Follow Up on the School Supply Thread

[milee]

My 9 year old started school on Monday.  Last night, he asked me to get him a pencil and here's how the rest of the conversation went:

Me:  I can't get one right now.  Just grab one from your supply bag.

9 YO Boy: Uh...

Me:  Stop messing around and get a pencil.

9 YO Boy:  Um, I can't.  I lost my supply bag.

Me:  You mean the bag packed with about $30 in supplies, including your zip drive?

9  YO Boy:  Yeah.

Me:  Really, sweetie?  You already lost it after only three days of school?

9 YO Boy:  No.  I actually lost it on Tuesday.

Me:  

[Chocolate Lover]

Was this bag at home or school? Either way, looks like someone is going to be working off $30 in supplies

[Sum Dum Gai]

Kids are awesome!

I was all excited about that thread because for the first time our kids didn't have a big supply list for school.  No list at all actually.  The junior high didn't have one.  So they got to pick out whatever they wanted.  They started school on Monday, and we found out each teacher gets to send them home a list for their specific class.  So we still had to run out and buy stuff, but we missed the sales and the sales tax free weekend.  Good times.

[swamp]

Did you really call him "sweetie" in this conversation?  I'm thinking I would have used a different word.  

[imawino]

Aug 22, 2013 14:51:34 GMT -5 swamp said:

Did you really call him "sweetie" in this conversation?  I'm thinking I would have used a different word.  

like TCFKAM??  (the Child Formerly Known As Mine - you can give his a cool symbol, like Prince)


or something like Irresponisble Fuckweasel?


Maybe you could just take to calling him "aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh, pick up your shit!!!"  like I do my stepsons?

[Deleted]

so what did he do yesterday and today?!

[Deleted]

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:19 GMT -5 imawino said:

Aug 22, 2013 14:51:34 GMT -5 swamp said:

Did you really call him "sweetie" in this conversation?  I'm thinking I would have used a different word.  

TCFKAM  (the Child Formerly Known As Mine - you can give his a cool symbol, like Prince)


or something like Irresponisble Fuckweasel?


Maybe you could just take to calling him "aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh, pick up your shit!!!"  like I do my stepsons?

this isn't limited to kids, is it?

[imawino]

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

so what did he do yesterday and today?!

Good question!  Blood?  Did he steal from a weaker kid?  We need to know!

[imawino]

Aug 22, 2013 14:56:19 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:19 GMT -5 imawino said:

TCFKAM  (the Child Formerly Known As Mine - you can give his a cool symbol, like Prince)


or something like Irresponisble Fuckweasel?


Maybe you could just take to calling him "aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh, pick up your shit!!!"  like I do my stepsons?

this isn't limited to kids, is it?

Heavens no!   I don't discriminate, it is useful in countless scenarios. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Fuckweasel?

Oooh I can think of lots of applications for this! 

[milee]

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

so what did he do yesterday and today?!

No idea.  Look charming?  He's got big, blue eyes and is friendly like a puppy. 

Whatever he's been doing, he better get used to doing it.

[wvugurl26]

That might possibly be my new favorite word.

[Formerly SK]

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:19 GMT -5 imawino said:

Aug 22, 2013 14:51:34 GMT -5 swamp said:

Did you really call him "sweetie" in this conversation?  I'm thinking I would have used a different word.  

like TCFKAM??  (the Child Formerly Known As Mine - you can give his a cool symbol, like Prince)


or something like Irresponisble Fuckweasel?


Maybe you could just take to calling him "aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh, pick up your shit!!!"  like I do my stepsons?

We use the term Silly Goose.  The kids think it's an endearment. 

[dannylion]

Aug 22, 2013 15:01:54 GMT -5 milee said:

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

so what did he do yesterday and today?!

No idea.  Look charming?  He's got big, blue eyes and is friendly like a puppy. 

Whatever he's been doing, he better get used to doing it.

[milee]

Aug 22, 2013 14:56:54 GMT -5 imawino said:

Aug 22, 2013 14:55:30 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

so what did he do yesterday and today?!

Good question!  Blood?  Did he steal from a weaker kid?  We need to know!

All I can say for sure is that it didn't involve blood or theft from a weaker kid.  He's a caring, nurturing type like Stuart Smalley.    He's the kid I'm pretty sure was switched at birth.

A good example of his personality is how he performs on the swim team.  He's actually very fast and in a race situation would beat all but one of the other kids, but has absolutely zero interest in actually racing.  He just wants to have some pool time and splash around with the other kids.  A couple of months ago, he told me about a new boy on the team and how sad the new boy was since the new guy was so much slower than everybody else.... so my son started swimming really slowly at the practices so the new kid would have company and not feel sad because he was the slowest.  I'm pretty sure my son is not bound for Olympic glory and that he'd rather off himself than steal someone else's pencil. 

Oh, and he also mentioned that he lost his $20 lunch money but it's been "no big deal" since the nice lunch ladies have been feeding him all the cheese sandwiches he'd like. 

[zibazinski]

That may be how he learns. When it affects you, you learn. When someone else covers for you, you don't. It was horribly hard for me to let DS suffer for his mistakes but he stopped making those that I stopped bailing him out of. He makes others but they don't affect me.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Stuart Smalley would feel bad that his mother had to go back to the store and sPend $45 now that the sales are over to replace all if the stuff he lost.

Just saying. ;-)

[Deleted]

Milee my 13 year old son did the same thing last year, lost his supplies the first week of school.  He also lost his supplies again a few months later.  The 3rd time I took him to the store with his allowance and made him buy more supplies. 

I seriously have no clue what was happening to his stuff.  I do not know if it was stolen or if he lost it.  He didn't know either. 

[Deleted]

Lost $30 of supplies plus $20 lunch money?  Are you sure he didn't get rolled?


I don't get the nastiness over loss of school supplies.  Shat happens.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

[zibazinski]

Because it is irresponsible and money doesn't grow on trees. If you aren't careful, you go without. It's a painful lesson and one needed to learn early. When it affects you, you are more careful in the future. Mine would eat cheese sandwiches until the 20 bucks would have run out and I'd normally give more money. Maybe next time write a check. The school supplies, well, it isn't like we never had last years or other stuff laying around that a kid could use until maybe Christmas? New supplies make good stocking stuffers.

[zibazinski]

One of the best lessons I ever learned about parenting was from a guy who said, " if you're going to be around your child forever to always bail them out then keep doing it now. If you want them to grow up and be responsible, stop enabling now." DS would always forget a some book he needed for homework and I would always drive him back to school to get it. No biggie. But it got old-fast-and he kept on doing it. Why? Because mom would enable him. So the last time he ever did it, I made him ride his bike back to school and get it himself. Think VERY hot and humid weather coupled with people driving who shouldn't be on the roads and some busy streets. They have lights and crosswalks but those just seem to be a suggestion for most drivers in Florida. He made it back alive with the book and never forgot his book again. His nature was very much like your sons, very sweet, but sweet only gets you so far and then it feels like a con. 

[973beachbum]

Aug 23, 2013 8:13:08 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Because it is irresponsible and money doesn't grow on trees. If you aren't careful, you go without. It's a painful lesson and one needed to learn early. When it affects you, you are more careful in the future. Mine would eat cheese sandwiches until the 20 bucks would have run out and I'd normally give more money. Maybe next time write a check. The school supplies, well, it isn't like we never had last years or other stuff laying around that a kid could use until maybe Christmas? New supplies make good stocking stuffers.

That works for something that they either don't really need, or they have a replacement easily.  My kids could figure out to eat a big breakfast and pig out after school when they get home, but students need something to write with.  It isn't an option for them to just do without a pen or pencil and paper. 

I might make them use their own allowance type money, or not let them get something they were promised like a new minecraft update for son, but I wouldn't just send them to school without the basics that they have to have.  I don't want my kids to learn it is okay to be irresponsible, but the lesson I want to teach isn't to be a mooch either.

[Deleted]

I guess here is one of the advantages of us buying for the "community supply cabinet" at school instead of everyone getting their own.  If they lose something, they just go to the cabinet and get a replacement.  Of course, they never take things out of the classroom, so I don't think there's a big problem with loss.

[973beachbum]

Aug 23, 2013 8:38:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I guess here is one of the advantages of us buying for the "community supply cabinet" at school instead of everyone getting their own.  If they lose something, they just go to the cabinet and get a replacement.  Of course, they never take things out of the classroom, so I don't think there's a big problem with loss.

Considering it was the entire pack I would bet it never made it to the classroom in the first place.

As a parent of the child who has never lost his school supplies. although they have lost plenty of other things, I don't want to be required to pay to replace supplies for others kids who did.  And if it was my kid I wouldn't want them to learn that being blase about their stuff was okay either, because others will just give them more.

If it was a kindergartner I would be easier going but a ten year old is going into fifth grade.  IMO a fifth grader should be more responsible with their stuff than this.

Just to say that this type of thing is something I am still working to teach to my ten year old son.   He still likes to give his stuff to other kids 

[milee]

IMHO, you need to use different strategies depending on your kid, family situation and goals.  My older son doesn't have the same issues with losing stuff is very possessive of his supplies; had the older son lost supplies (hasn't happened yet and he's 13), it wouldn't phase me one bit because I'd know it was just an accident and you have to understand when kids have accidents - no big deal. 

The younger son on the other hand... oh, how to put this delicately?  The younger son - who has fairly pronounced ADHD - struggles with disorganization.  He's a very smart kid, but is so consistently disorganized, the disorganization is causing him big problems and if we can't help him to develop tools and strategies to manage it, will be a major issue in his life as an adult.  He's the type kid that constantly leaves a trail of stuff, from a single shoe to supplies, to food, to whatever he picked up and then set down 20 feet later on his journey through the room.  He's just a happy disaster.  So it's something we're working with him on.

Last night was a good example.  He finished a PowerPoint presentation and was excited to be done.  I knew darn well that he'd immediately hop up and run to do something new, leaving the zip drive in the computer and not having it for class the next day.  So as he was getting up, I gently asked him if he needed the presentation for school tomorrow.  When he replied yes, I asked if he thought there was something he could do to make sure he had the drive with him.  He thought for a while and said, "OH, I could make a sticky note saying, "BRING THIS" and leave the sticky note and zip drive on my desk in the den!"  (Of course, I know full well he won't go in the den the next morning and even if he did, might pick up the zip drive and leave it somewhere between the den and his backpack.  My response, "Yes, that would be one way to remind yourself.  Is there another way you could make darn sure you have it with you in case you don't go into the den tomorrow morning or don't see the note?"  With a little more talk, we settled on the system - just put the zip drive in your backpack now so you know it's there.

Sounds like simple stuff and for most people it is, but it's a process with him.

As for the lost school supplies, here's how we handled that:
-  Found one of the few pencil bags (required - specified by teacher, unfortunately) left in the county.  It's puke green and I'm sure he hates the color, but instead of complaining, was very grateful we found one.  -  -  He will be doing some specific yard work to earn the money to replace the lost bag and supplies.
-  Zip drive - he is borrowing an old one and using a library check out system.  If he checks it in/out for a few weeks and seems to have the hang of being responsible for it, I'll give it to him.
-  Pens, pencils, colored pencils, highlighters, dry erase markers, erasers, etc - he's scrounging for used ones in his desk.  He has at least one of each and they're not glamorous, but they work and he's OK with that.
-  Protractor and math tools - he'll be borrowing from and sharing with his friend.  Again, similar to the zip drive, if he starts demonstrating more responsibility, I'll replace them over time. 
-  Lunch money - sigh.  He's packing his lunch (which he doesn't really like to do) for the next week until the $20 would have run out.  At the end of that time, we'll try again. 

[milee]

Having kids has provided an interesting dose of reality for me as well.  Interesting how many of their issues are issues that DH and/or I have struggled with as well... 

DH and I both are inherently disorganized.  We've handled it in very different ways, though.  I realized in college that unless I developed some systems, I was going to have a series of preventable disasters in my life and that stupid little stuff would always hold me back from whatever I was trying to achieve.  So I work consciously on having systems that help me remember.  Certain things are placed in obvious spots so they can't be forgotten, I check around a room before I leave, I keep a detailed calendar and tickler, I have checklists for important tasks, etc.  If I didn't do those things, my life would be a disaster.  And in the areas of my life where I haven't invested the time to develop some sort of system, it shows.

So I'm aware that I probably passed this gene to my poor, unsuspecting kid and am hoping to help him find reasonable ways to cope.

[zibazinski]

Milee, perfect way to handle it given your child and his situation. Both my kids seem to have inherited the generous gene as well as the dumb shit gene. They DO grow out of it, thank GOD!

[Deleted]

Aug 23, 2013 8:51:32 GMT -5 milee said:

The younger son on the other hand... oh, how to put this delicately?  The younger son - who has fairly pronounced ADHD - struggles with disorganization.  He's a very smart kid, but is so consistently disorganized, the disorganization is causing him big problems and if we can't help him to develop tools and strategies to manage it, will be a major issue in his life as an adult. 

Yeah, DS is/was a bit like that and you're right to address it now.  I still remember packing something for his school lunch in a Tupperware container and- you guessed it- he threw it in the trash after he was doen with his lunch.  Eventually your DS will own expensive electronics and he needs to learn to keep track of pencils and zip drives now so he doesn't leave more valuable things behind.

One thing that's helped both DS and me is the military discipline of ALWAYS leaving the same thing in the same place.  Car keys, for example, are either in my purse, hanging on a hook by the door, or in the car 99% of the time. 

[whoisjohngalt]

Aug 23, 2013 2:11:30 GMT -5 imanangel said:

Milee my 13 year old son did the same thing last year, lost his supplies the first week of school.  He also lost his supplies again a few months later.  The 3rd time I took him to the store with his allowance and made him buy more supplies. 

I seriously have no clue what was happening to his stuff.  I do not know if it was stolen or if he lost it.  He didn't know either. 

Well, if YM taught you anything and you passed on the knowledge - he is selling it for a profit and milking you for additional supplies