Guest at Rehearsal dinner - do I need a gift?

[Tiny]

Gak!  Tonight's the wedding rehearsal and dinner for a wedding I am attending and being part of (doing a non-religious reading as part of a non-religious wedding).     I've been out of the loop on weddings for a very long time (the last time I was part of a wedding was like 30 years ago).    I googled, but The Google failed me... advice on etiquette for the bride/groom and who hosts the party but no advice for the attendees....   

Do I need to bring a gift to the rehearsal dinner and who gets it?   The Groom's mother is hosting the dinner (at a restaurant).
I'm assuming something more than my presence is required?   I can't think of any party where a token gift ISN"T part of the deal... so what can I do on the spur of the moment   AHHHHH!!!  where's a Panic Emoticon when you need one!!

Gak!  I'm an introvert - so I've been dealing with my 'speaking infront of an audience' fears/jitters  (I'll be fine - I've done this before and do this at work meetings) and dealing with the jitters of having to 'socialize' with people I don't know at the wedding (I've got experience with this too... so I'll be fine).

I just need to know if I'm suppose bring a 'gift' to this dinner - tonight!! 

I know you guys will steer me in the right direction 'cause well, you will. 

 

[Deleted]

Nope. DH and I hosted a rehearsal dinner just last April. Gifts not expected. Go and have a good time.

[Deleted]

You are invited to the rehearsal dinner because you are part of the ceremony.  No gift required.

[kittensaver]

Go and have a good time. Write a really nice thank you note to the hostess in the next couple of days.

[hoops902]

No gift.  The rehearsal dinner was where we gave out gifts to those who were helping.

To address your thoughts of "i can't think of a party where a token gift isn't part of the deal" you're kind of right.  But in this case, think of yourself as one of many guests of honor.  You can think of it as this is the couple's way of honoring all the people involved and helping them.  You're essentially the birthday girl here.  That's how we viewed ours anyways. 

My parents hosted the dinner, but really they were hosting it kind of on our behalf.  It's not a party, it's an appreciation dinner for you.

[Tiny]

OK, good. One less thing to worry about for me! Yeah! Now I just need to get thru the evening without saying or doing something totally stupid (which I will be able to do).

[Deleted]

No gift.   If it is open bar your gift should be a booze induced table dance for the groom some hours into the night.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 12:35:45 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Go and have a good time. Write a really nice thank you note to the hostess in the next couple of days.

I agree- the one we had for DS' wedding ended up being about 50 people including a lot of little kids.  DDIL has lots of aunts and uncles, and they had a huge wedding party, most of whom were married with small children.  We decided to welcome them all and it was a great party.  One of the bridesmaids wrote me a thank-you note later, whcih I really appreciated.

[Tiny]

Aug 30, 2013 13:17:34 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

No gift.   If it is open bar your gift should be a booze induced table dance for the groom some hours into the night.

LOL!  I'm not on the hook for the drunken table dance (or thowing myself at one of the groomsmen)... another relative has that job.     I'm sure there will be plenty of drunken spectacle and debauchery without any help from me if everyone plays their typical part(s).  

I so want to be a hermit...   ::sigh::

Updated:    I so want to be a hermit  recluse... ::sigh::

[sarcasticgirl]

agreed! no gift... have fun!!

[chiver78]

to sorta hijack this thread, I'll be a guest at a rehearsal dinner at the end of Sept where I am NOT a member of the bridal party. apparently, the out-of-town guests that will be in town in time are welcome at the rehearsal dinner. given that I'm still figuring out where I'm sleeping that night (there was a ridiculous snafu w/the host hotel on group bookings, and now it's full that night) it hasn't been high on my priorities list.

what's the protocol here?

[Deleted]

It's their thank you for using your valuable time and $ to get there.

A thank you note is fine.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 18:28:59 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

to sorta hijack this thread, I'll be a guest at a rehearsal dinner at the end of Sept where I am NOT a member of the bridal party. apparently, the out-of-town guests that will be in town in time are welcome at the rehearsal dinner. given that I'm still figuring out where I'm sleeping that night (there was a ridiculous snafu w/the host hotel on group bookings, and now it's full that night) it hasn't been high on my priorities list.

what's the protocol here?

Go, and have a good time.  True for out-of-town guests as well.  I've never seen anyone, bridal party member or not, bring a gift to a rehearsal dinner. 

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 30, 2013 18:28:59 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

to sorta hijack this thread, I'll be a guest at a rehearsal dinner at the end of Sept where I am NOT a member of the bridal party. apparently, the out-of-town guests that will be in town in time are welcome at the rehearsal dinner. given that I'm still figuring out where I'm sleeping that night (there was a ridiculous snafu w/the host hotel on group bookings, and now it's full that night) it hasn't been high on my priorities list.

what's the protocol here?

Free dinner, woo hoo!


We are having rehearsal cocktail hour(s). We aren't having the traditional wedding party and my family is in warring factions, so we didn't want a traditional sit-down meal. But we still think of the rehearsal as our way of saying thank you to our parents (and we will give them their parent gifts then) and those who are doing readings during the ceremony or signing our license (we got our self-uniting license and need two witnesses).

[toomuchreality]

Aug 30, 2013 13:38:41 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Aug 30, 2013 13:17:34 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

No gift.   If it is open bar your gift should be a booze induced table dance for the groom some hours into the night.

LOL!  I'm not on the hook for the drunken table dance (or thowing myself at one of the groomsmen)... another relative has that job.     I'm sure there will be plenty of drunken spectacle and debauchery without any help from me if everyone plays their typical part(s).  

I so want to be a hermit...   ::sigh::

Updated:    I so want to be a hermit  recluse... ::sigh::

Smile a lot, and try to look approachable, in case someone wants to talk. You'll be fine.

Everyone else will be so busy chatting, they won't much notice that you're not, as long as you appear to be having a good time.

[Deleted]

But we still think of the rehearsal as our way of saying thank you to our parents (and we will give them their parent gifts then)...

Parents' gifts? Darn, we never got parents' gifts! Wait till I see DS and DDIL. ;-)

[zibazinski]

We also have a breakfast the next morning for those that were out of town and stayed where we were or got there somehow. NOW smart parents have their guests stay where breakfast is provided!

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 30, 2013 21:03:12 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

But we still think of the rehearsal as our way of saying thank you to our parents (and we will give them their parent gifts then)...
[/quote]


Parents' gifts? Darn, we never got parents' gifts! Wait till I see DS and DDIL. ;-)

[/quote]


Lol. My dad and stepmom have been a HUGE help with the wedding so we want to gift them something, and df's mom gave us money toward the wedding so we want to give her a token off appreciation. I'll have to give my mom something or I fear she'll throw a fit, lol.

[973beachbum]

Aug 30, 2013 19:12:17 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Aug 30, 2013 18:28:59 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

to sorta hijack this thread, I'll be a guest at a rehearsal dinner at the end of Sept where I am NOT a member of the bridal party. apparently, the out-of-town guests that will be in town in time are welcome at the rehearsal dinner. given that I'm still figuring out where I'm sleeping that night (there was a ridiculous snafu w/the host hotel on group bookings, and now it's full that night) it hasn't been high on my priorities list.

what's the protocol here?

Free dinner, woo hoo!


We are having rehearsal cocktail hour(s). We aren't having the traditional wedding party and my family is in warring factions, so we didn't want a traditional sit-down meal. But we still think of the rehearsal as our way of saying thank you to our parents (and we will give them their parent gifts then) and those who are doing readings during the ceremony or signing our license (we got our self-uniting license and need two witnesses).

What is a self uniting license?

[kilroy]

I'm guessing here about the self-uniting licence, but in Pennsylvania any couple can have an "Amish wedding", which doesn't require anything more than the two people standing up in front of witnesses and declaring themselves married.  My older stepdaughter & her husband did it this way, since neither of them is religious.  They did have a friend sort of officiate (he basically made a nice speech before they made their vows), but it's not required.

[Cookies Galore]

Aug 31, 2013 9:23:26 GMT -5 kilroy said:

I'm guessing here about the self-uniting licence, but in Pennsylvania any couple can have an "Amish wedding", which doesn't require anything more than the two people standing up in front of witnesses and declaring themselves married.  My older stepdaughter & her husband did it this way, since neither of them is religious.  They did have a friend sort of officiate (he basically made a nice speech before they made their vows), but it's not required.

Quaker wedding. Pennsylvania originally recognized these types of licenses for Quaker weddings (or any other religion without clergy, such as the Amish), but they recently have been allowed for non-Quaker couples. We are having a ceremony, but the person performing the ceremony is not ordained. DF's Dad is Quaker, so it's cool that we are doing something that's part of his family history.

[kilroy]

Oops,you're right, Quaker. Thanks for catching that.