How do you stop being a type A perfectionist?

[HoneyBBQ]

As many of you know, I have a STEM degree, am pretty raging type A, and basically my job is to find mistakes/problems and be right about everything . So as you can guess, I have a fairly critical personality type (though I try to leave it at work and not apply it to my family, home, etc).

So, the other day a friend and I went to this "paint and wine" thing - it was really fun. We had several glasses of wine and painted along with the teacher a pre-defined piece of artwork. I had a blast.

I'd really like to be more creative and have more artistic outlets - however - usually I am too self critical and shy to appreciate or like what I've done. I also have that panic moment before the brush hits the canvas where I am too scared to actually do anything. Other than drinking half a bottle of wine and then painting/drawing -- are there any other tips to chill out and enjoy myself? I think I'd like it, I am just having a mental block at getting started. 

[Deleted]

marry me.

[zibazinski]

I don't see the issue. I like people like that. You chilled when you needed to.

[Chocolate Lover]

I'm not a type A so, I've got nothin'  

Although, I think almost everyone has that fear of sucking at something we've never done. 

[HoneyBBQ]

Sept 6, 2013 15:11:28 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I don't see the issue. I like people like that. You chilled when you needed to.

Well, I have a 2 yr old, so drinking a lot on a regular basis is probably not a good idea.  I mean, if it just takes one glass of wine to get over my inhibitions, that's one thing. I'm way too tightly wound about this at the moment for it to only take 1 glass though lol. 

[midjd]

Some painters/artists I know will close their eyes and make a random mark on the canvas, so it's no longer pristine - makes it easier for them to start their work.

But my response to the broader question, "How do you stop being a type-A perfectionist?" is "you don't"

At least, nothing I've figured out yet!

[HoneyBBQ]

Sept 6, 2013 15:11:12 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

marry me.

How will that help?

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2013 15:14:31 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Sept 6, 2013 15:11:12 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

marry me.

How will that help?

I'll bring you down to type B or C.

[zibazinski]

[zibazinski]

I'm a firm believer that wine keeps children alive.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 6, 2013 15:09:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

As many of you know, I have a STEM degree, am pretty raging type A, and basically my job is to find mistakes/problems and be right about everything . So as you can guess, I have a fairly critical personality type (though I try to leave it at work and not apply it to my family, home, etc).

So, the other day a friend and I went to this "paint and wine" thing - it was really fun. We had several glasses of wine and painted along with the teacher a pre-defined piece of artwork. I had a blast.

I'd really like to be more creative and have more artistic outlets - however - usually I am too self critical and shy to appreciate or like what I've done. I also have that panic moment before the brush hits the canvas where I am too scared to actually do anything. Other than drinking half a bottle of wine and then painting/drawing -- are there any other tips to chill out and enjoy myself? I think I'd like it, I am just having a mental block at getting started. 

You say that like it's a bad thing.

I get where you're coming from. Type A here as well. And worse, married to a guy who a serious Type B (if he were any more Type B, he'd be moving backwards).

I do everything on a schedule, and base every day on accomplishing "X" amount. Compulsive listmaking and beating myself up for not getting it all done perfectly are the norm for me. I'm pretty sure my friends are going to show up with the crew from A&E's Intervention show one of these days. I have no clue on how to relax - it's a four-letter word.

I find that challenging myself to do new things, totally out of my comfort zone, forces me to get past the Type A blocks. If it's part of the unknown, I have no previous concept on how to react to it or manage it, therefore, I have to just let it go and let it play out.

[Deleted]

On a serious note, I am not sure.   My wife is like you in that she can't relax easily if she perceives that things need to be done.    i am constantly telling her "don't worry about that".  She hates when I tell her not to worry about that.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm supposed to stop being Type A?   That's like asking me not to breathe.

Being pregnant/a parent has forced me to loosen up.  Toddlers laugh at your need for control.

[HoneyBBQ]

Sept 6, 2013 15:15:05 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Sept 6, 2013 15:14:31 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

How will that help?

I'll bring you down to type B or C.

I'm pretty sure type A is dominant.

[Peace Of Mind]

Sept 6, 2013 15:14:31 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Sept 6, 2013 15:11:12 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

marry me.

How will that help?

Your standards will be so low you will no longer care about perfection?


No wonder Archie hates me!   But I really am teasing him and don't feel that way about him at all. I just think he can take it and he always opens himself up for the hits.  I'm just acknowledging them so his efforts are not wasted. 

ETA:  I'm also type A and neurotic.  I never did cure it.  I just quit working so I could do it full time. 

[kittensaver]

Get sick. Really sick. Like, have a complete physical and/or mental breakdown that forces you to re-evaluate everything including how you're thinking and living. Change or become permanently disabled/die type of sick. That'll do it for ya . . .

Hey - I didn't say it was easy or fun. But it works. BTDT

ETA: or just be smart (like I wasn't) and resolve to change before you go over the cliff.

[muttleynfelix]

I would say have kids, but you already have one. So maybe the answer is to have 2 kids. 

[Deleted]

You need to start saying "fuck it" more often.

I can't really relate since I am more artistically inclined and not Type A, but I realized I need more chill out time than maybe the average mom.  So I try and carve out little spots of "me time" throughout the day - random playing/reading on my tablet before bed or just vegging out in front of the TV for a bit at night.  Or I'll go for a walk or bike ride alone.  I used to go to the gardens nearby and take pictures as an artistic and relaxing exercise.  I am a perfectionist about artsy stuff though....

[HoneyBBQ]

Sept 6, 2013 15:25:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

You need to start saying "fuck it" more often.

I can't really relate since I am more artistically inclined and not Type A, but I realized I need more chill out time than maybe the average mom.  So I try and carve out little spots of "me time" throughout the day - random playing/reading on my tablet before bed or just vegging out in front of the TV for a bit at night.  Or I'll go for a walk or bike ride alone.  I used to go to the gardens nearby and take pictures as an artistic and relaxing exercise.  I am a perfectionist about artsy stuff though....

I do lots of relaxing and athletic hobbies that help. I'm really not as bad as I probably make myself sound. But when it comes to art - especially! - I have a bit of a heart attack.

I started playing ice hockey as an adult having never ice skated before - so I'm ok with not being perfect. It was really fun learning something new and working hard to improve.

I'd like to apply the same thing to creative endeavors as opposed to athletic ones. Just not sure how. It's a lot easier to chase a puck around while trying not to fall then create something "beautiful" or "cool" out of thin air. At least to me!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I play around with dying/painting clothes.  "Upcycling" is the trendy phrase for it.   It's great because if it doesn't come out perfect I can say I did it on purpose.  The flaws are part of its "charm". 

I'm especially proud of my "galaxy" jacket.  I took an old blazer that didn't look that great as is and used fabric paint to create a galaxy motif on the back.  I copied the idea from a blog so I am not that creative.  

I get to have fun and end up with unique to me piece of clothing.

DH wants me to stop dying clothes because it's so messy/stinky.  I think I want to find a black jean jacket next and sew something on the back.  I see people doing that on esty and charging $60.  I know how to sew, I just need fabric for the back.  Can't be that hard.

[kittensaver]

Sept 6, 2013 15:32:49 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Sept 6, 2013 15:25:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

You need to start saying "fuck it" more often.

I can't really relate since I am more artistically inclined and not Type A, but I realized I need more chill out time than maybe the average mom.  So I try and carve out little spots of "me time" throughout the day - random playing/reading on my tablet before bed or just vegging out in front of the TV for a bit at night.  Or I'll go for a walk or bike ride alone.  I used to go to the gardens nearby and take pictures as an artistic and relaxing exercise.  I am a perfectionist about artsy stuff though....

I do lots of relaxing and athletic hobbies that help. I'm really not as bad as I probably make myself sound. But when it comes to art - especially! - I have a bit of a heart attack.

I started playing ice hockey as an adult having never ice skated before - so I'm ok with not being perfect. It was really fun learning something new and working hard to improve.

I'd like to apply the same thing to creative endeavors as opposed to athletic ones. Just not sure how. It's a lot easier to chase a puck around while trying not to fall then create something "beautiful" or "cool" out of thin air. At least to me!

I will always remember what my grandma said to me as a child when I was learning to knit and sew: "Everything is hard until it is easy."

[Tiny]

I'd really like to be more creative and have more artistic outlets - however - usually I am too self critical and shy to appreciate or like what I've done. I also have that panic moment before the brush hits the canvas where I am too scared to actually do anything. Other than drinking half a bottle of wine and then painting/drawing -- are there any other tips to chill out and enjoy myself? I think I'd like it, I am just having a mental block at getting started.

Keep in mind I am related to a lot of alcoholics when reading this...
I don't have a problem with you needing some alcohol to 'loosen up'... but I'm gonna point out the obvious... that
1.) if you use this trick regularly you'll build up a tolerance and need MORE alcholol to accomplish the same thing and you might find that if it helps you to do A then maybe it will help you do B, C, D whatever so you start drinking more (or stressing more or about NOT being able to drink before doing A (B,C, or D) and so gaurentee a failure!) and by then you've got a problem.

and more importantly
2.) the Alcohol didn't really give you anything you didn't already have... like, say. the courage to put brush to canvas or the ability to enjoy the whole experience or the fact that you ARE creative. The alcohol was a bit like Dumbo's Magic Feather.

If you need a Magic Feather I'd try to find something other than alcohol - a Magic Feather isn't suppose to hurt you.

I'd use the past experience (and the warm fuzzy you got) to help you chill and enjoy yourself in the future - how did you feel as you were painting? How about afterwards? Remember that and use it going forward.

Why not harness the power of being Type A and come up ahead of time how you will handle doing something creative that doesn't work out so well? Sometimes "Failure" can be a Success (when you successfully handle it and still have a good time). Remind yourself that "fun" is often messy and doesn't always work out the way you want it too...which is what makes it Fun. Look for what makes not doing something perfectly worthwhile or fun or enjoyable. There's something to be said for having and enjoying a "most excellently executed failure" especially when doing something that's technically suppose to be 'relaxing or fun'.     Especially if you can get other people to laugh along with you (well, it will be at you - but it will be in good fun).


It's the old -- Before enlightenment: Chop Wood, Carry Water. After enlightenment: Chop Wood, Carry Water.




ADDED:  I always think of that initial 'panic momemt" before doing something as a "frisson of excitement"  which turns it into something positive (excitement) versus negative (panic).  

[Abby Normal]

Sept 6, 2013 15:09:48 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

As many of you know, I have a STEM degree, am pretty raging type A, and basically my job is to find mistakes/problems and be right about everything . So as you can guess, I have a fairly critical personality type (though I try to leave it at work and not apply it to my family, home, etc).

So, the other day a friend and I went to this "paint and wine" thing - it was really fun. We had several glasses of wine and painted along with the teacher a pre-defined piece of artwork. I had a blast.

I'd really like to be more creative and have more artistic outlets - however - usually I am too self critical and shy to appreciate or like what I've done. I also have that panic moment before the brush hits the canvas where I am too scared to actually do anything. Other than drinking half a bottle of wine and then painting/drawing -- are there any other tips to chill out and enjoy myself? I think I'd like it, I am just having a mental block at getting started. 

You don't get over it, you work with it.

I started scrapbooking after I had my son.  I had the hardest time not making everything perfectly straight. I would spend hours trying to make it perfect.  It took a while, and a lot of practice to accept that things could look good and not be "perfect"

Like anything else, it takes practice. Try painting bridges or things with straight(er) lines rather than something like an animal or flower, which your brain will see far differently than your hand will allow. Then branch out as you get more comfortable.

[swamp]

I stopped caring.

[Tiny]

Perhaps explore the idea of "Good Enough" and how you can work "good enough" into your hobby. Not everything needs to be perfect (nor should it be so). I realize it's hard to accept "good enough" - but maybe that's what you need to work on. What qualities/experiences (other than a perfectly done painting/whatever hobby you have) would make time doing a hobby worth while - isn't that just as important as producing something 'perfect' or 'not failing' or whatever negative thing you are worried about? It's not always about the end product. Decide ahead of time 'what's good enough' or what things (other than a finished product) would constitute having spent time well. Review how it went afterwards. And work from there.

Sometimes it's the journey and not the destination that's important.

[tskeeter]

Commit yourself to making ugly art.  Really ugly art. Raise ugly art to an art form of it's own!  If it ain't ugly enough, burn it!

Who'd a thunk that the "life on a bad trip" stuff Picasso did would become valuable?  Or that what a nearly blind painter (Monet) could see and render would be considered a great example of impressionism?

As they say, "ain't no accountin for taste".  Maybe you're a great artist with bad taste!  Then again, bad artist with great taste is an option, too.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2013 15:32:49 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Sept 6, 2013 15:25:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

You need to start saying "fuck it" more often.

I can't really relate since I am more artistically inclined and not Type A, but I realized I need more chill out time than maybe the average mom.  So I try and carve out little spots of "me time" throughout the day - random playing/reading on my tablet before bed or just vegging out in front of the TV for a bit at night.  Or I'll go for a walk or bike ride alone.  I used to go to the gardens nearby and take pictures as an artistic and relaxing exercise.  I am a perfectionist about artsy stuff though....

I do lots of relaxing and athletic hobbies that help. I'm really not as bad as I probably make myself sound. But when it comes to art - especially! - I have a bit of a heart attack.

I started playing ice hockey as an adult having never ice skated before - so I'm ok with not being perfect. It was really fun learning something new and working hard to improve.

I'd like to apply the same thing to creative endeavors as opposed to athletic ones. Just not sure how. It's a lot easier to chase a puck around while trying not to fall then create something "beautiful" or "cool" out of thin air. At least to me!

Never thought I'd hear a STEMmer complain about wanting to be more artsy!  

The existence of art schools notwithstanding, artistic inclination IMO isn't something you can really be taught without some base level ability.  Just have fun with it!

[hoops902]

weed.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 6, 2013 15:22:29 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Get sick. Really sick. Like, have a complete physical and/or mental breakdown that forces you to re-evaluate everything including how you're thinking and living. Change or become permanently disabled/die type of sick. That'll do it for ya . . .

Hey - I didn't say it was easy or fun. But it works. BTDT

ETA: or just be smart (like I wasn't) and resolve to change before you go over the cliff.

Yep......

When you physically cannot do anything, then it forces you to reevaluate.   If you add narcotics (which for me, gives you the attention span of a gnat) into the mix, then it forces your brain to release.

I am finally enjoying NOT being on my treadmill.  I am well enough to be more active and enjoy life again, but my body shuts own when I have reached my limit.  I have no idea if my body will ever allow me to work the way I used to.

I've lost more than I can imagine.  I've also gotten more than I ever expected.

[kittensaver]

Sept 6, 2013 16:37:55 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Sept 6, 2013 15:22:29 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Get sick. Really sick. Like, have a complete physical and/or mental breakdown that forces you to re-evaluate everything including how you're thinking and living. Change or become permanently disabled/die type of sick. That'll do it for ya . . .

Hey - I didn't say it was easy or fun. But it works. BTDT

ETA: or just be smart (like I wasn't) and resolve to change before you go over the cliff.

Yep......

When you physically cannot do anything, then it forces you to reevaluate.   If you add narcotics (which for me, gives you the attention span of a gnat) into the mix, then it forces your brain to release.

I am finally enjoying NOT being on my treadmill.  I am well enough to be more active and enjoy life again, but my body shuts own when I have reached my limit.  I have no idea if my body will ever allow me to work the way I used to.

I've lost more than I can imagine.  I've also gotten more than I ever expected.

OMG Mich I so totally love you right now! Well said!