variation might help him remember to look for things before he leaves where ever he is.We kept it up for a few months, and by then he was in the habit of checking for his things.  Sometimes, he will still get distracted and forget something, but it's rare.

[Chocolate Lover]

If it's getting lost IN Dad's house, I'd be making sure he knows to only pull what he's using out his bag and putting stuff right back in it when he pulls it off. Put a couple of plastic bags (grocery, ziploc, whatever) in there for dirty/wet stuff but make sure it goes back in the bag IMMEDIATELY. 

If it's Dad's house and not your son, he's probably as sick of this as you are and may jump right on board with it.

[Deleted]

I think he's sick of it too.

I am thinking of setting up separate baskets in the entry closet or laundry room for each of the kids for their hats/gloves.  That way it will be easier to see at a glance when something is missing and maybe it will get caught sooner. Right now all our hats, mittens, scarfs and gloves are thrown together in the same two bins. 

I don't know how one loses two pairs of long underwear.  I suppose they could have been left at camp, but I'm thinking his Dad has to have them.

[Chocolate Lover]

The separate baskets sound good. I'd probably be harassing Dad about the missing stuff until he finds it.

[Iggy aka IG]

At a social engagement recently, a teacher mentioned, "It's amazing the things kids leave at school."  Does the school and/or classroom have a lost and found?

[alabamagal]

Not much advice, 2 of my 3 kids were always losing things.  I am thankful to live where we don't have to have a lot of extra cold weather clothes.  Best advice is to keep things attached to their body as much as possible, and put name tags in everything.  And always check lost and found.  My kids were kind of shy and sometimes afraid to ask at lost and found, so I would take them there to help search.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 12:43:30 GMT -5 Iggy aka IG said:

At a social engagement recently, a teacher mentioned, "It's amazing the things kids leave at school."  Does the school and/or classroom have a lost and found?

Yep.  In the front entry way.  There is tons of stuff in it and I dig through it every Tues and Thur when I have to drop off/pick up the preschooler (they go to the same school).  But, so far no luck.  Maybe I should just do my shopping there.  LOL  Find something that fits and call it good.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 12:54:53 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

I think you're going to have to start teaching him to keep his stuff corralled at dads house.  Send him over there with a big bag or basket and have him keep his stuff in there.  A bag would probably be better in that it's contained and can be closed.   

Then when something does go missing from your house,  he will know that yes it's at dads,  but it's not in the abyss. 

I was just going to post something like this when I read yours.  After posting about having the baskets at our house, I was thinking what if he had a big tote or something at his Dad's that his Dad could toss things in? 

[NoNamePerson]

I suppose they could have been left at camp, but I'm thinking his Dad has to have them.

Then make dad replace the items. Might make him more apt to see that things get packed and back to your household. Just a thought.

[Deleted]

I'd not be buying the kid expensive stuff until this habit gets broken.

[Deleted]

Maybe he is smoking pot. I hear that smoking pots affects short term stuff.

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 12, 2013 14:07:38 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Maybe he is smoking pot. I hear that smoking pots affects short term stuff.

No it doesn't!!!!

[busymom]

I like the list idea. But, he's old enough now to face some consequences, too. Maybe for each item that's lost, he has to kick in $1 or $2.  Or, buy replacements at Goodwill, or a resale shop.  When DD was younger, she kept forgetting books she needed for school, & I had to run them over. After a few times doing this, I started charging her "for gas", probably $1 or so. It was amazing how quickly she stopped forgetting things.

[tskeeter]

Dec 12, 2013 12:05:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:52:31 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Your son doesn't HAVE to go camping, right? That might be a nice consequence right there. (My son has been acting like a bit of an @ss at den meetings. He wasn't welcome at the last one. That got the point across.)

I'm mean. I allow my kids lose one pair of things. After that, they do chore or pay me out of their allowance for replacing things. Our finances are getting tighter with the third kid and the first in braces. If my kids want extras, they have to learn to take care of what they have.

The list thing is a good idea. I'm sure they have list apps for the iProduct your son has.

This is what I told him and he broke down crying.  I hate putting all the blame on him though, his Dad's house is a cluttered mess so I can see things getting sucked in there like a black hole, in fact, I'm thinking the problem is more with his Dad than anything, but I need my son to step up and help me out here.  I can't afford to be replacing everything this often.

He'd actually probably be happy if I told him he couldn't go on the camping trip.  LOL  I have to force him to go outside and do things.  He's happy he went after he's back, but if I told him no camping, he wouldn't view it as a punishment. 

At 11, I think he's old enough to start keeping track of his own posessions.  Even when he's spending time at his Dad's.  His Dad isn't taking his things and hiding them.  Your DS just isn't taking care of his stuff because it gets replaced whenever he loses something.  He's capable of keeping track of his stuff.  He hasn't lost his favorite toy/most important posession, has he?

[giramomma]

MPL-

Do you have an REI card? The give dividends on all purchases.

We always charge enough so that we get our kids outwear for free. Last year, we got a $150 winter coat, a pair of keens, a pair of teva's, and DH got a few assorted things, and paid nothing out of pocket.

Anywho, it's a way we cut down on costs....

[973beachbum]

Dec 12, 2013 12:43:30 GMT -5 Iggy aka IG said:

At a social engagement recently, a teacher mentioned, "It's amazing the things kids leave at school."  Does the school and/or classroom have a lost and found?

My son came home with one sock one day.  He still had both sneakers on and they were lace ups still tied.

Things like you listed, other than the underwear  , I would keep asking the teachers and even cafe people.  Thruthfully they would probably be happy to have someone take something from the lost and found home once in a while.  Most schools just give up after the bins get full and donate the lot, other than what they can use for things like kids playing outside with no gloves on.

[tractor]

It's amazing what kids can loose. I have two teenage boys and am happy if they still have most of their cloths on when they get back home. The lost and found bins are alway full at their schools, often with really nice stuff that no one claims. The reality is most parents don't look, and most kids have no idea where their stuff is.

My mother was a janitor at a local elementary school, every year her boss told her to take the bags of lost and found cloths and throw them in the trash. She thought that was wasteful and would bring them home, sort through them, wash if necessary, then bring them over to Goodwill. It was a violation of school policy to do so, but she didn't care. Now that she is retired, I suspect it all ends up in the trash. What a waste.

[Deleted]

My DS2 was like this (DS1 too, but less so). It would drive me NUTS. 

What I did was replace things the first time that season, then make them split the cost with me for any further replacements (I would buy the cheapest items but I would make them pay half on the third pair of gloves, for example.)

This said, it sounds like it's not just absent-mindedness on his part, it sounds like his dad's house is a "black hole". I don't know if your ex does your kid's laundry too. If he does, that could be how things get lost. If that's the case, it's not your son's fault. 

Does your son have his own room there? If so, I think you have a pretty good relationship with your ex. So personally I'd talk to your ex, and tell him that your son is losing too many items and you can't afford to replace them, so you are giving your son a basket / tote / plastic container for his room in his dad's house, and you want everything you purchase going home with him, dirty or not. You can also encourage your son to tidy up his room at his dad's house. At his age, he can do that. It sounds like the rest of the house is a pit, but if his room is orderly, it will be easier for him to keep track of his things. 

Obviously, keeping track of one's things is, by nature, easier for some kids than others. And let's face it, some adults never learn. But even the messiest / most absent-minded kid quickly learns to put away their precious video games / toys or favorite *whatever* when young siblings or cousins come over. 

ETA: The labels are good, but even easier, you can use an indelible pen (on most items).

[Phoenix84]

I would have him do extra chores around the house to "pay" you for the lost items of clothing.  You worked to pay for them, and he should reimburse you for the time to buy a new set.  He needs to learn that these things don't grow on trees, and you have to work for what you have.

That's what my parents did anyway, and I think it's an appropriate punishment.  He can pay you back in money, if he has it, or physical labor.

You can even flat out tell him.  "Your labor is worth $5 an hour, so you owe me 2 hours of work to pay for those gloves.  Go and clean the garage."

[Phoenix84]

Dec 12, 2013 12:05:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:52:31 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Your son doesn't HAVE to go camping, right? That might be a nice consequence right there. (My son has been acting like a bit of an @ss at den meetings. He wasn't welcome at the last one. That got the point across.)

I'm mean. I allow my kids lose one pair of things. After that, they do chore or pay me out of their allowance for replacing things. Our finances are getting tighter with the third kid and the first in braces. If my kids want extras, they have to learn to take care of what they have.

The list thing is a good idea. I'm sure they have list apps for the iProduct your son has.

This is what I told him and he broke down crying.  I hate putting all the blame on him though, his Dad's house is a cluttered mess so I can see things getting sucked in there like a black hole, in fact, I'm thinking the problem is more with his Dad than anything, but I need my son to step up and help me out here.  I can't afford to be replacing everything this often.

He'd actually probably be happy if I told him he couldn't go on the camping trip.  LOL  I have to force him to go outside and do things.  He's happy he went after he's back, but if I told him no camping, he wouldn't view it as a punishment. 

I don't think it matters.  His dad isn't responsible for he things, he is.  He's old enough to learn that lesson.  I wouldn't feel guilty and you should follow through with the punishment.