Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 10:56:54 GMT -5
I am 95% sure my BIL is gay and hiding it from his family. He currently lives in Las Vegas with two male roommates that he does EVERYTHING with. My ILs have tried to go visit him numerous times and he has put up a HUGE resistance each time. Well they just booked tickets (literally Sunday or yesterday) to visit him over Labor Day weekend. Their rationale? He always comes out here and it's not fair that we never visit him. Okay, but he's been there for going on 3 years and you're just now having this realization? Also, he's coming to visit for a weekend in October - can't they wait to see him then? MIL says that nothing is wrong, but I dunno... the whole thing sounds off to me. DH asked if BIL knew they were coming, and he didn't get a straight answer. BIL and I text from time to time, and I'm sooooooo tempted to ask him if he's excited to see his parents next week....  |
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 20, 2013 11:01:29 GMT -5
Do eet. |
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sesfw
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Today is the first day of the rest of my life
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Post by sesfw on Aug 20, 2013 11:02:30 GMT -5
Don't think I would go that far. You might start a family war that would have no end, even to next generations.
I'm a 'live and let live' type of person.
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Aug 20, 2013 11:05:35 GMT -5
Would it really matter if he was? Why would anyone care?
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 20, 2013 11:07:26 GMT -5
If the MIL and FIL didn't say it was a surprise visit, then I would mention it. That way it gives time for BIL to prepare if he really does have something he wants kept private. I would hate it if someone showed up on my doorstep unannounced and I don't have anything to hide.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:07:43 GMT -5
I would definitely ask so that he has some warning. It sounds like they are ready to ambush him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:09:50 GMT -5
text him that he should make sure to put away the gay porn before his parents get there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:11:00 GMT -5
Would it really matter if he was? Why would anyone care? I don't care and DH doesn't really care. I think MIL would be disappointed but would still love and support him in the end. FIL however, is a whole other animal. He's already called BIL up yelling, asking him why he hasn't talked about any GFs or made moves to settle down and asking him if he's gay. That was several months to a year ago and BIL was extremely upset by that. DH called him in response to that. I don't know what was said, but I know DH will have his back. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:12:50 GMT -5
Abby Normal and oped - that was my thought exactly. I HATE people dropping by unannounced.... mostly because my house is a hot mess. 
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:13:42 GMT -5
I have a friend who just came out to his family and he's over 40. I would give BIL a heads-up. If he's gay he should be able to come out on his own terms when he's ready.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Aug 20, 2013 11:15:06 GMT -5
Would it really matter if he was? Why would anyone care? I don't care and DH doesn't really care. I think MIL would be disappointed but would still love and support him in the end. FIL however, is a whole other animal. He's already called BIL up yelling, asking him why he hasn't talked about any GFs or made moves to settle down and asking him if he's gay. That was several months to a year ago and BIL was extremely upset by that. DH called him in response to that. I don't know what was said, but I know DH will have his back.  I feel bad for your BIL. He probably finds it easier to stay in the closet than to have to deal with FIL. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:19:35 GMT -5
Just sent him a text asking him if he was excited to be his parents' tour guide next weekend. That seems fairly benign.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:20:25 GMT -5
Perfect!  |
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 20, 2013 11:23:06 GMT -5
I don't care and DH doesn't really care. I think MIL would be disappointed but would still love and support him in the end. FIL however, is a whole other animal. He's already called BIL up yelling, asking him why he hasn't talked about any GFs or made moves to settle down and asking him if he's gay. That was several months to a year ago and BIL was extremely upset by that. DH called him in response to that. I don't know what was said, but I know DH will have his back. I feel bad for your BIL. He probably finds it easier to stay in the closet than to have to deal with FIL. If he is gay- he should be able to come out on his terms, when he's ready to tell dad. Not have them find out because they showed up unannounced. To me, that would be the start of a family war, not you telling BIL they were coming. You could send a text that says something like this " I'm not sure if you are aware, or if they are trying to surprise you, but mom and dad are coming to vegas labor day weekend. I would have to have someone show up unannounced, so I wanted to give you a heads up." Then let him handle it as he sees fit. If MIL and FIL have a problem with you ruining the surprise, you simply say " I don't think surprise out of town guests are a good thing. What if he had plans" |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:23:43 GMT -5
he knows. Whew!  I know it might not have been my place, but he is a sweet guy and I couldn't just sit by and say nothing. I'm glad everything is on the up and up though.  |
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Aug 20, 2013 11:26:08 GMT -5
My grandma's brother is very classic alpha male. He's worked overseas in oil fields most of my life. He was initially very upset when his son finally came out. To the rest of the family including my mom and aunt this was no surprise. They'd all grown up together, they knew the son was gay from a young age.
There were a few tense years but he came around with the help of his wife. She didn't give ultimatums but simply told him he'd be foolish to let this ruin a relationship with his son.
The son and his partner have the most stable relationship of all their three kids. Together they adopted an older kid from foster care. Grandpa dotes on the grandson, he's so proud of him. Goes to all of his school events, etc.
It took some time but he came around.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:26:18 GMT -5
Text him back that he can come out to you whenever he is ready. You will not judge.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 11:26:39 GMT -5
I think his problem initially was that they kept trying to stay with him when they visited. I have nothing to hide and I would have said "hell no" too!
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8 Bit WWBG
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Your Money admin
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 20, 2013 12:00:40 GMT -5
...:::"DH asked if BIL knew they were coming, and he didn't get a straight answer.":::...
I think I found the mis-communication.
What, you wanted to stir the pot! And I'm sure that pot is a lovely All-clad stock pot in a tastefully renovated kitchen, containing some delightful bisque.
Is there a Pekingese, or other small dog in the picture?
ETA: I have lots of gay friends, and at one point, lived with said gay friends. Though... in that setup, the All-clad was mine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 12:33:06 GMT -5
sure it was.... Archie, LMAO - that's a little too direct, even for me. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 12:37:02 GMT -5
there is a beautiful white mid-sized dog (don't know the breed) named Bailey, and he takes a bazillion pictures of him. He is not a gourmet chef, but he's a pretty adventurous eater.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 20, 2013 12:39:04 GMT -5
I am 95% sure my BIL is gay and hiding it from his family. He currently lives in Las Vegas with two male roommates that he does EVERYTHING with. My ILs have tried to go visit him numerous times and he has put up a HUGE resistance each time. Well they just booked tickets (literally Sunday or yesterday) to visit him over Labor Day weekend. Their rationale? He always comes out here and it's not fair that we never visit him. Okay, but he's been there for going on 3 years and you're just now having this realization? Also, he's coming to visit for a weekend in October - can't they wait to see him then? MIL says that nothing is wrong, but I dunno... the whole thing sounds off to me. DH asked if BIL knew they were coming, and he didn't get a straight answer. BIL and I text from time to time, and I'm sooooooo tempted to ask him if he's excited to see his parents next week.... Give him a heads up on the visit. He can use a family ally. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 12:39:30 GMT -5
there is a beautiful white mid-sized dog (don't know the breed) named Bailey, and he takes a bazillion pictures of him. He is not a gourmet chef, but he's a pretty adventurous eater. How are his abs? |
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 20, 2013 12:40:38 GMT -5
How is his wardrobe?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 12:41:35 GMT -5
Does he wear manpris?
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Aug 20, 2013 12:42:06 GMT -5
text him that he should make sure to put away the gay porn before his parents get there. Since when watching gay porn means watchee is gay?
And btw I love gay porn...so? And NO I can not type under the quote box! |
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 20, 2013 12:43:03 GMT -5
Saw you contacted him. That was the right thing to do.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Aug 20, 2013 12:43:06 GMT -5
Um, yeah, that's something I really didn't need to know..............
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 12:45:53 GMT -5
abs - never seen them. He does take really good care of his body (in shape, eats well, etc.) wardrobe - you won't find a single item from Target or below. Everything is some kind of mid to high level designer brand. TONS of shoes. Manpris - I'm going with no. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 12:47:56 GMT -5
abs - never seen them. He does take really good care of his body (in shape, eats well, etc.) He does sound gay. |
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