Empty nest syndome.

[Spellbound454]

So.. the last one moved out today.
He wants to spread his wings and I can't get in the way.

I packed up enough food for a war.
Helped him unload and get settled in.
Phoned to see if he was ok....and he is.

but I miss them more than they will ever know.....


How did you cope?

[Happy prose]

I only have one, but when she moved to college I was okay after the first day. She wasn't too far from home though, maybe a 40 minute drive. She is back now working and attending grad school. I dont know how I'll feel once she moves permanently. I just hope it's not too far. Are your kids close by?

[Deleted]

1] Reveling in the knowledge that my kids wanted to & could be independent.  Good Job Momma!

2] Rewarding myself by restarting MY life as a person rather than just a parent.  It is tough when you have made the kids 100% of your focus for so long.  You need to re-engage in what you want to pursue in life (writing, art, theater).

3] Enjoying being able to spend time with my kids as adults & treating them AS ADULTS (sometimes that is really hard).  But, making monthly dates with them to take them out to dinner or a show.  

4] Knowing that they still "need" you and will call.  You will be SO pleasantly surprised at the things they want your advice on as they grow into their independence.

5] Laughing when you see them griping that people are leaving lights on or the heat too high when they always used to complain about you doing that.  Actually watching their reaction at the size of their bills can be a little humorous (and they are not even high for an apartment compared to a house)!! 

Note:  I have girls & the interaction is probably a little different than with boys.  I know nothing of raising and launching a boy . . . might learn a little with the GKids though.

[Spellbound454]

Are your kids close by?

Yes and we'll be together for Christmas and occasions.
Its just the loss of the role that I've had for so long.
No more family sized shampoo.....no more being all things to everyone.

Must be hard for people who don't see their kids.

Thanks Rock It... that's a very inciteful post
Is just a period of readjustment I suppose.

[Deleted]

Oh yes, that too -- it does take a while to re-adjust your grocery shopping habits -- the food banks were quite happy with my donations for a while there.  Not quite sure why it took so long to make that adjustment.  I was still buying milk for months before it really dawned on me that since I don't drink milk, I really shouldn't buy it!!!

If you are a creatively inclined person, I'd suggest writing down all the ah-hah moments of empty nesting because I bet there are a lot of people that would like a little humorous support as they head into that time. Seems like this would suit perfectly to little cartoon vignettes.

[Tennesseer]

Congratulations Spellbound. Act three of your life is just opening. Now it's your time.

[motherto2]

It's been tough, especially since I'm divorced and don't date.  I keep close to home because of watching the pennies.  DD just graduated college in December and deployed in March, so I don't get a lot of contact with her.  DS is in his last year of college a little over three hours away.  He is in the Marine reserves, and has been gone the last two summers.  It's very quiet.  I have my pupster that goes with me whenever possible.  He and I go kayaking, walking, etc.  My daughter just got a puppy yesterday, so I'm taking care of her (and trying to train her  ) till she gets back in a few months.  Definitely keeping me on my toes.  I would love to do more volunteering, but I'm getting ready to start a major commute in a few months, so don't feel it would be fair to start something and then not be able to keep up with it.  I do go out with a couple of friends, but it's usually breakfast or lunch.

Good luck!  

[alabamagal]

We have been gradually going through this for the last 5 years.  We have 3 kids that are 3 1/2 years apart total.  Oldest just moved 800 miles away.  That has been the toughest.  The boys are in college 150 miles away.

We are now both getting back into hobbies that we gave up when we were too busy with kids. 

We now have a dog that we spoil.

Definitely had to cut back on grocery shopping.

Thanksgiving will be the toughest.  We have always had 3 kids, plus sometimes extra friends/GF/BF and in-laws.  DD may not be home since she is so far away and working retail job, likely won't have time off.  DS1 has long time girlfriend and he may go to visit them and not be home at all.  DS2 will likely spend Thansgiving day with his GF parents, but they are only 100 miles away so we will likely see both of them.  Will likely have MIL, but FIL passed away this year.  Thanskgiving dinner may likely be only 3, where it has been 7-10 in the past.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Mine are still in high school, but I can see down the road enough to know that I will struggle with an empty nest.  I like my kids.  I like having them around.  I am over-the-top busy because of them and it is all good.  The staggering amount of free time I will have down the road is scary because I am not really a hobby kind of girl.  So, when my current schedule gets jammed with all of their stuff I try to remind myself to enjoy it while it lasts.

In the meantime, I keep joking with DH that we should go out and buy a 2 year old and start over.  (YDS wanted a little brother in the worst way for years, and in his little preschool mind, he believed one could go to a store and buy a 2 year old, LOL.)

[Spellbound454]

Oh yes, that too -- it does take a while to re-adjust your grocery shopping habits -- the food banks were quite happy with my donations for a while there. Not quite sure why it took so long to make that adjustment. I was still buying milk for months before it really dawned on me that since I don't drink milk, I really shouldn't buy it!!!

The shopping bill will be tiny because I'll just pick things up when I need them.... instead of doing a big weekly shop.
Get rid of all the cans in the cupboard which I'm never going to eat..........like you with your milk.
Empty the linen cupboard, which is packed with towels, sheets and spare bedding.
Venture into places where angels fear to tread (son's room).....clean it all out.. and paint it a lovely shade of lilac.

I've stopped feeling sorry for myself and joined a social club to make some new friends.
...and a 4mth puppy to train

He and I go kayaking, walking, etc

That sounds adventurous....looks like you have filled your time with interesting things.
Sorry that the kids are so far away...but it won't be like that forever.

Thanskgiving dinner may likely be only 3, where it has been 7-10 in the past

Its adapting to the change that is difficult.......We have been like that a couple of times at Christmas but had an open table and invited people who weren't fixed up.
I was cooking anyway...so the more the merrier.
but its hard when you remember what it has been like before.

I'm glad you are enjoying it goldengirl there were times I craved a bit of peace.....Now its here its not so great.....Yet

Funny isn't it.......I left home at 18 and never looked back
Never thought about the people I had left behind
Looks like my chickens are home to roost...and my lot are so busy with being young
that they won't be looking back either.

Oh well...

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Oct 6, 2013 10:36:20 GMT -5 Spellbound454 said:

Funny isn't it.......I left home at 18 and never looked back
Never thought about the people I had left behind
Looks like my chickens are home to roost...and my lot are so busy with being young
that they won't be looking back either.

Oh well...

Same here.  Somehow my dear mother never let us see or know if she was feeling left behind as we went out into the great big world and lived our lives.  That is a huge gift that I hope to give to my kids -- I don't want them to feel any reluctance to fly the coop on my account.  

That said, however, it is moments like these that make me wish that my mother was still here so that I could thank her and so that I could talk to her about it.