alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,147
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Post by alabamagal on Nov 29, 2013 12:38:08 GMT -5
We were tough on our kids when they were young. I am a firm believer that a kid should respect their parents. If a parent says to do something, the kids should do it. If not their are consequences.
Others would tell us how well behaved our kids were. We rarely disciplined them once they were in grade school. I remember a few times when we tood away video game/tv priveleges.
We had very little trouble in the teenage years, and they are now very respectful young adults.
I would not criticize someone's style of discipline as long as it was not child abuse.
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sbcalimom
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 21:27:25 GMT -5
Posts: 890
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Post by sbcalimom on Nov 30, 2013 3:15:55 GMT -5
We use the word grounding for DD1 who is 4.5 but it's mostly so we have something to call it. When she gets really in trouble, she gets all electronics and toys taken away and has to hang out in her room/hallway. We'll typically let her have one toy or some crayons and paper. But, it's never for longer than an afternoon. The last time was when she got sent home for hitting one of her teachers at daycare in the face (on purpose). We wanted to make an impression so she had to spend the rest of the day in her room with very little entertainment. After that, when she has trouble controlling herself, we remind her - do you want to be grounded? Remember how boring it was to be grounded? And she agrees and asks for help to regulate her behavior.
Now most of her punishment is not this severe and involves brief time outs and conversations about proper behavior. Plus, we've started a reward system that is consistent with what they do at school. So now, we talk about ways she can earn stars with good behavior and remind her of what happens if she acts out (i.e. no stars or the potential for losing stars if she's really bad). That said, a combination of "grounding" and other methods seems to work well for her but I can't imagine grounding her for longer than an afternoon or so. By the next evening I highly doubt she'd even remember why on earth she was in trouble.
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dcmetrocrab
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:50:51 GMT -5
Posts: 527
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Post by dcmetrocrab on Nov 30, 2013 11:44:20 GMT -5
We have spent a fair amount of time with this family.....bbqs, Sunday football, bonfires, trick of treating. They really don't have a lot of patience with M. She does the littlest thing wrong and they are all over her. I think a lot of the grounding comes from her dad. He gets her off the bus everyday and does not seem to spend a lot of time with her. He tinkers in the garage or in the yard while she is in the house alone. If DD wants to play with her at this time it is at our house where they are supervised. I just think grounding a 6 year old for a week for not making her bed is a bit excessive. And is it really effective? Is she really going to remember on day 4 why she is stuck in the house? They also are always comparing M.s behavior to DD. I have heard them say to her more than once that they wished she was more like DD. That crushes me, the look on her face is devastating. DD is 2 years and 2 grades older than M. I just think they are way too hard on M. They just moved here a little over a year ago. Prior to that they were living with grandparents. I think this is where M picked up her manners and politeness. This spins a different tale from the OP. In any case, it is easy to judge without knowing all angles, so I'll go back what I interpreted the original question to be. Is grounding a 6 year old too harsh? Nah. It depends on so many things, the kid, the parenting philosophy, etc etc. I say this while not having any kids so. If DH and I are ever blessed with any, our motto is to discipline early and as often as needed. As someone said it, you hit 'em where it hurts. If they like their XXX, away it goes for as long as the it takes for the kid to get it. We plan on being stern, not being their best friends, etc etc. Let's see how it goes. My nightmare scenario is typically with the teen years where parents may sometimes lose the power of authority/respect. Coworker had a situation where her 13 yo son refused to get dressed properly for a piano recital. He was not putting on his suit, no sir. The mom tried every form of punishment she could think of, and even got to the point where she was offering to pay him money she was so desperate. Nada, teen was pushing his boundaries to the nth degree. So the mom drives him to the recital with the son in jeans and tshirt. His teacher then in front of everyone announced, "you will NEVER come to another recital again dressed like this." And that was that, he was reformed and it never happened again.
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NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,212
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 1, 2013 7:38:47 GMT -5
I had parenting philosophies. Then I had kids. And can I say that 99% of everyone one here kiddos will turn out just fine in spite of you. Mine did and all I had was common sense. It is just that 1% that mucks it for the rest of them.....
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