sealy
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Post by sealy on Dec 7, 2013 23:56:14 GMT -5
Just let her vent then. It's highly unlikely she will leave him. Because she doesn't feel abused.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Dec 8, 2013 5:35:26 GMT -5
Just let her vent then. It's highly unlikely she will leave him. Because she doesn't feel abused. She's not even really venting. It's more like regular conversation and I can't say anything. I always thought he was the horse's ass, but the issue with her parents and now retirement has my head exploding!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 8, 2013 7:06:10 GMT -5
She's not even really venting. It's more like regular conversation and I can't say anything. I always thought he was the horse's ass, but the issue with her parents and now retirement has my head exploding! She's lucky you can deal with it. My BFF from college knowingly married an alcoholic. I never liked him from the day we met. (I didn't know he was alcoholic). The dude was just an ass. I had to let the friendship go so it would end on good terms. I felt that friends didn't call friends dumbasses. And I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I also had a fair amount of weird "survivors guilt" as my DH was sobering up and recovering, and hers never felt the need to. My folks are in a marriage like you are sort of describing. Not the same controlling behaviors (but different abusive/controlling behaviors), and roles are reversed. You are right, in that she will likely never leave him. My folks have been married for 40 years now. It will be, till death do us part.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Dec 8, 2013 10:01:21 GMT -5
I try to bring up little things without bad mouthing the ass. When she tells me she went downstairs to eat some chips, I asked if bob thought she was fat. (She's not) She said no, but he knows i don't want to be fat. So i told her she knows i don't want to be fat, yet I eat chips right in front of her. She really doesn't get it.
I think part of the problem is she is living in the past. When her husband was on our job, he was high ranked and had a lot of power. Now he's a shriveled up old bastard. None of our former guys who worked with him keep in touch. They listened to his bragging only because they had to. I think she still sees him as king of the hill.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Dec 8, 2013 20:51:24 GMT -5
Don't get involved. She can't be made to see. I dated an asshole once. Years after, I met an old friend circa dating asshole, and we talked about it. It was eye-opening what she said. And even more sad was that she tried to tell me, I just wasn't having it at the time. And then it also hit me that she wasn't the only one who tries to tell me. Every one tried to tell me. I just defended and defended him.
I'm still embarrassed about it.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Dec 9, 2013 12:45:28 GMT -5
He sounds like a controlling asshole, wants to be the center of attention, doesn't want the competition from the dad. Run him over And she seems to be willing to accommodate him. It's up to her develop a back bone.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 9, 2013 12:58:07 GMT -5
Is it bad I want to run him over with a car? He's forcing her to retire because she's spending too much time with her 92 yr old dad and not home enough. She visits her dad on Thursadays and Sundays. Husband is also zero help to her with her parents. This is the same girl who hides when she eats ice cream or chips because he doesn't want her getting fat. Of course I can't say to her what I really want, but I did try to explain that the dad situation is temporary. I wanted to say your old decrepid husband might be dead in a year himself. She really likes her job and had no intentions of leaving. The job IS her social life. She has come in many a Mondays saying she couldn't wait to come to work. Her husband talks non stop, and the few times I was in his company, it's all about himself. He has most people convinced he's wonderful. That's it for my rant. I won't really run him over other than in my dreams! How is he forcing her to retire? Does he have a gun to her head, threatening to shoot? We all make choices. If her choices include allowing this guy to be her husband and tell her what to do, that is her call. She is free at any time to make different choices.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Dec 9, 2013 13:37:48 GMT -5
Doesn't sound like an abusive situation to me in any traditional sense.
She married an ass yes, but she apparently was dazzled by his perceived "powerful" position and perhaps income. <shrug>. The world is full of men (and women) who would never be with their SOs if not for their money, power, position, whatever.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 9, 2013 13:46:55 GMT -5
I've never understood why people put up with that kind of treatment.
You're jealous cause I talked to another man? There's the door. You're jealous because I have male friends? There's the door. You don't like me hanging out with my own friends? There's the door. You don't like me going to a bar? There's the door.
Luckily my spouse trusts me and realizes he has nothing to worry about. I treat him with the same respect. I don't know how people function otherwise. I absolutely refuse to have my actions controlled by another person in any way, shape, or form.
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