thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 7, 2013 8:11:22 GMT -5
Got an email late last night. A friend who lives in another state wanted to tell me that her cancer is back, and her body seems to be riddled with it - she listed half a dozen places they have found either cancer, or warning signs. I'm up early and I know she is still asleep. How do you respond to an email like that? ugh.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 7, 2013 8:31:54 GMT -5
Something simple, like "I'm so very sorry to hear that it's back; call me whenever you need to talk."
Unfortunately because of the distance, you can't offer the usual help, like bringing food so she doesn't have to cook while undergoing treatment, or running errands. Mostly you can just offer to let her vent.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 7, 2013 8:54:51 GMT -5
You call her and let her talk.
If you know any of her friends where she lives, you help organize some support to make her life as normal as possible.
If you can afford it, send an occassional gift of food for her and her family. Send cards and tell her you are thinking of her.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 7, 2013 10:28:36 GMT -5
I'd call her and let her talk. She needs a shoulder.
I don't know that she needs you to do anything but be a friend. Enjoy her while she's still around.
My condolences.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 7, 2013 11:01:11 GMT -5
This makes me so sad :-(. I agree with the others...just be there for her if she needs to talk. But also try to keep her spirits up. Maybe I'm just weird but when I'm in the midst of something heartbreaking, I don't want friends calling and crying. I want them sending me funny emails, making me laugh, etc. I dwell on stuff alone in private.
But everyone is different.
Does she have any children? My second biggest fear (first is my child dying) is dying before my kids are grown
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Dec 7, 2013 11:04:58 GMT -5
First respond to the email that you're sorry. Then send some funny dvds, good books, etc.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 7, 2013 11:11:26 GMT -5
I would touch base with her and see how she's doing. She may want to talk about the disease process, or just talk about other stuff. Or maybe not all. I'm very sorry that this is happening to your friend.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Dec 7, 2013 12:31:19 GMT -5
All good advice. She knows you can't fix the cancer, but she probably would appreciate a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to and simply a friend to be there...
I am SO sorry....
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Dec 7, 2013 12:33:39 GMT -5
Send her an email saying you are sorry to hear this news. Give her a time when it would be good to call and talk.
Send her a "thinking of you" or "heard you are sick" card. Is there a grocery store near her that has delivery service? You could send a gift card for that. Send chocolate or cookies.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2013 13:05:41 GMT -5
Tell her stories of people you know that are still going strong after a bad prognosis. Then do like others said and keep in touch about life, not the cancer. Let her talk about it if she does, but don't make it your focus. And don't get impatient if all her communication becomes a litany of the details of how good/bad she is feeling today.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 7, 2013 13:17:28 GMT -5
Tell her stories of people you know that are still going strong after a bad prognosis. Then do like others said and keep in touch about life, not the cancer. Let her talk about it if she does, but don't make it your focus. And don't get impatient if all her communication becomes a litany of the details of how good/bad she is feeling today. Please do NOT do this. When I was sick, hearing about other's was the absolute last thing I wanted to hear. Even with my hip groups, talking about positive aspects of recoveries is not very helpful. This is mainly because you tend to hold others up as benchmarks for yourself and when you not meet them, you start to think that there is something wrong with you. There is a mean and standard deviation of recovery and I have to repeatedly remind people that there are those that fall on extreme ends of the spectrum. Each person's illness and recovery is personal and using others as comparison is frustrating as hell. On top of everything else, this is the utter last thing you want to hear. JMHO
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2013 14:09:19 GMT -5
Tell her stories of people you know that are still going strong after a bad prognosis. Then do like others said and keep in touch about life, not the cancer. Let her talk about it if she does, but don't make it your focus. And don't get impatient if all her communication becomes a litany of the details of how good/bad she is feeling today. Please do NOT do this. When I was sick, hearing about other's was the absolute last thing I wanted to hear. Even with my hip groups, talking about positive aspects of recoveries is not very helpful. This is mainly because you tend to hold others up as benchmarks for yourself and when you not meet them, you start to think that there is something wrong with you. There is a mean and standard deviation of recovery and I have to repeatedly remind people that there are those that fall on extreme ends of the spectrum. Each person's illness and recovery is personal and using others as comparison is frustrating as hell. On top of everything else, this is the utter last thing you want to hear. JMHO We have a family member who now has cancer and she tells us that hearing positive stories helps her visualize her immune system fighting the cancer. A positive outlook is extremely important.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 21:34:17 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2013 14:17:49 GMT -5
Ya, I wasn't comparing. I was talking about being positive, as in this isn't a death sentence.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 10, 2013 12:33:54 GMT -5
Mostly you can just offer to let her vent.
You being 'out of range' could be a very safe place for her to vent. I would have loved to had someone I could vent to that wasn't around all the time. Someone that would truly listen and let me scream without necessarily answering. I didn't have that so I wrote a journal. Everyone handles news like this differently so let her lead the way for you. Let her know how sorry you are this has happened again. Wish I had better wisdom to offer.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Dec 10, 2013 12:41:02 GMT -5
I once heard of the woman who imagined really hard her healthy cells were fighting her sick cells and good ones ate those bad ones and doctors were amazed HOW ta heck she survivied!!! Tell her to read up about all things people done to get better. She might going to find solution or at least it will keep her busy and not thinking bad things...Good Luck to your friend and hope she will be as good as new soon! P.S. Just remembered...apricot power website. B17. Just tell her to google and read up on it. Seriously.
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