Death happens - and it is always weird

[thyme4change]

I got word that a guy I worked with had a heart attack and died over the weekend.  He was in his 70's and drove me crazy.  He and I completely disagreed about how some very key things should be handled.  I was hoping he would retire.  I never trusted his motivations.  However, he was a very nice and charming man.  I didn't want him to die - sheesh!  He lived on the other side of the country, and I was cut out of the project that he and I worked on together, so this has very little effect on me.  But it is always weird to have a co-worker one day, and the next - poof.

I've had two other co-workers die.  One had cancer, so we had enough time to accept what was going to happen there.  The other one was 32 years old, got pneumonia and was out for like a week, and then died.  That one was super-weird.  I found out how differently people grieve at that time, because we were all trying to get on with it, but we had conflicting ideas on how.  I wanted to leave his office set up for a while, another co-worker wanted to pack it all up quickly.  It got a little ugly.  It was a very sad time, and very scary, given that he was so young and it happened so quickly.


Any of you lost a co-worker very suddenly?  How did you and your co-workers handle it? 

[Deleted]

How sad! Wanna bet he went in and told Management he was going to retire at the end of the year? 

I have never experienced it myself.

[Sharon]

We had a co-worker commit suicide.  The situation was compounded by the fact that she was living with another co-worker at the time.  Management was reluctant to discuss what happened.  At first we were just told that female co-worker had passed away and that male co-worker was on leave for a while.  Then it hit the paper and we find out that the police were having to do an investigation etc.  This of course put the rumor mill into overdrive.  Management then sat down with each of their departments and had a little longer discussion about the circumstances into her death.  I think that management could have handled it better at the beginning.

When it was all said and done the police concluded that yes it was a suicide.  Everyone in the office knew that this women struggled with depression issues.  The company erected a memorial plaque and made a donation to her kids/grandkids.  There was no funeral service.

[wvugurl26]

We had one person die but they were halfway across the country and I had zero involvement with that person.

There was a guy in my office who worked with another team. I didn't interact much with him. A few weeks after he took the buyout/early retirement offer, he killed himself. That was weird. He was one of those guys that people expected to just go on a rampage one day.

[Spellbound454]

Yes, I was working in a two person department and the other teacher died quite suddenly.

I made plans for the kids very quickly so that it wouldn't effect their education.....I told his classes that they would be with me from now on.... and they would be fine.
Then just got on with it.....We had exams to pass and they never saw me stumble.

[chiver78]

a coworker of mine died of a massive heart attack a couple years back, he was in his mid to late 40s - so not very old either. he was a PM for construction projects, and was at a job site. he wasn't feeling well, so he went to the grocery store up the street for some antacids or something and collapsed in the store.

what I remember from the wake was that his wife remembered me from a project I worked on with him the first year I was on the job - in Ireland. she had come with him on one trip b/c they were taking a week's vacation to explore the country. she remembered that I had been fresh out of school, still living at home and talking about buying a condo. that really rattled me, not good or bad, just strange. here's this woman, who just lost her husband, and she remembers clear as day someone she met once over a decade earlier.

[Miss Tequila]

When I was in high school and worked in retail, one of the kids I worked with committed suicide.  It was so sad and devestating at the time.  I couldn't stand the kid but at the same time, was devestated when he killed himself....not because it hit me personally but because it made me sad that anyone could hate life so much that they would rather be dead.

A few years ago a partner at my firm dropped dead of a heart attack.  What scared me was that he was only in his early 40's.  It was a big firm so I had never met him, let alone worked with him...again, it upset me not because of it hitting me personally but because he wasn't that much older than my husband or me.  Makes you realize how short life is.

When I first started at this company, a woman died of breast cancer.  I hear she was a lovely woman and there was complete devestation when she died (she was here over 20 years).  She went out on leave when I was only here a few weeks so I didn't know her that well. 

[Waffle]

Lots of co-workers have died over the years.  Some of the oddest:

I think he was 37, he left work not feeling well one day - ended up going to the hospital and was dead in less than a week - inoperable brain tumor.  Left 3 kids behind - that was sad.  We weren't currently working in the same department and it occurred right about the time the company was being sold and split into two separate companies.  His company delayed their start-up by one day so that people could go to his funeral.

Supervisor just didn't show up for work one day.  Didn't answer any messages left for him.  Eventually the HR manager and a couple of other people from work went to his apartment (which I thought was odd).  The landlord let them in - he was dead of an apparent suicide.  He was in his 30s and people took that very hard. 

Many years ago there was an irritating little man (truly little - maybe 5' 5" or so) that used to harass a lot of the women.  No one found him threatening he was just annoying as all get out.  I was one of the women he had focused on and I was just sick of him - his union steward (who was also in AA with him) seemed the only one who could control him at all.  Anyhow one Monday we came to work and found out that he had somehow managed to  flip his pickup into a stream. I believe the impact killed him instantly.  I wanted to feel sad, he was also a fairly young man with young children, but mostly I just felt relief that I didn't have to deal with him anymore.


There have been lots more - some people I worked closely with and I took their deaths very hard, others I barely knew - but, I don't recall any of them causing any real work related problems - like what to do with the office kind of problems.

[mmhmm]

I've lost a few co-workers over the years.  It's always difficult, I think, even if you don't know the person very well.  These are usually younger people in their productive years.  You just don't expect them to die and it sets you back when it happens.  It's so unexpected!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Never had someone I work with die ::knocks on wood::

But in 6th grade a classmate of mine was brutally murdered by her mother.  How is a 12 year old supposed to wrap their brain around that?  To this day I still can't wrap my brain around it.   The school did it's best by having the teachers talk to us and bringing in grief counselers but that's not exactly a topic you expect to be addressing in grade school.

I barely knew her at the time but it's stuck with me for the past 17 years.

[Sharon]

Another story of death where I work.

We had a co-worker who had called in sick a couple of days.  She had the flu.  On the third day she didn't call in and didn't show up.  Everyone thought that was very odd because she always called in.  Another co-worker went to her apartment that afternoon to check on her.  She apparently had passed out and the way she landed obstructed her airway.  She was still alive but not doing well at all.  The ambulance took her to the hospital and she passed away the next day.

The family did not hold a service but several co-workers go together one evening and had there own type of memorial service. 

[muttleynfelix]

No coworkers, but the Architect on a small project we were working on died just a week after we met with him on the project of a massive stroke. He was in his mid 50s or so. It was weird because he wasn't a coworker, so we didn't know until another architect in town that we work with regularly told my boss, did you hear about so and so.   Surprisingly, his company is still going. 

I had the wife of a former coworker die while they were on vacation in the Bahamas.  We were living in a rental just down the street from him (literally 2 blocks away) and were enjoying getting to know her a little better. They were out snorkeling and she had an asthma attack. It took 2 hours to get her to the hospital. He called us from the Bahamas to let us know what had happened. Honestly if there hadn't been friends with them that saw everything, it would have sounded really fishy. Especially when he immediately came onto another coworker and then remarried within 6 months! We lost touch with him immediately after her death.  I was already working somewhere else, we moved out to our house and DH went to work somewhere else. That company went under and his name hasn't popped up in town. So I don't know what happened to him at all.

[Sam_2.0]

I've had two co-workers pass in the last year. One was a young guy in his late 20's (cancer), another was a guy in his late 30's (sudden health issue). Both really sad. It's hard to send out emails and their names pop up in the suggestions, but you know they aren't there. And then it's hard when their names have been purged out of the systems because it's like they just got erased.

[thyme4change]

Supervisor just didn't show up for work one day. Didn't answer any messages left for him. Eventually the HR manager and a couple of other people from work went to his apartment (which I thought was odd). The landlord let them in - he was dead of an apparent suicide.

That reminded me of another co-worker.  She was one of those super reliable people - rarely missed work, was never late, always called in, etc.  One day she didn't show up, so a group of people jumped in a car and asked her landlord to open the door.  He wouldn't because it is against the law.  So, they went down to the police station and an officer came back and asked the landlord to open the door while he supervised, and she was dead.  They didn't say what.  She was a little older, heavy, smoked and ate like crap - so I'm guessing it was a heart attack or something.  I would think the rumor mill would have told us it was suicide if there was any evidence of that.  That group of people couldn't keep a secret.  

[Deleted]

I think it's sad that co-workers found these people instead of family. 

[thyme4change]

Oct 29, 2013 9:27:56 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I think it's sad that co-workers found these people instead of family. 

That is true - but if you live alone, the reality is, co-workers are the first people who will notice you missing in the morning (or after lunch.)  I lived alone, was close to my family and talked to or saw friends daily - but that didn't mean that I called them every morning to assure them I was alive and well.  The first people to know that I had the stomach flu, my car broke down or I was having a bad hair day was always coworkers.  To this day, my coworkers know the obvious stuff before my mother.  Just because they are right there, 5 days a week.  

[tractor]

We had a college age kid die at the gym last night. He was standing there one second, the next second he collapsed on the floor, turned blue and was gone. CPR was started right away, EMTs were there within 3 minutes (station is across the street). As soon as the medical help arrived, I left. They were trying, but there was no response, not something I need to watch.

While I do not fear death, I don't like to be near dead people. I don't even know if I can go back tonight. It still doesn't seem right.

I feel so bad for his family and friends ( several friends were working out with him).

[mmhmm]

There's not much that's as scary as seeing a young person drop and die, tractor.  I'm sorry that happened to you, and to the others at the facility.  I'm very sorry for the young man's family and friends.  That's a rough loss.

[tractor]

Oct 29, 2013 9:58:35 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

There's not much that's as scary as seeing a young person drop and die, tractor.  I'm sorry that happened to you, and to the others at the facility.  I'm very sorry for the young man's family and friends.  That's a rough loss.

I think one of the things that bothered me the most was the big tough police detective who was working out there was in complete shock. I'm sure he had seen death before, but when we were talking after the ambulance arrived, he was visibly shaken. I wanted to reach out and give him a hug, but you know, guys don't do those kind of things. I went home and hugged my kids instead.

[mmhmm]

I can imagine, tractor!  I've seen I don't know how many people die, but there's something visceral that happens when the victim is a young person.  It doesn't matter, really, how inured you might be to the reality of death, when the death is untimely it really hits you hard.  That police detective is going to have this one with him for awhile.

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2013 10:03:00 GMT -5 tractor said:

Oct 29, 2013 9:58:35 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

There's not much that's as scary as seeing a young person drop and die, tractor.  I'm sorry that happened to you, and to the others at the facility.  I'm very sorry for the young man's family and friends.  That's a rough loss.

I think one of the things that bothered me the most was the big tough police detective who was working out there was in complete shock. I'm sure he had seen death before, but when we were talking after the ambulance arrived, he was visibly shaken. I wanted to reach out and give him a hug, but you know, guys don't do those kind of things. I went home and hugged my kids instead.

You should have hugged him.  If people thought you were gay, let them.    

Sounds like it hit everyone involved hard.   Make sure you take care of yourself.

[sarcasticgirl]

That is sad... I feel bad for his family.

When I was in HS and worked as a checker at a grocery chain one of my coworkers died in a car accident. It was quite a shock. Other than that, I haven't had any current coworkers pass away. 
After I moved across the country 2 of my coworkers from my old job passed away within the same year. One woman was bucked from a horse (yeah, I'm from texas ) and the other man had a heart attack in his office and dropped dead right there. My old boss called me each time to tell me what happened (I worked there 5 years and it was a very small engineering firm with less than a dozen employees) and I sent flowers.  

[milee]

Oct 29, 2013 9:08:30 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

 

I had the wife of a former coworker die while they were on vacation in the Bahamas. They were out snorkeling and she had an asthma attack. It took 2 hours to get her to the hospital. He called us from the Bahamas to let us know what had happened. Honestly if there hadn't been friends with them that saw everything, it would have sounded really fishy. Especially when he immediately came onto another coworker and then remarried within 6 months!

Although it is odd that he remarried so quickly, the snorkeling/asthma death doesn't sound fishy to me at all.  I have asthma and an allergic reaction can trigger it easily.  Both sting ray stings and jelly fish trigger a fairly severe allergic reaction in me and with the jelly fish, it doesn't even need to be a whole live one - just a tiny piece of one can have the same effect.  That's why I carry both Benedryl and an inhaler whenever I sail, snorkel or anything that is in or near the water.  The wife probably brushed up against some sea life that triggered an allergic reaction which then caused the asthma.  If you don't know what's happening and panic, it can exacerbate things and make the attack even worse...

Anyway, back to OP.  Back when there were all those cases of Ford Explorers blowing a tire, rolling and killing people, the VP of Finance of a company I worked for had driven his family down to Mexico for a vacation.  On the way back, their tire blew, Explorer rolled and killed 3 of the 4 family members including him.  That happened a few months before I started, but people were still shaken.

[movingforward]

I had a co-worker who died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago.  He was only 26 yrs old.  He and his wife had twin girls who were around 7 months (they started dating at the age of 15).  He was driving to the store one evening to pick-up a few items.  They don't really know what exactly happened.  No other vehicles were involved but they think maybe he swerved to miss something in the road and lost control of his bike (per a witness).  He had a helmet on but it wasn't fastened and it flew off his head when he crashed (this is what his wife thought because she said sometimes he would just put it on and not fasten it).  He was already dead when emergency services showed up.  So he leaves for the store and not too long after a cop shows up at his wife's door to tell her he is dead.  It was an awful situation.  The office was small and we, of course, shut down when we heard the next day  The funeral was on July 4th so we were already off on that day.  Everyone kept looking at his desk and when he was replaced by a new employee a few weeks later it seemed even weirder but thing must move forward, I guess.  His wife closed off from everyone.  She ended up moving with the kids out west leaving everyone she knew behind.  I would think that would make things harder, especially with young twins.  I still wonder sometimes how she is doing now.  She was so young and actually still is... she is probably only in her early 30's now.  I hope she has managed to move on and make a life for herself.  So sad for anyone to lose a life but especially someone so young.

[milee]

At one of the clubs I belong to, one of the women's husband committed suicide.  He had run the business into the ground and lost all their money without telling her.  When the pressure got to be too much, he shot himself in their den, leaving her and her adult son to find him.  So of course she was sad that he was gone, but she also struggled with how angry she felt at him for leaving her alone and destitute at 67.  And of course, most people didn't know about the financial stuff, so people would try to be supportive by telling her their condolences and good memories of him.  All the while, she smiled and struggled with how angry she was at the SOB.

[973beachbum]

I have had a few coworkers die over the years.  The ones that sticks out though are the young people.  And I mean really young. 

One was a girl in my division who was super nice.  She was 19 and it was her first full time job.  I think she was late to work 4 out of 5 days a week.   At a certain point I just wrote her down as coming in/leaving a half hour later and thought of the days she came in on time as coming in early.  so it didn't surprise me when she was late to work one day.  All of a sudden the VP comes up to me all upset and and says to get up and go to his office for an emergency meeting.  It was an insurance company.  We didn't have emergencies that I had ever seen.  My first thought was he didn't need a private place to fire me.   Then when I got there he told me she had died of a heart attack in her sleep.

The other person was a clerk still in HS.  He was sitting on his front porch and was shot and killed in a drive by shooting.  His mother called to tell me.  That is one phone call I would love to forget!

[Abby Normal]

We lost a coworker last year. Great guy that everyone liked and was a key member of the company.  We had worked together for about 10 years.  He was traveling with someone from another office.  The other guy called in and was a little panicked. We knew something bad had happened.  He passed away in his sleep in the hotel room and they had to break the door down.

It took a while before we cleared his desk. It's still empty- no one wants to take his place.

[zibazinski]

That's how I got my first teaching job. Was doing a long term assignment for a teacher who had had a routine hysterectomy. She came in every Friday afternoon and we'd go over the week and plan for the next week. One Friday she didn't show up which I thought was odd but oh well. Monday morning the principal called me in and she'd had complications and died over the weekend. Signed me to a contract on the spot. I got through the day and never said a word to her/my students. She wasn't supposed to come back that school year anyway. So I could get away with it. 

[lynnerself]

It's even worse when they are young people.
I didn't know these kids well, but my DS did.

One boy in middle school was digging in the sand dunes on the beach with his extended family, when the "cave " collapsed and killed him.

The other boy in high school was allowed to leave school to go retrieve a paper he forgot and wrapped his car around a tree on the way back.  I heard that one hit the teacher that let him go really hard.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

A coworker of mine went out jogging one morning, got hit by a car and was killed. The day before, I had met with her and we were going to collaborate on a project that she wanted to do.

One of my PhD students was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April, died in August. This happened after I got sick and I didn't find out until the research meeting last March. It was a total shock because she was always the healthiest of the healthiest people I know.

I imagine my coworkers felt somewhat like this with me, other than I didn't die. Friday I was running a lab, Sunday in the hospital and that Friday was my last day of work with them.