We May Be Crazy

[shanendoah]

We are targeting a Nov 15 or 22 date for the finalization of DD's adoption.

We sent a note to our agency worker yesterday asking what we need to do to keep our file open, in order to adopt a second child.

We don't have a specific child in mind, and we can't do it right now- at least not until we get a bunk bed for DD's room. And it would have to be a girl, as they would need to share a room. But we want a second child and DD wants a sibling, and it just seems easier to keep all of our foster care/home study paperwork up to date than have to start all over again.

We're also trying to decide if we want to move next summer or perhaps make significant renovations to our current home. And if we move, will we stick to our current neighborhood/school district where prices are very reasonable, or head north to be closer to where I work and shorten my commute, but we'll get less house for the money... Also, if we move, we want to keep the current house as a rental.

And let's not forget that C starts his final year for his BS in math at the end of the month. Math Systems - 16 hours of class/week with who knows how many hours of homework almost all focused on math analysis. And we have no idea what we'll be doing for his grad school (ie - going to the university here, moving out of state to another school that offers a pure maths MS/PhD program, or putting it off). 



Reading through this I have come to the conclusion that there is no "maybe" about it. We're crazy.

[Deleted]

But it just might be a lunatic they're looking for....

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

There's "crazy good" and "bat poop" crazy.

You're in the former category Shanen. It's ALL good. Wishing you and your family much more crazy goodness.

[zibazinski]

[raeoflyte]

Sept 4, 2013 17:26:06 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

There's "crazy good" and "bat poop" crazy.

You're in the former category Shanen. It's ALL good. Wishing you and your family much more crazy goodness.

Yeah that!

[DVM gone riding]

Doesn't your daughter have a sister in the system? Would you try to get her? I mean if part of the rational is to provide your daughter with a sister? And doesn't the foster system encourage/want siblings to stay together.

[shanendoah]

DVM gone riding - Her sister has already been adopted. She was legally free well over a year before DD was. Her adoptive parents are very nice people who feel very badly they could not take DD as well, but the 4 of us work well together and make sure the girls see each other on a regular basis.
DD also has 2 brothers. To the best of our knowledge, they are not officially in the system. They were left with friends/family members in other states and we don't know more than that.
We have said that if her brothers were to come into the system, we would make the changes we need to make in order to take them as well. But right now, our state social workers don't even know where the boys are. (At least one of them is a half brother.)

[zibazinski]

I think that's bizarre that state workers have no clue where this child's siblings are. Someday they will want to be a family of their own and how can they do that if they have no clue or contact with them? That's just sad. 

[Deleted]

Sept 4, 2013 17:26:06 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

There's "crazy good" and "bat poop" crazy.

You're in the former category Shanen. It's ALL good. Wishing you and your family much more crazy goodness.

[muttleynfelix]

Good Luck Shannen!

[sheilaincali]

Good kind of crazy.  Good luck Shanen. 

[Deleted]

 to all of it! Good luck!!!!!

[shanendoah]

zibazinski - not so bizarre, really. Both are half brothers. One is a half-brother via that father. That brother was dropped off with family friends (possibly relatives of his mother), permanently, at the same time DD was returned to her mother's care (by the father). It is believed he is in OR. And since OR is not involved in that case, WA state workers have no way of knowing where he is.
The other brother is a half-brother through mom but has almost always been in the care of his father's family. I believe they are in ID. Again, being out of state, with that state not being involved, it is very hard for our state workers to know anything. Our state workers have been trying to find the siblings, just so DD and her sister (who were both taken into state custody from their mother) could have some contact with them, but no one is required to talk to them or tell them anything. We still hope that some form of contact might be made so that DD can at least write letters to her brothers, as she remembers both of them and misses them.

[greeniis10]

I also agree that you are "good" crazy!  Good for you and your family!

The schooling thing for C would make me a little nervous, however.  I mean the part of not knowing how or where he'll finish.  What about job prospects afterwards?  Would that possibly require another move?  Forgive me if you mentioned all of this elsewhere and I've either missed it or forgotten...

[shanendoah]

greeniis10 - If we had to leave the state for C to go to grad school elsewhere, our goal would be to return to the Seattle area after he finished. I don't stress too much about that for him, though, because we are in no way dependent on any income from him. In fact, right now he costs us money because we are cash flowing his schooling. Because he's looking at grad school for math, if he gets accepted, he'll also likely get a full financial package (that doesn't include loans), including a stipend, which means it will cost us less for him to be in grad school than undergrad.
But he and I have talked many times (and will keep talking) about whether or not he puts off grad school for a year (or more - we won't be able to move out of state if we're still pending an adoption of a second child), or even if, after a year of really intense math, he still wants to do it. I am perfectly fine if we make the decision that he remains a stay at home parent while our kids are in school. Given that we are adopting out of foster care, we both consider it a very real possibility that we will decide, for our family's sake, that he needs to be a SAHD all the way through high school.
And because we have the freedom of him not working, and no need for him to pay off student loans, and, if he does grad school, will likely have no need to "justify the cost", we also don't worry too much about job prospects. His dream job would be to be a part time professor, teaching night classes to non-traditional students, most likely for a community college.
The only job prospects we really need to worry about are mine, and I was pretty damn employable before my latest position. The experience I am currently getting is really just an even better stepping stone, so we don't spend a lot of time wondering if I would be able to get a job near where he would go to school, especially if we end up in CA.

[greeniis10]

Nice!  Thanks for the info.  Sounds like you've done some good planning.  I do hope C is able to get his dream job as those types of instructors aren't as easy to find.  Plus, very rewarding for him! 

I also think it's important for your daughter (and possibly 2nd daughter) to see a strong female breadwinner as yourself and that C would be open to being a SAHD.  You are providing and invaluable experience for them!

[zibazinski]

Just super news. This is as cool as Laterbloomers updates on her girls.

[zibazinski]

Speaking of which..... Updates?

[shanendoah]

Thank you everyone for making me feel like we're not too out there.

Not a whole lot of updates for right now. Both of our social workers and our v-GAL will be doing their monthly visit on 9/16. We'll so our "adoption staffing" meeting at the same time, where we discuss everything that needs to be done and when. We'll also set our official target date. Right now we're looking at Nov 15 or 22 (C won't be in class on Fridays). Nov 23 is National Adoption Day, but our county is holding it's special event for it on Nov 16 (both Saturdays). The courts often do something special for kids whose adoptions finalize on National Adoption Day, though that really isn't playing a part in our decision. Mostly, DD's 6 months in our house isn't up until Oct 30, and we will need a couple of weeks after that to complete all the paperwor before we can finalize.
In addition to setting the date, we'll need to figure out if we can finalize in our county or if we need to go to the county DD's case is being handled out of.

DD is spending this weekend with her sister's family while C and I go off and shoot people with nerf guns in the woods.

I expect that next Friday or Saturday, I'll sit down with DD and we'll take a look at bunk beds or perhaps two loft beds. (And thinking about it, two loft beds might be better, as it would give each kids some designated space under the bed.)

DD got grounded from TV (she gets to watch about an hour of it in the evening if all of her homework and chores are done) Wednesday night for not listening. She told us she didn't think it was fair the we could ground her before she was even adopted.

[zibazinski]