les63
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Post by les63 on Aug 28, 2013 20:48:12 GMT -5
I thought I would branch out and start another thread. With my husband's mental illness lately, keeping clean isn't an issue with him. Unlike me, I need to take a shower everyday. I try to shave my legs and underarms every other day. It has been a warm Summer so I have been wearing shorts everyday.
I have a regimen everyday with my face and hair even if I don't leave the house. It is a mental booster for me. It just makes me happy to look in the mirror and like what I see. That's just me, everyone is different.
The question now is...drum roll. Did you or your DH, DW, SO change their grooming habits after you married? Had children? Moved in with you? I know, eye roll, personality helps when you meet someone. Me? I'm attracted first to a person's eyes, then teeth, and hands (especially nails). Dirt under the nails? Shudder.
Would you kiss a man if he hadn't showered or brushed his teeth for over a week? Bleh.
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JustLurkin
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This is what you look like right now.
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Post by JustLurkin on Aug 28, 2013 21:18:51 GMT -5
Hi Les, I meant to post in the other thread--just wanted to say you should try to get your husband to shower/bathe as much as you can--considering how my son is filling out and towering over me, I know what a pain it can be. BUT, when my son is having a hard day it *really* helps with the agitation...warm bath with Epson salt. Kudos to you for all you're dealing with. ETA: Back to your thread. Good teeth are my #1! That came back to haunt me, cause my son had terrible teeth from day 1 and has had so much work done--not orthodontics--stuff like root canals and things like that. Once all his baby teeth were gone, things settled down...but those teeth cost a boat load!
I don't like guys with "lady hands"--prob because I don't have lady hands...hahahaha! A fresh haircut on a guy is hot!
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 28, 2013 21:29:43 GMT -5
<hugs> to you, I haven't commented on your other thread, but please know you have my and well wishes. as far as hygiene goes, I have to confess that I'm absolutely a dental hygiene snob after having survived a very long Invisalign course as an adult. before my treatment, my teeth were so crowded that I actually couldn't floss my own teeth. since finishing treatment, I am acutely aware of bad breath anywhere in my vicinity, as well as painfully conscious of everyone's teeth on first meeting. I'm actually surprised and appalled at myself all the same time - some now-very good friends were people that I might have considered for a LTR until I saw their teeth. and no, I never said anything. I'm of the opinion that if they were going to be offended by it, they already knew about it. doesn't mean I'm going there, though.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 28, 2013 21:54:08 GMT -5
I know he has issues going on. A decline in hygiene may be an indicator of the mental health issues. A person struggling with problems sometimes just does not have the energy or desire to maintain even some basic hygiene.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2013 22:12:45 GMT -5
God bless you for dealing with this for him. I seriously mean "God Bless you". I have had various people with mental health issues in my life and I have had to love them from a distance. Your husband is lucky to have you.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 29, 2013 11:52:35 GMT -5
Good for you for sticking to and maintaining your own routine knowing it helps you personally! I am the same way: I don't care where I'm going (or if I'm going out of the house at all) I do my daily routine for ME. I feel better and that mental boost is important for all of us.
Your DH is going through so much right now (as are you) so I'm sure this is one more thing to add to your stress, but all you can do is show him by example (which you are doing) and possibly gently encourage. Maybe try a soothing shampoo or soap and tell him how great it feels. Try a new toothpaste or toothbrush. Sometimes a little change is a good rut-buster. Tons of hugs and support from all of us here!
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Aug 29, 2013 12:11:13 GMT -5
The question now is...drum roll. Did you or your DH, DW, SO change their grooming habits after you married? Not one bit. Now I have a question for you. What are grooming habits?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2013 12:12:27 GMT -5
I won't kiss any man who hasn't showered in at least 2 days.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 29, 2013 12:27:51 GMT -5
I'm female, so hopefully I can get away with saying this, but I HATE when women let themselves go after they get married! Sister, I'm talking to you! And you have no kids to use as an excuse!
But, it applies to either gender: drastically changing (for the worse) is fraud and not fair to your SO. Think about that person you were and how you looked when you were dating. To a resonable degree you still need to be that person after marriage! There's a big difference between being "yourself" around your spouse and not caring at all since they are already stuck with you...
(OP, I'm not talking about your DH. This is just a comment in general.)
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Aug 29, 2013 13:01:19 GMT -5
Well I think there is a huge difference between appearance and hygiene. OK I have been married 27 years. When I go out to go the store, I am usually in pretty old clothes (shorts or jeans and t-shirt), no makeup, but I do generally brush my hair. And I live in a fairly small town, so it is not unusual to run into someone that I know.
Hygiene is a total different matter. I shower every day (sometimes more after outdoor activities), brush and floss daily and wear deodarant. I am rarely "dressed to the nines" but I am always clean.
Would you kiss a man if he hadn't showered or brushed his teeth for over a week? Anything beyond one day in either category is unacceptable!
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Aug 29, 2013 13:12:56 GMT -5
I'm female, so hopefully I can get away with saying this, but I HATE when women let themselves go after they get married! Sister, I'm talking to you! And you have no kids to use as an excuse!
But, it applies to either gender: drastically changing (for the worse) is fraud and not fair to your SO. Think about that person you were and how you looked when you were dating. To a resonable degree you still need to be that person after marriage! There's a big difference between being "yourself" around your spouse and not caring at all since they are already stuck with you...
(OP, I'm not talking about your DH. This is just a comment in general.) What if we offset a negative change with a positive one? For example, I might have gained 200 lbs, but I'm also now much better at Call of Duty.
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Otto the Orange
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Post by Otto the Orange on Aug 29, 2013 13:18:24 GMT -5
I won't kiss any man who hasn't showered in at least 2 days. What if he looks like Geraldo?
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Aug 29, 2013 13:29:57 GMT -5
Maybe after I took a fire hose to him. Although I can't spell it hygeine is VERY important to me. I'm sorry you are dealing with all of that and I commend you for still taking care of yourself. I'm sure you are exhausted with all that you do.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 29, 2013 14:38:58 GMT -5
Although the title of the thread is "high maintenance", I don't consider a daily shower and teeth brushing to be high maintenance as much as necessary.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 29, 2013 14:45:59 GMT -5
I'm the only female in my house. And, although for a girl, I'm very low maintenance, the boys still get frustrated when I want to do silly, girly things like brush my teeth and apply deodorant before we go somewhere. A few months ago, I had literally just rolled out of bed when we decided to go out to eat family breakfast. The boys all wanted to go quickly before the line at Cracker Barrel got long, so I quickly showered, brushed my still-wet hair, brushed my teeth, applied deodorant and got dressed. As we walked out the door exactly 9 minutes from when we first decided to go, my youngest son rolled his eyes and said, "Sheesh, Mom! Girls are high maintenance." He has no idea, does he? Can't wait until he starts dating.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 29, 2013 20:34:16 GMT -5
Even low maintenance is preferable to no maintenance. Eh? Hang in there!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 30, 2013 4:52:23 GMT -5
I couldn't be around someone with poor hygiene habits, let alone live with them.
Showering and shaving are not high maintenance...that should be a given.
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Otto the Orange
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Go Orange!
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Post by Otto the Orange on Aug 30, 2013 5:10:39 GMT -5
All you need is baby-wipes and febreeze
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Aug 30, 2013 8:18:05 GMT -5
Teeth brushing, shaving or trimming up a beard, washing your hair, showering, clean clothes, shaving legs and underarms (for women) and using deodorant are not extras. That is the bare minimum.
A few letters in Dear Abby (Yes I read her a lot) have guys asking why women like them as friends but won't go out with them as a date. They ask Dear Abby what could be the problem. Most of the time, it's someone's breath. People say something about me not looking them in the eye when we talk. Sometimes it's all I can do to be within a foot of you. Much less let you breathe on me. Or laugh while you are close to me. Some of the people who hit the bars and spend $100 or $200 a week on eating out or buying drinks could put that money to good use by going to the dentist for a good cleaning, maybe having some teeth bonded or straightened. Sorry, that sounds shallow but if you think that might be why you are being overlooked for a date, have a good long look in the mirror.
Oh yeah, pull those nose hairs. Pull, don't trim. And pluck any stray moustache hairs that look like they are growing out of your nose.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Aug 30, 2013 8:53:28 GMT -5
I'm the only female in my house. And, although for a girl, I'm very low maintenance, the boys still get frustrated when I want to do silly, girly things like brush my teeth and apply deodorant before we go somewhere. A few months ago, I had literally just rolled out of bed when we decided to go out to eat family breakfast. The boys all wanted to go quickly before the line at Cracker Barrel got long, so I quickly showered, brushed my still-wet hair, brushed my teeth, applied deodorant and got dressed. As we walked out the door exactly 9 minutes from when we first decided to go, my youngest son rolled his eyes and said, "Sheesh, Mom! Girls are high maintenance." He has no idea, does he? Can't wait until he starts dating. Poor boy is in for a very rude awakening. Wait till he's dating one who is already made up and prepared yet spends 20 minutes freshening up before they go anywhere.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 31, 2013 16:34:31 GMT -5
I used to have a neighbor that seriously got off on filth (dumpsters and the like). He told me the dirtier and smellier, the better! EW!!! He was always showered though, when I was around.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 31, 2013 17:01:52 GMT -5
Sadly, I kind of know where your husband is coming from. Last year, when I was sick I was lucky if I was able to brush my teeth. There was one period of time where it was about 10 days before I was able to shower and wash my hair and I was incapable of doing it myself, I needed someone to do everything for me.
While mine was caused by physical problems, I really didn't have the mental strength to go through things either. And my baseline is that I shower, wash my hair, shave my legs every single day. I brush and floss my teeth at least 2x/day.
Even after I came home, it took me nearly a year to get back to my old standards.
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