Breaks my heart...

[raeoflyte]

Ds asks often why I have to go to work, and I've told him that I help people buy houses.  

So he calls me today (he was driving with dh) and says that yesterday he was driving with his Aunt and she saw a homeless man.  So he wants to know if I'm going to work tomorrow so I can get that man a house.     He was so sincere and concerned.  I told him that I didn't know that I could get that man a home, but that we would talk about how to help people like him.  

I've been waiting for him to ask about panhandlers, and wondering the whole time how we will address it.  I didn't expect to have to let him down about the harsh realities of how little his mother can do yet though.  

[cronewitch]

Sad for children to learn not everyone supports themselves but a good time to teach about money. My niece explained to her son that dad exchanges his work for money and she exchanged the money for food. You could explain not everyone can do things people will pay for so they need charity.

[Deleted]

What? You're not going to go "All YM" on him and tell him this is what will happen to him if he doesn't get a STEM degree and save every nickel?

You're missing a teaching moment!

[raeoflyte]

Oct 14, 2013 19:15:14 GMT -5 @bonnap said:

What? You're not going to go "All YM" on him and tell him this is what will happen to him if he doesn't get a STEM degree and save every nickel?

You're missing a teaching moment!

Not yet. we have discussed at length that without work we couldn't buy toys or nutella which makes him a lot more supportive if us leaving.

At 4 he's set on construction or trash collector. I must have failed as a parent.

[Nazgul Girl]

    I think that you have a smart and compassionate little boy there !!

[Deleted]

OK Engineer with a side job of Antiques and Collectibles to start his multiple streams of income.

You're set!


ETA: You gotta smile at some of the early choices. I have a vivid memory from 12 years ago of my girlfriend's 4 year old daughter with her pink princess dress and fire fighter helmet because she was going to be a "girl" firefighter.

Good to remember as she goes through those sullen teenage years!

[chiver78]

Oct 14, 2013 20:30:37 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 14, 2013 19:15:14 GMT -5 @bonnap said:

What? You're not going to go "All YM" on him and tell him this is what will happen to him if he doesn't get a STEM degree and save every nickel?

You're missing a teaching moment!

Not yet. we have discussed at length that without work we couldn't buy toys or nutella which makes him a lot more supportive if us leaving.

At 4 he's set on construction or trash collector. I must have failed as a parent.

nah, you're fine. I was dead set on being a bus driver in kindergarten after spending the year being bussed to my school. I turned out okay with my engineering degree.

as far as your DS's concerns, do y'all volunteer at all with homeless shelters or soup kitchens? if not, this could be an excellent way to bring the topic up and get DS onboard with the idea. you may not be able to get that man a home, but you can certainly help find him some dinner and a warm place to sleep for the night. NazgulGirl's exactly right - you've got a compassionate little man there. nice job, mom!

[toomuchreality]

You could do it (buy him a house) if you wanted to....
Aren't you very good at your job?




I'm sure you would buy him a house, if you could find him again!

[raeoflyte]

Oct 14, 2013 21:01:36 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Oct 14, 2013 20:30:37 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Not yet. we have discussed at length that without work we couldn't buy toys or nutella which makes him a lot more supportive if us leaving.

At 4 he's set on construction or trash collector. I must have failed as a parent.

as far as your DS's concerns, do y'all volunteer at all with homeless shelters or soup kitchens? if not, this could be an excellent way to bring the topic up and get DS onboard with the idea.

We were donating money to a food bank, but I think we will change gears and start donating food and diapers and letting ds help pick them out. I think that will be more concrete at this point.

My job does quite a bit of volunteering with various organizations, and I've been needing to get more involved so here is definitely my chance. I think that ds is still too young to do much in that regard, but its always good to set the precedent.

[HoneyBBQ]

Aw. What a sweet boy. Maybe a day of volunteering at a kitchen? He might be too young though. 

[whoisjohngalt]

Oct 14, 2013 20:30:37 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 14, 2013 19:15:14 GMT -5 @bonnap said:

What? You're not going to go "All YM" on him and tell him this is what will happen to him if he doesn't get a STEM degree and save every nickel?

You're missing a teaching moment!

Not yet. we have discussed at length that without work we couldn't buy toys or nutella which makes him a lot more supportive if us leaving.

At 4 he's set on construction or trash collector. I must have failed as a parent.

Well, I don't know if this will make you feel better, but my oldest told me (when he was 4) that he doesn't want to be a doctor or a president, he wants to be a farmer or a snow-plower guy. 

[Deleted]

Aww Rae that's so sweet ... it's a hard reality that your parents can't "fix" everything. It sounds like you are giving DS great age-appropriate answers to difficult issues / questions.

[imawino]

Rae, that's sweet.  It's great that you are raising him to have compassion for those less fortunate. 

[raeoflyte]

I don't know how much credit I can take for that.  I mean I'd like to, but I think he just came wired that way.    

[Deleted]

Rae, your DS may have come wired to ask those questions, but you provided good age-appropriate answers. 

By the way, he's too little now (or maybe not?) but one thing I always did with my kids was to give to charity for Christmas / Hanukah (we do both, DH is Christian and I'm Jewish) on THEIR behalf. First, we'd go through their rooms in Oct / Nov and donate clothes / toys before Christmas to "make room" for what Santa would bring. They'd come with me to "help me carry it" and drop it off. (In our house Hanukah doesn't bring much in terms of material goods, in our house Hanukah is a family experience, so generally tix to something special.)

Then as they got a little older (Our four are 12 years apart, but I certainly didn't start when the oldest was 4 but later, when DS1 was in college and totally into volunteer humanitarian work) one of the two older kids' gifts would always be a "human" charity, usually whichever DS1 was volunteering for that year. One of the two younger kids' gifts would be sponsoring an animal they loved. 

IMO it worked very well, especially the animal charities. If you "sponsor" an animal you get a calendar, a thank you, a photo of the animal, sometimes a stuffed animal or finger puppet too. It makes it tangible and immediate for the child. Plus, it arrives in the child's name, so for once, they get mail! lol

The problem (?! not sure that's the right word) with "human" charities is you don't get that "tangible" benefit, and when you are a very young child, getting that can really mark you.

My other suggestion is doing Kiva, and allowing your DS to choose the person you donate to, and follow-up on that. Again I don't remember how old he is and it's probably too young, but maybe not. The great thing about Kiva is it is the gift that keeps on giving, and it only costs $25.

Good luck to you and kudos to your son for even thinking about this at his age, and to you for encouraging him!

[greeniis10]

Aw, that's sweet of him!  Yes, it's tough to realize that our young, innocent children cannot be sheltered from the harsh realities of life, but using age-appropriate explanations and setting an example by volunteering speaks volumes to them! 

The trade off is watching their opinions and feelings on these matters mature and grow.  Personally, I found that part really interesting with my kids.  One day they'd have strong feeling one way about something and in a few short months or years they'd develop a different viewpoint.  Always found those discussions pretty telling in what influenced them or caused them to change.