Should I let the parents know?

[alabamagal]

OK, I'm pretty sure the answer is yes I should intervene, but I hate doing things that are difficult....

So DS19 is in his second year of college.  Made it through the first year fine, lived on campus.  For his second year he moved to an off campus apartment (cheaper, better, etc.).  His roommates is a guy that he went to high school with.  He went to cc for his first year, then got into state school (where my son goes) for his 2nd year.

The roommate is a kid that we have known forever, went to the same small, private christian school since K-5, played little league with my son.  We have known his parents since little league, but more acquaintences than friends.  Would chat with them, but not much more than that.

So the son has a drinking problem.  First year away from family, definitely too much partying going on. But my son doesn't say much, but GF admits that the roommate has been to the point of nearly passing out, need my son to check on him.  Lots of bad behavior.  I know my son is not an angel, but he has adapted to living away from home.

So should I tell the parents?? or just let it be??

[Deleted]

A college kid has been drinking.  I think this calls for an investigation by the FBI.


To be honest, though, if the kid is keeping his grades up, I don't see the issue.  I am assuming in this case that the parents know his grades, so they would be able to monitor as needed.

[swamp]

Tough call. 

There are lots of college kids who party too hard. Some Come out ok, some keep partying too hard. If you knew me in college or law school, you probably would have said I had a drinking problem. I don't drink very much now. 

Maybe your son a d some mutual friends could talk with him first?  

[hoops902]

::But my son doesn't say much, but GF admits that the roommate has been to the point of nearly passing out, need my son to check on him::

"Nearly" passing out?  And you want to take action as essentially an unrelated bystander?  Ummmmmm, worry about your own kid, give your own kid some advice on how to talk to his roommate and try to help if there's a problem.   Under no circumstances should you insert yourself into talking to another adult's parents because you don't like his drinking.

And so you know...getting drunk, passing out, having your roommates check on you...all completely normal for college. 

[Deleted]

I wouldn't call anyone based on anything I haven't personally witnessed.

[thyme4change]

Sounds fairly normal to me.  I think you should let it be.  If I were the parents and you told me, I would think you were weird.  I suspect your son parties more than you know.  Passing out drunk isn't a crime, or even a horror.

[alabamagal]

Getting drunk and passing out in college...been there, done that!

Grades...don't know, this is his first semester away from home, guess parents will know in dec.

My son is totally non-confrontational. I know he is upset about what his roommate is doing.  He already has plans for next year for a roommate, his GF.  So totally a different issue.

[grits]

I wouldn't say a word unless the kid was in danger of dying or going to jail. Even then, I would do it anonymously. Your relationship with them is only casual. I'd make sure my own kid was okay, and leave it at that.

[thyme4change]

Nov 29, 2013 16:50:56 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Getting drunk and passing out in college...been there, done that!

Grades...don't know, this is his first semester away from home, guess parents will know in dec.

My son is totally non-confrontational. I know he is upset about what his roommate is doing.  He already has plans for next year for a roommate, his GF.  So totally a different issue.

This is a good time for your son to learn that he can't work himself up in a frenzy about someone else's problems.  People are going to do what they want, and you have to accept that.  Sure, not rooming together is a good solution, but in the meantime - learn that everyone has to make their own mistakes, and you don't have to agree with someone to still be their friend.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Nearly passing out.. that's like a light night of drinking in college right? You're not really partying unless there's at least one puke and rally followed by a total blackout.

[HoneyBBQ]

I agree with above.... Let him drink and party. As long he isn't driving I wouldn't worry at all. It's perfectly "normal" for college kids to spend too much time drinking, at least some of the time. 

[plugginaway22]

Say nothing, totally normal behavior.

[Deleted]

Nov 29, 2013 16:50:56 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Getting drunk and passing out in college...been there, done that!

Grades...don't know, this is his first semester away from home, guess parents will know in dec.

My son is totally non-confrontational. I know he is upset about what his roommate is doing.  He already has plans for next year for a roommate, his GF.  So totally a different issue.

Call me cynical, but is there any chance your son and his GF are exaggerating the issue to justify him moving out and moving in with her?

[whoisjohngalt]

Nov 29, 2013 16:50:56 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Getting drunk and passing out in college...been there, done that!

Grades...don't know, this is his first semester away from home, guess parents will know in dec.

My son is totally non-confrontational. I know he is upset about what his roommate is doing.  He already has plans for next year for a roommate, his GF.  So totally a different issue.

So let him deal with it.

[mollyanna58]

It's a hard call.  The vast majority of young men who drink too much in college come to no real harm, but I knew a 22-y-o kid who passed out drunk, and choked to death on his own vomit. 

[Deleted]

OH this brings back some memories.. My roommate's parents drove 300 miles to have an intervention with me and they called my mom. What a joke. Their son made up 75% of what he told them.  The other 25% he was just jealous he wasn't doing.. 

[weltschmerz]

OK, I'm pretty sure the answer is yes I should intervene, but I hate doing things that are difficult....

No, you should not intervene.
Nearly passing out drunk is called.....Friday.

[whoami]

My good friends son got a DUI while at college this past spring about 5 minutes after he turned 21. The case is still winding through the court system and while it does, he continues to drink.  He has not yet had his license revoked.  She knows about it and seems pretty resigned that their really is nothing she can do about it.  She is not paying for anything having to do with the DUI but continues to pay his school bill as long as he keeps his grades at an acceptable level.  He is a senior and is supposed to graduate this spring.

Giving him a bunch of crap about it seems like a pretty meaningless effort at this point.  If sitting in jail overnight and having to deal with the legalities of a DUI haven't encouraged him to quit partying, I'm not sure "talking" to him has any point to it.  I would be livid if he were my kid and would probably be a ranting psycho if he continued with the behavior, but she has been living with the situation 24/7 since it happened and has gone through all the emotions of it. 

[dcmetrocrab]

Don't intervene, especially based on second hand info from your son. It'd be different if your son had examples of the roommate causing harm to others, himself, or driving while drunk. To insert oneself in a situation like this, you need better reasons.

[Shooby]

Nov 29, 2013 15:36:43 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

OK, I'm pretty sure the answer is yes I should intervene, but I hate doing things that are difficult....

So DS19 is in his second year of college.  Made it through the first year fine, lived on campus.  For his second year he moved to an off campus apartment (cheaper, better, etc.).  His roommates is a guy that he went to high school with.  He went to cc for his first year, then got into state school (where my son goes) for his 2nd year.

The roommate is a kid that we have known forever, went to the same small, private christian school since K-5, played little league with my son.  We have known his parents since little league, but more acquaintences than friends.  Would chat with them, but not much more than that.

So the son has a drinking problem.  First year away from family, definitely too much partying going on. But my son doesn't say much, but GF admits that the roommate has been to the point of nearly passing out, need my son to check on him.  Lots of bad behavior.  I know my son is not an angel, but he has adapted to living away from home.

So should I tell the parents?? or just let it be??

  Well, if your son thinks he is drinking beyond the "normal" college type drinking and has been blacking out a lot, then I DO think that calling the parents isn't a bad idea.  Sounds like you know them, have known them for years and you have a personal relationship with this young man and have known him and watched him grow for years.  If you get the sense from your son that this is the case, then you could just make a casual call to these parents.  People can die from alcohol intoxication and I think it would be a terrible thing if there really IS a problem and nobody addressed it.  But, if you call, it is going to get back to your son that you called his parents, so he is going to take the heat for that.  But, if he does truly believe there is a problem, that that is what you should do.