zibazinski
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Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 16, 2013 6:36:28 GMT -5
Oh lord.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 4:34:31 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2013 8:02:34 GMT -5
When I finally accepted that I was not going to have my own children biologically I spoke to my mother about it. As a side note she was wonderfully supportive and said having grandkids was not the be all and end all and she just wants me to be happy. Anyway, she also spoke about how we all live with this fantasy about having kids and how they are going to be. She pointed out that every serial killer is someone's kid, every drug dealer, every stripper, every druggie, etc etc etc. She is pretty sure none of those parents planned to raise kids like that. Parents don't plan to have kids with disabilities but so many do. And this happens to perfectly "normal" parents. Adoptive situations multiplies that risk. It's hard to wrap my head around.
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cael
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Joined: Dec 20, 2010 9:12:36 GMT -5
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Post by cael on Sept 16, 2013 8:10:38 GMT -5
I've been reading those articles and am horrified. One part of one article (can't remember which) that stood out to me is a boy who is now 18, from Wisconsin I think, who was rescued from those awful Easons then put in a new foster home that they said was approved by the state after his original adoptive mother gave him up. They spoke with the new foster parent who said the boy is still dealing with emotional and/or behavior issues and asked several times to go to a special school, but they DON'T BELIEVE IN THERAPY FOR CHILDREN so he isn't getting any therapy. How the eff can a home like that be approved by authorities for a kid like that?! boggles my mind. I don't know much about how the child welfare system works but still... ugh.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 16, 2013 8:23:37 GMT -5
The system works in however is the cheapest for the system. As a former GAL, I could ask the judge to grant things the caseworkers wanted for their clients that the caseworkers wouldn't get if they asked.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Sept 16, 2013 10:30:58 GMT -5
I want to say I don't really understand how kids get placed with people who don't believe in counseling, either, but the truth is, I do. There aren't enough foster homes out there. There are even fewer foster homes where people are willing to take a child with the severity of issues this boy had. For caseworkers, it's sometimes any port in a storm.
However, I also think they said that boy was now in WA, and since I know the laws around WA foster care fairly well, I think those parents may have actually adopted him or been appointed guardians, which is different from being a foster parent. I say this because if the child is a foster child, the parents don't have a lot of say about counseling. The social worker/state can require it. If the kid is a foster child and wants to go to a home for troubled kids, they can make that request to the social worker, who would then get final say, NOT the foster parents. Guardians have more rights. Not quite as many rights as parents, but very, very close, to the point that the social worker probably could not interfere with their decision not to seek counseling.
This is not to say social workers always demand counseling for kids in foster care. Despite the fact that every "listing" on nwae.org asks that potential parents be open to counseling, not everyone is. There was one child we asked for more information on and her history mentioned that she was in a pre-adoptive home that did not take her to counseling, despite the fact that she had been in counseling prior and it had been a tremendous benefit to her. That pending adoption was disrupted when the parents' marriage broke up, and the child ended up back in a foster situation, and yes, back in counseling.
I don't get the not believing in counseling. Our daughter goes every 2 weeks. She says she doesn't like to share with "strangers" but we're hoping that this time she'll be able to establish a long term relationship with her counselor (she was never with a previous counselor for very long), and it will stop feeling like a stranger. We talk at the dinner table about the good of counseling. Roommate J is currently in counseling, so he talks about how it's helping him. We remind her that she can tell the counselor anything, even things she does not want us to know, and that the counselor cannot tell us anything unless she gives permission or if the counselor thinks she might hurt herself (or others).
And if things ever got to where I thought our marriage was in jeopardy, C and I would be in counseling so fast you wouldn't have time to blink.
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