Being Paid to be a Parent (Adoption update)

[shanendoah]

The six months Pop Tart must be with us before we can finalize adoption are up next week. We are on track for a court date of Nov 22 to finalize the adoption. (This also happens to be national adoption day, which will be neat for our extroverted daughter, but wasn't planned.)

Because our daughter is 10, she automatically qualifies for the adoption assistance program through the state. This is a program that provides monetary and healthcare support to families adopting older kids or children with significant health or developmental challenges. We got our "offer letter" from the program today.

As a foster parent, the state pays me $500/month. As an adoptive parent, they will continue to pay me $400/month.
As a foster child, Pop Tart has Medicaid. Once she is adopted, I can choose to keep her solely on Medicaid (thereby not increasing any of my insurance premiums) or add her to my insurance and keep Medicaid as a secondary, so there will never be copays or coinsurance, etc.
The state will reimburse us for up to X number of private counseling sessions a month. (Not for 6 months, not for a year or two, but pretty much until she's 18 and graduated high school.) And because this is straight reimbursement for private counseling, no referral or even diagnosis is needed.
Also, we will be reimbursed up to $1,500 of our adoption costs- attorneys fees, agency fees, etc.

So while I know that most of the savings to the state will come in the form of manpower (no more caseworkers, judges, lawyers, etc assigned to Pop Tart's case), it doesn't seem like they save much money when it comes to the support they offer adoptive parents of foster kids (at least older kids- Pop Tart's sister's adoptive family may not be getting as much as the sister was adopted at age 2 or 3).

And we would still be adopting Pop Tart even without this support from the state, but I must admit, it's kind of nice to know I'm going to be paid to be a parent (and I won't have to put up with any more social worker visits, at least not until we start the process of adopting a second one).

[Deleted]

The societal money that is saved comes from pop tart acclimating into the role of 'Productive Citizen' ... Because now she has a home where she belongs, is wanted and can work through any of her residual baggage...

[chen35]

Oct 25, 2013 17:12:27 GMT -5 oped said:

The societal money that is saved comes from pop tart acclimating into the role of 'Productive Citizen' ... Because now she has a home where she belongs, is wanted and can work through any of her residual baggage...

Agreed! I don't think you can put a price on finding an older child a loving home.

[HoneyBBQ]

Congrats!!! Sounds like win-win-win all around. Especially for Poptart!

[cronewitch]

I agree with the state paying child support for the hard to place kids. My niece has 3 older adopted and one foster and two she gave birth to so supporting them all on her husband's income wouldn't happen so they couldn't adopt them. The adopted kids know they are in a forever family out of foster care. They need counseling from issues from birth parents especially the oldest who was in abandoned with her little brother so remembers her birth family.

[shanendoah]

I am not complaining that the state is paying. And for some people, it probably is necessary to allow them to adopt. It is not for us. We were also open to a private adoption of an infant, which would have cost considerably more and there would have been no ongoing support or even one time reimbursement of costs.

Pop Tart also remembers her birth family and especially misses her mom. It does not help that she has notes from her birth mom that say she (bio-mom) will complete all of her classes and come back and get Pop Tart. It is further exacerbated by the fact that her CASA and prior placement lied to her and said the judge removed her mother's rights- because they figured that would be easier than explaining that mom gave up her rights willingly. It may have been easier then, but it makes things harder now, as we still have the dream of bio-mom coming back to fight for her, and it takes away our power to say- bio-mom loves you so much, she realized she couldn't take care of you and made the choice to let you find a family that could. (We could say this, but then we would be calling her CASA- the one person who has been consistently in her life over the last 2+ years a liar, which she is, but that's not really productive.)
Pop Tart will continue to be in counseling. That's actually the place where we know we got "more" than the standard minimum benefit. Minimum is X number of paid counseling visits per year, we were awarded X-2 visits per MONTH, so she's eligible for 9x as many counseling visits as the minimum. (There are obviously some other diagnoses in there, as well, but the most significant issue is her relationship with her birth mom- who is completely out of the picture.)

I'd like to say that even if we weren't adopting her, Pop Tart would not become a future drain on society. Her previous foster homes which were just that- foster homes (not meant to become permanent placements) were excellent, with wonderful families who still care very much about her. I think that if she had had to stay in one of those placements, she would still turn out okay. At the same time, given her personality, she could also easily be one of those girls who ends up pregnant at 15 or 16- and that's a risk that doesn't completely go away with adoption. It is something C and I will have to be vigilant about and talk to her about. (This is NOT a sexual abuse issue. It is a "my daughter is pretty, very social, and craves attention" issue. While we hope to make her a more self sufficient/confident person, I'm not pretending to myself that I will be able to close my eyes to this possibility.) So yeah, if she stayed in the system, she could become more of a drain. This way, even if this were to happen, it drains our pocket book, not the state's.

[zibazinski]

That's shameful that her CASA lied to her. As a GAL, I would never lie to my clients. I have told them that I am unable to answer their question because I don't want them to know the truth at the age they are but to out and out lie, that would be grounds for some serious intervention by the social workers in regards to the CASA.

[sarcasticgirl]

Congrats! What a wonderful thing you are doing for her. The world needs more people like you. 

[Deleted]

Congrats Shan. I know it isn't why you are doing it, but the money is a bonus. It lets you give Pop Tart a better quality of life. I get a lot of kudos for fostering, but I have to give it up to you adopting out of the system. You know you are taking on extra work and are diving right in. That takes a special kind of heart.

[Deleted]

Wow, that sounds like a good arrangement.  I am really glad they offer to cover medical and counseling.  I'd want to make sure that a kid with that difficult a start had good support for those very necessary expenses going forward.  She is lucky to have you as parents-to-be & I hope you have a big celebration when it gets finalized!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Shane, you should be commended for the fine job you're doing - and willingly welcoming a daughter into your family. You're providing love and permanent stability where she can plant roots - something she hasn't had til now.

Don't focus on the monetary benefits (although they are going to help) - but feel the rewards of providing the love and stability you're giving Pop Tart - and now she can blossom to become a loving and responsible adult herself because of you.

My brother and his wife adopted two children (boy & girl) who although there were a few struggles in the beginning, they flourished and both are now young adults and building lives of their own. I wish you (and Pop Tart) nothing but the best.

[NancysSummerSip]

Shane, you put up with and went through a lot, and I know a lot of it seemed (and likely was) needless government crap.
I never had kids, but from those parents I know, I realize the experience is priceless, regardless of how those children come into your life. I know there's no amount of money that could buy the experience for any of you, and no price anyone could pay you for your kids.


Nope, no price at all...not even when they've consumed everything in your fridge except the lightbulb, reduced their bedrooms to something resembling a toxic waste inside a zoo's poop pen and are trying to rip off each others' heads while arguing over who got the bigger cookie for dessert.

Nope, nope, nope...not even then. Um, right?

[shanendoah]

@justaposter - You know, it's really one of those "it takes all kinds" kind of things, because I couldn't do what you're doing. No way could I be a permanent foster home, even though I know how much they are needed. So I admire what you're doing.

zibazinski - The CASA told us from the beginning that they had lied to her, and told us why it was done. Part of the problem was, the decision to lie to her was made with the previous foster to adopt family's input and what they thought would be best. It didn't occur to anyone at the time that 8 months in that family would change their minds and decide they didn't want to adopt Pop Tart. There are a million (okay, maybe closer to dozens) little messes they created that I will spend the rest of Pop Tart's life having to "fix", and this is one of them.
It may or may not be the worst. The one we had to deal with right away and still face is that they told her that graham crackers and milk right before bed was medically necessary to calm her stomach (and previous foster mom was a nurse, so if she says it's a medical necessity, than it must be). I get trying to establish a calming evening routine, but again, there's the lying aspect of it. And we had to find ways to "fight" this from the beginning without outright calling previous foster mom a liar. The other one that we'll be dealing with forever is that Pop Tart had started to use their last name- wrote her initials with their last name, signed letters to her friends with their last name,etc, and then they rejected her. So now that we're adopting, she is choosing to stick with her birth name (we gave her the choice and totally understand why she has made that choice). After my mom remarried, I had a different last name than her, and I know all sorts of people go through life with different names than their parents, so it won't be a huge deal. It just hurts to know that because of what happened before, she still feels the need to protect herself in this manner.
Anyway, long story short, it's just a lot easier for me to cast all the blame on former foster family and not hold ill will toward the CASA, as her I've actually had to deal with on a regular basis.


Sorry that this sat so long. Friday evening as I am on the bus home, C calls me and says "where's the nearest ER?" Pop Tart had been jumping on a friend's trampoline and mishap ensued. Turns out she broke her arm just below the wrist. Of course, there was some sort of an awful car accident, so instead of being on the bus 30-45 minutes after C called before getting to my car, it was 2 hours. They were still at the ER (though close to being done) and I was able to join them right before they put Pop Tart out in order to straighten out the bone.
Yesterday, I spent another 2 hours with her at the follow up appt with a pediatric orthopedic PA-C. More x-rays, and then turning her splint into a hard cast (it's now bright pink).

That appointment was less than 3 miles from where I had to turn in the adoption support paperwork (agreeing to what I referenced in the OP), so instead of putting that in the mail, I took it with us and we dropped that off.

Again, I am not complaining about the extra money. We missed out on 10 years worth of college fund, but are adopting her young enough that our income will be considered when it's time for her to fill out the FAFSA. (If you don't adopt until after they turn 13, they are considered independent for FAFSA.)
Pretty much all of that $400/month will go into college and family vacation funds.

And hey, we won't need to worry about swim lessons for the next couple of months, so this broken arm is saving me money. (That's how I should look at it, right?)